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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
i'm from india. I do have the most uncaring parents in the world. They don't care about my emotions. My father always keeps snooping around my things and then there are the questions like, "who's this boy?" or "why do you have so many male friends?" and they really frustrate me. My mom never supports me; they both expect me to spend my days in studies and STUDIES ONLY. If i've to buy a top for myself, its mom who's going to choose the color and design and everything. If i've to wear earrings, its she who'll decide if i should wear gold rings or diamond tops. My opinion is never asked(and my parents are not the coolest ppl around). They want me to cut off all connections with my friends. They are too busy planning for my future to care for my present. And the worst thing is that i'm constantly told that they are spending a lot of money on me, and if it would have been any other person, i would have probably starved. if i ask for something(which i don't anymore) i'm shown the monthly bill. even if they give it to me, i'm not spared of some heart-wrenching comments.
i've got no siblings or anyone i can share my feelings with. my parents pick up fights with me all the time. i keep telling myself that there will be a time when i will be on my own, but its too long (I'm just 14).
i feel suffocated all the time and sometimes i just wish that the ground would open and swallow me up.
I don't think I can fully explain why your parents are the way they are but I will try.
First it is in the culture of your people that their children must excel at their studies. I see this here where I live in the USA and hear about it from people like yourself writing to us. As a parent I can't blame them for wanting their children to excel in school it is something all parents want for their children so they can have a better life than we have.
As for mom picking out your clothes and what you wear. To some degree I can agree with you, if you lived here in the US that you need to be able to dress to some degree as the other kids in school do. When I say some degree I mean with I the norm of what is fashionable and affordable. As a young teenager you start to learn to sociable and how to exist within the adult world. Fashion and making new friends are all part of growing up.
Once again culture and the fact you are female are getting in the way of what you want your parents to allow. Your culture is very strict when it comes to what girls are allowed to do from how they dress to their social life. In many parts of India a girl is expected to be a virgin on her wedding night. This may have something to do with why your father asks you why you have so many male friends.
Yes your parents are being very strict and there answers to you could be better said but it is there way and you are not going to change them. I don't have any answers for you on how to fix anything for it is my belief your parents are this way because of their belief in the culture of your country.
It is my hope that knowing the why of how they are will help you understand them better. For if you understand the reason for something then you can hopefully deal with it better. About the only suggestion I can offer is to sit down with your parents and ask them why they are the way they are with you. Tell them their strictness cause you heartache and real pain. Hopefully if they understand you they will talk with you and maybe an understanding can be come too.
My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
My condolences on the loss of your daughter.
You have had a rough few. I understand where you're at for the moment but you can and will survive this that I can promise you.
I am not a doctor though from what you have written I would think it possible that with all the stress your wife was under while caring for your daughter and her family; she may have suffered a mini-stroke. This would account for her sudden change in behavior towards you.
There are three things you need to know at once that will have an immediate effect on how you fell and put life back somewhat on an even keel.
1. Start taking the pills the doctor gave you AS DIRECTED ON THE BOTTLE ONLY.
2. See a lawyer and have the lawyer file papers to have your wife return the money she took from your joint accounts. In most states she is only entitled to half so she will be ordered to return the other half. Since you are or could be considered destitute the courts might consider hearing this on an emergency petition. which means you could have the money back within the next 30 to 45 days.
3. You need to see a doctor about how your feeling. IF you family doctor gave you the antidepressant pills I would recommend you see a Board Certified psychiatrist as depression of the type you are suffering from while not a mental disorder is caused by a lack of a hormone secreted into the brain.
This hormone helps us is the one that keeps us from becoming more than what is consider normally depressed. There are times when this hormone is insufficient to deal with the depression and the psychiatrist is the best medical doctor to deal with the problem as they have had special training.
The psychiatrist will then recommend talk therapy with a psychologist who you can talk with to get things off your chest and who can help you deal with the problems you are dealing with.
Next try and get your wife to see a neurologist to be examined to see if she has suffered a stroke as I believe she has. If I am correct there are therapies and medication that will help her get back to the wife of 52 years you know and love. I'm fairly certain her change in demeanor is not towards you alone. Talk with the grandchildren and see if they see a change in her. Get them to help you get your wife to a doctor.
Last but most important. If you still feel suicidal pick up the phone and dial 911 instead. There are people who will come to you who will help you.
Hi
I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 25. We've been together for about 4 months and she is awesome. (beautiful, kind, loving, punctual, interesting, and physical). She knows how to be a lady when she needs but at the same time she still is willing and frisky when we have sex.
I don't know why but lately since I've been getting more emotionally invested her, naturally, more insecure. I never straight up asked her how many guys she's slept with, but I know for sure there is at least 7 (including me.) 3 of them were long-term boyfriends, the other 3 were either hook-ups or short-term flings (I never asked her for the details). There could be more, but I already know for sure there's 6 at least, other than me.
I don't know why but this has been bothering me SO MUCH lately. I myself have slept with only 1 other girl besides her. She says she started dating guys when she was 18. I'm somewhat afraid to even ask her to give me the exact number because I'm afraid of the answer. It could either be the only guys I know of (6 of them), or it could very well be 20... I have no clue. Honestly, my best guess is around 10. I want to know, but at the same time, I don't. It's been driving me absolutely nuts lately to the point I'm bottling up my true thoughts around her. She has no idea I'm thinking this, and thinks we're all good.
