17/female
i have a best friend. him and his girlfriend have been going out for almost three years now. truly, he is such a good boyfriend and they are really cute together which does make me jealous but within the past couple of months he has been trying to get with me, it's so weird. me and him have always had sort of this connection, and of course an attraction to each other and everyone can see that (all my friends) and so when i tell them this, they're like i think he is just scared to break up with his girlfriend because they have been going out for so long, he was her first boyfriend and she was his first girlfriend, they lost their virginity to each other but then they tell me he wants me at the same time and is starting to get bored with her, they're losing their spark. i'm just so confused i've even tried talking to him about it too, like if he says he wants to "do stuff" with me i will be like you have a girlfriend..and he is like i know but she won't find out and then i was like it's still wrong though and i was like why don't you break up with her then and he always just says i dont know its so complicated like i want to do my own thing but i dont know. and he will be like it's not like she is my wife or anything and i was like pratically you guys are ALWAYS together and he is like thats because she always wants to hang out and i feel too bad saying no. he doesn't EVER really clearly give an explination though and i know he is very confused. i just want to give a comment to him like, "well have fun with her for the rest of your life.." meaning that i think he is too scared to break up with her, he doesn't know what else is out there! what do you guys think, why do you think he is staying with her, i know they have so many memories but if he is getting bored with her, why is he staying with her when he also knows he could have ME.
also is there anything else i should be doing? i try not to interfere with their relationship, i do want him to be happy but i don't want him to be just staying in it for sex and stuff like that.
My opinion: he's confused. And while I might understand his confusion... I don't think that his present behavior toward you is appropriate.
If he and his girlfriend are having problems... Those problems should be discussed and the direction of the relationship should be assessed. Once the course of the relationship has been decided, if the two decide to go their separate ways... Then he would be in a position to pursue a relationship with you.
And... I have to say... The fact that he's trying to become involved with you while he's still attached to someone else... Is sort of tacky. I, personally, would be insulted. Because he isn't offering you a relationship, he's offering you... something else.
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i am someone completly against cheating. my ex did it to be and i wouldnt listen to one word he would say and i just broke it off like that. i DISPISE cheating. but then i did it!!! i was with my recent boyfriend for only 3 1/2 months before i cheated on him. i dont know why i did it. i dont want to justify why i did it because i dont believe its right. but he found out (we are in a long distance relationship too). but like the usual person would say that they love them and want to be with them. and i should have thought of that before i did it, i know. we talked and its not that i cheated, its the fact that i liked that bugs him. we are over but he is willing to let me prove to him that i am not a liar or a cheater. but i dont know how to do it because i have never cheated on anyone. how do i prove to him he can trust me again and keep in mind we have a long distnace relationship. any advice asap would be appreciated.
First... I think you should think about WHY you had to look outside your relationship for attention. Is it because this long distance relationship has been difficult for you? If so... Maybe you should first consider your options, instead of worrying about proving yourself.
If you would like to pursue a long distance relationship... The two key ingredients to any healthy relationship is trust and communication. While the trust in the relationship may have been destroyed... You can still communicate. Talk about what happened, both of you, and how it made you feel.
Other than that... I can't give you any tips on how to make someone trust you because there are none. Rebuilding trust is a long, difficult process that requires the committment of both parties. Many marriages have been destroyed because of infidelity while others had to seek extensive counseling. The fact that the two of you are so far away from each other makes it even more difficult.
When you say, 'he is willing to let me prove to him that I am not a liar or a cheater.' Is that what he said? If so, ask him directly what he means. But proceed with caution. While you may have hurt his feelings, that's no reason for him to try and take advantage of you.
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15/F
Okay, big problem. For my birthday, that was in mid-October, I got my first diamond necklace. (worth over 200$) And today I realized that I don't know where it is. What the eff should I do first. My mom will freak!!!
HELP A.S.A.P.
Try to remember where you last had it and trace your steps back. If it was a public place, call that place and ask if anyone has turned anything in. Hopefully, you'll find it...
