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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I am a 24 year old woman, who has decided that she wants a baby within the next 2 or 3 years. Currently I am not in the financial position to have one in the nearer future.
Considering that I will be graduating within a few months, I think that 2 or 3 years is realistic (do not dissuade me). We should both be working, starting our careers, and living together by then.
The problem is that my 26 year-old boyfriend of four years says that he does not plan on ever having kids. Yet, he constantly talks about wanting a future with me, and I cannot see myself without him. If I left him I think it would absolutely wreck the both of us.
The funny thing is that he constantly jokes about me getting pregnant. For example, I was speaking to him on Mother's Day, and he said, "You might be celebrating Mother's Day this time next year."
On a more serious note, he has asked me if we had a child if I would consider vaccinating him or her. I told him that of course I would. He was satisfied with my answer, and told me that if I had answered the other way he would have had to break up with me. The two of us also experienced a pregnancy earlier this year, and after we found out that I definitely wasn't, I asked him if he had a full-time job if it would be such a bad thing. He said, "Absolutely not."
I know that I need to have a serious talk with him. This is very important to me. Is it likely that I could talk him into planning to have a baby with me within the next 2 or 3 years?
My cousin married a guy who said he never wanted children. She has always looked forward to being a mother. She got pregnant, she has never said if it was an accident or planned. He walked out on her as soon as her pregnancy became known.
I don't think you can talk someone into wanting a child. I do think the two of you, if there is a future for you to together, need to sit down and discuss this issue. If having a child is something you need to have and he is adamant that fatherhood is not something he wants. Then the two of you have a problem that you have to find away around or agree this could be a deal breaker for both of you.
From what you have written it sounds like he is unsure about being a parent. It a huge responsibility that he may not, at this time be willing to take on. Maybe later when he is more settled and mature this could change but if between now and then you were to get pregnant he would be okay with it.
You don't want to end up like my cousin and get married, get pregnant and have him walk out on you. I don't know this man and maybe he will live up to his responsibilities. In my cousins case he wants nothing to do with the child and he has to be chased down by the courts to provide his required support.
My advice is make sure you know where he stands before you head down the aisle with him if he is the one you want to spend your life with.
Hey I'm still single so that's why I picked the name and I'm also 19 years old and white and a girl.
I really want a boyfriend but nobody has wanted to date me.
I would prefer a white male and I rally don't care what age he is as long as they care about me and who I am.
I hope you are not expecting many contacts from this site as we are not a dating site.
On this site we answer question on a wide range of topics. I'm sure if you are having problems attracting men if you were to put that into a question and tell us about yourself. There are people on her your age that will gladly offer you some advice.
So here it goes! There is this married man that comes into my office frequently. When he comes in he smiles at me and sits down and talks to me. We sometimes talk for long periods of time about our life, kids, spouses and his job or my job. We have discussed his income and mine and how he feels about his boss and even my boss. When I call and ask him to do something he is on it. I have never had to wait for him to get back with me. He even has gone in on a Saturday to complete his task for me When ever I call him and I ask how his day is he always says better now or trys to fit in a comment about me being cute or sexy. I pretty much the other day hinted to him the other day about having some fun and messing around and played it off like I was joking. He said it was just a little fun between friends. It has not changed anything between us at all. He has me puzzled, so you think he wants to mess around and does not want to scare me off or do you think he is a flirt and just likes the chase.
This is a hard question to answer without knowing him or hearing what he actually says to you.
I was a salesman for over 35 years. My job took me into designer showrooms where the staff were always pretty women. Did I flirt with them or have fun with them while I was trying to sell things to them yes. Did I try to make them feel like they were the most important customer I had? OF course I did it is how you keep someone as a customer.
Was I looking to have an affair with any of these women, no. Was there an opportunity to have an affair with any of them? I'm sure there was if I was to push my flirting beyond where I did, but I didn't. For I was and I am very happily married. Did any of them try to go beyond the fun flirting? One or two did and I just let it pass.
My question to you is; if you are both married with kids and living with your spouses. Why would you want to ruin your marriage,possibly ruin a great friendship as well as a business partner for a few minutes of illicit sex? One other question is it possible you are reading more into his flirting and his customer service than is actually there? If this gentleman is a sales representative part of his job is to make you feel as if you are the only person in the world that is important to him and you are when he is with you. If he has accomplished this with you then he is a good salesman and you should not ruin this relationship by trying to have an affair with him.
Hi there.
