Has life got you down? Are you confused? Don't know who to ask? Have embarassing or personal questions you dont want others to know? For any reason at all that you are needing advice, I am here to help. Relationship, work, home, friends or even family. Nothing is to big or to small of an issue when you are not sure where to turn. Ask someone who truely cares about what matters to you! I am hear for YOU, so what can I do to HELP?
Website: Straight UP Advice Onedayatatime
Gender: Female
Member Since: October 10, 2008
Answers: 68
Last Update: November 1, 2008
Visitors: 6302
Main Categories:
Love Life
Work/School Relationships
Parenting
View All
Favorite Columnists
Alin75
S_C
Missa8305
MikeCFT
|
| |
|
I'm getting highlights but I'm not sure what tone I'd like them. I have a cool complexion but medium brown hair with reddish tints in it in a certain light. So basically I have a cool skin and a warmer hair color. I know that if you get warmer, golden highlights it may end up showing the redness in your face. Any suggestions? Thanks! (link)
|
ADVICE
Well I have dark brown hair, I went and had my hair done with a copper high light tones. I also have a natural redish tint in my hair as well. I loved the copper tint tone. If you wanted to go with something lighter like a blondish or lighter brown tones for high lights I would go have it professionally done. They are able to have it come out looking right, if you decide to go with those tones.
I have tried some do it yourself home kits for coloring and doing my own highlights. When going with blondish or lighter browns they tend to turn out orange looking.
The best tones for your skin tone and hair coloring would be
copper
dirty blond
brighter red tones
dark red tones
platinum
light brown
I think all of those would look great with your natural hair color. But you can always ask what the stylist might recommend.
I hope these ideas help, let me know what color you pick, and how it turns out :) I do think all these would look great though.
Have a great day and remember to take it onedayatatme
|
|
i had sex about a week ago ad iv'e ben feeling very wierd lately,like,in the morning my throught has ben soar in the mornings,i had heartburn,i feel a little fatique,my breast are a little tender,i've had to pee more then usuall,i felt a little nausiated lately,and i feel a little bloated,could i be pregnant? (link)
|
ADVICE
Anytime you have a physical relationship with someone, even using protection, it is possible to become pregnant.
If you are having all these signs, I would recommend seeing a doctor soon. A pregnancy test right now, would not really help you out to much. For that to really work, you would have to almost wait until your next period is late before testing. They do have newer tests now that you can take that will show if you are pregnant a few days before your period usually starts.
If you do make the choice to see a doctor or go to a clinic. They can do a blood test, this will show if you are pregnant sooner than a regular pregnancy test.
I would recommend seeing a doctor either way, because if you are not pregnant it could be other things causing these problems.
If you do choose to see a doctor and have them do any blood work ask them to do a full workup, checking for stds and so on. Just to be safe.
I am not sure how old you are because you did not state that. So if you are younger, a clinic might be a more suitable option.
I do strongly suggest seeing a doctor though to get checked out. This way you will know for sure. That way you can determin what your next step might be. If it is something else and you are not pregnant its best to catch things early on.
I hope this helps, let me know what you think.
Take a deep breath and take it onedayatatime
|
|
I dont really know what catagory to put this under. So does anybody here know anything about analyzing dreams? I'd like to know what this dream means, i have it about every 2 weeks but its never the same. Its always me trying to hide and protect a baby animal from some kind of danger. The animal can always talk and is always asking me to save it, but i never know what im saving it from. i have this so often! but always in a different situation and with a different animal. Does this mean something? (link)
|
ADVICE
This sounds to me like maybe you could be avoiding certain situations in your real life. Not saying you are, but the dream seems to endicate either you or someone you know might be scard about something. When we avoid things in real life sometimes our subconcisous takes over. Often telling us or revealing to us, things we might not want to deal with.
If nothing is really going on in your life right now, or you dont know of anyone having problems that you care about, then it could stem from natural worries.
In other words differant animals in your dreams could represent people, a situation, or a thought.
Having to save the animal may stem from emotional worries, future thoughts, or things you might want to not face at this time.
The animal speaking to you in these dreams, could be a form of your emotional subconcious, either referring to yourself, or maybe someone you know.
Dreams are sometimes just that dreams, but since this is something that keeps happening, I would say that the subconcious mental thoughts are trying to tell you something.
No one will be able to tell you exactly what this dream means to you. Only you can explore what you think it might be trying to tell you.
So figure out things that are going on around you right now.
What has changed?
What seems differant?
What kind of stress are you under?
Is anyone close to you acting differant?
These are really the only things I can suggest to bring meaning and understanding to what this dream might be trying to express.
I hope this helps, be sure to let me know what you think..
