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I have a older male friend.
Hi I'm a 19 year old single female and I have a male friend who is 49 he always acts odd when my mom is around and when he is alone with me he puts his fingers in between my fingers and rubs my hand.
I lost my father to suicide 3 years ago and I don't really know if he is trying to be supportive or just creepy btw one time I was walking and my mom was inside the house when he put his hand in my back jean pocket I don't know if he was feeling my butt or what he was doing.
But I would really prefer if a guy would answer this question for me thanks.:)
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Okay this is kind of weird because it sounds like he wants to have sex with you. He is a person called a rhino or a pervert. Unless you are comfortable and okay with this sexual relationship then you can stick with it, but it is kind of obvious that this is what he wants because he doesnt want your mom to see. I would tell your mom before she finds out herself and you get into trouble
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I am a guy, and I will be 49 later this year, ok?
Dude wants to bone you, girl. The whole "like a father thing" is only with respect to people who actually are your biological daughters. If he didn't have to empty your potty when you were an infant, then he does not feel fatherly towards you.
Dude wants to bone you. Oh sure, life slows down a bit for a man once he hits 45. But it doesn't stop altogether.
And yeah, he was totally feeling your butt.
As to how to deal with it - can't help you with that.
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Hopefully this person is not your therapist. If he is you really do need to find a new therapist and stop seeing this man as his intentions are sexual.
If he is not your therapist then he is probably uncomfortable around your mother being closer in age to her than to you. While there is nothing wrong with you seeing an older man I do question it given you have a problem with your father's passing. It may be best that until you resolve your issue with your fathers passing that you do not see this man as you may see him more as a father figure than as a friend or partner.
I can't say what his intentions where when he put his hand in your pocket or when he strokes the back of your hand. What I can say is one is the action of a father or close family friend comforting someone and the other is a sexual advance that should not be taken without permission.
As a guy if I was a close friend I might try to comfort you if I knew you were still having issues with your father's passing. I would not make any sexual advances such as putting my hand on your butt unless we had progressed to a point where we were a couple in a relationship. Your question tells me you are not in a relationship with him.
My suggestion is not to see him any more and as I said in your other post, find a new therapist.
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It doesnt take another male to know whats going on. He probably feels awkward when Mom is around because of his age being closer to hers than yours if he is your friend and not a friend of the family or her friend. I am guessing he started hanging around at your house alot after your Dad died. Maybe he is trying to be supportive but supportive doesnt mean touching you or your mother without asking if he may. He is made bold advances to touch to see whether you will protest or not. If you do not want him to pursue you sexually, then even if it may seem innocent to you, it really isn't. A gentleman doesnt touch a woman unless they both have feelings for each other and either she makes the first move or gives her okay for him to touch her in such manners. Since you find it creepy, better say something to him and to mom. that this is not welcome and you want him to stop. If you say nothing, the day may come when no one is around to help you and he forces you sexually.
Support would be something like talking to you both, maybe asking if things are tight financially with Dad gone, and letting Mom know to just ask if she needs help covering a bill, or ask if she needs repair help on the house done like if she can't fix a leaky faucet or broken toilet, or something helpful like mowing the lawn if youre in a house. THAT would be supportive, what he is doing is not. Now that the male in the family is gone, he figures either you or Mom are now easy prey for his advances and for all you know he may have been fantasizing about you or her or both for years while Dad was still around and sees this as his chance to fulfill his fantasies, by taking it slowly so not to scare you. Hey, its just a guess that bit about his fantasys but could possibly explain whats going on.
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