3 guys were her actual boyfriends so it doesn't bother me. But the idea of her giving it up so easily any other time just makes me sick. I want to think of her as a beautiful and respectful woman, not just some "girl" who's looking to jump in bed with any guy.
Please help me because she truly does have many qualities that are amazing. I don't want to lose her, and I feel that battling this personal demon of mine is going to eventually destroy our relationship, and it's been heading to only positive things so far. Any advice would help. I appreciate it.
In this day and age it is not unexpected that we will all have a sexual history. Why a girl’s sexual history should be held against her; when a man can have a long list of girls he has slept with and not have it held against him. I'm assuming you have a sexual history as well.
I love my wife have loved her from the day we met. I never asked her how many men she slept with or she asked me how many women I slept with. We eventually told each other though it never really bothered us one way or the other.
We have no control of the past only the future. You say you are "getting more emotionally invested her." If this is so forget about the past. If you have done the proper thing and both been tested for STD's and the HIV/AIDS virus; then forget about the past. Live for today, tomorrow and start planning for a future with her if this is what you want.
I am 23/f and my fiancé is 21/m- we have been together for almost three years. Here recently my parents have had talks with me about his obsessive cursing and talking rudely to my 12 year old brother. My mom has the most issues with my fiancés cursing because he drops the "f" bomb very frequently. As of my brother, he is always cursing at him, claiming he can't stand him because he doesn't listen and he is annoying. Don't get me wrong- my brother bothers the heck out of me but I know it's his age. I have had a few talks with him about this issues but it doesn't seem to change. I need advice on what to do. My parents don't believe I should leave him- and I don't want too. He treats me like a princess and has yet to ever make me cry until these conversations came up. No matter what I say to him his response is "ok I'll stop" but he doesn't. He may get better for a few weeks, but is right back to disrespecting my mother and brother.
What should I do? How can I communicate with him to make it clear that it absolutely needs to quit?! We do not live together. I live with my parents and he lives with his grandparents. He curses around his grandparents but never the "f" word or as much as he does at my house. He claims he feels like he is at home and comfortable at my house- but to me that's no excuse to disrespect your mother in law and brother in law to be.
Help. Thanks in advance!
Some people think it is manly to curse. I am one of those men who feel cursing is a substitute for not knowing how to articulate properly. Yes I know how to curse and I've been known to curse when all other forms of communication doesn't seem to sink in.
Short story; I worked in sales for over 30 years selling to the wholesale construction industry. I would spend part of my day on jobsites and part of my day in distributors offices where there were many women of various ages. While cursing may have been appropriate on the jobsite it most definitely was not in the offices of my distributors. I trained myself not to curse at either location so as to make sure I didn't let out an F-bomb in the wrong place.
At a sales convention I was standing with one of my coworkers and our manager. My coworker stated he never has heard me curse. My manager said come to think of it neither had he. I responded that while I knew all the words I chose not to use them for it was a poor man who could not properly articulate himself without cursing. The proof of which was in my sales numbers. I lead our region in sales and was one of the top salesmen in the company each year.
I have no idea how your future husband intends to make his living. He can be a ditch digger or a statesman. Whichever road he chooses he will be judged on his deportment part of which is how he articulates himself. This is what you need to impress upon him.
He could be the best candidate for a job though if he unconsciously lets out an F-bomb in the interview he could blow his whole future, your whole future. This is what you need to impress upon him. Practicing restraint at home is good practice for practicing restraint when it is needed at work or other places.
You might use the carrot and stick approach to getting him to clean up his mouth. Reward him or give him a goal to reach for not cursing, especially at you parents house. Also for being more tolerant of your brother. Make them small goals at first and then extend them and the rewards as he gets better at it.
I don't get along with either of my parents and never have. I have a lot of friends who have absent or distant fathers and in return have wonderfully nurturing relationships with their mothers. Then a couple of my friends have crazy, strict, militant mothers like mine, and turn to their fathers for emotional warmth. I've never felt like I could turn to either of my parents for support. I've always felt that they betrayed and hurt me equally and were way more concerned with their own relationship. My dad is now passed and my mom hasn't changed toward me since. She is still either very passive or very cruel toward me; never warm and kind and loving. I am a 24 year old girl/woman and am extremely independent. I have some close friends and I am lucky for that but I still feel so alone. I don't have a boyfriend, but have searched far and wide for love and haven't found it and believe I never will. To be honest, the whole strong, feminist, independent woman thing is starting to feel superficial. I'm starting to feel ashamed that this is who I've become. I've protected myself for so long by being strong, but it turns out all this hard work has been to my detriment. Is this just the plight of the strong woman? I'm so young--I should have boyfriends and be attached to my family like everyone else. I'm ashamed that I live alone and have the personality of a widowed 80 year old. My closest friends tease me all the time for my old soul and I take it as a compliment but I'm starting to feel shameful and worthless about it. My facade of strength is apparently "off-putting" to men and may cause me issues in my work down the line. Automatically I have trained myself to say "fuck them" but deep down do I really feel that way? Why can't I have a loving family to lean back on like every other girl my own age? Sometimes I just want to feel normal. Sometimes I just want to get on the phone with my mom or dad and have an emotionally charged conversation and have them coddle me and tell me everything's going to be okay. Sometimes I just want a boyfriend; one who understands me and will make me feel better. I am talented in a very competitive field but I don't feel like any level of talent/success will ever fill the void. That's why I am never happy or confident with my work. It is never enough and I've become greedy about it. Such a big part of my struggle is being a woman. When men feel a lack of love in their lives, they easily turn to success and business to fill the void. This is not quite as easy for a woman. In fact, it can hurt us, as society is put off by this and doesn't even want to reward this "bad behavior" with career success. Then we get labeled as "bitches" or "dykes." I am not a lesbian and the reason I know this is because I don't have sexual feelings toward girls. But then society will say things like, Birkenstocks and blazers are for "dykes" and those are things that I wear. As a result of these types of messages I haven't magically turned into a lesbian but it does negate my sexuality in a way. Sometimes, I just feel like a strong, independent, asexual freak. I'm still into men, but the world tells me I too blank blank blank to have one (or have one that I feel comfortable with and loved by) so I may as well forget about them and hate them.