If not, don't lie to your mom. Sure, it'll suck if she gets mad at you and she might give you a lecture about responsibility... But better to have been irresponsible with a material possession rather to be caught in a lie and proved untrustworthy.
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I have a really good friend, a best friend you could say, who is really troubled at the moment. It has to do with a guy she really cares about who moved out of state and who will probably not stay in touch because it's super long distance and because he said he doesn't want to talk to people because it'll make him miss being here. It's hard to know what to do or say to her because she just seems so hurt and affected by it. It seems like I can't say or do anything to possibly make her feel any better. /i hate seeing her like this. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do or say? Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Thank you.
Ask if she needs to talk about it and, if she does, listen and support her. There isn't really a whole lot you can say... Just try to be sympathetic. Occassionally make an effort to take her mind off him by doing something fun. Ask her if she wants to go the movies, park, shopping, or whatever she enjoys.
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hi, am 18 years old and i've never had a boyfriend i know its sad but like i dont know whats wrong with me honestly, i dont think am ugly to be honest i love how i look am not being cocky but i never really been in a relationship. i just dont think i have the skills to talk to guy more than a friend. am in college now so there are alot of good looking guys but i just dont know how to approach them. so what should i do?
Relax. So you're 18 and you've never had a boyfriend. It's not sad... It's not abnormal either. There are lots of people that didn't have relationships during their teens. My sister didn't have a boyfriend until she was almost twenty years old... She still grew up to be a normal adult, fell in love, and got married around the age of thirty. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19, almost 20... I still grew up to be perfectly normal, met a fantastic guy, and am engaged to be married.
It's okay to be a late bloomer. Don't worry about what everyone else has done. Infact... Don't worry. Not about this anyway. You have plenty of time to date, plenty of time to find the right guy. Eighteen is the beginning of your life, don't rush.
As for how to talk to guys... Just relax and be yourself. If you can't flirt, that's okay. Just be nice. Talk to guys like you'd talk to anyone else. I know that some of this may sound cliche, but it works. A lot of guys actually do respond to a genuine personality and simple kindness.
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Sometimes I feel trapped, not like he’s holding me down or anything, I just feel as if I’m not pleasing to him 100%. I’d never admit this to anyone though. For some reason, I’d rather have people believe that we have a perfect relationship, because how could I, ----, Someone smart enough to know better - fall into these games of “love”. Hell, we don’t even have a relationship since we broke up in May, simply because he claims “he’s not ready to fully commit, because when we do get together he’d like to give me his all.” Yeah, so the “boyfriend / girlfriend” title doesn’t exist. He tells his friends he’s single, his parents, everyone knows he’s single… Except me… The girl he fucks, the girl he claims “owns his heart”, the girl he lays next to in bed, holding each other close, the girl he calls every single night and talks to for hours about everything - even though we just spent the whole day together. We know each other so well, we can predict what the other is thinking sometimes. And these are the reasons I don’t doubt his love for me, but is he simply ashamed of me? I’d hate to think so, so I make my best attempts to block it out of my mind, because I’m afraid of losing him. My mind constantly reminds me of the day we broke up, of how much pain I felt reading a message from him saying he never wanted to see or hear from me again. Nothing has ever hurt so much in my life and I’m afraid. Afraid of that feeling. Afraid of hurting him again.
But we clash, we clash so much. It seems as he wants this perfect pretty princess by his side. He makes it so clear sometimes. This tomboy doesn’t cut it, no matter how hard I try. He wants the make up, the long beautiful hair, skirts, dresses, he wants me to go to salons. But I can’t do it, he’s never satisfied. I’m stupid for giving in, but I’d do anything for him. So I put on a “pretty dress”. I even went to the store and got some “girly shoes” and I took him out to a nice dinner. And it was fun, I admit. So I promised I’d dress up for him for those special times we spend together, but it’s not enough. Now he wants it everyday. But that just isn’t me. I have my limits. I don’t criticize him, the way he dresses or the way he does his hair… it’s not my preference sometimes, but it’s not a big deal. I still love him the way he wants to be. But sometimes he doesn’t notice that. He wants me to believe in god, to go to church. But I don’t believe I have to. He wants to have a spiritual connection with me, and we have it. I feel as though we’re both spiritual, but now it’s not enough, now I have to attend church with him and be religious to. He’s not an extreme religious, so I don’t understand what the problem is. Why does it seem as if I lack so many qualities he needs, but he still says he loves me with all his heart. Sometimes I feel as though he needs me to have these things for his family to accept me, rather than for us to feel closer… but of course, he’d never admit to that. We talk about these things, they seem to turn into arguments and when we say good-bye, it’s an angry one. I hate these arguments we have, but I don’t know how to smooth them out and make it work when he seems so close minded about these things.
