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I want to try again with my ex
My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. He ended it with me although I knew things were on the rocks and I knew we both weren't very happy, but I wanted to stick with it. Prior to the break up we had been dating for 6 months in the same state and 4 months long distance before that.
I've been thinking about it a lot, looking back at our relationship as a whole. I was able to see with an open mind what things I could have & should have done differently - things I said, the way I acted, etc. It makes sense that he ended it with me and I can see that now.
We have mutual friends so I have seen him a couple times since the break up. I want him to see how much things have changed on my end and how at peace I am with everything. I'm happy and I'm having fun, but I want to share that with him. We were a great couple that ran into a bumpy road and neither of us were prepared for the "after honeymoon" phase.
I don't know how to go about reaching out to him to talk to him - I feel like it'd be best to talk in person. Do I randomly text him seeing if he'd grab a drink with me? Do I try to gradually start conversation with him? I want to get back together with him and I think he'll feel that spark if he goes into this with an open mind knowing our relationship will be different than the past one - that one ended. This one will be a new/fresh start.
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It is easy to get hurt here especially if he doesn't view the breakup and reasons for it in the same manner you do. Like the person below me stated he may have moved on already and not have any feelings be it love or friendship towards you. When with mutual friends he may just being cordial. The fact is you just don't know.
The good thing is you know that it takes two to breakup and you are equally at fault and wrong on certain levels. You also desire to change behavior and are doing all you can to be a better person and to fix things that led to where you are now.
Send him a text or e-mail and ask him to lunch so you can discuss what happened only. If he's not interested move on but perhaps he will give you benefit of doubt.
You cannot convince anyone to re-start a relationship or that you have changed. They need to see it through your actions and for themselves really. If I were you I would work on being friends first and see if any kind of relationship could be had and if you progress towards being together or not. That gives you time to see that you and any changes you have worked towards are genuine.
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If you want to try again, just be honest.
Asking him to grab a drink is a good, direct, honest way to start this conversation.
However, you also need to go into this with a bit more respect and awareness. You need to be 100% open the fact he might not feel the same way. He doesn't owe it to you to even 'keep an open mind'. If he doesn't want to try again, I'd strongly recommend you take a deep breath and let it go. There is no hope at all of this being a good idea, unless both of you are excited and keen to try again.
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