My friends are great but I often feel around them like I am enclosed with sound-proof glass walls with no one who can break through and understand me.
What is my purpose in life if it isn't to love? Will I forever be this joke of a person who loves her alone time because she's "weird?" I am living in a society that values family and love and sexual reproduction. Deep down I desperately want these things and to be successful in my career. But with no true familial or romantic bonding in my life, I'm not sure I can accomplish any of it. Right now I feel like I could jump off a bridge and die. My mom tells me she doesn't like me, and never has, so maybe I'd at least make her life easier if I died. Maybe I should do this.
Any other women been in this situation before? Have you felt a complete lack of love from every single member of your entire family and no romantic relationship either? Did you perhaps experience this as a young woman and then a romantic relationship did or didn't fill the void later on? I have to know there is someone out there in my situation.
I cannot explain, at least not in a way this forum has the space to allow, why your parents treated you as they did. Some people just aren't meant to be parents. I would say they gave you all the things required of them as parents and for that you were luckier than some.
Where you find yourself now is because of your family life and the many defenses you built over the years to protect yourself from the love you were not receiving. It took 24 years to build the defenses up and it is going to take time and the right kind of help to tear them down.
You can never replace that with which you have never received. what you can do is as I have said learn to take down the defense and learn how to accept someone's love. By not receiving love you have not learned how to accept it and that I see as the problem you are having with men.
You could look at it this way. At the moment you are dancing but figuring out who is leading is the problem as you and he both want to lead and you have trouble not leading.
What I suggest is this. Call your Employer's EAP line. IF you have health Insurance you should also have an EAP program (Employee Assistance Program) This is a totally confidential program offered to assist employees with most any problem they may have. As for a referral to a psychologist. A psychologist is someone you can have talk therapy sessions with who can help you break down those walls of protection you have built. The psychologist is your new best friend someone you can tell your deepest darkest secrets to knowing full well they will never leave the room they are spoken in.
With the help of a good psychologist, and don't be afraid to change psychologists if your not comfortable with the first one you try, you can tear down those walls and learn to build the life you truly want.
Talk therapy and how it works is hard to explain. I have been in talk therapy never expected it to work but it did and I am very grateful and a better person for it.
Hello, I have this sort of brown stuff on my nipples. It is dry and I can peel it off, it's at the bottom of both nipples, very small amount and it's not on breast just nipples. I've had this for about 2 years and it comes back within a few weeks or a month when I take it off which I've only done about 2 times and I don't do that anymore. It doesn't hurt and nothing seems to be wrong, I think it may be dry skin. I always wear a crop top even when I sleep. I am 13 and female.
NOT being a doctor I cannot give you an exact answer. Given your age though I will go out on a limb here and say this is part of puberty and the development of your breasts, more the internal part then external. I would think the milk ducts are forming and what you are seeing is a bit of seepage caused by your hormones which are doing the work.
Now this is one of those things that need to be seen to answer your question. This has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with your development as a female. Since you are 13 you are too young to see a doctor without parental permission therefore my advice is the next time this brown stuff appears, if it does again, you show you mom before you peel it off.
You should not be embarrassed to show you mom your breasts after all she has then as well. Mom should be able to tell you if this is a natural occurrence and what to do about it or if this is something that her doctor need to see.
I fairly certain though that as you go through puberty this problem will self correct. TO be on the safe side I do suggest you speak to you mom about it.
I am 20 from and currently pursuing my Engineering. I have 2 more years to complete Masters so i live off my parents' money. My Parents especially dad are what you say "perfectionist". Whatever i have done since child, i was subjected to what can be said as "constructive criticism". While i accept fully any type of criticism and learn from my mistakes, criticizing every decision i have ever taken, rather practically everything i have ever done pissed me of since i was a kid. I ended up turning a people pleaser. I used to get angry but i somehow suppressed it. Now after so many years i find myself difficult to carry it further. It is like i have reached a peak. In recent times i find myself exploding with anger, taking everything in hand and destroying it. Be it the tv, computer to vent my rage. i still somehow manage to control myself. Let me give an eg: I am a regular goalkeeper for my soccer team. My dad insists i should play as a forward,which i used to but i sucked. I was never picked up in the playing XI. I started Goalkeeping in the interest of the team and so as i get an opportunity to play. I worked hard and it has earned me respect and praise from all my team mates and coach. However my dad feels i am running away from fear and goalkeep because i do not want to run.He says i ll hav to stop playing if he sees me goalkeeping. I dont think this makes sense ! I do not know how long i can control my rage. Talking sensibly wont help. He gets angry and wont talk and so i keep calm. I need help. I do not have any control over my anger now !!
