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Q: sorry is this is long but I really need help so please don't skip over it
Ok my parents have been divorced my whole life I don't even know who my dad is. Well my mom has serious problems with finding guys. They usually beat her or cheat on her. I've had about a dozen stepfathers and all of them treat her like shit and she doesn't deserve that. Well my newest stepfather Richie has been with my mother for 2 years now and she is really happy with him. I've never seen my mom this happy before. He is soo nice to her. But the thing is he has a son (my stepbrother) who is constantly hitting me and raping me. I tried talking to my mom about it and she said that she would talk to my stepdad and my stepbrother. She did and then it stopped for a little while but then he did it again and it was even worse than it was before. He had a couple of his friends over and they thought that it would be fun to beat and rape his 14 year old step sister. I talked to my stepdad and he told me to stop making things up. He told my mother that I was making things up and they sent me to a shrink. Needless to say my stepbrother continued to do these things to me. I confronted my mother again and she told me to talk to my stepdad. I did and he told me that I was lying and that even if I wasn't I needed to get over it because we are a happy family and we all have to make sacrifices I told him that that was wrong and he hit me! Now he's been hitting me too when my mom isn't around. I don't know what to do. She is soo happy and she deserves to be. I don't want to ruin this for her. My question is should I just deal with this so that she can be happy or is there anyway that I can get help without ruining this for her?

You need to report your mom, stepfather and stepbrother to the police. There is no other way around it. No one has to be hit or raped just so the family can pretend to be happy. How could your mother keep you in this situation just because she thinks she has found the man of her dreams. You are her daughter, her flesh and blood. You came before these people and now she is letting them use you just because hse is happy? Your mom has some serious mental problems and you don't deserve to be in a house like that. If you have any relatives that are close to you that you are close to, tell them what is happening. Let them know what is going on and for how long it has been going on. If not, then talk to a teacher or counselor at school. No one has the right to hit and beat on you just because they can, and no one has the right to force you into sex. And now that you are pregnant, you have a child that you need to think about. Is this the kind of situation that you want your child in? This matter is out of your hands and now you need to let someone else take care of it.

Q: My dad died a month ago and ever since then my mom's been really happy. They used to fight all the time and they were going to get divorced because of it. But ever since he died she's been soo happy and she's been going out with all of these different guys most of which hit me or her. If I ever even mention my dad or I cry about it she starts screaming at me and telling me that I'm a pathetic baby. I loved my dad he was soo good to my mom he tried so hard to make it work between the two of them for me and my older sister (she moved out before he died). I hate my mom she's put us through so much and I just can't stand her. So recently I've been staying with some of my friends a lot and I tried LSD. It was really great and it helped me a lot just to get away from everything that's been going on. I've heard all the horror stories about drugs but I just can't believe that they would be true. Well my question is is there anyway for me to get away from my mom so I don't have to deal with her always being a bitch to me and hitting me? And are drugs really as bad as people make them out to be or are the stories just bullshit like they are for LSD?

There are so many things going on in this question that I will address them one at a time.

First of all, your mom situation. I don't care who she is dating, but she has no right to let the guys she date hit on her let alone you. You are her child, and she has a duty to protect you. You need to talk to someone that you are close to in your family or in your community. Let them know what is going on. You shouldn't have to stay in a living situation that is unstable. If you are close to your older sister, talk to her.

Second of all, doing any kind of drugs is bad for you. Believe me, the stories that you hear are NOT bullshit, otherwise they wouldn't be out there. There are many kids out there suffering from the after and long term affects of doing drugs. Do your research. If you think LSD is safe, then think again.

And last, your dad. I am so sorry to read that he passed away, but this doesn't give your mom a right to go into celebration mode. She should be respectful of your feelings and the love that you had for your dad, regardless of the way that she felt. You should talk to a counselor at school about your dad's death, and you should be allowed to mourn properly over him.

