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I want to have a baby. My boyfriend says he plans to never have kids.
I am a 24 year old woman, who has decided that she wants a baby within the next 2 or 3 years. Currently I am not in the financial position to have one in the nearer future.
Considering that I will be graduating within a few months, I think that 2 or 3 years is realistic (do not dissuade me). We should both be working, starting our careers, and living together by then.
The problem is that my 26 year-old boyfriend of four years says that he does not plan on ever having kids. Yet, he constantly talks about wanting a future with me, and I cannot see myself without him. If I left him I think it would absolutely wreck the both of us.
The funny thing is that he constantly jokes about me getting pregnant. For example, I was speaking to him on Mother's Day, and he said, "You might be celebrating Mother's Day this time next year."
On a more serious note, he has asked me if we had a child if I would consider vaccinating him or her. I told him that of course I would. He was satisfied with my answer, and told me that if I had answered the other way he would have had to break up with me. The two of us also experienced a pregnancy earlier this year, and after we found out that I definitely wasn't, I asked him if he had a full-time job if it would be such a bad thing. He said, "Absolutely not."
I know that I need to have a serious talk with him. This is very important to me. Is it likely that I could talk him into planning to have a baby with me within the next 2 or 3 years?
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"I am a 24 year old woman, who has decided that she wants a baby within the next 2 or 3 years."
Stop.
I'll give you the same answer I give to anyone else posting this exact same quandry.
Stop calling it a "baby" and start calling it a "child", because babies are not babies for very long. The very fact that you use that word indicates that you are not really coming to terms with the reality of what you are proposing.
"I am a 24 year old woman, who has decided that she wants a child within the next 2 or 3 years."
Does that change anything? If it does, well - that's significant.
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My cousin married a guy who said he never wanted children. She has always looked forward to being a mother. She got pregnant, she has never said if it was an accident or planned. He walked out on her as soon as her pregnancy became known.
I don't think you can talk someone into wanting a child. I do think the two of you, if there is a future for you to together, need to sit down and discuss this issue. If having a child is something you need to have and he is adamant that fatherhood is not something he wants. Then the two of you have a problem that you have to find away around or agree this could be a deal breaker for both of you.
From what you have written it sounds like he is unsure about being a parent. It a huge responsibility that he may not, at this time be willing to take on. Maybe later when he is more settled and mature this could change but if between now and then you were to get pregnant he would be okay with it.
You don't want to end up like my cousin and get married, get pregnant and have him walk out on you. I don't know this man and maybe he will live up to his responsibilities. In my cousins case he wants nothing to do with the child and he has to be chased down by the courts to provide his required support.
My advice is make sure you know where he stands before you head down the aisle with him if he is the one you want to spend your life with.
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I don't think you should ever try to 'talk someone into' having a baby. That's the sort of opinion you need to respect without trying to pressure someone into.
You boyfriend, has given you a whole bunch of signs that he is open to having a baby, so you are right that it's time to talk to him seriously about it and see where his head is at when it comes to kids. If he truly doesn't want to be a father, you need to respect that, even if it ends the relationship.
But, he's sending some signs that he might be open to it, so it's time to have a very serious talk.
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