I have a crazy problem.
I'm nearly 17, a girl haha and the guy whom I'm going to be dating soon is 31.
Is that too old?
He doesn't have kids and isn't a freak like that, I've known him for a very longn time and we've always had a connection.
Would that make people uneasy?
What should I do??
Coz me and him definitely have a future :)
Anyways,
Thankyou
From:
Ella xoxo
To start with depending on the age of consent in your state, which very likely is 18. It may be illegal for him to date you. Just dating someone at his age below the age of consent is considered to be child molestation and statutory rape even if sex has not occurred. Once you are above the age of consent age becomes just a number. Away of telling time or how much time has passed.
Would your dating him make people uncomfortable? There are two schools of thought on this. One is that it doesn't matter what others think it only matters what you think. The other is that most people will have something to say about the difference in age between you. For instance your parents will have something to say as he is closer in age to them then to you. Some of you your friends will say things that may be hurtful as will others who you may not even know. Most of the remarks will be aimed at him.
Then there is what you will miss out on as your relationship grows and should you two become a couple. At 17 there are things you will miss out on that your friends are experiencing that he has already experienced. There will be times when you will want to go to dinner and clubbing and he will want to stay home and watch TV. Then there is sex Your sex drive is on the incline and his is on the decline.
Will you be able to handle the snide remarks. Sitting at home when you would rather be out clubbing. Marriage needs a certain amount of sex to survive. IF your sex drives are not equal will you be able to handle it. These are the questions you must answer before you enter a serious relationship with this person.
Hi I'm a 19 year old single female and I have a male friend who is 49 he always acts odd when my mom is around and when he is alone with me he puts his fingers in between my fingers and rubs my hand.
I lost my father to suicide 3 years ago and I don't really know if he is trying to be supportive or just creepy btw one time I was walking and my mom was inside the house when he put his hand in my back jean pocket I don't know if he was feeling my butt or what he was doing.
But I would really prefer if a guy would answer this question for me thanks.:)
Hopefully this person is not your therapist. If he is you really do need to find a new therapist and stop seeing this man as his intentions are sexual.
If he is not your therapist then he is probably uncomfortable around your mother being closer in age to her than to you. While there is nothing wrong with you seeing an older man I do question it given you have a problem with your father's passing. It may be best that until you resolve your issue with your fathers passing that you do not see this man as you may see him more as a father figure than as a friend or partner.
I can't say what his intentions where when he put his hand in your pocket or when he strokes the back of your hand. What I can say is one is the action of a father or close family friend comforting someone and the other is a sexual advance that should not be taken without permission.
As a guy if I was a close friend I might try to comfort you if I knew you were still having issues with your father's passing. I would not make any sexual advances such as putting my hand on your butt unless we had progressed to a point where we were a couple in a relationship. Your question tells me you are not in a relationship with him.
My suggestion is not to see him any more and as I said in your other post, find a new therapist.
Ok guys and girls I have a question for you and what I wanted to ask was this.
I have a male therapist because I lost my daddy 3 years ago to suicide and I'm a girl btw and my therapist said tht he was going to show me what was inside of him.
What did he mean by that?
Does it mean he wants to have sex with me or is he wanting to share his emotions.
He is 36 years old and I'm 19 years old.
If a guy could answer this that would be amazing.:)
I have no idea what he means by showing you what is inside of him though it does not sound right. A therapist is suppose to work with you to bring out the root cause of a problem. Then help you deal with that problem in a more purposeful manner so you can move forward with your life. For him to show you what is inside of him does not sound helpful.
Does he want to have sex with you? I really can't say though it would be wrong of him if he did lead you in that direction as when in therapy in theory the therapist has undue influence over their patient. In showing you his emotions I don't see where that would be helpful.
I have been in therapy after an auto accident left me disabled and became a life changing event. My therapist worked with me to draw things out of me. Whens he did at times she used herself as an example of how she handled a situation but she never showed her emotions or led me to believe she wanted to have sex with me.
My advice: Find a new therapist, possibly a female. You need a therapist you can be completely comfortable with. One you can tell your deepest secrets to knowing they will go no further and knowing the therapist will not take advantage of you.
I believe from what you have written and your questions that trust and ability to be open with this therapist no longer exists. If you need help finding a new therapist you can contact your EAP program at work or your insurance provider.
My psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist, after showing I have chronic anxiety and ADD, suggested having a trial of Lexapro to help manage the anxiety. I am open to trying a medication out for some time, but I am really worried of the possibility of it making me feel emotionally numb. Any knowledge or thoughts on this?