HELP! Any advice about any of this is appreciated.
Love is accepting. Love is unconditional. Love doesn't care if you wear make-up and a skirt... If you're a princess or a tomboy. Love isn't afraid of what anyone else thinks... Even parents and friends. Love doesn't allow for conditions... Even if that condition is attending church. Love doesn't judge. There is no such thing as 'not being good enough.' Love won't break your heart. Love won't lie about your relationship. Love won't sleep next to you every night but refuse the title and the committment.
When you are loved... The actions match the words. This guy is telling you that he loves you in every way possible, but the way he treats you doesn't line up with what he tells you.
Don't blame yourself. Okay... You're not perfect. No one is. You're perfectly imperfect, and just because he can't accept that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. There is a guy out there that will love you as you are... But you're never going to be able to find him if you continue to settle for a guy that wants the benefits of the relationship without the responsibility that's supposed to go with it.
So... Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're fantastic the way you are... Then tell this guy to get out of your bed, and stay out. Move on and find someone that actually deserves you.
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17/f. I dated a guy for about a month. He and I liked each other and we clicked, but we never get to see each other except on the weekends. So we've both been thinking that it wouldn't work out because of that, and very recently we decided to not date anymore because of it. We have a whole lot in common, but we just haven't been able to really get to know each other at all. I'm not mad at him about it because I agree with his reasoning. However, we both decided that we want to still be friends because we really do get along well... I'm just not sure how to do that. I'm frustrated at the situation because we only have like one mutual friend. So it's not like I can keep calling him or texting him all the time. I know it will take time, but I'm not sure how to be friends with him. Help?
If I were you... I'd just explain that I might need some time and space to sort through my feelings before resuming the friendship. If he is a good friend, he'll understand and respect you're request.
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okay so i just got out of a bumpy ride with some other guy. it wasnt even a relationship. but it was just like an interest deal.
but thats not what im here to talk about.
there is this guy who really likes me. hes older and hes been nothing but nice and sweet to me. but everybody who knows him says hes a total ass. and when i talked to him he said that everybody thinks hes a dick and thats because they cut to conclusions. i know that they hate him bc he only wants sex from girls but what he told me was something really personal about his life that nobody really knows. from hearing that hes obviously been through alot. well he knows that im not the type of girl who goes around and has sex with random guys. so idk why hes still talking to me. and he said that he wants to show me his true self. we havent hung out much yet. but i really really cannot get involved with this kid. i feel bad and dont know how to let him know that if anything we could be friends. he texts me non stop and most of the time i try not to text back so much just to give him hints. but its not working so much.
im not completely sure what my question is but i just need advice. i cannot get involved with another one of these guys. and i have no idea why he wants to be involved with me.
i feel band and dont know what to do.
I think that you have every right to be suspicious... That and, since you were recently attached to another guy recently, having time to enjoy being single might not be a bad idea.
The problem with hints... Hints can be overlooked, ignored, and denied completely. Be polite but be direct. Explain that you aren't interested in a relationship right now and that the two of you could only be friends.
And if he's texting you too often... Do yourself a favor and just turn your cellphone off.
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Sorry this is long, but i really need help.
