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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Basically there's always been some type of distinction in my family. I've noticed my parents and my cousins parents make sure to slow down the growth process for all of us. If one of us gets a job or job interview they make us late on purpose so we lose the chance of ever being successful and it really hurts to deal with knowing my parents and grandparents don't want me or my cousins to succeed. Most of us are over the age of 18 and still don't have our licenses. It was also like that for my aunts and uncles. They had such a hard time with it and I know about the whole narcissistic family thing and that's definitely my family's problem but I'm so new to finding this out and I just don't understand why if my aunts uncles n mom we're treated like that why would they do that to their own children? Like today I had a big interview that was so important to me and I had to have my mom take me and she made me late on purpose and that didn't look good for my chances of getting the job. I remember when I was 18 I wanted to move in with my friends and my mom drug my by the hair of my head across the kitchen for telling her I planned on moving out. Does anyone else have this problem? I feel so alone. I'm 25 n living with my boyfriend and I've noticed since I have I'm basically excluded from family gatherings all for wanting to have my own life. My other cousin who lives with her husband gets treated the same way. Any advice on how to handle this would be nice and does anyone else go through this also?
First you are 25 legally an adult. Your family can only have the control over you that you allow or give them for once you turned 18 your parents legal control of you ended. If your family is excluding you from family activities and events it is because you have succeeded in taking back control over your life.
You are entitled to your own life. Some parents and families just don't get this. They feel because they are older and experienced more of life than you have that they must continue to guide you through life. In theory this is not a bad idea though guidance and controlling are two very different things.
My son is almost 40 and there are many times he will call for my advice. I give him advice I do not tell him what to do or demand he do things in certain ways. I make suggestions but ultimately he has to decide what is best for him. I believe this is the way it should be for most likely I have experienced what he is now experiencing and he wants or is open to some advice on which direction he should take. I believe parenting does not end at 18 but it does take on a new dimension and direction.
If it is any consolation you are not the only one or the first to write to us with this problem, nor will you be the last. If you wish to change things with your family you can try. My advice would be to sit down and write a letter, not an email. Letters are more personal.
The letter could include some of what I just wrote along with your feelings. You would include something to the effect that you would always be grateful for any advice they might be able to offer you when and if you ask for it. Though in the end you make the final decision as to a direction to take in any given situation.
Your are more than welcome to send that letter to me for review and suggestions in a private message. I would be happy to review it and send it back with any suggestions I have.
I fucked my girlfriend from back side is there any chance to pregnant
If you mean you had anal sex with her, your penis in her butthole. The answer is no; the anal canal and the vaginal canal are not connect. A woman can only be impregnated through vaginal intercourse.
If you mean that you were behind her and your penis was in her vagina then yes the odds are good she could get pregnant if no condom or other form of birth control was used.
If you do not wish to father a child always use a condom. If you want greater sensation pay the higher price for the lambskin condoms which are just as effective at preventing pregnancy and allow for greater sensation than the latex condoms.
Condoms are also very effective at preventing the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus. In this day and age having sex with someone and not being in a long term relationship with them without using a condom is like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded Revolver. Your chances of getting an STD are almost 100% if your partner is infected. Even if your partner is on birth control a condom should be used until both of you are tested for STDs and in a monogamous relationship.
One of my best friends has metastatic breast cancer. It's starting to progress pretty quickly at this point, although she still has some really good days. So, here's my question to you all...
We've always been attracted to each other. However, because her gf (who is actually an ex at this point...its complicated) and I are good friends and we're adults, we've never, ever acted on it. Talked about it, but never done anything. If we'd met before she met my friend, we'd be together, for sure. But she and the gf don't have sex, ever, and haven't for a very, very long time. She says the gf is a really, really bad lover. But she does want to have one night of great, passionate sex before the cancer takes away her ability to enjoy it. We haven't talked about this at all, but I can give that to her, and I'd LIKE to give that to her. I just don't know if its appropriate to make the offer. I was thinking it would only be a one-time thing, and kept completely confidential forever and ever. Is this a really bad idea?
I think you are a good friend to want to give her that one night of good sex that she wants. The fact that you know she wants a one night of good passionate sex says at some point she communicated this to you. To my mind doing so opened the door for you to either go ahead or make advances or to ask her if she would like you to give her that night of passionate sex.
I must warn you that sex under these circumstances will be very emotional for both of you. Because of the intimacy shared in sex there is always a bond formed between lovers even in the one night stand. So prepare yourself in advance that this one night stand, onetime thing is going to be far more emotional for you than you believe at this time.
You two are friends, she is ill with a disease as you say is 100% fatal. You are going to give her a night of passionate sex then watch as the illness takes her. This is a wonderful thing you’re willing to do for even if you didn't have feelings for her, though you do have some. Before you make the offer or just go ahead and start to make love to her ask yourself this question.
ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT YOU WILL FORM WITH HER AND THE EVENTUAL OUTCOME?
Hi, he's a work colleague and we joke and get on ok. but recently, he's been saying pointing jokingly,'she's in love with me'. what actually he mean? the other day, he saw me looking in the mirror and he said,'you're very pretty' i said thanks. he jokes heaps as we all know but about this certain things he should not be. so guys, what is he thinking?
I can't be sure what he means since we are not there to hear them in context. I will say one of his statements could be totally inappropriate for the office as is the other if you find his advances in appropriate. If he is married then both statements are inappropriate for the are misleading even though you may be very pretty.
If he is not married then you could ask him if he is just an office flirt or is he interested in you. I advise against office romances for if they don't work out an you work in close proximity then one of you will most likely have to find a new job.
Regardless if he is married or not if he supervises you in any way his remarks are totally inappropriate as they could be considered sexual harassment by a supervisor.
The remarks themselves could be considered sexual harassment depending on how you perceive them to be. This is one reason why I say we can't say what he means since we don't hear them in context. The fact that you question his meaning tells me you may not want or like these statements or what him flirting with you.
If this is the case then you should go to his supervisor and report his statements as a sexual harassment. There are EEOC rules they must follow if you choose to make such a report.
I started nursing school in February. I originally was just going to go for an AA and then found out that nurses with AA's wind up doing all the lower level stuff and decided I wanted to transfer in January to a Uni to do a BSN.
Now I'm almost through my first year of nursing and I'm not so sure I want to make this my career. I like learning about the body, but I don't think I'm up for dealing with angry, injured, sick people for the rest of my life. At first I just figured "Well I'll just go straight for a Masters and do something specialized and not so hands on like Anesthesia" but a Masters is so far away and will cost so much money in tuition.
Now I'm considering switching to another major when I leave for Uni like: Political Science, International & Cultural Studies, or Government & World Affairs.
I would like to work for some kind of international agency and have a job that includes politics, government and traveling. It's really important to me to be able to get involved in world events and to be able to travel globally. I also really enjoy doing research and writing reports. I'm a female and would like to be a game changer in politics and such.
Do you think the majors I'm interested in will get me a good job or do you think they're a waste of time? My parents are very happy right now that I'm in nursing so I'd hate to disappoint them, but I just don't think I want to spend the rest of my life cleaning up gross messes and bandaging wounds when there's so much more in the world to do.
Nursing is a very rewarding career. Nurses more than doctors do the actual caring for the patients. But like any career if you are not happy with the job the benefits and rewards will not outweigh your displeasure with the job. Meaning don't follow a career path you are not happy with just to please your parents.
While nursing may be a path to a secure high paying job. All the money and job security will not make you happy. If your not happy in your job it will affect other areas of your life.
The careers your looking at are good meaningful careers. Not all government or political job include travel so be more specific about what you wish to do in these positions. Government jobs while more secure than the private sector equivalent pay about 10 to 20 percent less than the private sector.
In short this is your life, your career. You will be working at it for the next 40 plus years. You must be happy with the choices you make today and not your parents.
Well, I am not so sure if he 'spanked' or 'smacked' my buttocks but he did something like that. He called me over to his desk which is in class, I was in trouble for something I didn't write. He told me to stand closer to him and when I did he started smacking/spanking my butt as punishment! I was standing, he didn't tell me to bend over and I still had my skirt on but he used his bare hands to do it. He did it a few times but it didn't hurt. I still wanted to cry though because I was so embarrassed!! Some of my classmates were laughing and others were saying its not right but my teacher told them that its 'OK' if its punishment!
Is it really OK if its punishment? Are male teachers allowed to do that to female students? I didn't tell my parents because they are very protective and freak out for pretty much everything! I am 14 and female.
Corporal Punishment is still allowed in some states. Generally it is the Principal who must be meting out the punishment and not the teacher. Also your school handbook would say whether or not your school allows corporal punishment. What infractions would be subject to corporal punishment and how many swats you would receive. Your parents would also have to sign permission for the school to punish you In this manner.
If none of the above is appropriate in your state or school then your teacher is not only wrong; he is subject to arrest for assaulting you. Possibly sexual assault as he touched you in an inappropriate place as well.
You need to tell your parents so they can take the appropriate action. They should file charges with the police and school board. If you are being teased about this at school then it is appropriate for the school board to allow you to change schools at their cost if you wish to.
Tips to have sex with my sister
The only advice you will get from anyone here is,DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
Not only is it wrong as it is incest. It is illegal in every state in this country. You could be in big trouble and even go to jail if anyone found out. If your parents were or are aware they too could face legal problems and even jail time if they allow(ed)this.
My advice; keep it in your pants or masturbate, but stay away from your sister!!!!
Hi :) me and my dad had a huge argument about 18 months ago and we haven't really talked since then. It was pretty serious what he did but I decided to let it go with the urge from my step-dad who said to give him another chance.