Lexapro is an antidepressant drug. The side effects of this type of drug are not what you may be thinking. This drug in combination with other drugs given for severe depression such as manic depression or schizophrenia are what I believe you are thinking.
I have been on an antidepressant for clinical depression. Anxiety is part of the depression cycle. While you may not be clinically depressed, as I was, this drug may be better than a tranquilizer to help with the anxiety. Most tranquilizers will make you feel numb or zoned out which is why I believe the doctors chose this drug for you.
Some of the more common side effects of Lexapro are, short term, meaning at first while it builds in your system; Headache, dry mouth, stomach problems and maybe some drowsiness.
I experienced only the dry mouth and that may also be due to other drugs I take for chronic pain. Since I no longer take the antidepressant but still suffer from dry mouth. Just carry a bottle of water with you. Some long term side effects are sleep problems and lower sex drive.
I actually slept better once the medication took full effect and there was no real change to our sex life.
While I am not a doctor my wife works in the mental health field with the doctors and nurse so medications and different treatments are the topic of discussion at our dinner table. Lexapro is good medication prescribed by many doctors. As with any medication each patient will have different experiences with them. You may very well be like me and experience little or no side effects. IF you do experience any side effects and you find them bothersome speak with your doctor. Call the doctor do not wait for your next scheduled appointment. The doctor may be willing to change your medication without waiting to the next appointment.
Most import with this medication is to take it daily as directed and to try and take it each day at the same time.
Hi. For summer 2015 I really really want to do a 1 week full day session of gymnastics. I'm tired of not being active. My parents would love for me to do it, but the problem is cost. I'm only 12… it's $375. I have $0. Any advice? I come from a really poor family…
Call your local Police Department to see if they are offering a PALS Camp and if you might qualify to attend one week. PALS Camp offer a variety of activities which may include gymnastics. You should also contact your local your local Parks a Recreation Department to see what summer activities they are offering. Your school system may also be offering summer activities which may very well include gymnastics.
All of the above activities are either at no cost or very little cost. Space is usually limited so the sooner you call the better your chances of gaining a space is.
I'm 15 and I still haven't started my period...is this normal? All my friends say I should see a doctor or something but I'm to embarrassed! All I'm asking is if it is normal to not have a period at this age...thanks
Normal is a relative term. What is normal for one person could be abnormal for someone else. You could be a late bloomer which may be normal in your family. My sister did not get her first period until she was 16 and did not enter menopause until almost 60. My wife on the hand got her first period at 12 and enter menopause in her middle forties. Depending on who you talk to they would say both my sister and wife are abnormal. Though when you look at family history for women of their family they are totally normal.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about concerning your period, especially in talking to your mom, favorite Aunt or an older sister. This is a normal bodily function for a woman just as going to the bathroom is. If you weren't feeling well enough to go to school you would tell you mother you were sick. Well your period is no different.
Your mom is your best source of information concerning a women's reproductive system. After all you are both built alike in that regard. I'm also sure mom is looking or watching for signs your first period has arrived so she can help you and instruct you in the best way to care for yourself. If she were concerned she would most likely be talking to you about seeing a doctor or Gynecologist.
If you are truly that embarrassed to talk with your mom about this. There is a law that allows anyone over the age of 16 to see a doctor to talk with or see them for concerns with their reproductive system. Your visit is totally confidential. The doctor cannot tell anyone of your visit, your concerns or what you may have been treated for.
This is a Federal Law passed by Congress for just the reasons you have, so that young people would seek out a doctor to answer concerns they may be too embarrassed to ask a parent or seek needed treatment they want kept confidential. The name of the law is HIPPA and all you need is to say to the doctor is I want this visit to be under HIPAA rules.
Do you need to see a doctor? I'm not a doctor so I can't and won't say. I think you will feel better about this if you do see a doctor and he or she tells you everything is normal and you just have to wait until nature takes its course. For that reason alone I would suggest you consider seeing a Gynecologist.
Can i get pregnant from myself
No it is biologically impossible even for shemales. A she male is a person born with both mal and female sex organs.
My phone is Cracked and i dont even want me to touch the screen what should
Check with your carrier you may not be aware that you were sold a maintenance plan when the phone was sold to you. Most phone stores include this in the price of sale. If you have a maintenance plan the cost of repair will be covered.