So i dated a guy for about a week. then we broke up. well i really like him. and i was very upset when we broke up. well one night we were with some friends. and he was holding me in his arms something i missed very much. and i thought maybe he misses me and wants me back. at that time we started making out. and then the next day he didnt really say much to me. ands i was like wtf okay whatever. the next weekend we kissed again and really made out this time. and he held me as tight as he possibly could. and it felt like he didnt want to let go. and i was sure he wanted me back. well i sent him a message and said hey what was all that about. he replyed back and said he wasnt sure. and i said well i mean do you like me or what im confused, what was that night all about. he said i dont know...i didnt want anything to happen when i got there, it just happenend like that. Now all the times something happen with us, he was the one to start it.
i replyed back and said well i mean do you like me or are you using me for the moment type of thing. dont worry about hurting my feelings i just wanna know the truth. he read it and never replyed back. some of my friends say maybe he is afried of his own emotions. but he doesnt talk to me unless were together with our friends. and even then he is kinda distant, trying to keep something from happening. now theres another group of girls he kinda messes around with well one of them and it really bothers me and my group of girls bc we dont really like them.
my question is, do you know why he is being like this. i am really torn up about it. and i cant talk to him or see him much right now.
thank you so much!
Of course you are confused... Women in their twenties and thirties are still suffering through similiar situations and asking the same question: 'Does he like me or not?'
When I was about twenty, I read a book that you may have heard of 'He's Just Not That Into You,' by Liz and Greg. Greg debunks a lot of the myths that females believe in. He's a guy, he knows how guys work.
ANYWAY... Here it is... Basicly, this guy is telling you that he likes you well enough to make out with you, but that he doesn't like you enough to date you. If it weren't true, you wouldn't have broken up... He wouldn't be claiming that he's 'confused' about his feelings.
And you're thinking, 'If this is true, why doesn't he just say so?' I mean... You told him that he could tell you the truth and that he didn't have to worry about your feelings. Even so, he's still probably afraid of being 'the bad guy' and hurting your feelings anyway... Because, woman to woman, let's face it... Your feelings would be hurt. I know mine would be hurt. And... Being the bad guy is hard. One day you'll have to tell a really nice guy that really likes you that you're just not interested... He'll start asking questions... And then you will know how much it sucks to be the bad guy.
So... My advice is this... Back off. Don't call, don't text, don't email, and the next time you see him... Be polite but try to keep your interaction with him to a minimum. I know that's easier said than done, but try. Eventually you'll move on and find a guy that does want to date you.
And if I'm wrong... Giving him some space still couldn't hurt. Don't chase him, let him chase you.
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Okay so to explain my situation; I like this guy, alot and he likes me too. He just came out of a 3 year relationship, the day before we met. we've become very close, perhaps best friends with some extent of physicaly contact. We were discussing our situation yesterday where I explained to him that I liked him and I knew he wasn't ready for another relationship but I was ready to wait. He came back with a comment on how he felt special that he was my first kiss and that if I wanted him to be another first (hint hint) then all I needed to do was ask. Okay so he JUST tells me he doesn't want to ruch into anything yet he offers me to have sex with him, my first time. I'm so confused! I know he was nice about it and said he didn't want to push anything onto me he just wanted to be open bout the idea, but this is serious. I obviously said no, but that doesn't change the fact that it was said. I don't know what to do. I like him, buut..
All this first time nonesense could be confusing for you guys, I am 18 by the way, just to clear up the possibility of me being a young teen.
I think that you should be wary.
I'm not accusing the guy of being a jerk... I just think that two of you have very different, eerrr, long-term goals. From what you wrote... I'm guessing that you would like to be in a committed relationship, and share mutual feelings of love with a guy before giving him your virginity. And I'm also guessing that this guy we're talking about, since he is recovering from a break-up doesn't really want to start another relationship at this moment... And may be thinking that sex would just be a fun, recreational activity that both of you could participate in together.
So... If you don't want to have sex with him without some sort of committment... Beware. You don't necessarily have to discuss this with him. But if he continues to make you feel uncomfortable (because I think he is, even if you do like him) then by all means, say something. Explain what the act of sex means to you and what your standards are... And that if the two of you are going to remain friends he needs to respect the boundaries that you've set and kindly drop the subject. If he can't do that... Well, you know the rest.