Let’s start with the fact that you’re an adult know and have been since your turned 18. I understand dad is paying the freight for college though that does not give him the right to control your life. You father has control issues for now he is using money and college to control you or at least that is the way it sounds. There is an alternative to having dad control you with his money and that is to take out student loans to pay for the remaining two years. You can also talk to financial aid to see what if any grants or scholarships you may qualify for. This is an option open to you and something you can use to get dad to understand you will not allow him to control you.
Before you go that route you need to get these anger issues under control. These are deep seated issues brought on by years of your fathers control issues. This forum and I do not have a quick fix for this problem. For his you need talk therapy with a psychologist who is someone who can help you get control over these issues and control over your life. The student health center should have someone that can help you with this problem. I would also believe you are suffering from mild depression as well because of these issues. Both of these problems can be helped with talk therapy.
As for the soccer game; if I were you I would tell your dad the following. "Soccer is a team sport and I am part of the team." "Goalkeeping is the position I play best and is where the coach wants me to play and where I am most beneficial to the team." "If you don't want to see me playing this position don't come to my games but I will play the position that I am asked to play if it benefits the team as a whole."
Of course put that into your own words but tell him that. You do so as part of your declaring your independence. It is a small step that you need to do to show him he can no longer control you. You also need to say just that to him as well. "Dad I’m and adult and I will make my own choices in life." "You need to declare your independence now or he will control you until the day he dies.
As to financial aid and student loans; if dad is using his financial aid to control you then if you can get financial aid in the form of student loans, grants and scholarship you can take another step to declaring your inde3pendence from him. Check into this with the financial aid center at school. See how much aid you can receive. If it is enough to cover your costs to complete you degree then I suggest the following.
Once you are sure you have the financial aid you need you can tell your dad. "Dad I appreciate all you have done for me in regard to college but I can no longer allow you to use that aid to control me." "If you wish to continue to pay for school because that is what good fathers do for their children I will accept it with the greatest of thanks." If that financial assistance come with strings that allow you to control me then keep you money and I will accept the student loans I have arranged for."
Then accelerate your studies by going to school during the summer and intersession as this will limit your loans. You will then graduate with somewhere in the amount of $70K in loans which you will need to start paying back six months after you graduate.
First and foremost is to go to the student health center and arrange for talk therapy. It is time for you to take control of your life and only you can do that yourself with a little help from a psychologist.
people tend to think im a teen still in high school, but im a grown adult woman and well the city bus driver is sexxi as hell....and today he did a 360 degree turn to look me directly in my eyes just smiling his azz off and he was like "hey little lady"....I said hi, smiled and sat down...and as I got off the bus he looked at me again and told me to have a nice day.....should I tell him how old I really am, I do like him.... but I have vowed to never approach a man again...cuz things didn't turn out the way I had hoped the last time I did that.......I was almost on an episode of cheaters..lol
today he was just smiling with his head down when he seen me....should I ask him why does he act all giddy around me? he looks to be about 36 yrs old
One bad experience with anything should not mean to never try it again. If you have a bad meal at a restaurant does that mean you should never dine out again. No it just means that maybe you should not dine at that restaurant again.
You are going to have some bad experiences with dating and unfortunately these experiences are very hurtful. It is the same for men which I can attest to as we get questions from both men and women on how to move on after a bad experience. This is unfortunately what dating is all about, dating men or women until you find the one that is the absolute match to you.
This is not going to happen unless you get back in the pool. My short answer is to let the bus drive know you older than you look and you would be agreeable to him calling you. You could do this by simply passing him a note one day with your true age and phone number on it with the words, "CALL ME."
Now the ball is in his court. He can call you or not. IF he doesn't then you have nothing to be upset about. You opened the door to him. Leave the door open and go out, have fun and find guys to date.
I am a virgin and my boyfriend ask me to have anal sex with him because I am not ready for sex,so I need to know whether I can loose my virginity while having anal sex or not?? I need advice
Virginity or being a virgin is today defined as the first penis to vagina penetration. Virginity no longer is defined by whether you have or do not have an intact Hymen. In today's active women her Hymen could detach through many of the activities a young woman participates in.
Since anal sex has nothing to do with vaginal penetration you would still be considered a virgin. I will caution you that anal sex can be very painful if you are not properly prepared for it. Anal sex is not like regular vaginal sex where he just tries to put his penis in your anus.
I would suggest you both read up on how to have anal sex. You can goggle it on the web. One very important thing about anal sex when and if you allow him. MAKE SURE HE WEARS A CONDOM. The CONDOM is for his protection more than yours as there are many bacteria in the anal canal that are harmful. Without a condom he could get a serious urinary infection.