I have dated nothing but losers in the past. As a successful 23 year old teacher, I am not sure HOW I attract them, but I do. They're mean to me, they usually sell drugs, and they almost ALWAYS cheat on me. HOWEVER, I finally started dating a guy OPPOSITE of all of that. He's the definition of what you bring home to mama. He doesn't have a 6-pack or blonde hair and blue eyes, but dammit he loves me so much. I just can't help but feel like I don't feel as strongly. We were friends for 8 years before dating. I love him with all of my heart but I'm not in love with him. I already feel like I've kept it going for longer than I should but when I don't have him in my life, I feel lost. I guess what I'm looking for is personal experiences? Maybe someone can relate? Why did I fight with all of my boyfriends, trying to get them to be perfect and here comes Mr. Right and he's not good enough? I know we always want what we can't have but please give insight! I'd really appreciate it. Thanks :-)
You might be looking at that story book type of love where your lover rides in on a white horse and sweeps you off your feet. That type of love doesn't always come. There are many different types of love and the one you have sounds like the more perfect and stable type. The love that is like a comfortable slipper.
My wife and I have that type of love. There were no bells or whistle that went off. No fireworks display that we could see. We were just two people deeply in love with each other we were the ying for the others yang. It has been this way for 44 years come next month.
It is the type of love where we are so close we know the others needs and desires and not just sex. We finish each others sentences. We know what the other wants for dinner and so on. We are extremely comfortable together and do not always need words to communicate or be in each others presents to know we love each other. Yet we cannot be apart for too long before we become uncomfortable. TO that end my work has only kept us apart for less than two months in the 44 years we are married.
I think you may have Mr. Right and not realize it for you are looking for the storybook romance that probably will never come your way. Take a moment to stop and really think about what you have. You say you love him dearly and feel lost when he is not in your life. This too is love.
I am 23 years old and have had a very rocky relationship with my mother. Just some background info - she was raised as a Mormon but broke away from it and never pressed religion on me. I kind of wish she did because I do not practice any religion, simply just don't believe. That's beside the point. Anyways, she had me young. Around 18. Her and my dad were addicted to drugs for a while but she snapped herself out of it after getting a letter in the mail that I had been late to kindergarten 91 times in a row. After that, she was amazing. She has always been there when I needed her. When I turned 16, I became one HELL of a teenager. I never did drugs, got pregnant, or dropped out of school like some teens do but the thing is, I used my words to hurt my mother as bad as I possibly could. I screamed at her, called her horrible names, told her that she was a piece of **** mom, that she will never be anything more than an addict, and I just cut her down as a mom completely. She would cry in front of my face and I never even felt a sting of remorse until the next day when I calm down. Then I would apologize, and 2 days later itd go right back to where it was. Now, I'm 23. I live on my own, have a successful career, and a COMPLETELY different mind set. My mom is my best friend and I couldn't fathom saying the things I said to her. She has forgiven me and we have moved on, the topic hardly comes up. But I think about it ALL the time. I know I can't change the past but I am so sorry, I just can't seem to forgive myself. I beat myself up over it still to this day. How can I cope with this feeling and get past it completely?
Stop beating yourself up what happened in your teenage years is all normal, especially for females. It is hormonal the result of the hormones released during puberty. Most parents understand this as they went through this themselves at your age. It doesn't mean the words were any less hurtful but understanding does take the sting out of them.
By all other accounts of what you have written you were a good daughter. You did well in school and managed to stay out of trouble and build a successful career. You and your mom are now best friend and put the past where it belongs. I assume this means apologies have been made and accepted.
There is nothing more to be done than to continue to be good friends with your mother. Enjoy the time you spend together and someday, if it is in your plan, honor her with grandchildren.
I was dismissed from my university due to clinical performance, within one week. I had not brought medical issues to the university's attention- but I have gotten a full neuropsychiatric evaluation upon further reflection, and there I have issues relating to ADD that have contributed to my performance in graduate school, and the recommendation is to appeal and ask for medical leave. Because this is all happening after the fact, what is the likelihood of the department reversing their decision and actually granting medical leave? Am I protected by law in this case (I.e, disability)?
Your question about protection under the law is best asked of an attorney. Since we are not lawyers and the law can differ from state to state unless Federal Law prevails. I am going to suggest you seek out counsel from an attorney.
Most Lawyers will speak to you without charge initially and tell you if you have protection under the law. Since this is an appeal hearing after the fact and if State or Federal Law may apply; I would suggest retaining the Lawyer to represent you at the hearing.