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This is very frustrating. I might really like a guy, and whenever he starts liking me back and flirting with me and taking me out, I quickly stop liking him. And so I break it off with them, and they hate me because they felt I led them on, but those "dislike" feelings happen so quickly and out of the blue, I really don't mean to lead them on.
This happens to me EVERY single time. I think it might be because I was completely in love with a guy for a few years, and I always wish it was him that was doting on me instead of some other guy. I don't like that guy anymore, but he was the only guy I wasn't able to get.
They all treat me like a queen (except for the guy I loved, he treated me like crap, yet I loved him for it, I was never able to figure him out). It seems that as soon as the guy makes it obvious how he feels about me, I stop liking him.
I hate this. I feel like I'm never going to get married or even find a boyfriend that I actually like and will date for a long time. (Actually a long term relationship doesn't appeal to me at all, but don't think I'm a slut, I've never gone past a peck on the lips, and that was only with one guy).
Please help me. Would it help if I just stop chasign guys for a while? And don't tell me that I should stick it out with one guy because I have done that once and I'm literally scarred for life from that experience from being in a relationship with someone I secretly despised. Also, I'm "talking" to a guy right now who is absolutely amazing, but I just stopped liking him a few days ago. I'd rather just be friends. We're going out this Friday night, should I go with him anyway but make it clear that we are only going as friends, or should I just not go at all (the reason he's taking me out is because I have been giving him rides from school, so he said he owed me. Should I stop giving him rides as well?)
Sorry there are so many questions, but I just feel like I'm a hopeless lost cause.
Well... Several things could be happening...
I know that I used to have a problem with attracting the 'right' type of guy. Seems like I was only attracted to guys that ignored and neglected me most of the time... While any nice guy that I met I simply didn't feel any chemistry. It took me a while to figure out that I was subconciously looking for guys that treated me as my father and step-father did. (My biological father was absent during my childhood and my step-father, the only real father figure I ever had, would tell me that he loved me and made sure that I had everything that I needed and wanted... But rarely ever talked to me or spent quality time with me.) I think the reason why I did this, is because I was carrying a chip on my shoulder... I believed that there was something wrong with me, and the only way for me to redeem myself was to gain the attention of someone that displayed the same traits. Because when I did have the attention that I wanted, it was like a rush of adrenline.
I don't know if this is what you're going through. If it is... Yes, you do need to take a break from dating and work out these issues first. Because until you do, you'll keep having the same problem over and over again.
Other possibilities... Are you dating guys that you aren't attracted to simply because they are nice? While personality and the way a person treats you is vital... That physical attraction still has to be there. I've also tried to be in relationships with people that I didn't really like, just because they treated me well... And I know that I did it because I simply thought I should. Give the nice guy a chance, I would tell myself. Maybe attraction will develop over time. And sometimes it does, but most of the time it doesn't. I developed the three date rule. If you aren't feeling any chemistry by the third date, most likely you won't.
And as far as being in a relationship is concerned... You're seventeen. It's okay for you to keep your options open at this time in your life. And I promise you that, one day, you will find a guy that do you want to be in a relationship with that is nice to you. It just may take a while.
And last but not least... There have been guys that I've dated in the past that, when I told them that I wasn't interested in continued dating, accused me of leading them on as well. I don't flirt, because I never really learned how... But I think that because I try to be nice to everyone, some guys mistake this kindness as romantic interest. If that is the case with you, don't feel like you need to change who you are.
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soooooo i dated a guy for about 2 years. we broke up but he still talks to me. he basically has been playing games with my head for about 5 months saying all these things, telling me he loves me, then not talking to me for a week, then telling me he doesnt love me, making me want him, what not. i really feel like this is not fair to me at all! idk how he does it, but he just makes me want him sumhow. all i want was to make things the same as they used to be because we had a reallllly good relationship. but for the last few weeks, ive started to get sick of it, i feel like i dont even want him anymore becase ive realized what an asshole he is and whats hes doing to me. so i decided i want to cut it off. so i stopped connection with him and he would call still like once a week, but i wouldnt call or text him, and when we would talk id always be like i dont feel like talking and what not. but then i think he realized that i wasnt on his nuts anymore! and he started calling/texting me more, telling me he wants to see me and hes sorry for what hes done, and ive just kinda brushed it off. i think its MY turn to play the games with him. even if this sounds evil or mean i dont really care. any advice tips to make him hurt & want me?! i want to play games that he played with me.=] yes, it sounds bitchy, but ive been really hurt & its his turn.