We sat down and had a meeting about how I felt and all of that crap but even after I opened up, he was still acting like a high and almighty person who never made mistakes. But still, I'm trucking on.
I don't know what to say to him anymore to start a conversation. It will go something like:
Me: Hi
Him: Hi, how was school?
Me: Good, I didn't learn much.
Him: Oh, that sounds eventful. Work was boring.
And then we say goodbye. Even before our relationship went downhill, that is how it was. And we used to do that nearly everyday. I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Any tips?
I know exactly how you feel for my father was always right even when he was wrong. He would never admit to me or my sister he was wrong. If we got into an argument with him he would give us the silent treatment until we apologized and admitted he was right and we were wrong.
Not knowing what the argument was about or the actual outcome other than causing a rift between two of you. The only suggestion I could make is to consider making some type of amends for the argument you two hand even if that means telling him he was right and you were wrong.
Frankly I don't agree with my own suggestion for it is just as wrong to say you don't mean just to mend a fence. You have a stepfather who by urging you to mend this fence must be a good man.
I don't know what the relationship between him and your father is or the relationship your father and mother now have. It might be better if your mom or stepfather approached your dad about this so you don't have to say anything you truly don't believe.
I did just that once when I was around 15 years old. I went to his father, my grandfather who I had a wonderful relationship with, and told him about my father's childish ways. I had grown tired of my father's silent treatments or being blamed for his short comings. My grandfather did talk with him and it helped at least until I left for the Air Force and I was no longer living under his roof.
I am having a difficult time getting out of what I think is a rut. I feel depressed. I am happily married to an amazing man, my high school sweet heart. My husband is in the military and is often gone. Recently 5 friends moved to the state we live in and lived with us for too long, almost a year to be exact. They now cut all communication with us which we honestly don't mind as they really upset us for the fact that they did not respect us or our home. Anyways I feel that my depression comes from knowing I will be alone once again. I am completely not motivated for anything. I been battling my weight for 3 years and I reach my goal but then I binge when my husband comes home from deployments and I gain the weight back. I'm often comparing myself to others. I am too trusting. I need help. I feel like I may be bipolar I am extremely happy at times and other times I just bawl my eyes out for no specific reason.. I don't know whats wrong with me, I don't know what to do.
Check in with the family services unit at the base from which your husband deployed from or a base you live close too if you do not live near where he deployed from. I believe the military , all Branches, have programs to help with problems like you are writing about.
Being the spouse of someone in the military is not an easy live especially today with multiple deployments. The military realizes it is in the best interest of their personnel that the people left at home are taken care of and helped in many ways adjust and adapt to these deployments. They need their personnel to focus on the job at hand and not be worried about problems at home. This is the job of the family service office.
It would not be unusual for a spouse to be depressed while the wife or husband is deployed. In fact it would be strange if the spouse was not somewhat depressed. The younger the marriage the more a spouse is most likely to be depressed.
I doubt you are bipolar but it is possible. What you need to do for yourself is to schedule a visit to family services and to your doctor. Ask your doctor to screen you for depression. The doctor will want to do a full physical to rule out any organic reason for feeling as you do. The screening for depression is done while the physical is done and consists of a number of questions asked from which the doctor can make a diagnoses. Once the doctor makes a diagnoses follow the doctor's direction and ask for a therapist to speak with.
Therapy will be a big help as the therapist is that friend you can tell everything to knowing it goes no further for everything told in therapy is confidential. The therapist may even have suggestions for you to help deal with the deployments.
Once you have seen your doctor contact Family Services and see what help they can offer.
Hi!
So, just a little background; I'm a 21 year old female and the 2 guys in this situation I am talking about are also 21. One day my good friend J decided to set me up with his room mate that was new to town and he thought we would be good for each other. So we ended up going on a double date and the guy (We'll call him X) seemed nice but very shy. We exchanged numbers at the end of the date and he texted me the next day... but the texting felt very dry and very non-talkative. But either way I agreed to meet up with him for coffee a couple days later.
In between those days that we made plans I went to a party and met this other guy (let's call him Z) and he was sitting alone on a couch so I went over and introduced myself and we really hit it off and had fun talking. So he got my number at the end of the night.
A couple days after this I went for coffee with X and the conversation never died. We talked about normal first date things; work, school, and family. At the end of our coffee date he hugged me and asked if he could see me again. we made plans for a couple days after that to go to a movie. In between this time I had Z on the back burner because I met him at a party and was trying to focus on X. Me and X went to the movie and it was very nice but he didn't make physical contact with me the whole time, no touch of the hand, no hug or no kiss which I thought was odd on a first date (maybe he's just shy?).