You might ask the attorney if the University is responsible for their fee or if you are. If you are the attorney may be willing to set up a payment plan for you or recommend where you can get representation for free as from legal aid.
My advice is based on one principle that graduate school is too important to walk into the appeals hearing with the deck stacked against you. Bringing a lawyer with you levels the playing field and maybe tilts it in your favor. So speak to an attorney before going to the appeal.
Why doesn't my mom get why I don't want to go baby clothes shopping with her when she said the reason why she's having another kid so late (I am 19) is cause myself and my siblings are "cursed". Yes, my situation really is that fucked. I'm going to community college for 2 years, so I'm still at home, but I'm trying to become more busy so my mom doesn't get the idea I'm going to put my life on hold because she suddenly decided to have a baby so late in the game. It pisses me off cause she thinks something is supernaturally wrong with her existing children that this new baby will solve all her problems. Our family is already really busy now, and it just makes all she said a joke about us being financially hard up. A pet is too expensive but not another child? She just doesn't like animals. I also don't think I'll be able to bond as a sibling with someone young enough to be my own child. I told this to her and she dismissed it, when idk anyone in our family our community with such large age gaps, unless the wife remarried later on and wanted a kid with their new spouse, which is the only acceptable reason to me, other than adoption. She also thought it was weird I asked about whether she conceived naturally or got a donor egg or whatever, cause she's in her mid to late 40s. I found bookmarks on her computer to fertility places, and questionnaires to potential egg donors. I also know she has been getting shots. But she lied to me that it was all natural when I think she has been trying for the past 2 years, at least. I initially suspected when I noticed she was taking prenatals, years ago. Why wouldn't a parent consider how their 3 other children, mostly adults, would feel about another, intentional addition? I just think the way she's going about it is insensitive and personally I don't want kids til my 30s, when I am hopefully In a decent financial position, and the kids can be close in age. I even only want 2, unless I win the lottery or something. Why are my parents so obtuse about this? They believe in witchcraft and what not and my mom is about to give birth and has hardly told anyone about her pregnancy, barely anyone even in her family, cause she thinks it will protect the kid from spiritual attack. It's like.. She would rather ask a psychic how her kid is doing than evaluate herself, and see how she could do things differently. My life is increasingly becoming chaotic and I iust feel my parents have checked out and barely even support what I want to do. I'd even label them almost toxic influences on me, from certain things I've been subjected to, falling under abuse but seen as "treatment" to them. I don't have close friends to confide such details with so I appreciate your point of view on this complex matter. I envy people who's parents didn't frown on their kids for not entering the medical field, and supported them through their journeys, even through the bumps in the road. I can't say that with my own parents, unfortunately. I mean yes, financially they help me, I still live under their roof, but mentally and emotionally we are just completely on different pages.
As much as you may dislike the idea of a sibling being added to the family at this point in your life. Your parents are under no obligation to get permission from you or your other siblings to have another child . This is something you and are going to have to learn to live with.
I do understand how you feel to suddenly wake up one morning and be told you are about to be a sister to another sibling who very well could be your child. Is very disturbing and could be embarrassing as well. You do not have to bond with this child though I suspect you will once it is born and you have the opportunity to hold it.
Still the decision to have a child is your parents not yours. You are an adult now responsible for your own well being. As the youngest of the present siblings and living at home I suspect your parents may look to you for help in caring for the new siblings.
I would suggest you tell them now not to count on you being available to care for this child; to be available to baby sit while they work. You have your own life which includes school, possibly work and study which all have to come before baby sitting or other assistance with the new sibling.
What I have just written may sound harsh but must be spoken. Your parents may expect that since, for the next 2 years you will be living at home they can count on you for help. They may expect this in return for your living at home and financial help they give you. You have to tell them you will help when available but you have to put yourself first if you have any chance of success in the future as your older siblings have had.
It really boils down to this. There are those people who have plans that fail and people who fail to plan. Which means it is okay to plan and have that plan fail as long as you correct what fails and continue. It is not okay to fail to plan.
At 19 you need to make a life plan and follow it. If along the way a part of the plan fails, then you correct what has failed and continue. This is what you need to explain to your parents and that a new sibling at this point in your life does not fir into your plan. You will do what you can when you can but you will not destroy your plan and fail because they made a life changing change to their plan.