You're right. He doesn't treat you well, that's really unfair, and you deserve better. But I got to tell you, I don't think playing his game is a good idea.
And here's the why... If you play his game instead of making a clean break, you're leaving him a window. What if he starts acting really sweet and you start to fall for him again, only for him to turn the tables on you later? Not only that... If you continue to involve yourself with him, you're not giving yourself the opportunity to move on and find a guy that will treat you well. Either way, I just think that this is bound to blow up in your face sooner or later if you mimic his behavior.
But... That's only my opinion.
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My Dad was recently layed off, and was looking for work but is having a hard time because he dosen't have a GED. He dropped out of school in 8th grade, and never went back because he found a well paying job at a factory. He was wondering if there was an online source to get a GED, or something similiar? Any information would be good.
Thanks.
I don't know about online, but I can tell you...
Try looking for community colleges and technical institutes nearby. Bound to be one that is accredited. GED prep classes are usually free of charge and he can schedule the test.
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26, male.
I've been with my girlfriend for five years. And lately, it just feels like we're killing each other slowly. And she has high hopes about us getting married. But I'm currently unemployed, and struggling just to get back out there. Throw in my low self-esteem, and other issues between us like religion, our families, and it's just so damn hard.
She almost walked out on me crying because she felt stupid for waiting for me. I managed to talk her down, and we're still together. But looking back, a part of me feels like she really would be better off without me.
I always look at my relationships as things to continue working on and trying to make work to the very end. Is it wrong that I keep trying to make this relationship work, or am I being selfish for not wanting to let her go?
First, I'd like to mention that I have an upgraded account... And I've read all the other questions that you have asked. Before you become paranoid that I know who you are... I don't. Even though my account is upgraded, I still don't know your name or anything about you... All your questions are still 100% anonymous.
Second, I'm noticing a trend in the questions you ask. You're having problems with three things: letting go of past hurts, self-esteem, and your relationship with your girlfriend.
Third, I'm going to tell you something about myself. I battled with depression for seven long years... I still occasionally struggle with it. Once upon a time, I hated myself... Had a laundry list of symptoms, disorders, and was suicidal. One day I read something that changed my life. The sentence that changed my life forever: if you're unhappy, it's YOUR fault. What are you going to do about it?
Forgive me for sounding insensitive... I understand that you have been hurt by many people, that forgiveness is hard, that you need sympathy... And really, I do have sympathy. I know what it feels like to be where you are now. To feel like you are nothing, that you will never get anywhere or do anything with your life. That everything is pointless, hopeless... And that no one really loves you. And when I say that it's your fault... I'm not trying to wound your self-esteem. I'm trying to empower you.
You can do this. You can feel better, you can change your life. I know that it's hard... But if you feel like you need help, ask for it. Not a bunch of strangers on the internet... Your family, your friends, your girlfriend, your doctor. It's okay to say, 'I'm struggling and I need help.' Doesn't make you any less of a man, or less of a person.
And finally... Stop BEATING YOURSELF UP. Okay... So you don't have a job. That doesn't make you a failure. Dude, our economy sucks right now. A lot of people are having a problem finding a job. If you have to resort to taking a part-time job flipping burgers... That's okay. Your job doesn't define you. Neither does your relationship with your girlfriend... Or the circumstances of your life. You define yourself.
So... Get help. Stop hating yourself. Do something to make yourself happy.
And lastly... After reading so many questions pertaining to your girlfriend... To be perfectly honest... I don't understand why you are with her. It's not that you aren't good enough for her, it's that I think she isn't good enough for you. But that's just my opinion and I don't know her. So... If you can't decide whether or not to end the relationship, at least attend couples counseling. Please.