That weekend Z was very persistant with texting me and asked me to come out with some friends and meet him at a bar after his hockey game. One of my good friends is seeing his hockey team mate so its very easy to convince them to go. We went and I wasn't really sure what to expect.. maybe a hello and a have a goodnight? No he was with me the whole night and kept giving me forehead kisses and introducing me as "his girl" to his friends on the team and we had great conversation that night as well. It was the next day that I realized I could not ignore my feelings for Z like I had been: it's obvious we had an attraction.
So I was texting and talking to both of them, and Z invited me over last night after I had finished my homework for the night to watch a movie. He made it clear that he was not inviting me over just to hook up with me but he also said that if, at the end of the night it was really late, I could stay over at his house. I went over and watched a movie and just cuddled and then after we madeout a little bit and he offered to go cuddle in bed for a bit but I told him I should go home and he said okay but I should come over soon.
I saw my friend J again ( the one that set me up with X) and he said that his roommate, X, was very shy and he really likes me.
So now I am faced with a problem.
On one hand I have X: Who is nice, respectful but very shy. J has told me that X really like me and he wants a to commit to someone and get into a relationship. He had a job in the trades and is living on his own. He seems like the "safe guy". Someone who will really like me and everything will just be easy.
On the other hand there is Z: He is still going to school and not sure what he is going to do in the future in regards to a career. He has played very competitive hockey and hockey boys have that "player" stereotype to just hook up with girls and leave. I'm really not sure what to think because he did ask me to hang out so late, but he didnt try to do anything with me...but he did invite me to cuddle in bed. He is oviously the "risky" choice.
I'm not sure what one to pursue? Or to keep seeing both casually without commitment and learn more about them? I know that Z is the riskier choice but everything seems easier and that it flows better than with X; someone who seems shy and I sometimes don't know what to say around him.
Thank you for your help, and thank you for reading this loooooong situation :)
Kaaitlyn
Kaaitlyn only you can make the e final choice her, we can only make suggestions. Boyfriend X is the one who will commit to a long term relationship. A relationship that will be built by the two of you that will be a custom fit. In other words you will be able to mold him somewhat to fit what you want in a man to meet your basic needs as a wife and a woman.
I was shy and somewhat retiring when I first met my wife of now almost 45 years. Of course I had recently returned from 2 years in Southeast Asia where the few round eyed women I saw were Officers and totally off limits. I think it was love at first sight for both of us but she had to take the lead to bring me out of my shell for I was unsure of myself around women at home in general.
If boyfriend X is someone who is the type of boy you would like to marry. Then think about taking the lead and bring him out of his shell. This includes taking the lead in physical intimacy if this is what you want from him. Trust me if this is what you want from him he will give you that and more once you pry him from his shell and he knows this is what you desire of him.
With boyfriend Z being risky is part of his nature and it will be part of him for life and not just in his recreational endeavors. People who take risks in one part of their lives generally take risks with other parts of their lives as well including financially. Call it the thrill of the chase.
You said it yourself he has that "player" stereotype to just hook up with girls and leave." He is still in college with no idea of what his future will be. If you are looking for a long term relationship with the possibility of marriage boyfriend Z is not the best candidate. If your looking for fun, excitement and casual sex then boyfriend Z is the one to date.
23 Female.
Back in June my boyfriend broke up with me. We were in a 5 year realtionship and it was really hard for me to adjust. I now realize i deserved a lot better. He never took care of me i was always taking care of him needless to say he didnt desreve me as a person. Which is fine i am over that but during that time i was so depressed. I also suffer from depression and aniexty but never addmited to my problems, i thought it was always normal feeling this way. My mother tried telling me i was tempoary depressed and i told her she didnt understand. 4th of July weekend i was feeling at my lowest point and i looked at my medicine cabinet wondering what i could take to kill myself. I was in the right state of mind and stopped myself. I told my sister i was planning on killing myself and she came and got me and spent the night with me. That was the moment i realized i needed help. My doctor put me on Zoloft and i was feeling like on cloud 9. August 2nd i returned my ex's things to him we had sex without a condom and he was still a complete jerk to me. I kind of saw it has break up sex it kind of helped me to be honest. I met a new guy who i was talking to and had sex with him August 26th and then August 29th. (we used a condom both times but on the 29th we hooked up in the shower but didnt have sex) 2 days after August 29th i broke out with a huge yeast infection as the week and the pain went on i was told i have Herpes.I have slept with 2 people and now i have an STD. I thought my whole world was crashing down and now nobody is going to want me. About 2 weeks ago i was drinking ALOT i was with my 2 best friends and they were both with their boyfriends and i was feeling so sad and alone. I decided to take the rest of my Zoloft pills which was about 30 to just die at that time. Basically i was in the ICU for 3 days and my parents friends and family visited me. I was about 2 hours away from home because i was visiting friends at a school my parents didnt leave my room. They tried putting me on a physc floor but i refused to go and my parents didnt want me so far away. They discharged me because i had an appotiment with my doctor. I am seeing her again this week and yet i have tried to contact a therpasist but no one has gotton back to me or are taking new patients. It is just so fustrating. I went to a therpaist about last month and i thought i wasted a whole hour of my lfie she made me feel like nothing was wrong with me. Obviously something is wrong with me when i just OD. I saw the therpaist BEFORE i OD. Im just not sure what is wrong with me right now. My syptoms get worse when i am drinking. I am now back on the Zoloft 50. My doctor told me if i find a therpaist who wants to change it they can or up my dosage. On friday i went on a party bus for my best friends birthday and i guess i made a fool out of myself telling everyone my life story about being in the ICU. My friend went off on me telling me all these things i did and it just makes me feel worse about myself. I tried talking to my other friends and they are like well shes right im surprised you talked about it either. Do i have an attention disorder? what is wrong with me? I just want to feel happy again and normal. My friend made me feel worse about myself and she knows about all these issues im going through. Needless to say she is my best friend but i just dont want to see her again because i don't want to talk about what happened on Friday. Im already embarassed enough. I am afraid if i keep on what im doing eventually no body is going to want to hang out with me. By the way, my ex guy number 1 or guy number 2 gave me an STD anybody know? Thanks for reading and letting me vent
Herpes is one of the easiest STDS to contract as many people are carriers and never know they have the disease. It does not mean the end of the world for the infected person or then of a sex life either. Herpes is well controlled with medication and condoms properly used should block any transmission to another person.