I hope that you find yourself in a healthier situation soon. Take care.

Q: I have been living with my aunt carla for 5 years now, and about 2-3 months ago her 2 older boys moved out.. when they did me and my aunt got along really good , but about a month ago both of them moved back.. now i always fight w/ her and i cant stand it.. she gets stressed over my 2 cousins that moved back and expects me to do everything in the house because 'the boys are lazy ' but i always say ' they live here, just like i do , they should also do stuff to help out ' and my aunt was like they both work.. but now one of my cousins quit his job and all he does is put my aunt in a bad mood & so that makes her always mad @ me ! ne ways.. my aunt carla wants me to move in with my aunt barbara.. i love my aunt barbara, and get along with her so much better but she doesnt seem like shes in a good finanical place right now... another reason why i dont like it where i live is that if i wana go out in my back yard and tan one of my cousins will come out and say im fat and all this other stuff, like im a whore ! it brings me down alot, even though it shouldnt.. but if i lived with my other aunt i wouldnt have that problem.. i love my aunt carla, but i cant stand living with her sons any more.. any advice ?

I suggest that you do two things here. First of all, you need to talk to your Aunt Carla when her sons aren't around. Let her know that you enjoyed the time that you and her have spent together, and that you really appreciate everything that she has done for you, but you have noticed that she has been treating you differently since her sons have moved back in the house. Let her know that you don't mind helping around the house and doing your share, but you don't think it fair that you have to pick up her sons slack too. In all honesty, you need to be honest with your aunt and let her know how you feel. Tell her about the comments her son has been giving you and how you see the situation.

The second thing I suggest you do is talk to your Aunt Barbara. Since you have a relationship with her also, and you don't see a negative besides her financial situation, then this might be the better option for your living situation. There is no need for you to place yourself in an unnecessary stressful living situation if you can get out of it. Let your Aunt Barbara know what is going on also, and go from there.

Q: Today, my family and I (14/m) were out playing sports. All was well for a while. Untill my lil brother started to misbehave and be uncooperative.I got vexxed, but i controlled my rage untill we got home.

At home, i was still vexxed.
(since my birthday is about a montn away)My mom asked me what i wanted for my birthday. I told her "i want my brother to be gone for my birthday. that would be the perfect gift."

She got vexx at me. so vexx she couldn't speak. Sheleft the room.

I went to look for her later and i found her crying. what i said really got to her emotionally. she just looked at me like everything was lost.

that look got to me. i am sorry i told her that.
but i dont know what to do.

What should i do?
i can't let her feel like she grew me up wrong- i am her 1st born. she will just give up with the others too.

please help.

The only thing you can do is apologize and wait for her to forgive you. Yes, what you said was wrong, but you are only human. Everyone's younger siblings make them cross. Have you ever tried to form a relationship with your younger brother and see where he is coming from? Let your mother know that you will try and form a better relationship with your brother and that she will never hear you say something so mean and spiteful again.

Q: ok i just found out that we might have to move, and if we do i wont be going to the same school. now heres the problem, we dont have the money to move or to stay in the house we have right now. so i dont want to move and im to young to work any where really.so what should i do?????????

Unfortunately you do not have a say so in this situation. Just because you don't want to move doesn't mean that you can stay in a place that your parents cannot afford. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to get all of your friends contact information, (home and cell phone numbers, email and mailing addresses, AIM and messenger names, etc...,) and keep in contact with them through those means. Just because you don't go to school together doesn't mean that you all can't stay friends. Also, show your parents some support too. I am sure that this is a difficult process for them too, after all, they are leaving behind friends too. The only thing you can do in a bad situation is make the best out of it.