The other night my roommates had a party and one of their co workers was over. I went to bed and the next thing I know is he is coming g into my room asking if he can sleep in my room because his shoulder is out. Feeling sorry for him I said yes but made it clear that I was not gonna have sex with him and that he needed to stay on his side of the bed. The next thing I know he is kissing me and touching me and I told him to stop and said no but he just kept going so I tried to stop him but he them held me down knowing that he was stronger. I kept up with asking him to stop and saying no but of course he kept going. He then pulled down my pants and pinned my legs to were I couldn't move. I tried kicking and my pleas became more but he just kept going. He was telling me I was teasing and that I liked it. Even though I wasn't teasing and I didn't like it. The thing that made him stop for awhile was my daughter waking up. I was able to get up and put her to sleep again making sure she was safe. He followed me and still tried to ha e sex with me. Finally he stopped trying and went to sleep but I feel dirty and ugly and that I put myself in that situation. I don't know what to do or were to turn. All I see is it happening. I can't sleep or eat. I can barely function
What you need to do right now is call the police and bring charges against this man for attempted rape, sexual harassment and assault and battery.
If the responding officer says you gave consent by allowing this man to lay next to you ask for the officer's supervisor to respond. Allowing someone to lay next to you to even cuddle with you is not consent to have sex. You must be willing to have sex which you say you were not and said so over and over. This is attempted rape. If he penetrated you in any manner then it is rape. HE doesn't have to complete the act or fully penetrate you for it to be rape. Once penetration occurs the charge goes from attempted rap to rape.
So not let your roommates talk you out of charging this man. If he tried this with you he has done so with others and will do so again.. Lets get this guy off the streets and where he belongs in jail. Any type of rape or attempted rape or forcible type of sex is a horrible crime he belongs in jail. see to it he gets there.
Now to help you I would like you to call an organization called RAIN; which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. They are a national Sexual Assault Hotline. The call is free and confidential. They have counselors who will help you get the help you need to put this in the right perspective so you can get on with your life and take care of your daughter. Please call them they can and will help you.
I've always known that my husband was a little jealous when we were dating. He didn't want me texting other men or flirting, I completely understand that. Those are also my limits. We have only been married for a little over six months, and the growing jealousy towards my mother is starting to make us fight very badly. I am an only child to my mother, and at first she was clingy, but that isn't the case anymore. I spend maybe one day out of the week going to town with her, maybe to eat, and other than that I talk to her maybe twice a day. She suffers with bad anxiety, so if I go out of town, I shoot her an "I made it alive mother" text, which is just another thing that annoys him that I do for my mother to ease her mind. She is my best friend and more like a sister to me than a mom and it really hurts me and puts me in a awkward place when he throws fits about me seeing her or talking to her. If I'm not working, I am always home when he gets home from work, If he wants me to cook, I cook.. I try to please him in every way but right when my phone rings and its my mom, there goes our entire night. He has also done this if I go out of town without him to see family. He will call me the entire time I am there, and the one time I don't answer, I'm ignoring him and have no time for him. I love this man so much and I don't want such a petty thing to ruin our relationship. Please offer any advice that may help
Granted there are two sides to every story and a triangle has a third side. In your story I see your husband being a bit controlling and insecure, side one of the triangle. Side two of the triangle is a clingy mother in-law with anxiety problems. Side three is you caught in the middle trying to please both side on and side two.
Triangles do not turn into squares though they can be flattened into straight lines, which is what you must try to accomplish. You're going to need some help, professional help to do this. I'm suggesting family counseling and couples counseling.
Family counseling to help mom cut you from her apron strings so that it is not necessary to call you every day. Couples counseling for your husband mainly to be less insecure and less controlling and for you to learn what you may do inadvertently that triggers these emotions in him.
Working together and a as a couple the problems you write about can be overcome. With the help of a professional psychologist who can help you help each other. As someone close to your mother's age I know how hard it is to let go. You and your husband are a family unit know and she has to give you the space needed to mature that family and make it grow and mature.
There is nothing wrong with her being your best friend. Best friends do not speak daily let alone twice daily or see each other weekly. If mom needs help shopping or getting around that's different. But if she is healthy then you should lead separate lives and monthly visits, weekly phone calls should be fine and your husband should be accepting of this.
I also agree that a phone call or text to say you are home safe a trip is definitely in order for both of you. We do this with my son, we text or call him and he texts or calls us, it's just a common courtesy.