There is one other way to meet people who will not run away when you tell them you have Herpes. Below is a link to a free dating site for people with herpes. It is just like any other dating site with one difference. You can find a match based on the type of Herpes you have HPV1 or HPV2.
http://www.h-date.com/
I too have suffered with depression. One of the problems with Depression that I learned in therapy is it is circular in nature. Depression causes pain, pain causes depression. You have to find a way to break that circle, to do that you have to identify the triggers causing the pain. I would believe on trigger is living with an STD.
While there is no cure for herpes it is manageable with medication. Seek out a communicable disease specialist to help you with this. The best place to find one would be to call your local hospitals patient referral line and ask to be referred to one of the staff doctors.
If you are being treated for your depression by your family doctor I suggest you find a psychiatrist to medicate you. Most depression that people duffer from is "Clinical Depression." Clinical depression is caused by a lack of a chemical secreted into the brain. While this is more of a medical problem, because the chemical is secreted into the brain a Board Certified psychiatrist is the better doctor to treat you. Most family doctors have little or no training in this area while a Board Certified psychiatrist has gone through a Fellow ship and past all the criteria of the College of Psychiatrist to practice psychiatry. The psychiatrist should also be able to help you find a therapist to work with.
I went through two therapists before I found one I was comfortable with. Strange as this may sound I was more comfortable with a woman then a man. What is important though is you must be comfortable enough with your therapist to tell the therapist you deepest and darkest secrets if you are going to unlock the triggers causing the depression.
It takes time and a lot of effort on your part but I can tell you for certain. If you put the effort in there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
a boy at school who I like asked me by message if I wanted to go out with him
my mum thinks im too young but I want to say yes what should I do
im 11 btw
It is strange I should see this question today for last night I watched an episode of "Tanked" and in it the owners’ 13 year old daughter was asked out on a date. He felt his daughter was too young to go out on a date at 13 and you are only 11.
I'm afraid I have to agree with your mom, you are too young to be dating or going out with a boy in any manner other than maybe a group type thing at a mall or a boy girl party supervised by parents.
You have a lot to learn about dating and socializing between now and the time you become a teenager. These are very important skill especially for a young lady. Do not be in a rush to grow up. Take the time to learn the skills you need and earn the trust and respect of your parents. Without your parents trust and respect it will be a long time before you will be allowed to date. Just remember until your 18 your parents word is backed by law.
What you tell the boy is. "My mom; or your parents, whichever you’re more comfortable with, do not allow me to date," very straight forward, very simple.
You left out the boys’ age or if he is in the same grade as you. IF he is older than you and a grade or two higher than you I would totally understand mom refusing to allow you to on a date with him unsupervised or supervised.
22/f, 28/m
I'm upset. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and it has always bothered me about the amount that he has traveled. We do have communication and trust issues that we're trying to rebuild (due to his past mistakes), and we're going to our first couples therapy on Wednesday. However, I'm debating on whether or not to go at this point.
My boyfriend travels at least once a month. It's for both business and for travel for his fraternity (not college fraternity). Recently, I told my boyfriend that I felt that he travels too much. When he's back, he works during the day, comes back home, uses the restroom for 20-30 minutes, comes to bed and wants alone time for awhile, leaving me only 20 minutes of his undivided attention with him.