Take a deep breath and always remember take it onedayatatime
|
|
Alright well Im 15 and I drink and smoke. Well I have had sex with 12 people already. A few of them I really liked and most of them I was drunk. And I know thats not an excuse. But Ive been fucked over so many times by guys. Like I dont have any emotions anymore. But I can like name all of tthe people I did have sex with. But I still feel like im a slut and I dont want to be a slut or feel like one. Most of the time when im in a relationship I feel like I have to have sex with them. Or they keep bugging/begging me and I cave in sometimes. So Idk what to do. (link)
|
ADVICE
My personal opinion on this is that you are to young to be this sexually active. Your being careless with you actions for what ever reason. You are taking risks with every guy you choose to be with. Drinking and smoking at your age? How do your parents not know or relize whats going on. Your on a self destruction path and fast. Every guy you are with drunk or willing may have an STD or worse. What if you got pregnant? I know you said you have been hurt by guys. Feeling like you have to be sexual with a guy to keep them, or even doing it just because. You are allowing yourself to be used and putting walls up, along with lashing out.
Low self esteem and self worth means alot when it comes to how you view yourself personally. If you view yourself as worthless or that you dont deserve happiness, you will continue to self destruct. You have to love yourself and not only demmand better for yourself, but from others who might care about you. Dont allow others to use you and discard you. Nor should you be this way with anyone else.
I really dont know how your parents are, but the fact that they dont seem aware of your behavior is some concern to me.
Why do you feel the need to drink and smoke?
What drives you into any guys arms?
These are questions you can only figure out for yourself. Seeing how your actions are and comming here to ask for some advice is a big stop.
Dont throw your life away based on what other people want or need. You should love yourself and be concerned about you and what you need to get past this point in your life.
I dont know how your parents might react but talking to them and explaining some things going on with you right now, might be a good idea.
Counceling, even family counceling might also help. I say this because sometimes we really dont understand why we are doing the things we do.
A deeper more emotional issue, is harder to work through on your own.
I suggest backing away from all the negative things you are doing in your life right now. The smoking, drinking and other activities you mentioned. Stop doing that so you can clear your head, and dive deeper into why, you might be out to hurt yourself.
We all get hurt, we all get used or taken advantage of. It does not mean we have to become what we did not like in the frist place. To be just like someone else, means you gave up on yourself. Becomming like others whom have hurt you, makes you no differant.
You have to learn from all mistakes, to move forward and move on. Have the strength to stand on your own. Speak up, when someone is bothering you. Tell someone no way, when you know you are about to be used. You get back, what you put into anything in your life. IN other words if you dont mind being with someone who treats you like dirt, because you will do the same. Then you are getting back what you put into it. If you treat someone well and are open with them, you should exspect the same in return. If you have done this and that person proves not to be that way, then you dont hang out with them. Getting back wht you put in. That is how that works.
I am not trying to be mean in anyway here. But you do not have a bright future ahead of you, if you continue to be this way. You need to start turning it around now, since you have already taken the frist step by comming here.
I am a click away if you ever feel the need to talk again. Just leave a question or update in my inbox.
You do deserve happiness dont ever feel like you do NOT. Happiness does not come easy for all of us, but its sure worth the fight. Start loving yourself, and know that you deserve to be happy, and you will be happy one day soon enough.
Take a deep breath and remember to take it onedayatatime
|
I have been a christian off and on since I was 13. I am 22 years old now. When I was younger I have always had some sort of sexual curiosity not knowing where it all started? I am not sure why. I started playing with the idea since I hit my puberty stage. My first time was with my high school sweetheart at 15.
Long story short, I have been very sexual subconsciously and never really had a PROBLEM with controlling my urges. I also started masterbating at a young age. I believe my urges became almost non-existent after I had my son who is now 2. I started to become disgusted with it, and I was also seriously devoting my life to the Lord, puting my past behind me especially now that my new goalk was to be a Godly mother for my son.
My one weakness is my baby daddy who is also my high school sweetheart whom I have known for almost 10 years. Regardless of how disgusted with sex I was with anyone else, I can never refuse or not want to be with him. Although we never married we have always had a deep relationship, we are not together now, but we are still very close. I could honestly say I love him unconditionally and he does also, but marriage is far from our minds because of our past insecurities, God still needs to heal. I know that continuing like this hinders the relationship with God we both yearn for, and I am starting to feel that our love making is becoming more lustful because it is not right in our hearts always.