You're in my thoughts and I wish you the very best. I know what I've said may sound harsh... And I'm sorry. I just want for you to feel better. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.
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My hair always looks dirty. Even right after I wash it. It's too oily and occasionally I get flakes.
I got recommended many dandruff shampoos, but they only worked for a while.
What shampoo and conditioner should I use?
I have really fine hair and very oily skin. Before I started dying my hair... I would use a daily clarifying shampoo and skip the conditioner. Pantene Pro-V makes an excellent daily clarifying shampoo. If your hair becomes TOO dry, try a conditioner made specifically for fine-oily hair.
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I dated a good friend of mine twice (twice he broke up with me, the last time I chewed him out), and now ever since we don't really talk anymore. Before we started going out, he and I would always talk about our lives and what was going on and how we were feeling and it was nice to have someone to listen to me. We had been friends for about 1/2 a year until we began dating. It's been 3 months since we broke up last, and I'm not interested in dating him anymore, but I miss the relationship we had before all that mess. I feel like I should just contact him and say what's up and catch up with him, but I don't want him to think I want him back. What should I do?
Honestly... I'd just call and say that while I realize that a romantic relationship would not be possible, that I do miss the friendship. And just ask, honestly, if he thought it was possible for the two of you to just be friends. There's a chance he may not think it's a good idea... If so, try not to take it personal. Some people just can't be friends with someone they have dated. I know because I am one of those people.
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so thers a theory that the world is gonna end on december 21, 2012. i know that the mayans predicted this,but how come people think its gonna end? they said its something about a winter solstice, but what does that mean?
can someone explain to me how the world is gonna end or why it is cause im curious about this.
thanks!
Well... Some say the world will end. Others say that mankind will reach a greater stage of enlightenment. I admit that I don't much about the theories concerning 2012... So, if you're interested in learning more, you could start here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_21,_2012#2012_and_the_Long_Count
About the winter solstice:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_solstice
Either way... Try not to worry too much about this. Remember the year 2000? So many people thought the world would end, and Y2K just compounded the panic. But after the countdown, we were all still here... And our computers worked just fine :D
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I'm a 33 year old female.
I met a guy at the age of 17 dated him for 5 years and then married him. He turned out to be mentally and psychologically abusive to our kids and I. He was sometimes a little physically abusive to the kids. Before we met i had had a 3 year relationship with another guy. We'll call him Joe. I lost touch with joe for several years but we became friends again 5 years ago. since then we have talked on the internet almost every day. He has helped me through every conflict in my marriage by being encouraging all these years and only became flirtatious about a year ago. We were never intimate during that time.
My husband and i began speaking of separation several months ago when he was rough with my son again and i had had too much. After we had decided to separate Joe and i became intimate. We had shared feelings with one another and that we wish we had never broken up. Basically my husband has been gone a month and a half. Meanwhile joe and i have been dreaming of the future together, saying we love each other, etc.
I was lonely one night 3 weeks ago at night and I entered a chat room intending to casually chat with someone. I wound up meeting a man who seems amazing. we have so much in common. He's amazingly intelligent, speaks a zillion languages, is going for his doctorate has traveled abroad. Basically he is crazy about me and wants to meet in person. He is so tempting to me. He makes me feel like a cinderella. We'll call him bill. Now i'm all excited about bill and wonder if i should take a chance on him because he seems like everything i've ever dreamed of.
On the other hand i have joe who i have pledged my love to and who loves me and i know will be kind to me. He's been my constant source of help through the years and i know he's real and close by. Bill is 4 hours away. Do I go for the old friend and risk settling out of loyalty? He's a sure thing. Or Do I take a chance on Bill who might make my life a fairy tale? I have a nagging feeling that I should go for bill but Then i might be missing out on the average joe who would take care of me for the rest of my life.
Bill says he understands that right now im not ready to define our relationship. Joe says he only wants to be with me but understands if I "need to sow some wild oats."
1. Considering that you've recently separated from your husband... I don't think that you should be pursuing a comitted, exclusive relationship with anyone. I think that you need time to adjust and explore your options.