Q: Hello, I have recieved several threatening letters over the past year from my father. The threats include having me put in hospital, also stating that he has had a curse put on my daughter and myself to ensure that something bad happens to us, and general insults and abuse aimed at my wife daughter and myself. We have really had enough of this, is there anything I can do and should I go to the police ? I am convinced that he is going to pay someone to come and do physical harm to my family or myself. He is quite old and in a poor state of health, but is and has always been a very brutal person having caused misery and suffering over many years mainly to his wife and children. All I have done to promt these letters is to write to him listing his bad deeds over the years and telling him what I thaught of his behaviour, this was without any aimed insults from me. My letter to him was in response to further bad behavior on his part.

Yours and Best Regards

Daniel

Yes, you should go to the police as soon as possible. Any threat that is made to you or your families safety should be taken seriously and should have been reported a long time ago. She because your father is in a poor state of health does not limit him to the ways that he can hurt you. Already he is doing emotional and mental harm to you and your family. You should gather all of the letters that he has written to you, and go directly to the police station. Request an order of protection and a restraining order from him. Because he has been threatening you for over a year, other measures can be taken. (Depending on your states laws.) You need to be the safety and well-being of your family, the ones who care about you, first and let your father know that he can't get away with this.

Q: Recently, I've become very, very good friends with this girl named...Leslie. We have many friends but a close-knit group of 4 consisting of me, 'Leslie', 'Nicole,' and 'Ashley.' We are all close friends and really nothing can take us apart. In my PE class is a girl named 'Melissa' who I cannot stand for some reason. She just annoys me so much, and now Leslie and Melissa have become pretty close. It aggravates me everytime I'm excluded from their conversations, everytime I'm left out and it's so frustrating to hear Melissa call 'LESSSLIIIIEEE' everywhere I go. Ashley actually feels the same way as I do, but none of my friends know how I feel. I've always been the nice one and the one who's always accepted people...but somehow Melissa just broke me down. My frustration didn't even come from her becoming friends with Leslie...it just grew larger from that. In the beginning of the school year, when I saw her, I knew from the start that for some reason I would not like her. She said something to Leslie and I (while we were working out in class) that implied that Ashley was fat. I was so shocked that I just got up and left them. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just cannot STAND her. She irritates me and just makes me feel insane; and it's not as if she did anything wrong. Sometimes when Ashley and I are late to lunch, she pulls Leslie and Nicole away from us and drags them to lunch without us. During lunch she'll come up and pull Leslie away from us while we're still talking, or sit in between Leslie and whoever is sitting next to her. I know it doesn't seem like much, but the small things have always been what really matter to me.

I really need advice. I know talking it out with my friends would be a good choice but I wouldn't know how to bring it up and how they would respond to me. I've always been nice and trying to be friends with her but somehow it's just not working. Am I doing something wrong? ... This seems really childish but I can't help this feeling. gahhh!

Thanks so much in advance!

No, you are not doing anything wrong. It is not possible for you to be nice, friendly or even like everyone that you go to school with. At least you gave forth the effort of trying to be friends with this girl, even after she insinuated that your best friend was fat. You are right. The best thing for you to do would be to talk to your other friends and let them know how you feel about her. Explain to them that you don't want them to stop being friends with her, because you would never try to choose their friends, but that you would be more comfortable around them if they did not mention her as much. Maybe your friends have already sensed your dislike for Leslie, and that is why they do not include you in the activites they conduct with her. If this girl is really such a bad person, your friends will be able to see through her charade soon.

Q: Is it better to wash your hair in cold water or in hot water? Is it less damaging?

I heard that it is better to wash your hair in warm water, and when you are done rinsing out all of the shampoo and conditioner, to re-rinse your hair in cold water. Cold water is said to seal in your hairs natural moisture.