Another thing is that there is a powerful retreat coming up for the both of us, and I have heard stories of how the enemy will distract us from being empowered by the works of God. My urges has intensified within the last week. Everyday for hours I cant stop thinking about it. I pray, and pray... God is supposed to deliver me from this spirit. I just want to pounce on my baby daddy like an animal. I want to make love for hours! If I had a penis, I would have a boner all day. I know that since I was delivered from my natural sexuality,I had one demon to deal with and now Im dealing with seven. Everything I fought against in the past, I let the enemy manipulate me and now I have an almost impossible battle trying to get into the "purity" place I once was in. I know I need cleansed, I know I am a sinner, I am not perfect. How do you control something like that, I know urges are natural, but how could I refrain even from even masterbating (which is so unsatisfactory) at this point? I dont like how I feel, or what I am struggling with. Is it a psychological issue as well? I dont believe I have had to struggle with something that is so emotionally and physically intense before. And the funny thing, is its not like I want to go hump random guys or even things, its my yearning for my baby daddy. (link)
|
ADVICE
All christains including myself mess up. We make mistakes and we often times get confused. I can tell you this as a christain the closer you try to get with god the more struggles you will face. So the more you pray and the more you try, the harder things will become around you. Those feelings of guilt and remorse for knowing you might have done something you should not have. Pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom. Ask for more willpower, when your feeling weak or tempted read the bible together. Find things to do with your child when he is around. Seperate yourself from being left alone with him because you feel weak at this time. I do not mean avoid him, just have your child in the room with you. Or possibily some other friends. Never be afraid to go to other christans you know for support. They can offter ideas, or even tell you what they have done to overcome certain things in their life. You will most likely always have a close connection with the father of your child. This can be a good thing, but it depends on how you go about it. IF you two do not want to be together but still act this way at times, its going to send mixed messages to your child eventually. Seek strength in those who have the same goals and beliefs as you. Those people where set in place to assist us and guide us when we feel we are loosing our way. Young christans learn as they go, the more we learn through the word of god the more is required of us. Knowledge is truely power, its what you do with that knowledge that makes the differance. Dont be hard on yourself, dont feel like your going through this alone. God is always watching over you, and when your ready to hear or accept god unconditionally things will get a little easier. I find that when I am alone and things are really getting to me and I know that I am having harsh thoughts, or non christain like feelings. I will pick up my bible lay my hand over it and pray. Then I will just open the bible at random. Allmost always my eyes are drawn to a passage that helps me, with what is going on around me. I feel so much better, and often times after doing that. I will again pray and ask for forgiveness, guidness, and strength to not be so easily distracted. You will never be perfect honey, and even god knows this. But god also knows whats in our hearts and why we do the things we do. Have a honest relationship with god, and then you can understand compeletly why god has given us certain guidelines to live by. You will begin to understand and know more as you continue to learn more about the bible and can gain, and retain that knowledge.
I also would like to say that I dont feel there is anything wrong with you at all. Struggels between good and evil will always be present. Mentally we face challanges everyday, sometimes the darker side wins. Other times the light shines through. Just remember the light always offers forgiveness, and hope for everyone. When the darker side takes hold, hurt, pain, guilt, and sadness usually show its ugly face.
I hope this helps you some, and always know that God never rejects anyone, people choose to reject God.
If you ever feel the need to talk some more, or just want someone to listen, drop me a line in my inbox anytime.
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime.
|
Sorry a bit long
ok so my Brother has been going out with this girl for over a year now and till this day I havent been able to be friends with her. She acts weird sometimes now Im not saying its all her fault but Ive tried many ways but it just doesnt work out well.
She wont talk to me unless Im the one who talks to her in the first place.. It is sooo hard for me to just start a conversation but I decided to try my hardest in order to talk to her..so I did but it didnt work she only answers what I ask but she doesnt even try to keep the conversation going! When we see each other she wont say Hi unless I say hi. I think she bipolar or something cause like one day she will be all smiles when im around and the next she wont even walk by me.. super rude Sometimes I try to think of the positive side of her but I just cant find a good thing other thatn the fact that my brother is happy. And I feel horrible when I say bad stuff about her but its true..I know its sorta weird that I wanna talk to her but I mean my brother loves her And she makes him happy( or so he says) and I would just love to talk to her. But I dont know wat else to do?? If I wait till she talks to me wow that could never happen but at the same time I think: I already tried my best but wasnt enough
I dont know wat to do plz plz help me
P.S.
please dont say i should ignore her b/c I cant she basically part of my life I see her often N cmon she's my bro's gf
thnx (link)
|
ADVICE
Have you ever thought of asking your brother if all three of you could hang out sometime and do something together? Alot of times when your doing something active or fun, it will break the ice. None of you have been around each other for any extended period of time to really see each other personalities. Meaning you and your brothers girlfriend, much less included in any thing they do. I would really be straight with your brother and say that you have an interest in getting to know her because he cares for her so much. You would like to see the side of her that he sees. That should help your brother understand more of where you are comming from. Also the way his girlfriend acts towards you sometimes may not even have to do with you personally. His girlfriend may have had a bad day, or maybe she had other concerns on her mind. So I would not take that personal especially since you two dont really know each other yet. I do suggest that all of you try and hang out together and do something fun. With your brother around you should feel more comforable at first. If his girlfriend still does not seem interested in becomming your friend or at least getting to know you, then at least you know you put forth the effert. Your brother will notice too. Thats all you really can do is keep trying. I will say this though, if his girlfriend continues to show no interest in getting to know you or at least try. I would pull her aside one day and say hey? Why are you being this way, I have made every attempt to try to get to know you, and you still act like you dont care. I would then just say I love my brother and you make him happy, I just wanted to know the person he knows. After that its all up to her. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that maybe you guys can all work this out. Your brother is your brother forever, but she may not be around forever. So stay strong and keep trying, you can be proud of the fact that you did everything you could possibly do.