2. Joe sounds like a really, really nice guy. But don't settle for 'safe' just because your afraid of being alone. I'm not saying that Joe is a bad choice... I'm saying that entering into a relationship with anyone for any other reason than being in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person... Is not just unfair to you, but unfair to him as well. He deserves to be with someone that can reciprocate his feelings, even if that person isn't you.
3. Maybe you were just using a figure of speech... But I'd like to remind you that no one is going to turn your life into a fairy tale. Bill could be the greatest guy walking the face of the planet, but... If the two of you were in a relationship-even if that relationship is healthy and loving-you'd still encounter obstacles. There would still be times when you'd wonder whether or not you made the right decision.
My person opinion: take some time to enjoy being single. You can still date Joe and/or Bill... Just explain to both parties that you're not ready to be in a relationship, that you'd like to keep your options open... And that if you are going to date anyone they're going to have to be okay with that. I don't know how they'll take it... But this isn't about them... It's about what's best for you.
Best wishes :)
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Ever since we broke up (I dumped him) my ex boyfriend has been behaving rather badly. He’s been sleeping around and alienating his friends, and they keep coming to me asking me to talk to him.
I don’t really want to do that. I talked to him for ages while we dating about the way he treated his friends, about his depression and his bad habits. He fooled around before we were dating a lot. I’m not surprised he is doing the same things now… It’s not like it’s my fault he is this way: He was always that way. I feel like his friends just didn’t notice it as much when he was with me because I was dealing with most of by myself and without dragging them into it. But I warned them, asked them for help and they always ignored me.
I’m ticked off at them all now, and I really don’t want this guy in my life very much right now. I still care too much for him to be able to handle his stupid behavior calmly and I am NOT getting back together with him. Ever. His lousy behavior after the break up has only made me more certain that it was a bad match. I’ve asked his friends to stop telling me all the gory details, but they seem convinced that I’m the only one that can ‘help’ him. If I couldn’t help him when we were together, how on earth am I supposed to do it now? Am I a horrible person for not wanted to get involved in this anymore?
I actually think that you are very sensible.
1. You have to look out for yourself. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation. A 'clean break' after a relationship ends is usually best... (At least, that's always been my experience.) You need this time to yourself, no matter what the deal is with him.
2. No one really changes anybody else. Even if you did talk to th ex, I don't really believe that it would help him in the long run. Like you said, he's ALWAYS been this way. You couldn't change him when you were together, you can't change him now... And I think his friends are bit niave to think so. He'll change when he WANTS to change, and not before then.
I know that this is an akward position for you... And all I can really tell you is what I would do in your situation. Stick to your guns. And the next time his friends contact you, asking for your help, politely explain all your reasons for not doing so. Like I said before, you sound pretty sensible. Maybe if they hear a sensible reason, they'll act a little more sensible.
Best wishes :)
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There's this guy iam talking to and he seems like a really sweet guy and I think he really likes me becouse he's constantly opening doors for me and helping me with my schoolwork he bought my a coffe and he offered to carry it for me so iam pretty sure the he likes me and i like him to but iam 19 and the guy is 39 and i feel like he's to old for me but i live with my cousin and she says that age is just a number and iam also afraid of getting hurt becouse everytime I go out with a guy that I really like and I think that really likes me to breaks my heart and iam afraid of getting my heart broke again.
what should i do?
I think that, in your case, age is a little more than 'just a number.' If you're 19 and he's 39, chances are that the two of you are very, very different.
You're probably attending college... You're discovering who you are, what you want from life... He, on the other hand, has all ready established his character.
Questions to consider: What if he's looking for a serious relationship/marriage? Would you be ready to make such a committment in the next few years, or would you rather leave your options open? Does he want children? How do you feel about children? Are you emotionally prepared to bare the responsibility of a parent? Are there things that you feel like you need to do before being in a serious, committed relationship? Such as: living by yourself, traveling... Or just having fun with your friends? These things are all important. Give it some thought... I'd really hate for you to miss out on certain life experiences.
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