He told me today that he won't be here on Valentine's Day. He told me that it's because his fraternity brother is being ordained as a minister on Valentine's Day. I wanted to be okay with it, but I'm really not. He told me that Valentine's Day is a joke to most people in America and that everyday can be Valentine's Day to us. Which doesn't make any sense if I feel that he's absent or not here... But saying, "I love you" everyday should make it seem like it's Valentine's Day. I told him that sometimes it's not enough due to his daily schedule and he tells me, "it should be enough." Whenever I bring up this situation, he says, "I've been laying here with you for the past hour. It should be enough." Talking about something that bothers me, is undivided attention, but it's not any way for us to connect or bond. Then he would say, "You should focus and appreciate about what you have and not focus on what you don't have."
I don't want to sound needy, but 20 minutes of undivided attention per day is not enough. It seems like he spends most of his time on Facebook than he does with me, and according to him Facebook is "down time" for him.
Talking about it doesn't seem to help because I can see from his point of view, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's not enough time for me to feel emotionally secure in the relationship. He only has time to talk about this at night, and it's a long discussion, so he gets tired, tells me he's tired, and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up acting as if the conversation never happened.
I keep trying to have this conversation but neither of us are getting what we want. Me talking about it, frustrates him and makes him unhappy. Me not talking about it, makes me unhappy.
In the case of one, the freedom to travel and have their own schedule, in the case of the other, participating in their definition of a true relationship, with attention to time spent together, trust, and transparency. What should I do? What can I do?
I would suggest you go to the couples therapy if he is willing to go. His willingness is a sign of commitment; one you should accept for what it is.
In therapy the therapist can work with you point by point. We are only hearing your side of the problem and what you say you hear from him and what you see in your relationship. In a situation like yours it is imperative in order to give advise to have both sides of the problem or issue(s) in front of us.
From what you have written you are constantly hitting him with multiple issues at one time. Understandably given the time you say you have to talk with him you believe this is the best approach. Trust me when I say it is not.
In our almost 45 years of marriage my wife has learned that I can handle only so many things at one time. While family and she come first, problems outside the house such as work related problems and other stressors also affect me at home. I was also a volunteer firefighter before I retired and sometimes a bad call would have its effect on me for days.
My wife learned to prioritize any problem, whether it be a problem between us, such as me spending too much time away. Yes, I traveled for work and when I came home I would then go to the fire station to decompress. A problem with my son or anything else. I would or we would resolve that problem and move on to the next one.
This is what a therapist will do with you and for you. The therapist will listen to your problems. Find out which one(s) are the most important to you to resolve first. Then prioritize them and help you work through them.
Couples therapy is not a magic bullet the therapist does not wave a magic wand and make all your problems disappear. It takes time and effort on your part. If the two of you put in the time and effort you will have a successful outcome.
My best friend (age 15) cried to me over the phone that her mother keeps having arguments with her. She has to deal with her mother changing her friends, calling into the school and taking all her things away because she has depression.
My friend is worried that her school now thinks she has issues and she hates it because she tries so hard. I really want to help her but I don't know what to do or say. I had to keep repeating, calm down, think about this rationally and it just wasn't helping.
What can I do?
I'm not sure who you are referring to as having depression; your friend or her mother. If it is her friend it is not unusual for a teenager to suffer from what is now called teenage depression. Back when your grandparents were teenagers it was referred to as going through a phase they would grow out of and most did. Today doctors know better and can help her if she is the one who is depressed.
Yelling at her and taking things away from her for what ever reason is not helping. It just adds to the triggers that trigger her depressive episodes. If your friend is not receiving treatment for her depression then I suggest she do one of the following.
1. She could talk to a trusted teacher or the school's Principal and ask for help. By law in most states once she asks for help they are required to notify the proper child services to get her the help she needs.
2. If during an episode of depression she ever feels like hurting herself, like cutting or worse. she can call 911 for help and help will be sent to her.
3. She can go to any police or fire station or any hospital emergency room and ask for help. She will not be turned away at any of these places help will be given or she will be taken to a hospital for treatment for her depression.
If it is your friend with depression and her mother is taking things away from her. I must believe she is doing so to keep her from harming herself. If this is so then I urge you to get your friend to ask for help by calling 911 or going to a hospital emergency room. She does not need her mother permission to ask for help. She also does not have worry about payment for treatment. Their are programs to cover the cost for people her age.
The best thing you can do for her is to be supportive and to try and get her to ask for help.
(14/f) Is too skinny even a thing? Well apparently I am and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to put on any weight. It's really annoying and kind of depressing how my friends are curvy with a nice body and they seem to joke that they're fat and take the piss out of my lack of it.
I have little boobs and a small bum and I hardly ever get a second glance while my friends get wolf whistles. Now what I really want to ask is: How can I accept my body image or is there another way to put it on?
Does protein stuff work? Or am I doomed to eat carbs for the rest of my life?
Kittenlover2000 made some good points which I will add too.
First your 14 and may just be starting into puberty. Puberty can last into your early 20's so don't give up on the fact that what you have today is what you will have for life. Your body is still changing and continue to change as you grow older. The fact that Kittenlover2000 did not or has not may be for a lack of a certain hormone.