Take a deep breath and take it onedayatatime
|
um, i dont really know what to say, im not really good with asking other people for help but what you said really helped me, a whole lot actually. the only thing i feel i need to correct is the thing about rehab, my BROTHER went to rehab, not ME. don't worry, its not that big of a deal, but anyways i'm mainly writing to say thanks but also because i would kinda like to talk to you more, if thats okay.
It's just, i didn't touch much on my family life in the other post so i guess i'll just pour my heart out now. My brother is a 19 year old cosmetologist/drop out/druggie/dealer/gay-man.
I know i should be proud of him no matter what, but i can't help but me painfully embarrassed whenever someone asks me about him, or if there is a possibility he may come up in a conversation. And feeling like that only makes me feel worse because i know its wrong. I hate him sometimes, as terrible as it is, but i hate him and my mother a lot of the time just for my life. Its not their fault, i know that deep down, but i cant help but blame them.
Its like, i feel like if my mother hadn't divorced my father and taken my brother and me away from him, my brother would have had a manly figure and not have been gay. (Also i get furious with my mother when she tells her friends that a divorce really is the best option and that it doeesnt really "hurt the kids" if its done properly. She just doesn't understand. Her parents are still together and always will be, ive never seen love that lasts and im petrified that i am destined to be divorced too.)And I think that if my brother hadn't done drugs, i wouldn't have had to go to sleep listening to my family have screaming matches on the main floor, or be the one to comfort my mother when she was in tears because Kevin (my bro) did something else. I mainly just feel like my childhood was stolen from me. Being in the 5th grade and going on search parties to look for your druggged out brother and having death threats cast against you while your brother was staying in rehab makes you realize that the world isn't easy. I resent them so much sometimes. I just think that my brother is so selfish to go out and party and do whatever he wants with no regard for how badly hes hurt me. I get mad at my mom for always calling me the "good" child, and treating me like i could never do anything wrong. I feel like im under a microscope. The worst part is, i get these spells where i think i'm going to have a heart attack, where it gets hard to breath and i get dizzy. Sometimes they only last a few seconds, but the longest one was at school and it lasted for about 5 minutes. I collapse sometimes because of it, and i am so worried that it'll kill me. I mean, as ridiculous as it sounds, i really do feel like i'm going to die whenever i have an episode. I am just so afraid and angry and i want to know that
i'm not just crazy, you know? (link)
|
ADVICE
Honey your not crazy. It sounds like you have alot of stress and that will do that to any person, when they are not able to handle all that is going on around them. Your body is reacting to stressful situations the only way it can right now. As far as your mother and your brother go, its funny when it comes to family. I in my heart feel that you can truely love everyone, but you dont always have to like the person that they are. With your brother for instance being worried about what others may think or being embarassed of how he is, should really not affect you this much. You are not your brother and should never feel like you have to explain anyting on his part or for his actions. I know that sounds harsh but what I mean is if anyone wants to talk about your brother or bring him up, you polightly say ask him yourself. If they really want to know or are curious you tell them its none of their business and to stop asking. You can protect yourself and your brother by handleing things more this way. That way all those feelings you get will start to gradually ease off, when you know the only things people are hearing will come directly from your brother himself and not by anything you have done or said. As for your mother and those feelings, I think all of us feel that way. I will be flat out honest on with you on this one. I love my mother for being my mother, but I do not like the person that she is. I still respect her as you should for any parent but as a person I do not care for the person she is, or how she is. I know thats a bit confusing but it is possible to love someone and not really like them. I would talk to your mother and you brother and be honest about all of these things. I think that when you express yourself to them it will releave some of those stressful feelings that you are having. When a person holds things inside for a long period of time, it can not only affect you mentally but phyically as well. As far as your mother stating that divorce does not affect the children, and how that has made you feel, and how you think that will affect you in the future you need to be upfront about that. Divorce is hard on the children I know that first hand. However if the divorced parent can be open enough with their children about why and what went wrong I often times think that helps the children with some closer and understanding. We are all accountalbe for our actions and sometimes it will affect others even if we never wanted it too. Divorce is one of those times. The children are the innocent bystanders. No one who ever gets married can predict how the future will turn out. Often times as a parent we feel the pain that our children have over our own mistakes. If your mother feels this has not affected you at all, she might choose to see it that way, even though that is not the case. Be open and honest with the ones you love, only then can you start to make the relationship better. We all take charge of our future, and we live and learn as we go. If you choose to believe you will fail at something in life, most likely you will. Change that outlook, believe that you can do better and you will. Never let the actions of others, make you feel like your life will turn out the same way. Its normal to have worries and fears about stuff, but never let it get the best of you. Just worry about being responsibil for yourself and your own actions. No matter how bad we may view our families at times they will always be our family, we cant change that. Nor did we have the option to pick them ourselves. So have a talk with them and remember what I said. This will not only help you now, but will ensure a better future and a more possitive outlook, on things you cant change. I hope this helped and if you ever need to talk again I will be here..
