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Controlling Mother
My best friend (age 15) cried to me over the phone that her mother keeps having arguments with her. She has to deal with her mother changing her friends, calling into the school and taking all her things away because she has depression.
My friend is worried that her school now thinks she has issues and she hates it because she tries so hard. I really want to help her but I don't know what to do or say. I had to keep repeating, calm down, think about this rationally and it just wasn't helping.
What can I do?
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I'm not sure who you are referring to as having depression; your friend or her mother. If it is her friend it is not unusual for a teenager to suffer from what is now called teenage depression. Back when your grandparents were teenagers it was referred to as going through a phase they would grow out of and most did. Today doctors know better and can help her if she is the one who is depressed.
Yelling at her and taking things away from her for what ever reason is not helping. It just adds to the triggers that trigger her depressive episodes. If your friend is not receiving treatment for her depression then I suggest she do one of the following.
1. She could talk to a trusted teacher or the school's Principal and ask for help. By law in most states once she asks for help they are required to notify the proper child services to get her the help she needs.
2. If during an episode of depression she ever feels like hurting herself, like cutting or worse. she can call 911 for help and help will be sent to her.
3. She can go to any police or fire station or any hospital emergency room and ask for help. She will not be turned away at any of these places help will be given or she will be taken to a hospital for treatment for her depression.
If it is your friend with depression and her mother is taking things away from her. I must believe she is doing so to keep her from harming herself. If this is so then I urge you to get your friend to ask for help by calling 911 or going to a hospital emergency room. She does not need her mother permission to ask for help. She also does not have worry about payment for treatment. Their are programs to cover the cost for people her age.
The best thing you can do for her is to be supportive and to try and get her to ask for help.
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Oh Hon, you made my day, to hear how much you care about your friend. I want to be clear on what you said regarding 'taking all her things away because she has depression.' So I don't know who 'she' is in the statement, so either Mom has depression or your bestie has depression. If its your friend, you can tell her that having depression is quite common these days and nothing to be embarassed about. Its important to seek the help of confidence of those professionals who can help her. Dont worry I'll get to the another scenerio shortly. Gotta cover both here. She needs to go to school counselors and let them know whether she is seeing a professional counselor or not and ask for one if Mom isn't willing to take her to one. Some parents think its a phase and thinking if they take away all things and privileges in punishment, they can snap thier kid out of it, but thats not so and can drive a child to comtemplating suicide if they dont have support.
If the situation is that the Mother may have the controlling behavior, she should still talk to a school counselor. What she perceives as controlling behavior due to Mom having issues may actually be partly boths fault. At 15, I can assure you from raising 3 daughters that a teen girls hormones are still going wild affecting her emotions so teen girls see everything as worse or sadder than reality, so they can tend to cry easier, but most often, its getting irritated and angry much more easily and Mom may have forgotten she once went thru it too and just reacts to your friend and starts fighting and then cus shes the grownup, takes away privileges. Or it may be that Mom has mental issues but I think that would have been evident looong before just now. So she and mom need to talk too in case its due to teen hormone emotions. Let me know how it goes and I'll see if theres anythig else I can share .
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