Which is why I am going to recommend that you talk to your family doctor. Estrogen is very important in going from little girl to a women. While I am not a doctor and even if I were certain blood test need to be run in order to see if your body is producing enough estrogen.
Schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical to include a complete metabolic blood panel including an estrogen screening. The physical should include checking your thyroid and metabolism.
Under a federal law called HIPPA young people 14 years of age and older do not need parental permission to see a doctor for anything related to their reproductive health. I believe this physical would include a female examination which would qualify this exam under the HIPPA law.
This law makes this examination totally confidential, meaning only you and your doctor will ever know what you are examined for and treated for if anything. Your parents cannot be told anything without your expressed permission in writing. Even if mom accompanies you to the doctors office. Once you say to the doctor or nurse you want this visit under the HIPPA laws mom will be asked to wait in the waiting room.
I am telling you this for I think it is important for you own well being to have this physical exam. If for no other reason than to put your mind to rest that everything is normal and you just need to wait and see how your body develops.
By the way protein shakes are not the answer to weight gain. Talk to your doctor and see if the doctor thinks you need to gain weight.
Give advice ?
You are not the only one; even Americans find it hard to understand other Americans. We are a nation of immigrants who when speaking English add their own native accent to the language. Then there are the different accents you find in different areas of the country and different references to the same item.
An example of this would be a sandwich made on a piece of Italian bread. In one area of the country they are called Hero sandwiches. In another part they are called Hoagie's and in yet another part of the country they are called Sub sandwiches or subs. One company that makes them calls them Blimpes.
The only advice I can offer is to listen closely and don't be afraid to ask for an explanation. I do and as I said I'm an American
One more example of differences; I was born and raised just outside New York City. After serving in the Air Force I settled in the south. When my Uncle past away my cousins and from this area went north for the funeral. One cousin’s wife got air sick on the small regional jet so I took him to a drug store to get Dramamine for her.
While we were in the store he said to me; "I guess I sound funny to these people." "I replied I don't know about that but I was born and raised her and you sound normal to me and they sound funny to me.
New Yorkers have a very distinct accent. You can tell a New Yorker by their speech anywhere you may hear them speak as no one else has their accent.
So I was going to this Halloween dance with my friends, I was going as a mime. I had this white T-shirt that I turned around so you couldn't see the letters on the front, and a black jacket to wear to cover up the words on the back of my shirt. My mom said we were going to the store because my outfit looked bad to her, I honestly liked the way it looked. We drove to the store and she picked out this shirt and jacket and made me try them on. I didn't like them, so we got into an argument, and she started crying in the middle of the store, she took me home and here I am now. I know I should feel bad for this, but I really don't, I feel like she deserved it. Whenever I cry like that I get yelled at, its no fair that she gets to do it without punishment. She's in the car outside crying right now, I don't know what to do, please help! P.S. I'm a 13 year old female.
I can't see where your mother is a control freak from just this one instance. If you have not already done so you need to apologize to your mother for making a scene at the store and making her cry. Parents do not get punished when their children do something to make them cry.
If you are still reading. I understand that at 13 you think or feel you are all grown up and feel you should be allowed to do as you please or at the very least have more freedom to express yourself and spread your wings.
Judging by your question I believe you mom and your dad if he is still in the picture are the good parents I believe them to be and the type of parents every young teenager needs. Their is still a lot for you to learn and teenage life brings with it a whole lot of things to learn especially socially.
Ultimately until you are 18 mom and dad are responsible for you and their word is backed up in law. Still good parents as you earn their trust and respect will allow you to spread your wings and enjoy the freedoms that you are looking for today. Today at 13 it is obvious mom feels you have more to learn and did not like your costume. That is not being controlling, this is teaching, at least from what I can tell without more information.
There is an old saying that one must crawl before they can walk. At the moment you are in a crawling stage where you learn the skills needed so your parents can trust you in the social settings that you will face as you get older and are allowed to go out and date and do other things older teenagers are allowed to do.
One other piece of advice. Being a teenager can be frustrating at times. Being a teenager is something that happens only once in our lifetimes and can be a wonderful time in our lives. slow down and don't be in a rush or you will miss some important things. Take the time to smell the flowers as you go through your teenage years. If you do you will know when it is time to advance to the next stage of being a teenager and you and your mom will have a wonderful time together.
Hi...so my boyfriend and I had sex on October 16 2015 and we did not use a condom he pulled out before he came and I wiped it off of him. He then fingered me and I don't know if I missed sperm and if it got on my clit or opening....Help advice or anything I'm really scared...
The fact that your boyfriend did not cum inside you does not mean he did not emit enough sperm when inside you to make you pregnant. There is a common misconception that if the boy pulls out you won't get pregnant. This is false. If you are fertile at the time of intercourse the precum he emits as a lubricant has enough sperm in it to make you pregnant.