So take a deep breath remember to love yourself and take it onedayatatime
Also I would like to say sorry for the misunderstanding about the rehab thing because it was refering to your brother and not you. So I am glad you got back with me and cleared that up. See I am not perfect and I will admit first hand when I make a mistakes. So thank you for pointing that out to me I do appreciate it.
|
what is a beer blast.
it seems like you would just drink beer and have a party about it or something.
haha i don't know.
i just wanna know what it is. (link)
|
ADVICE
A beer blast to me in my opinion is a bunch of beer kegs and a whole lot of people parting with a huge supply of beer on tap. The more kegs the more people. Beer blasts can have a ton of people there. Usually collage parties, do this type of thing. I would not rule out younger kids trying to pull it off at a more low key place. So unless their are some new terms to things I am unaware of I would say you pretty much answered this yourself. :)
WARNING: Beware of funnel drinking, they might do things like that too at these parties. They take a funnel with a tube and chug chug chug...This can be very dangerous....
Ok well I guess thats about all I know as well, tell me if this helped at all.
Remember to take it onedayatatime
|
Can anyone please help me, I have just bought a harmonica and I need help playing it, I don't know where to start.
I play guitar, so do you play chords on a harmonica like a guitar?
I've got no idea how to play one and really need some help.
Thanks. (link)
|
ADVICE
I am really not sure myself but I did some research for you and maybe these sites can help you out. Wish you the best of luck let me know if these sites are helpful.
www.harmonicalessons.com
www.davegage.com
www.harmonicaclub.com
www.coast2coastmusic.com
Remember to always take it onedayatatime
|
|
Im 15. This summer I got my heartbroken . My first love of a year and 3 months broke up with me on June 1st , It's been the longest 4 months of my life! I miss him dearly and I have no clue how to get over him , it is probley the most confusing time in my life iv ever had . Im so weak when it comes to him and he KN0WS it! I would do anything to have him back in my life , I may be young but im very mature for my age. He was my everything and for it to go away all in one day is crazy for me . We know we still love each other and always will have somthing special there for each other. Im trying to move on , but I just can't . Everytime he wants to hang out I KNOW what's gonna happen , were gonna end up kissing and everything but it's like I can't say no to him ... I love him so much and it's like " so what If I can't be with you , im with you at this moment " ... Idk what to do , iv tried EVERYTHiNG!! (link)
|
ADVICE
Well sweetie if this is how he is, when you guys hang out. Its like your really not broken up which is why its making him so hard to get over. Everytime you guys hang out its like all those feelings rush back and just adds to the confusion your dealing with. It cant be both ways, either you are friends and knock of the making out, or your back together. You need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you cant continue to be this way with him because its tearing you up inside. Either you remain friends and nothing else so you can move on. Or you guys both try again and see where things go. This is not fair to you at all. Your going to have to be strong and confront him. So next time you guys are alone and he trys to make out with you, just say hey I cant do this anymore, unless we are together again. If he tells you he does not want that, your going to have to be strong and tell him then making out stops, because it not fair to you and its to hard emotionally to handle. Tell him you still have feelings for him, and he needs to stop sending you mixed messages. Your either with me or your not. Be straight up with him about it. I know its not easy, but you have to be strong and back this up with not only words but your actions. Make things totally clear to him, dont give in. Once he gets the message he cant have everything his way, he will have a choice to make. To be with you, or just be friends. I hope this helps, please let me know how things are going... Drop me a line anytime in my inbox to keep me updated..
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime
|
|
Okay, I am thirteen and I am a girl. So for Halloween this year I want to have a really cute costume because this is the first year I am going to a party with boys. I want a cute costume, but I don't want to look trashy. Any ideas? (link)
|
ADVICE
Have you ever thought of going as a gothic angel?
Things that I think are cool and cute..
maiden renasance dresses are pretty neat looking.
vampire goddess
an angel
a vampire slayer
cat woman
a nurse
a rock star
Those are some of my favorites I hope this helps some let me know what you think. Have a great time at your party.
take it onedayatatime
|
As everyone knows our economy is going down the drain and neither candidates proposed an actual "I'm going to do this to fix this" plan.
