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Get a date, start to hate
This is very frustrating. I might really like a guy, and whenever he starts liking me back and flirting with me and taking me out, I quickly stop liking him. And so I break it off with them, and they hate me because they felt I led them on, but those "dislike" feelings happen so quickly and out of the blue, I really don't mean to lead them on.
This happens to me EVERY single time. I think it might be because I was completely in love with a guy for a few years, and I always wish it was him that was doting on me instead of some other guy. I don't like that guy anymore, but he was the only guy I wasn't able to get.
They all treat me like a queen (except for the guy I loved, he treated me like crap, yet I loved him for it, I was never able to figure him out). It seems that as soon as the guy makes it obvious how he feels about me, I stop liking him.
I hate this. I feel like I'm never going to get married or even find a boyfriend that I actually like and will date for a long time. (Actually a long term relationship doesn't appeal to me at all, but don't think I'm a slut, I've never gone past a peck on the lips, and that was only with one guy).
Please help me. Would it help if I just stop chasign guys for a while? And don't tell me that I should stick it out with one guy because I have done that once and I'm literally scarred for life from that experience from being in a relationship with someone I secretly despised. Also, I'm "talking" to a guy right now who is absolutely amazing, but I just stopped liking him a few days ago. I'd rather just be friends. We're going out this Friday night, should I go with him anyway but make it clear that we are only going as friends, or should I just not go at all (the reason he's taking me out is because I have been giving him rides from school, so he said he owed me. Should I stop giving him rides as well?)
Sorry there are so many questions, but I just feel like I'm a hopeless lost cause.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well... Several things could be happening...
I know that I used to have a problem with attracting the 'right' type of guy. Seems like I was only attracted to guys that ignored and neglected me most of the time... While any nice guy that I met I simply didn't feel any chemistry. It took me a while to figure out that I was subconciously looking for guys that treated me as my father and step-father did. (My biological father was absent during my childhood and my step-father, the only real father figure I ever had, would tell me that he loved me and made sure that I had everything that I needed and wanted... But rarely ever talked to me or spent quality time with me.) I think the reason why I did this, is because I was carrying a chip on my shoulder... I believed that there was something wrong with me, and the only way for me to redeem myself was to gain the attention of someone that displayed the same traits. Because when I did have the attention that I wanted, it was like a rush of adrenline.
I don't know if this is what you're going through. If it is... Yes, you do need to take a break from dating and work out these issues first. Because until you do, you'll keep having the same problem over and over again.
Other possibilities... Are you dating guys that you aren't attracted to simply because they are nice? While personality and the way a person treats you is vital... That physical attraction still has to be there. I've also tried to be in relationships with people that I didn't really like, just because they treated me well... And I know that I did it because I simply thought I should. Give the nice guy a chance, I would tell myself. Maybe attraction will develop over time. And sometimes it does, but most of the time it doesn't. I developed the three date rule. If you aren't feeling any chemistry by the third date, most likely you won't.
And as far as being in a relationship is concerned... You're seventeen. It's okay for you to keep your options open at this time in your life. And I promise you that, one day, you will find a guy that do you want to be in a relationship with that is nice to you. It just may take a while.
And last but not least... There have been guys that I've dated in the past that, when I told them that I wasn't interested in continued dating, accused me of leading them on as well. I don't flirt, because I never really learned how... But I think that because I try to be nice to everyone, some guys mistake this kindness as romantic interest. If that is the case with you, don't feel like you need to change who you are.
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First off, go with this guy! Tell him it's just a friend thing, but go. There's no reason to cut yourself off from nice people just because you're having some problems right now.
Now, I think you're right. You should just stop chasing guys for a while. Let someone chase you and just chill. When someone is right, you'll know.
This sort of thing happens to lots of people. Sometimes we just know what we want and can't find it in the people we go after. I went through guys like kleenex for a while. Then one day I just couldn't anymore. I was so sick of having to explain to these guys that they weren't what I wanted. That was when my boyfriend found me. We've been together for two years, and he's perfect. I put him through hell and he still keeps coming back.
Just take some time. Life happens at its own pace.
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