Hi everyone,
I am 23 years old female and i have been in a realtionship with the same person for 5 years. We have had our ups and downs like every other couple and i have been there for my boyfriend over and beyond. We don't live together because my parents wont let me move out and it was easier to save money. He has lived on his own for 4 years. I am over his house all the time and we have dinner together every night i stay over probably 4 nights. I went on vacation about two weeks ago for the weeekend and he was not able to come due to work. I came home and saw him all week and he was distant and we werent talking that much and i was being stubborn because he seemed miserable. The Friday came and i called him and he didnt answer me (we hang out every weekend) he ignored me all weekend and i was devistated. Sunday came around and he asked if we could talk. I went over after work on sunday and was there around 9. We sat down but he wasnt saying much he told me he was depressed and miserable and not only in his realtionship but in general. He hates his job, he has to pay rent on his own the struggles hes going through i understand. He told me that i didn't act like i wanted to be with him and i told him i was hurt that i felt like he didnt want to be near me. I asked him if he met someone new and thats why he was distant but he told me he was crazy and that he still loves me. I told him i would work more on my part trying to understand his depression and be there for him when he needed me. I stayed that night, Didnt talk to him monday or tuesday he ended up asking if i would see him wednesday to have dinner and i did it was fine, i saw him thursday it was fine. I still felt him distant but not as bad but i tried telling myself that its the depression and its not me. Friday came and his phone was shut off by not paying his bill he told me he would call me if it was turnt back on. Never called me and i saw on snapchat he was out with friends on friday because i saw him on my friends snapchat. I was really hurt by this because normally he would have texted me on his friends phone telling me to come hang out. Saturday i didnt talk to him. Sunday i texted him and he told me he had a bad night saturday and he wasnt ignoring me he just wanted to sleep the day away (sunday) and he told me "i love you and we will talk tomorrow" which is today. I am so sad i am waiting for this break up, i cant stop crying at work. All i think about is killing myself, i feel so depressed and i need someone to talk to. Im sorry if i am not making any sense but i just want to cut myself, or just take a lot of pills and die. I don't know what i did wrong and i don't know how i am going to get myself through this. I don't expect anyone to understand this all of my friends and family don't understand and i just feel completely sad. thank you
Lets first start with you and the fact that you are 23. For the past 5 years you have been a legal adult in the eyes of the law. Your parents no longer had any say over you legally. Yes at 18 it is hard to move out of your parents home and cut the apron strings but it is your decision not theirs if you wish to do so. At 21 you no longer needed co-signers to sign legal contracts such as bank loans or rental agreements. At 23 the only way your parents can hold you at home is if they are paying for college and use that tot control you. In which case your option is to take out a student loan and not have them hold anything over you. Not moving in with your boyfriend because your parents won't let you is more of a convenient excuse then a valid reason. Still it is a choice you made.
Now as to your BF. True depression is a horrible thing, I know for I have suffered with Clinical Depression. You are allowing yourself to become depressed by thinking your boyfriend wants to break up with you. You don't know this, even if it turns out that he does say something to that affect it may not be exactly what he wants as it is the depression talking.
I am very lucky that I am married to a very strong woman as my depression almost cost me my marriage. You have to be strong for him while you find out just what type of depression he is suffering from. "He hates his job, he has to pay rent on his own the struggles hes going through i understand." Stress is the number 1 cause of clinical depression and what you wrote about is stressful.
You need to get him to see a doctor and be screened for depression. It is a painless exam which is him answering a number of questions the doctor will ask him while performing a complete physical to rule out an organic reason for him feeling as he is. Once the doctor makes a diagnoses follow the doctors instructions.
Do not take whatever bad may come this evening. IT is the depression talking. Remind him of that and this is when you ask him to let you take him to a doctor. This is when, whether he realizes it or not he needs you the most. So be strong and hang in there with him and help him through this.
I am 23 year old female dating a 27 year old male, We have been together for over a year and a half. I am growing very increasingly frustrated at his lack of time management. He is NEVER on time for anything, in fact he is always at least 30 minutes late. He will tell you he is ready at 1pm but really he isn't till 130pm. This is every single day, and while yet I have learned to tell him a half hour early most of the time, sometimes I can't. I have a very busy life and I work a lot, so when I have a day off I want to plan and do something fun, but it always seems to get ruined or delayed because of him. What does he do that makes him late? He sits on his ass watching tv and lies that he is ready and then rushes to get ready when it's already too late. I have had the most anger building up over this, we have had many discussions and arguments about him being late. I have told him he makes me feel so disrespected and how my time off is important whether it is 30 minutes late or not, I am always waiting on him. He always makes small lies about where he's at, saying he's right on the road on the way there yet he is just leaving his house.