In addition my dad's company is in high debt and about to close permanently. In addition to that, there is going to be a mass layoff on Oct. 17th. Why don't we just throw in the facts that my sister is going around for Med school interviews (which costs money since they're all out of state), I still have to go to college, my mom probably can't get a good job (didn't have a chance to go to college and has to pick me up by 4PM everyday after school), I can't drive, I can't work (I have activities everyday after school that I can't get out of). As you can see, we're all incredibly stressed out about the whole financial crisis situation x 10.
I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I'm asking for any kind of advice?
Thanks
16/f (link)
|
ADVICE
The encnomy right now is affecting everyone, well I should say almost everyone. Seems like your under alot of stress. Most parents try to keep their financial situations private. This is because children should never have to worry about those things. As parents, our job is to provide, shelter, purchase food along with education. So the stress you are feeling, is through out your household. What your parents are facing alone is a major struggle right now. The stress they are under must be overwelming. To know or see you as stressed as they are is probably not helping. I understand you are concerned about your future. Having a little faith is not a bad idea either.
Some ideas for your collage in the future, there are goverenment grants given to families everyday. Pale grants are very common, and easy to apply for. Also if you focus on your grades in school you might even be able to get a paid in full scholership. There are many ways to get help, so do not stress about going to collage, where their is a will, there is a way.
As far as what your sister is doing, that situation is something your parents and her, need to sit down and dicuss with everything that is going on. Your sister might have to look into those options I mentioned to you as well. I am not sure what type of parents you have, nor how they react to stress like this. So I will say this, try to not put pressure on them or make them feel any worse about the situation at hand. No parent wants to feel like a failure or that they cant provide for their children. I might even suggest things to your parents like your checking into other ways to go to collage, like the pale grant or something. You can show your parents you are concerned and thinking ahead by doing some research. I guess what I am saying is try to aleaveate some of the stress yourself. Dont feel bogged down or burrened yourself over things you, yourself can NOT fix. All that will do is cause heartache for you, and maybe even others in the household.
Its hard on everyone right now, myself included so your family is not alone on this one. So if you just need someone to talk to when things seem overwelming I am here, you can drop me a line in my inbox anytime if you would like. I hope this helps out some and I've covered some concerns, and hopefully some ways for you to have less stress about things you cant control.
Take a deep breath always remembering to take it onedayatatime
|
|
im going threw a whole lot of shit right now in my life im 18f senior in high school . i live with my mom still but lately her ways and her rules are getting to me (shes a bit abusive )and im overwhelmed with school work.my boyfriend who is 20 is a great guy i enjoy being around him he always makes me happy but im not sure if i can have him in my life right and im a virgin that is not planning on having sex now he knows im a virgin his not a virgin im afraid that i might have sex with him too early just for comfort.but i dont think i can deal with all that in my life right now should i break it off with him. (link)
|
ADVICE
I dont feel you need to break up with him, he sounds like a really decent guy. I would talk to him and tell him what you just stated here. You might want to have a little space right now, but I see no reason why you should break up with him. If he knows you are a virgin and not ready and he is not pushing the issue he probably respects you more for your decision. I think you where wise in choosing to wait on having any kind of sexual relationship. Along with sexual relations comes alot of emotions and stress. Which I agree you might not be able to handle right now. I would just be honest with your boyfriend, I am sure he will understand. I see no need to hurt him over something that you are not even sure will happen. Just be clear with him on why you feel the way you do, and the reasons why you dont feel ready yet. If he cares for you he will understand, and be ok with it. I would do everything you can to hold onto a decent guy. You will find that their are alot of men out there who would not be so understanding or nice. I would be proud of the fact that you have found someone as special as him, and not be so fast to want to discard him. I think you and your boyfriend have a good thing going and you need him right now. Especially with the way your mother is acting. If you get to the point wear you are feeling weak and might make a mistake, you are not ready for. Just say to him your not ready and you need some space and time to think about things. As far as your mom goes, sit down and have an adult conversation with her. Face to face and tell her everything that is bothering you and why. Also remind her that you are an adult and you would like to be treated a little bit better, since you are no longer a little kid. She needs to see that confidence in you and understand that she has raised you to become a very intelligant and wise person. Its hard for a parent to admit their baby does not need or really want them around anymore. So have a heart to heart talk with her. Let her see the person you have become and not what she might be thinking you are. All this stress does not have to fall just on you. You can make your situation much more bareable once you have the confidance you need to do it. Also if your a little bit scard and you feel comforable enough with your boyfriend, have him their as a moderater. If it seems like you and your mother are getting to upset and emotions are flying, ask him to be the peace maker and keep things calm. Your mother will need to get to know him a little bit better, and this would be something good for all of you. Its a real adult way for it to be discussed. Maybe then your mother will have a differant view point all around. It takes guts and confidance to be that way, facing a problem head on. Its the best way to be with what life throws at you. Do this and you can do anything you set your mind to doing. I wish you the best of luck and keep me posted on how things are going, or if you have any more questions. Feel free to drop me a line in my inbox anytime.