Q: Ok first of all...this is really long but please read it because i really want some help. My dad has seemed to be a lot more meaner all of a sudden. Well hes always been mean sometimes but I mean hes just started to become physicaly mean. I was downstairs before because I was checking his email because a friend of mines mom was emailing him. So, I kept going down there to check it. (while he was on the phone down there) He started to get really annoyed and started yelling (like almost silently so of course the person on the phone couldnt hear him) and he just freaked out. He got off the phone with the person..and I walked passed him because I was going to go upstairs. He grabbed my arm and goes Whats your problem? And I said you! And hes like why? And I said nothing and attempted to go back upstairs. But he gripped me harder and it hurt because it was like squeezing my skin together and burning. Then he like grabbed my whole body and was pulling me towards him saying come onnn give me a hugg..Aliciaaa what is wrong. And he just wouldnt let me go upstairs. I was like uhh what the heck..whats so bad of me wanting to go upstairs? But yeah he just kept gripping onto me. And yeah I was of course trying to fight back and was quietly screaming. When I went upstairs my mom goes..what was going on down there? And I said dad wouldnt let me go..and he wouldnt let me go upstairs. She goes pff yeah right uh huh. And I was like he did!! didnt you hear me yelling?? He was gripping onto my arms. And she just kept saying riight im sure. And just now we were eating dinner in the living room and his business phone rang. He went and picked it up and goes..blah blah blah..then goes to go turn down the volume on the tv. And I go ooohh my goooshh..now we cant even eat dinner without you having to be involved with your business? (he is wayyy overly obsessed and its all he cares about..and no matter where we are he will always talk about it) He didnt answer me and gave the phone to my mom. Then he came over to me and did his little silent yelling thing and goes..you shut the h*ll up! And I go oh my gosh im just trying to eat dinner. And he just kept telling me to shut up. Then for some STUPID reason he grabbed my plate and took it out to the kitchen. I go oh my gosh what are you doing?? Now I cant even eat?!? He came back out to me and grabbed my arm tightly and it burned again and he pulled me out to the kitchen. He goes you eat this out here. Then I tried to leave the kitchen because I was going to go up to my room..but he wouldnt let me and just kept pushing me back. Then I finally went up to my room and slammed the door and locked it. He came up and got it unlocked and came in and goes..what the h*ll do you think your doing? Shes trying to talk on the phone and all your doing is yelling. I was like oh my gosh you were the one who was yelling and who started it. you didnt havvve to answer the phone..and even when were eating dinner! and hes like bulls**t blah blah blah. Then I kept saying..get out of my room! And I pushed him out. Now he keeps coming back up here and asking..did I leave the remote in here? and I go no...and he just stood there and then left. Then he came back up and was like it has to be in here...and then he searched all over. It was stupid because we both know he didnt bring it up here..and I was just like uhh what the heck?? He just seems to like to start fights and likes to keep bringing it back up. My mom doesnt believe what I say..mostly because I think she would be too scared to say anything to him. So, she just pretends to not believe it and doesnt do anything about it. He is not a alcoholic. He just gets mad easy and for stupid things. Do you think hes becoming abusive? What should I do??

You were a little rude and disrespectful in the way that you talked back to your father. If you would have just stopped talking back, and apologized for your actions, then all of that could have been avoided. That still doesn't give him the right to grab you like that. Talk to your father, and try to get an understanding to why he is so upset and angry lately. It could be that his business is what is stressing him out so much. Also, try talking to your mother again. Ask her if she has noticed your father acting differently and if there is anything going on with him and his business. Parent's are under a lot of stress, having to work and take care of children and pay bills. Try understanding where he is coming from.

Q: is it safe to try inserting a tampon if you dont hae your period? (just for practice)

No, it is not safe. You are putting yourself at a higher risk of getting Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). You should wait to insert a tampon when you are on your period, and always use the lowest absorbency possible.

Q: sorry i didn't know where to put this so i just put it here .. well a few weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant. i decided that im going to have the baby but the problem is that i have an eating disorder. i know it's probably bad for the baby but i've been doing it for so long that i can't stop. Does anyone know how badly it can hurt the baby or what it can do to it?
14/f

It can cause your baby to be born prematurely and have lifelong health conditions. If you care anything about yourself or your child, then you will tell your doctor about your health condition and get help for it as soon as possible. Your child is innocent in this, and he/she shouldn't have to live with lifelong health problems because of your carelessness. I know that having an eating disorder is a mental and lifelong condition, but with the right supervision, treatment and help, it can be taken under control and you can have a healthy baby.