What more can I even do before I finally become so miserable I have to break it off with him. How do you break up with someone you love just because they are never on time and you can't rely on them. Some days I am patient and it's not a big deal but other days I have so much anger and frustration it makes me a person who I have never been. I'm probably mostly writing this just to vent, since I shouldn't message my friends anymore because they can only hear it so many times lol.
There are two things that could be in play here. He could just be ignorant of the social graces of being where you say you are going to be when you say you will be. This is much different than being lazy. It is also something that is learned. I learned this from my First Commanding Officer who told us all when he took Command, "If you have an appointment with me and you are not 5 minutes early, you are late." This has been my rule of life ever since.
The other is plain poor time management skills. Time management is again something that is learned. Some of us come by it almost naturally others need to set a daily, weekly and monthly calendar with dates and times we need to be places and allotting of time to do things.
You most likely manage you time very well without the aid of a daily calendar and time allotment chart. Your BF on the other hand may need certain crutches to get a handle on his time and possibly a better watch with an alarm to remind him of important times he needs to do things.
If his tardiness is not due to simple laziness I would suggest not throwing the baby out with the bath water. Instead sit him down and explain to him just how frustrating and a deal breaker his tardiness is. Offer to help him get a handle on managing his time.
If he does not own a watch buy him one. Set up alarms on his phone its easy simply down load an alarm clock app. Sit down with pen and paper and list what he needs to do every day and when. Then a lot how much time each takes including travel time. Then put this in to a daily pocket an or a desk calendar for him. A franklin calendar is best for this.
This is a time to be blunt with him and tell him straight out that he could be losing the best thing that ever happened to him. Even at 27 years of age he could be totally ignorant of how devastating tardiness is to others.
I am hungry all the time. I don't like eating big meals, so, no, I don't eat until I'm full. But really, I can spend the whole afternoon just munching on little snacks because I'm always hungry, I'm always craving something. I try to just eat my 3 meals a day, but I just always need something to nibble on, and I try not to eat 3 hours before going to bed, cause I know it's bad for you, but that's when I'm the most hungry. I drink coffee in the morning to tie my appetite. And all afternoon I'm just waiting and waiting for supper, just drinking tea and anything to keep from snacking. I'm tired of binging and feeling disgusting everyday. and yes I try and eat healthy, or eat protein, but nothing helps me not be constantly hungry, even if I'm constantly having tea or coffee, it still doesn't help.
Does anyone no anything about this and have any tips? I'm not trying to starve myself, but I see people go hours without eating, or having a big snack so they don't even eat supper... I want to be able to do that I'm sick of spending my day looking in the fridge.
And keeping myself busy doesn't help I'm just thinking about when the next time I can eat will be.
I'm not a doctor and this is something you might want to consult with your doctor about for binge eating is not normal. What I'm going to share with you are my thoughts as to what I think might be the problem.
If you look at your body as a machine, say as a car. It needs a certain amount of fuel to operate properly. In a car if the carbonator is not adjusted properly then the engine does not get enough fuel and the car does not run properly.
The body needs a specific amount calories, fuel, to run properly based on your activity. You say; "I don't like eating big meals, so, no, I don't eat until I'm full." This may very well be the root cause of you constant snacking. You may not be taking in enough calories to take you to the next meal and your body is calling for more before either pulling from reserved calories, fat, or shutting down systems it can no longer support. This is the danger in not eating properly and it is better to be 10 pounds overweight then 10 pounds underweight. For the body is designed to save our brain. IT will shutdown systems until all that is left is the brain and then we die.
You do not have to eat until you feel stuffed or full just until you have satisfied your hunger and assured yourself that you have taken in enough calories at that meal to complete a diet for that day to taken sufficient calories to maintain your body.
To do this you may want to consult a nutritionist. A nutritionist can help you plan meals and snacks to take you through a day that will insure you take in the proper amount of calories for your daily activity level. It will also be a healthy diet plan.
I would as I said in the beginning recommend you see your doctor for a complete physical to rule out any physical reason for your problem. To make sure you have not damaged any system by the way you eat. If you have been out of the country in the past year make sure to tell your doctor and where you have been.
I don't believe you have an eating disorder. I believe you need to make sure you are taking in the proper amount of calories. Once you know what you must eat each day I think you will figure out how to do that and you binge/snacking will end.