You may also find it more comfortable to give yourself or have him give you an enema before having anal sex. A full bowel will make anal sex uncomfortable for you.
This kid called me weird, and i am autistic and highly offended by it. All i did was tell him about an episode of a show called round the twist where a tree impregnates a young boy, then he called me weird. I tried to tell him that everyone in the world is weird to an extent and that i'm entitled to my opinion but then he began doing a squeaky impression of me. Later on that day, he made fun of me because i said i'd rather date the queen than Ariana Grande (Aparrently she's a popstar, but she can't be that popular if iv've never heard of her). He also looked up the definition of weird in the dictionary, and he said the definition is Chris (my name is Chris. He also said something really ofensive), then I told him that more than 1 person in the world is called Chris, then he told me he was joking,and called me a dumbass because I didn't realise. Also,he randomly made a sex noise, but i randomly made a sex noise he said "Don't beg it" (Just cause he's popular. What an dickhead. He also said something really offensive "Why can't you be normal and be interested in football instead of boys getting pregnant?" Everyone's different so there's no such thing as normal but then i told me to f off. I told him i'd report him but then he said he'd report me even though i haven't done anything. How to get revenge on him when he leasts expects it? (I don't know where he lives so i'd have to get revenge in school)
Revenge serves no purpose other than to perpetuate the problem. You get revenge on him and he then wants revenge on you. Then it starts all over again. School is just about over for the summer so the best thing to do is to ignore him and enjoy the summer.
If you really feel you must get revenge on him and you have a smartphone. Tell him you have his harassment of you recorded and stored on your computer at home. If he continues you will Email it to his parents and the principal. Let him spend the summer worrying when and if you will do so. But I would suggest you just do nothing and ignore him. That will frustrate him even more.
Fact is he is an idiot and a bully and some day he will pay for being a bully. I have a story to prove that.
In my high school class we of course had a bully who picked on everyone. Him and his pack roamed the halls with a vengeance. After graduation I joined the local volunteer fire department. Like clockwork every Sunday morning just before closing time at the bars, this happened every weekend that after a date I would not go home but go to the station and wait for the call. We would be called by the police for a rescue call to repair the damaged bodies at the local beer garden.
This one Sunday morning I walk into the beer garden and laid out on the floor is the former school bully and three of his friends. He had a head laceration that was going to need stitches to close but I still needed to clean and dress his wound. I had my choice of what to use to clean his wound with. I chose the denatured alcohol as it would burn like nothing he ever felt before and poured it on the wound.
Fortunately he was handcuffed for he screamed and cursed at me. I told him to be a man and stop crying. Then I dressed the wound and turned him over to the cops. Funny thing until I moved away I continued to answer calls at that beer garden but never saw him again. I guess he decided to drink someplace else. By the way at that time the legal drinking age was 18.
I guess you can say that I waited long enough to get my revenge and when I did there was nothing one he could do about it. For if he retaliated in any way it would have been a felony.
I have a food allergy but I am not sure what to. It is either Avocado or Shell Fish or maybe even both. I love Sushi and have ate it for decades. I usually have AYCE and sample from an eclectic menu.
It never used to affect me at all before. I ate Sushi, loved it and went about my business. However, the last 5 times I ate it at different places I wound up with severe cramps, nausea and the need for a bathroom with to put it mildly insufferable runs and embarrassment as I tried to get home from these places.
I know that some places use oyster or other sauces in cooking and I cut out all deep fried stuff and it happened still 50%of the time and even if I cut crab and shell fish out or Avocado to test.
I'm told by a nutritionist that the only thing to do is book 2 days off where I go nowhere and on 1 have Avocado and on the second crab, shell fish, shrimp and see how my body reacts. I sincerely don't want to do that on purpose.
I used to have an issue with random vomiting and runs for years until someone decided it was a clogged gallbladder. There's been zero issue there since. I'm just wondering what food this could be so I can avoid it and enjoy Sushi without fear. I know you aren't doctors but if you know of something I should be doing please let me know. It's frustrating and I don't want to hurt like that ever again. Indescribable pain.
What you describe sounds like what happens to me when I get a dose of MSG which is common in some Japanese Restaurant cooking. MSG is a flavor cheap chemical flavor enhancer something I could see and ACYE restaurant using in their foods.
While this may be the culprit for you it also may not be. Trying to figure this out on your own is very much a fool's errand. You will probably get it wrong and at the same time give up things that you love that you need not have too.
The best and quickest way to find out what you are allergic to is to see an allergist. Tell them what you eat that causes the problem and what the problem it causes. There is a quick painless skin test they can do to find out the what allergen is. What if any precautions you need to take such as carrying an EPIpen in case of accidental ingestion. This type of doctor and the test should be covered under your health insurance. You could call your insurance company first and they will even help you find a doctor who accepts their insurance in your area.
My bf came over my house and we layer on my bed with a lil space between us I sat up and noticed a huge bulge in his pants and his my face he didn't seem to notice. What does that mean though?
If your young pre-teens or teens starting into puberty I would say this was normal. It would also be normal for you not to know what that bulge in his pants was.
