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Fiancé is making it hard for my family
I am 23/f and my fiancé is 21/m- we have been together for almost three years. Here recently my parents have had talks with me about his obsessive cursing and talking rudely to my 12 year old brother. My mom has the most issues with my fiancés cursing because he drops the "f" bomb very frequently. As of my brother, he is always cursing at him, claiming he can't stand him because he doesn't listen and he is annoying. Don't get me wrong- my brother bothers the heck out of me but I know it's his age. I have had a few talks with him about this issues but it doesn't seem to change. I need advice on what to do. My parents don't believe I should leave him- and I don't want too. He treats me like a princess and has yet to ever make me cry until these conversations came up. No matter what I say to him his response is "ok I'll stop" but he doesn't. He may get better for a few weeks, but is right back to disrespecting my mother and brother.
What should I do? How can I communicate with him to make it clear that it absolutely needs to quit?! We do not live together. I live with my parents and he lives with his grandparents. He curses around his grandparents but never the "f" word or as much as he does at my house. He claims he feels like he is at home and comfortable at my house- but to me that's no excuse to disrespect your mother in law and brother in law to be.
Help. Thanks in advance!
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There is such a thing as respect. He needs to show it and your family deserves it. No matter what he thinks of your brother he has no right to curse at him or refer to him as annoying or swear in front of parents. He needs to grow the eff up or get lost.
You need to tell him that none of you will put up with the behavior any longer and if he cannot respect your family than you can't have him in your life. That's probably all you need to do. If he can't change you have to make good on that and be firm. Nobody has a right to constantly curse and especially at a sibling who is a child annoying as he may be.
He may make you feel like a princess but if the rest of your palace isn't comfortable and finds him revolting you have a problem. You have to stick up for them and your brother rather than turn an eye from bad behavior. He gets away with this because nobody stops him his grandparents included.
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Some people think it is manly to curse. I am one of those men who feel cursing is a substitute for not knowing how to articulate properly. Yes I know how to curse and I've been known to curse when all other forms of communication doesn't seem to sink in.
Short story; I worked in sales for over 30 years selling to the wholesale construction industry. I would spend part of my day on jobsites and part of my day in distributors offices where there were many women of various ages. While cursing may have been appropriate on the jobsite it most definitely was not in the offices of my distributors. I trained myself not to curse at either location so as to make sure I didn't let out an F-bomb in the wrong place.
At a sales convention I was standing with one of my coworkers and our manager. My coworker stated he never has heard me curse. My manager said come to think of it neither had he. I responded that while I knew all the words I chose not to use them for it was a poor man who could not properly articulate himself without cursing. The proof of which was in my sales numbers. I lead our region in sales and was one of the top salesmen in the company each year.
I have no idea how your future husband intends to make his living. He can be a ditch digger or a statesman. Whichever road he chooses he will be judged on his deportment part of which is how he articulates himself. This is what you need to impress upon him.
He could be the best candidate for a job though if he unconsciously lets out an F-bomb in the interview he could blow his whole future, your whole future. This is what you need to impress upon him. Practicing restraint at home is good practice for practicing restraint when it is needed at work or other places.
You might use the carrot and stick approach to getting him to clean up his mouth. Reward him or give him a goal to reach for not cursing, especially at you parents house. Also for being more tolerant of your brother. Make them small goals at first and then extend them and the rewards as he gets better at it.
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