Always remember take a deep breath and take it onedayatatime
|
|
Tell me one question that I can ask to Christopher Columbus? (link)
|
ADVICE
If you could ask christopher columbus a question I would ask these.
1. What struggels did he face on his voyage by
sea?
2. What where his feelings when he discovered
the new world?
3. Why was he known by so many differant names?
4. What gave him the influence to want to tell
non christans about Jesus Christ?
5. What where people really like back in 1492?
6. If he could have redone anything over would he
change any of it?
I hope these help you out, let me know what you think and get back with me...
And remember onedayatatime...
|
WARNING:long sorry just wanted to give full story or most of it
ok so im pretty much 14(my bday nov 9)
im not attracted to guys around my age i dont knw i just think older guys are cute and are more mature.well there are these three guys one well call d he is 18 or 19 and the other well call is x but i dont knw how old he is and lastly well call him j and he is 16 or 17.at first me and d werent like friends like we hugged and said hi but ya knw.he just kinda messed with me like put his arm around me and sang to me cause he knew i liked him haha just who he is.well now he flirts with me and kissed me on the cheek twice and he knws my name and one day my friend was like why do you kiss b and he was like have i ever kissed you and i was like only on the cheek and he said see i only kissed on the cheek i havent kissed her yet and kinda smiled at me and all my friends think he likes me.now x he is kinda new haha the first time i saw him me and a friend were waiting at the place cause it opened at 8 and he was alreasy there and he kept looking at me and finally he was like ya im lookin at you and i gave him a look like me? and he was like ya you(i knw kinda weird)but when his bro(i only knw it was his bro cuz he told us) got there they started whispering and lookin at me well then they left and he was like watch my stuff please so i did.that whole night he kept smiling at me and yesterday we had our second hug.we talk and flirt and he always looks at me.all my friends think he is mad sexy and are kinda jealous and they all think he likes me but im not sure cause he dont really knw me and he flirts with other girls.then finally the last on j.he used to always flirt with me and stuff then he ended up breaking up with his girl and i saw him lookin kinda bored so i went to talk to him and he was like how old are you and i asked him the same but he was like i asked you first so i told him and he was like damn i cant mess with you and told me how old he was and then the next week he was dating his ex now he doesnt really talk to me or whatever and its seems he flirts with his girl around me but looks at me to ya knw like see if im watching or w/e.and i saw him in the hall last thursday(i go to his school for math) and he walked next to me but didnt say anything but smiled and kept walking and called his friend and kinda looked back at me so i guess you can say im totally confused so i need major help!thank you (link)
|
ADVICE
Well with any guy that you might be interested in, its best just to ask them if they like you directly. I know you stated your age, and often times girls your age look much older. As for the attraction to older guys I can field this pretty easily. Girls mature at a much faster rate mentally than boys do. You may find you have interests that your other friends your age dont really have yet. BY this I mean to say some of your friends still like doing things you consider child like and immature even for you. So it comes to figuring out which older guy may have a real interest in you. The only way you will know for sure is to ask them in person. I will say that if an older guy is interested in you, he may often brush you off, just because of the age factor. Guys that may have a genuine interest in you might not want to deal with all the responibility that goes along with it. This means dealing with your parents, getting picked on by his friends who are older and so on. It does sound to me that the one guy who has kissed you on the cheek may have a real interest in you. He could just fear the idea of getting serious with someone younger than himself. I suggest telling that guy how you feel and what he thinks. Just keep in mind older boys like to do certain things to keep their interest. If he does return the feelings, dont ever let yourself feel pressured or you might have to do something sexually just to keep him around. I cant stress that enough because of te age differance. Guys those ages have hormones running on overload, as I am sure you have seen first hand. So figure out who you really want to be around, and who you really might have a connection with. Then you can take it from there. Just dont rush into it really get to know the guy as a person to be able to make the right call. I hope this helps please let me know, if you may need my assistance again. Feel free to leave me a message in my inbox anytime..