That bulge in his pants was an erection of his penis. This happens when a young male is around a young female. It means he is sexually excited. If you have not had Sex Education in school then I would suggest you ask mom to sit down with you and discuss male and female relations also known as the Birds and the Bees. If you are old enough to be going through puberty it is time you know the facts of life before you get in trouble.
Hi, I'm a 14 year old and I want to give my bf a hand job. I've never did anything like that before, and I'm scared I might have a panic/asthma attack if I do because I have never done anything before. He says when I'm ready, but we both know he wants me to. Any suggestions? Oh, a bit of background: I'm 14, he is 13, but I'm only 3 months older than him and we have had phone sex and have been making out and we have been together for over 3 months now. Also, I have like rubbed the front of his pants and boxers and he has came from that but he wants skin to skin contact. From Europe.
Asthma is an illness that is somewhat controllable as I think you know. A panic attack can and almost always will bring on an asthma attack. Panic attacks, like being scared is an inborn safety valve. They happen mostly out of fear just as being afraid or scared with the exception that these panic attacks are height of being fearful.
When you become scared or afraid or have a full blown panic attack your body is telling you something that you are refusing to accept from your mind. It is a signal that you could be in danger or as in this instance you are really not ready to do this for him.
Your 14 he is 13 you are really not that mature to be entering into that phase of life where any type of sex between you should be happening. He has said, "When you are ready." "Had he said something like; "If you loved me you would do this for me." I would tell you to dump him for his love for you is that of LUST not LOVE.
If he is truly willing to wait until you're ready then my suggestion is you continue to hug, kiss and make out. As for what you allow him to do or touch. Stay within your boundaries and keep your clothes on both of you. When you’re ready to move on it will come naturally but don't force it.
How many hours/lessons of drivers Ed should a beginner take to learn how to drive?
This is a hard question to answer for several reasons.
Some states have laws requiring a certain amount of hours with a licensed instructor before you can test. Each state's requirements will be different. When you do test that instructor is certifying the student has passed the minimum requirements required by the state. Here is the kicker; each student is different. Some will get the requirements within the required time . Others will need more time before the instructor will certify them.
Some state do not require a licensed school and then it is up to whoever is teaching you to drive. In these states many have a rule that if you flunk your test you have a waiting period before you can test again. This is done to discourage those not really qualified to test but think they know enough to fool the examiner.
The real answer to this question is to check with the department of driver's licensing at your state's Department of Motor Vehicle Administration. You may also find the answer in the drivers handbook you receive when applying for your learners permit.
I'm a 21 year old male, in decent health who doesn't smoke or drink, but ever since I started having sex with my GF 3 months ago, I have trouble maintaining my erection. At first I could not get one at all, but after a few weeks I was having sex successfully and normally. But just recently, it started getting difficult again. I was able to do it once last weekend, but failed 3 other times after that.
During foreplay, I get an erection with no problem, but as soon as the underwear comes off, my erection starts to crawl back into its hole. It's extremely frustrating especially considering that it hasn't been a problem before.
If this info helps, I've been taking Horny Goat Weed supplements ever since I started with my GF 3-4 months ago. It has helped by improving my sexual mood, and sometimes I believe it helps physically too (getting my erection to pop up quick), but maintaining my erection is still a problem I feel.
My doctor just gave me 7 100mg Tablets of Viagra that he recommended I should break apart because I shouldn't need 100mg. Should I even use this? Does anyone have experience with my situation? I'm afraid if I take it, I will become dependent on it and need to take it every time I have sex, which I definitely don't want to do since Viagra costs so much. Does anyone have experience using Viagra and finishing a prescription? If so, did you feel like you needed it after you finished it?
Thanks for your help!
-Greg
Stop the Horny Goat Weed supplements it is not going to help you and while Viagra may I don't believe this is the problem. While we are not doctors and cannot make a diagnosis what I can do is make a suggestion.
One question you say you can get and maintain an erection during foreplay. Can you get and maintain an erection through completion during masturbation while alone?
If the answer is yes then it is possible you have a deep seated psychological problem. No you're not crazy, something was said to you, most likely by you mom when you were very young that sex is for marriage only. Your fine until the underwear comes off and it is time for sex and that deep seated warning kicks in and your third leg heads for the hills.
Now I'm only guessing but I would bet my next paycheck I'm damn close to being right. My mom did something similar to me with dogs to keep me safe. I was well into my adult years before I was able to shake whatever it was she said to me and if I'm startled by a large dog it still kicks in.
Suggestion; as I said lay off the Horny Goat Weed supplements it’s not helping you. Ask your girlfriend to be patient with you. Make an appointment with another I would suggest seeing an ED specialist. It is my belief your current doctor treated a symptom not the cause. Don't be embarrassed in explaining exactly why and the what of the problem including if you can maintain and orgasm during masturbation. I can assure you your doctor has heard this and more.
Follow the doctors’ instructions.
If you do go to a psychologist find one who specializes in sex therapy. When talking with the psychologist understand what you say in therapy never leaves there it is totally confidential. The therapist is your new best friend that you can tell your deepest and darkest secrets to.
Until you see your doctor what I would suggest is just try being naked with your girlfriend without looking toward having sex. If it happens it happens but don't force it.
