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Too old?
Hi there.
I have a crazy problem.
I'm nearly 17, a girl haha and the guy whom I'm going to be dating soon is 31.
Is that too old?
He doesn't have kids and isn't a freak like that, I've known him for a very longn time and we've always had a connection.
Would that make people uneasy?
What should I do??
Coz me and him definitely have a future :)
Anyways,
Thankyou
From:
Ella xoxo
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Age minus seven and then doubled it the limit for "creepy". So for you, the upper bound is 20. 31 is way too old.
And yes - he'll wind up on the sex offender's register and never be able to work again.
"Going to be dating soon" - what an interesting way of putting it. Does the guy have any idea that this is about to start happening?
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It may not be legal where you live. If it's not legal, then you definitely shouldn't date him. Also, he should know that already, because going to jail or getting a sex offenders list should scare him shitless, unless he is a total moron.
Even if it is legal (and it might not be!) it's still a horrible idea. It's a horrible idea, because a thirty year old who sees a 17 year old high school student as a viable romantic partner is probably not a safe or responsible person to be in close contact with. That is not a reasonable thing for a 30 year old to think.
That has nothing to with you. You could be brilliant. You could be Aphrodite herself. You'd still be an 17 year old goddess, and a 30 year old guy who thinks you are a viable partner is still someone I would have serious concerns about.
It’s not your maturity or ability to handle the relationship I question: It’s his. What is so wrong with him, that he thinks dating a 17 year old is a good idea? I am 30 now. If one of my friends said he was going to date a 17 year old, I'd tell him to seek therapy. He should, if he is healthy and sane, being looking for a very different kind of relationship, then the kind he can have with a 17 year old.
I dated older men when I was in my 20s. It was legal, and it was generally a bad idea. I was a bad idea because: One, the lifestyle I wanted was very different from what 30 and 40 year old want and Two, most of the men that age who are attracted to dating a twenty-something, were the immature, emotionally incompetent people who are not chasing women their own age, because women their own age had learned not to put up with men like them.
The older men I dated, were attracted to me because I wasn't as confident, experienced, or able to make the same decisions about my life and relationships as they were. They liked me being less than them, and the liked that I wasn't experienced enough or confident enough to call them out when they acted like shitheads.
Of course that won’t be truth of all older men dating younger women, but it will be true of most, and at 17, you don’t have the experience to be able see those glaring warning signs.
You are not his equal in this world. You can't be a partner to him. He wont be able to treat you like an equal. He may well use that situation to take advantage of you or to treat you very poorly.
It's a bad idea. It really is. I worry deeply for you if you go ahead with this. It's so risky emotionally for you to get together with such a huge age difference and I've seen in my own life, and in the lives of my friends, how these things tend to because very unequal and unbalanced very quickly.
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To start with depending on the age of consent in your state, which very likely is 18. It may be illegal for him to date you. Just dating someone at his age below the age of consent is considered to be child molestation and statutory rape even if sex has not occurred. Once you are above the age of consent age becomes just a number. Away of telling time or how much time has passed.
Would your dating him make people uncomfortable? There are two schools of thought on this. One is that it doesn't matter what others think it only matters what you think. The other is that most people will have something to say about the difference in age between you. For instance your parents will have something to say as he is closer in age to them then to you. Some of you your friends will say things that may be hurtful as will others who you may not even know. Most of the remarks will be aimed at him.
Then there is what you will miss out on as your relationship grows and should you two become a couple. At 17 there are things you will miss out on that your friends are experiencing that he has already experienced. There will be times when you will want to go to dinner and clubbing and he will want to stay home and watch TV. Then there is sex Your sex drive is on the incline and his is on the decline.
Will you be able to handle the snide remarks. Sitting at home when you would rather be out clubbing. Marriage needs a certain amount of sex to survive. IF your sex drives are not equal will you be able to handle it. These are the questions you must answer before you enter a serious relationship with this person.
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Hello Ella,
have you ever heard the phrase age is just a number. well this is all relative, but it would be best to try to find someone close to your age. i do not know the situation exactly and even if the person is older, you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I just don't want you to jump into this head first and think that he is the only one. You seem like a smart and yet beautiful girl, but you're only 17. you will meet someone else who will make you just as happy and you will both have that same connection. I am not telling you how to live your life, but if he truly cares he will wait and if not, there are so many guys out there. The right guy will come along and this will all be just a memory.
of course seeing you with a much older man can be a little awkward, but from experience it is best to steer clear from that kind of situation. you want to enjoy life and be yourself, but also hang out with the likes of you so you never miss out on the good things in life. trust me the phrase you only live once,is true, you can never get back your teenage years.
Hope this helps!
-Sandy
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