For most women, about 80%, they are most fertile in the two weeks in the middle of their cycle, from the 7th day after their period to the 21st day after their period. The other 20% they can be fertile at any time during their cycle even during their period.
You did not say how old you are so let me add this. Men in general dislike condoms as it desensitizes what they feel in their penis, especially latex condoms. Teenage boys will tell you anything to get you to have sex with them without a condom. Lambskin condoms while more expensive will allow for more sensitivity
If you are sexually active you should be on birth control and or use a condom. To have sex with someone and not use a condom does not only raise the chance of pregnancy if on no other form of birth control. It is dangerous to your health as well. Condoms protect you from many of the STDS but not all and the HIV/AIDS virus. You should adopt what girls told us before there was the pill. "No rubber, no lover."
If you are over 14 a Federal Law called HIPP allows you to get Birth Control without parental permission. You can ask your family doctor or go to any family planning clinic and ask to be prescribed birth control medication. Just mention you are asking under the HIPPA Law.
i and my guy were sleeping nude day before yest.i gave him a blowjob and he fingered me. there was a gap of 1-2 mins or so between both the things. and his hand felt dry to me. al this hapened the next to next day wen my period gt ovr. so if he had sperms on his hand by any chance then is there a possibility of me being pregnant? im having fever from yst. and my cycle usually is 32 days. sometimes even more than that. am i pregnant? please. im really scared
If this happened the day after your period ended the chances are 80/20 you are not pregnant. The reason is 80% of women ovulate during the 7th to 21st day of their cycle. It is during this time that 80% of women are most likely that to get pregnant. The other 20 % ovulate at any time during their cycle even during their period. if you know when you ovulate then you know whether or not you were in a safe time.
Sperm does not live long once it is out of the body. Sperm need the bodies constant temperature to thrive. The fact that your boyfriend's hands were dry increase the chances you are not pregnant.
Last if you are this concerned you can still take the morning after pill. The morning after pill has been found to be effective for up to seven days after sex.
When I met my husband 3 years ago he was obsessed with fitness and his body. Well now he is not at all and he has lost all his definition and has put on 20 pounds. He hates the way he looks and won't even take pictures because he knows he isn't in shape. But he doesn't even try to lose weight. He ordered 2 large pizzas yesterday and said one was for me. Well that was yesterday at 9:30 pm and today at 10pm (25 hours) he ate both pizzas. He gets up atleast twice at night just to eat and normally it is peanut butter on some sort of chip or cracker. So I have been calling him out on it because I want my sexy husband back and he told me to mind my own business. What do I do? I love my husband but I don't want him to be fat. So lost?
If he is getting his medication from his familly doctor. Try and get him to see a psychiatrist for medication. The psychiatrist is really the better doctor for meds an he will get a bit of therapy each time he visits the psychiatrist for a med check.
Given that this is a change to his normal I will say this is one sign that he may be suffering from some form of depression. There are another of other signs such as getting up in the middle of the night to eat.
I am not a doctor or I am I qualified to make a diagnoses. I will go out on a limb here and say the problem is probably deep seated and not related to you or your marriage. Having suffered from depression myself I can tell you two things that you need to understand in order to help your husband if I'm correct in my thinking.
1. There are many triggers to depression, so do not try to figure out what has caused him to be depressed. Just be supportive.
2. Like many problems of this nature he is going to want be helped before you can get him help you cannot force help on him. Try and get him to let his doctor give him a complete physical. Tell him you want to rule out any organic reason for his weight gain and binge eating like say a tapeworm or something. Don't tell him you suspect he may be depressed.
When you arrange the appointment for his physical do tell the doctor you suspect he may be depressed and ask the doctor to screen him for depression. The screening for depression is a series of questions the doctor will ask in order to make a diagnoses. These questions asked during a physical would not seem out of the ordinary.
If your husband is diagnosed with depression and agrees to treatment. Most likely his doctor will suggest medication, possibly by a psychiatrist, I will explain why soon. As well as talk therapy with a psychologist.
Talk therapy is private and confidential. Do not ask your husband to share what is talked about in therapy. If he volunteers anything accept it on its face and do not press for any more information. This is how the therapy works best that he trust his therapist enough to share his deepest and darkest secrets with. Secrets he may not even want to share with his wife.
The reason a psychiatrist treats depression is that most people suffer from clinical depression. Clinical depression is actually a medical problem caused by a lack of certain hormones secreted into the brain. Since this is the are best treated by a psychiatrist the psychiatrist is the best Medical Doctor to treat Clinical Depression. Your family doctor knowledge of clinical depression only extends to that of what may have been learned if a rotation in psychiatry was done in residency.
Chose a Board Certified psychiatrist to prescribe for your husband. As they have done a fellowship in Psychiatry and the best qualified to treat patients suffering from all forms of depression.