Its been more than a month that i havent gotten my period yet and all the pregnancy tests say negative will drinking ginger flavoured rooibos tea help me induce my period..help pls
I'm not sure drinking tea of any kind will induce your period. What I am sure of is if you keep stressing over not getting a period you won't get the next one either.
Try and relax and not to worry or stress out over this. Stress and tension causes more missed periods then pregnancy. Our bodies are very finely tunes and it takes very little to throw them off especially a woman's body.
Stress is the number 1 cause of missing a period, pregnancy is next. Next is Medications both prescribed and over the counter medications can have an effect on your period cycle.
This is followed by being more than 5 to 10 pounds underweight. The bodies primary purpose is to keep the brain alive. TO insure this the body must store a certain amount of fat in reserve for those days you do not take in enough calories that it may need. If you are underweight and there is no body fat to feed off of the body simply shuts down those systems it cannot maintain in the order it feels is least needed. In a woman the first system is the reproduction system starting with her period.
If you are a teenager missing a period is no big deal and part of puberty. Again if you are underweight your body may have suspended puberty until you start taking in enough calories to sustain it.
I know your stressing out, that goes without question. Have you been dieting? Are you taking any medications or have you been sick lately? Answer these questions and you may have your answer.
If you do not get your period next month it will be time to visit with your GYN and possibly your PCP for a complete head to toe physical.
Hello, I'm currently a sophomore in college. A year ago when I started college I did so as a nursing student. I was top of my class and my enjoying everything I took. However, at the end of my first year I had a bit of a life-crisis when I realized I didn't want to be a nurse because I was afraid I would end up cleaning out urine pans all day or that I would get injured because I'm a petite female. I also didn't want to work 12 hour shifts and only wanted to work with children, but was told it's very difficult to get into pediatrics.
I was also afraid I wasn't giving what might be "my true passion" a real chance as I had started developing a big interest in world affairs.
Well I wound up transferring to another city after being accepted on scholarship to a better school and when I did so I decided I was going to leave medical and changed my major to Government and World Affairs.
After taking 4 Government classes, I've realized my passion was medical. I constantly miss my medical classes and learning all about the body. I'm just not retaining the information taught in my government classes the same way and it's not what I thought it would be. The government teachers don't seem to care as much and I don't feel happy like I do talking about my old major. I also miss the job security that came with medical classes, as I constantly fear that a degree in government will ruin me.
Now I think I'm going to go for a degree in Allied Health instead and make my goal to become a Physicians Assistant. I realize this will require a Masters degree and 2000 hours worked in a medical facility, but I'm up for the task, knowing it will guarantee me a real job and that I did so well in my medical classes. I also feel like it will be a huge relief for my family and friends who feared I was making a big mistake going for government instead.
I can also apply all of my first year nursing classes to the major since they are very similar courses and use the government classes as social science credits towards my overall degree requirements to put me ahead.
My only fear is that in another semester I'll want to flip-flop again or that without a Masters, I won't be able to accomplish much in the meantime with an Allied Health degree. I know for sure I don't want to be a nurse and a PA sounds right up my ally. I feel like a huge weight is off my chest though just thinking about being in medical again and I haven't officially switched yet.
I'm not quite sure where to start here so forgive me if I ramble a bit. Being a nurse or PA are both great positions. Being a nurse as in a RN which with a 4 year degree you should be emptying bed pans & urine pans would be a waste of your education and talent. Hospitals have other less educated nurses and CNA to do that job. This is not to say you will never empty a bedpan.
There is one other position you left out of consideration. One where you can finish your undergraduate degree in nursing. Go out and get a good paying job in a hospital that does not require 12 hour shifts. Only hospitals that are severely understaffed require 12 hours shifts. These are also the hospitals that pay at the top of the chart for nurses though.
The position is Nurse Practitioner. You work as a nurse then after a given time in nursing, not very long, you can transition to Nurse Practitioner. My Nephew will finish his course work in the transition this December. He started his medical career as a Paramedic/Firefighter. He found there was a bridge course to nursing from being a paramedic. He took the course. His fire department job requires 12 days a month from him.
His nursing job in the hospital schedules him around his fire department schedule for 12 8 or 12 hour shifts in the ER. Combined he brings home a six figure salary that would allow his wife, my niece to be a stay at home mom. Instead she works and they bank her salary towards retirement.
No I'm not suggesting you become a firefighter/paramedic though it is a very rewarding career. What I am attempting to show you is the income potential another career in the health field which will allow you to start earning a great salary while you prepare to advance to a level similar to what you are currently looking at.
Going the route of being a nurse gives you much more flexibility arrive at the end goal.
I was thinking in the bathroom with my vagina under the bathtub faucet, all of the sudden my dad opens the door and walks in and walks out, I'm pretty sure he saw me! He hasn't said anything about it, but its only been an hour, I'm hiding in my bedroom trying not to die from embarrassment! There is no way I'm going to question him about it! What do I do? I'm so afraid he's going to mention it or tell my mom, help!
First of all you have nothing to be embarrassed about as masturbation is normal, natural and something about 85% of the world population does; including your parents. If anyone is embarrassed it is probably your dad for walking in and seeing his daughter naked. I'm sure he is aware he embarrassed you not so much for catching you masturbating but for seeing you naked. I'm just as sure he is trying to figure out how to apologize to you without further embarrassing you.
