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Pathetically petty
Yet, I still find myself caring.
I used to go to language school early last year with this guy I met there and we spoke a bit then I left and we spoke sometimes on MSN. Well tonight we were talking and he basically joked "What's a hot sexy girl like you doing alone" and I asked if he really meant that, and he said then I wasn't hot and sexy at all, and I would be if I wore a bit more makeup. I felt very upset by this comment and got mad at him and called him a whole lot of names, and said I was only nice to him because I felt sorry for him, blah blah blah. I didn't mean a word I said.
Well he just emailed me, not apologizing or anything, but saying he was upset by what I said, and that its true i wasn't the most attractive girl there, everyone else was prettier but he doesn't try and sugarcoat things. Then he went on to say he feels horrible he wasted effort and breath on me when i was only being nice to him because i felt sorry. He said this cut him pretty badly because he thought we could've been friends.
Should I apologize to him? I have absolutely zero interest in him, but I feel guilty now. He did hurt me pretty badly though. I don't take comments about my appearance too well. Then again two wrongs don't make a right. I did insult him pretty badly. So what do I do? Sorry this is so long.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Do not apogogize to that shallow jerk! how dare he tell you that you need more makeup! Yeah, sure you might have made him feel bad too, but come on. That was like selfdefense. He hade the first shot!
Hun, if you have no intrest in him, and he is shallow and a jerk. Stop caring about him.
You deserve much better! You should be with a guy that says "you don't need makeup to look pretty" and say "What's a hot sexy girl like you doing alone" and really mean it! That's the guy you really deserve!
So if this guy is mean to you, there is no reason for you to apologze to him!
Good luck!
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You were kind of both in the wrong here really, I'm afraid to say.
Although what he was saying was, as far as he was concerned, the truth, you just don't say things like that to someone. Not just because it can hurt someone's feelings but it's also pretty bad manners and I think that under the circumstances, you had ever right to be upset. For one thing, for someone to say that you might be prettier if you wore more make up implies that you can only be attractive with cosmetic help!
However, reacting the way you did probably didn't help the situation and while I completely understand your reaction, it wasn't reasonable to name call and say that you were only friends with him because you felt sorry for him. I appreciate that he hurt you and automatic reaction when someone does that is to make them feel just as bad, it's always the worst thing to do.
The best thing you could probably do now, mostly for peace of mind, is to send him an e-mail explaining why you reacted the way you did. Point out that what he probably saw as harmless and truthful comments hurt your feelings a lot and although you were right to be hurt under the circumstances, you should not have said the things to him that you did. Also make sure you say you weren't friends with him just because you felt sorry for him but that you said it so that he would feel hurt the way you did. Tell him that there was no real excuse for saying the things you did and that you're sorry you hurt his feelings and you hope he can appreciate why you acted the way you did.
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i would apologize to him and tell him that the way he said wut he did just hurt you and you dont like hearing that and just explain the situation. then after that i would lightly talk to him as an extended friend but nothin close and then hell eventually drift off and u wont hafta worry about him.
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Well, I honestly would just forget him completely. Dont stress over him, dont care. I hate saying that, because feelings are a must. But sweetheart, I think everyone is beautiful.
Makeup doesnt make girls look pretty, it just emphasizes what they already have. I would be completely upset if someone had said tha to me too. But I think that his "brutally honest" excuse is just his way to be mean. And its good you insulted him, because what he said was wrong. Your right 2 wrongs dont make a right, but people cant walk all over you.
xoxo
<3
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Even though he sounds like a jerk, whether you still want to be friends or not, apologizing will help clear your conscience. My advice is to apologize for the things you said, and tell him you didn't mean it. Let him know that you only said those thing in what you felt was self-defense. He insulted you (about something you're obviously self-concious about.) and to try and even things out, you insulted him two. Explain that you said those things to him in the heat of the moment and that after having time to cool off and think about what you said, you realize that two wrongs don't make a right and you shouldn't have said those things to him.
This way if you want to be friends, you can be. And if you don't you at least have nothing to feel guilty about. He'll either accept yuor apology or he won't, but either way you tried to make things right.
Hope things work out how you want them to.
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He's an ass. Don't apologize.
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You probably should apologize if you said nasty things just to hurt him. You were certainly in the wrong doing that, but that doesn't make him right by a long shot and that certainly doesn't mean you should pursue a friendship with the poor fool.
If anything, this situation tells you that the two of you have very different expectations and attitudes. In my opinion, this guy wasn't just failing to 'sugarcoat' things, he was being a jerk. He could have just said he was teasing you or even "Nah you're not the prettiest thing ever", but his poor judgment caused him to cross the line into Jackassville. The make-up comment was entirely inappropriate and certainly not the behavior I expect from a friend.
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You should apologize for saying anything you didn't mean, but if he doesn't sugarcoat things, neither should you!
A lot of guys don't understand that girls are more sensitive about certain things. I've had guy friends make negative comments on my appearances that really hurt, but it was just them not realizing that it was a hurtful comment, because it was the truth.
Try to be friends with him :)
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Wow, what a jerk! You don't have to say sorry if you don't want to, because I know I wouldn't. HE had no right to treat you like that, and guys who are like that, don't deserve girls. I was talking to a guy once too, and he said I was mad fat and annoying (psh he hadn't seen me in two years), so I was cursing at him and stuff because of how upset I was. I still haven't said sorry to him, because he was just as mean as I was. He didn't say sorry, but I forgave him though. And if this guy wanted to be friends with you, do you think real friends say things like that to eachother? Tell him how much he hurt you, and how you feel.
I wouldn't suggest being friends with someone like him though.
-mystical_breeze
Ox
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Hi
I guess it will depend on how you want this "friendship" to end, if you want it to end at all.
Friends do not hurt each other the way you two did. I think it was very cruel of him to say what he did to you, and it was probably very cruel of you to say what you did.
If you have no interest in him even as a friend, then you could either drop it......don't email him anymore, take him off your contacts list, and move on. Or you could be the bigger person, and send him a brief email stating that what he said to you, hurt you, and the things you said to him were in reaction to how you felt. You could apologize for what you said and say goodbye. This may make you feel better.
I certainly wouldn't continue on with a hurtful friendship..that can only lead to pain and tears. Good luck.
Brenda
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explain to him that what he said hurt you to, you have as much right to an apology as he is. If you are sorry for what you said then yes apologise, but make sure you let him know you didnt mean what you said, and that you said those things out of hurt. he owes you an apology, if he doesnt give you one, then dont talk to him and forget all about it. if he does say sorry back, then maybe you guys could be friends... best of luck xxxx
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