Let me explain. Most adult men in my family growing up were either substance abusers, insane, emotionally distant, dead while I was young, and/or abusive. My dad had always been strange. He'd be a nice guy but then be screaming and threatening violence at me in the same hour. When it comes to love from men, and not romance, I'm talking about emotional support, or just generally caring about me, feeling sympathy, younger boys (like children 1-12), boys my/around my age (13-17) I'd be ok and completely accept it. Women at any age I'd be ok and accept it. When it comes to men older than me, like 18+ I can't. It makes me feel awkward, scared, upset, etc and I've shut down my feelings before to stop it. I rarely got any love from my dad and when I did it was my mom telling him to, one uncle of mine was always creepy, and another was mostly drunk, so on and so forth. Even the men around my neighborhood were always drunks you had to worry about. Why, and how do I overcome it?
You didn't give your exact age so my advice to you is in two parts. If you are closer to 13 then you need the help of child protective services (CPS) IF you're school has not closed for the summer talk to a trusted teacher or principal just as you have written to us and ask for their help. They by law must call CPS.
If you are closer to 17 then what you need to do is get some psychological counseling with a psychologist. Talk therapy is what you need with a psychologist to help you understand that first none of this is your fault. second to understand the why of it and how to deal properly with it so you can move forward and live a normal life.
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