Yes as parent we tell our children masturbating or playing with yourself is wrong, or a sin even though we know it isn't and we know it is normal and natural. We do so as masturbation because we know it gives you relief from sexual tension. We know puberty causes sexual tension. The fact that masturbating gives you relief and is so very pleasant we fear you will want the real thing. Parents of girls have the biggest fear when it comes to sex ass it is their child who could get pregnant.
While we are aware no one has ever gotten pregnant from masturbating. We know from firsthand experience at your age what masturbating may have led to and we want to keep you from going down that road if at all possible.
I don't think dad will say anything to you. If anything mom may want to have a talk with you. She may tell you how wrong it is to masturbate or she may go in the direction of telling you she understands why you masturbate and urge you to keep this activity to a singular activity. Not to let a boy finger you this is called mutual masturbation as he would want you to do the same for him in what’s called a hand job.
It is this activity that can cause you to lose control and go further than you want to especially if you have love feelings for the boy. Understand one thing about boys you age. Their interpretation of love and yours are much different. Yours is a truer definition off the word where theirs is more the definition of lust. To be blunt they are horny and they want sex. They will tell you whatever you want to hear to get into your pants.
Part of high school is to experience many different social opportunities and with that different boyfriends. In fact the friends you have today will not be your friends after you all separate and go off to different colleges. In college you will meet different people. People who have more of the same interests you are developing. Some of you will meet and marry. Others will meet and marry after college.
I tell you all this for two reasons. First because I have no idea what if anything your parents will say to you. Whatever they say just listen to them and agree. I seriously doubt they would punish you. If they do just accept it and move on; continue to masturbate as it is a healthy and safe way to relieve sexual tension. Just remember to lock the bathroom door or bedroom door when you do.
Second I feel you should know about the other things I write about as most parents will not have this type of discussion with their daughters. Don't let anyone pressure you into having sex. No is no if they continue to pressure you it is sexual harassment.
One last thing: Any boy that says something along the lines of; "If you love me you will have sex with me." This boy does not love you he lusts for you and does not respect you. So not have sex with him for when you do he will leave you and find another girl to have sex with to put another notch on is belt.
I am a 28 year old female and I went out on a date with a 40 year old guy I met from the college that I go to. At first things were going great. We went out to eat and then decided to go to the river for a walk and we got there we didn't even get out there before he started kissing me and I told him he was going to fast and he stopped for a little and then a few minutes later he started touching my breasts and I told him to stop but he kept touching them. I feel so violated he'd didn't even ask me help.
First things first you did nothing wrong and everything right.
He kissed you, you told him to stop that he was going to fast. That should have told him that you did not want to be touched in that manner. His touching your breasts is sexual harassment. You have every right to be violated.
Once you tell someone to stop it means just that STOP. It does not mean stop kissing me but you can play with my Breasts or do other things to me without my permission. Once you tell someone to stop and they continue it is sexual harassment and in this case battery, unwanted touching. In some instances it is also a form a form of rape depending on the laws in your state.
The fact that he did not physically rape you in the full sense of the word does not mean his you should not feel violated for you were in every sense of the word. I suggest you get some counseling from a qualified psychologist to help you put this in the proper perspective and that you learn how to deal with it and move on properly. You do need to deal with it and not try to bury it for if you try to bury it then it will come back to haunt you at the worst possible time.
You should also talk with your local police about charges you can file against him. Guys that never take no for an answer need to learn that the word no means something. The only way to learn that may mean being lead off campus in handcuffs. By filing charges you also prevent another girl from having to be harassed by him or worse. This is also something you can discuss in therapy with your therapist.
Let me explain. Most adult men in my family growing up were either substance abusers, insane, emotionally distant, dead while I was young, and/or abusive. My dad had always been strange. He'd be a nice guy but then be screaming and threatening violence at me in the same hour. When it comes to love from men, and not romance, I'm talking about emotional support, or just generally caring about me, feeling sympathy, younger boys (like children 1-12), boys my/around my age (13-17) I'd be ok and completely accept it. Women at any age I'd be ok and accept it. When it comes to men older than me, like 18+ I can't. It makes me feel awkward, scared, upset, etc and I've shut down my feelings before to stop it. I rarely got any love from my dad and when I did it was my mom telling him to, one uncle of mine was always creepy, and another was mostly drunk, so on and so forth. Even the men around my neighborhood were always drunks you had to worry about. Why, and how do I overcome it?
You have had a terrible childhood for which I am very sorry. I cannot give you the answer to the why of the question what I can do is to tell you how to get the help you need to put your life back in the proper prospective.
You didn't give your exact age so my advice to you is in two parts. If you are closer to 13 then you need the help of child protective services (CPS) IF you're school has not closed for the summer talk to a trusted teacher or principal just as you have written to us and ask for their help. They by law must call CPS.
If you are closer to 17 then what you need to do is get some psychological counseling with a psychologist. Talk therapy is what you need with a psychologist to help you understand that first none of this is your fault. second to understand the why of it and how to deal properly with it so you can move forward and live a normal life.
This does not happen overnight. IT will take some time. IN the end though you will be a better person for it.