Q: What do you think about these baby names:

Mattilynn Nicole
Jake Ryan
Zachary Daniel
Rylee Elizabeth

Twin girls :

Ashlynn
Joshlynn

I love the names Mattilynn Nicole and Rylee Elizabeth. They are both original, and spelled creatively.

Q: hey my lips are always dry and i dont know why. i have to lick them all the time to keep them wet. they arent chapt so i dont need chap stick, but what should i do? i rate high

You need to stop licking your lips. Your saliva can dry your lips out faster, making them chapped. Instead, keep some lipgloss or chapstick in your purse or pocket and apply that when you feel your lips getting dry. I reccomend something with SPF in it to protect it from the sun and wind. If you want to add a little color to your lips, find some that contain a hint of color in it. Also look for petroleum based lip gloss.

Q: I have a cousin who puts my probles on here for the world to know! It's really annoying me..what should I do..I don't want to seem mean though..

Stop telling your cousin your problems. If you don't want other people to know what is going on in your life, then stop telling the person who doesn't seem to understand that. She should respect your privacy, but you should know when to say enough is enough.

Q: Ok here it goes. Me and my bff have been bestfriends for a little over a year. Yes we have our fights and such but one of us apologizes and we get over it. Well the other day i was having a crappy day and kind of took it out on her because usually i can trust her to not take it to the extreme or freak out. Well later on i had realized what i did and apologized for it and she went off saying i take her for granted and im selfish and all these other things. Well we didnt talk for the rest of the day and for most of today. But then she randomly IMed me like nothing had happend and like she hadnt said anything. I read her online journal and she said that she wasnt going to apologize because she didnt do or say anything wrong. But i think she did. maybe not as much what she said but how she said it. I dont know if i should tell her how i feel and talk with her about it risking her getting mad about it. or should i just hold it in and forget about it?

please help

It looks as if you were in the wrong. Just because you were having a crappy day doesn't give you the right to take it out on her. And by you saying 'usually I can trust her to not take it to the extreme or freak out' goes to show that you probably have taken your frustration and anger out on her even before this incident. She was right to get upset at you, because you are taking her for granted. Instead of freaking out on her, you should talk to her and explain to her why you are in a bad mood, and let her be your shoulder to lean on. She doesn't owe you any kind of apology. In fact, you owe her another one. Friends are hard to come by, and when you find a good one, you should hold on to her as tight as possible.

Q: I am desperate to get my ex-boyfriend back. He doesn't want to get back together because we fight alot. I will do anything. How can I get him back?

It seems as if your ex's mind is already made up. Obviously in your previous relationship, you and him argued a lot. So the last thing in his mind to remind him of your relationship with him is that. If you think that he is dead set on not being with you, then the best thing you can hope for with him is a friendship. But if there is an ounce of hope or feelings between the two of you, then you need to talk to him. Tell him that you know that your last try with him ended terribly, but that you are a changed person, and you are willing to work on your relationship with him. Let him know that every relationship goes through ups and downs, and arguments are normal, but you and him can come up with different ways besides arguing to express you all's feelings. If he still has feelings for you, then he should be willing to give you another chance.

Q: i drink at parties..but im afraid one day my parents are gunna catch me if i come home wasted..help?

The solution here is simple. If you are underage, then you need to stop drinking until you are old enough to go in a store and buy it legally on your one. If you are drinking, then one day you will slip and your parents will catch you. To avoid that, and the disappointment and hurt that you will cause them, refrain from drinking until you are 21 or out of their house.

Q: My mum and dad have had one of those 'loveless' relationships and now they have separated but theyre still living together. From what Ive been told my mum only married my dad because she was 31 and wanted to have kids. They were together for ages before they married.
My dad didnt treat my mum that good and when it came to bringing us up he left it down to her. He would never really look after us.
Anyways my mum told me that she started seeing her 'highschool sweetheart'. I dont know if theyre actually together together. I kinda had my suspitions before.
My mum asked if I would like to meet him. I said I didnt know. I told my boyfriend about the situation and he said why did u say that for, you shouldn't see him. My brother said the same thing.
I love both my parents a lot. My mum hasnt been happy for a very long time. Now she seems alot happier and that makes me feel happy. From what Ive heard he's nice guy. But I feel that if I see him or am nice to him then im gonna be kinda betraying my dad who knows nothing about it. Im really confused.

I think it would be wise for you to not see your mom's high school sweetheart right now. If your father finds out, he may see it as a form of betrayal to him. Your father and mother are still married, so therefor even though they don't act like a couple, legally they are. Since you love both of your parents, you need to explain to your mother that you are happy that she is happy, but you are not comfortable with meeting her partner until her and your father have finalized their seperation and have moved into seperate dwellings.

Q: so i leftmy binder in my dads truck and he read through one of my notebooks...a very private notebook i might add...he read how many guys ive had sex with and diifernt drugs ive tryed and shit like that...he told me this tonight as he pulled it out of his briefcase....and read me all the passages...how should i handle this...cuz hes not handling it too well...:/

There is no way to reverse the information he has found out. What you need to do is sit down and talk to him calmly and reasonably. Ask him if there is anything that he wants/needs to say to you. Even though you left your binder in your father's truck, that doesn't give him a right to invade your privacy and read your thoughts. But, if the notebook was so important, it shouldn't have been left around so carelessly also. The only thing left for you to do is suck up what has happened and learn from your mistakes. The worse thing for any parent to find out is that their innocent little girl is not so innocent nor little anymore. Your father is hurting right now, and he needs some time to process what he has discovered about you. Here's a tip for you: Why don't you trying keeping an online journal from now on instead of a written journal? That way you can password protect it from those who you do not want to see it, and you can have access to it from any computer. There are a lot of online journal sites that you can use.

Q: I babysit for an hour and a half everyday.
Lucky me, I get the hours when the youngest baby wants to go to sleep more.
The parents keep asking me to try and keep her awake till they come home cause if not she won't sleep at night.
I always fail and she always ends up falling asleep then the parents have trouble getting her back to sleep in the middle of the night.
So I need tips on keeping her awake. She's 8 months old. Don't just say ''Play with her'' because I keep trying but she just crys then I pick her up and she falls asleep.

Oh and I also babysit her sister who is 3 years old so anything that they could both do would be good, I don't want to leave any of them out.

Take them outside. All children love the outdoors, and by taking them outside, the baby will be too fascinated with what is going on outside to even think about going to sleep. It always work for my sons.

bio

I am a 22 year old mother of two that has had to grow up a lot faster then her years. I have been married for four years, but now am seperated from my significant other due to lack of his being able to handle a mature relationship. I can relate to almost anyone, and have been sought out, both online and off, for my advice. I answer all questions truthfully and honestly. If I don't know an answer to a question or I think other resources would be helpful, then I go into researh mode until I find an answer or the proper resource. I aspire to be a life coach in the future, because I like helping people make decisions to make their life better for their future. I am here not only to answer advice questions on this site, but to also chat with you if you feel like you need a more indepth one-on-one help.

Here are some of the guidelines I go by when answering advice questions:

I am always truthful in any advice I give.
I would never give anyone any advice that I would not follow myself.
I take into consideration your feelings when answering questions, but I will not sugar coat anything. If you are wrong, then you are wrong and I will tell you so.
If I cannot answer a question to the best of my ability, then I will point you to someone who can, or I will research my butt off until I find a helpful solution for you.