Take a deep breath and remember to take it onedayatatime
|
(this WILL be long)
i'm 15 f. turning 16 in december.
katie just turned 14 [but shes in my grade]
Okay, last night my friend was having problems with her boyfriend.. he refused to drive her home or anywhere so i asked my boyfriend to go and get katie.
after helping her and listening to her bash on and on about her boyfriend, my mom comes upstairs and asks what we want for dinner. we dont want anything because im not hungry and katie had food at her house.
after katie and dave talked and worked everything out (via text message & phone calls) he said that he'll pick her up to talk it out more and in a more mature way talking face to face. okay..
katie offers for me to sleep over. i say okay, but my moms asleep. ill leave a note. well, right when were about to leave [and get into katies boyfriends car] my mom is coming upstairs. i whisper "shit, katie, hold my bag!" my mom says to katie & I, "what are you guys doing?" i said "i'm sleeping over katies house tonight i dont have any plans (this is like at 10 at night)". my mom was like whos driving? Well, you should always tell the truth because in the end itll just come out bad. "katies boyfriend". my mom went off the walls. she was like "I'm not allowing katie to get in the car with a boy. laura, you're staying home. katie, get your mom on the fucking [sorry for the language] phone!!!" i go "MOM, WHAT THE FUCK, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" i text my boyfriend saying "i'm sorry we cant hang out at katies tonight".
katie maturely gets her mom on the phone on her cell phone. well, my mom goes. HANG UP THE PHONE. i go.. "what the fuck mom you either want to talk to her or you DONT!" katie is like "karen, this is the only way i have to get home, so i need to take this ride. i'm getting in that car, my mom knows about it, please, chill out" my mom starts to argue with her! "katie get your mom on the phone, write down her number right now! i'm not allowing you to get in the car with a guy when i dont have your parents permission." while im just sitting there watching my mom flip a shit at my friend.. i'm getting heated as shit.
my mom calls katies moms cell phone, because her mom was out to dinner with family. "it went to voicemail and it only said please leave a message, now i dont know who the fuck i called". yet again.. im getting more and more heated. and so is katie. katie says "here, ill give you my house number" my mom calls and no one answers because yet again, THEIR OUT TO DINNER!
well, katies boyfriend shows up and he calls "katie, im here come outside please its cold" she says to my mom "well, hes here, dave hold on a second". my mom goes "who the fuck is DAVE?" she goes "my boyfriend" my mom goes "how old is he?" she says "17" i go "MOM SINCE WHEN WAS IT YOUR FUCKING BUISNESS HOW FUCKING OLD HE IS, MOM GROW THE FUCK UP (my boyfriend calls and i ment to press scilent but i accidentally answered) SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SERIOUSLY GO FUCK YOURSELF. I FUCKING HATE YOU MOM YOU'RE EMBARISSING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. HONESTLY, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, THATS THE HONEST TRUTH." well, my mom didnt even answer that. so katie goes "hes waiting outside, i have to go" and she just walks out. well, now becuase of her actions, im grounded. i cant go out for a week. my mom is offically physco and says "whenever you go to a friends house, or whenever they come over here, i HAVE TO TALK TO A PARENT!"
it's like my mom doesn't trust me anymore! what do i do, what do i say to her? i honestly did NOTHING! i dont even know what I! did wrong. last night i was about to kill myself, im not even kidding. it's like my mom cant accept that im growing up and that i WILL make mistakes, [oh btw my boyfriends turning 18 in november.] and she doesnt approve that my boyfriends 2 years older then i am. what ever happened to the saying "age doesnt matter?" do any of you know where im coming from? suhfiauh i need so much help, PLEASE (link)
|
ADVICE
Well as a parent myself I can understand how your mother is feeling. How your mother is acting though could be handeled and little bit better. Your actions as well could be handeled a little better too. If you want your mother to trust you and allow you more freedom, you will have to let her feel very involved in everything that you do. I know that sucks the way it sounds but it's your only shot at gaining some freedom back, and for you to regain your mothers trust. Your mother is being very protective and we all do that with our children. Your mothers fears with you and your boyfriends age differance is completely normal. Your mother frears things like you and your boyfriend having sex. Doing anything reckless without thinking of the consiquences and so on. Your mother is over reacting but it might not all be because of you. If she already does not approve of your boyfriend and does not care for him she is going to take it out on you. Your mother might be over reacting, and what your mother may not realize is if she continues to treat you this way all her fears will become true. Your mother will drive you into your boyfriends arms by continueing to at this way. I will give you a tip though the more you react when your mother puts her foot down the worse things will be for you. It has come to that point in your life where you are going to have to sit down with your mother and have a real adult conversation with her. Tell her how her actions are not helping and that you are aware of her fears as a parent. Reassure her that she brought you up smart enough to know what to do and what not to do. Also let her know that when and if you do have sex you will take all the nessisary actions to prevent pregnancy and so on. Dont lie to your mother, be upfront and honest with her always. Ask your mother what kinds of things you can do to make her feel better about you, so she can trust you more. As far as wanting to end it all with the way your mother is making you feel, we all have been there. I to did not have a great relationship with my mother when I was a teenager. I thought my mother was crazy and off her rocker. We used to fight and I did not have a whole lot of freedom, because she would take it all away, sometimes for no reason at all. So my suggestion is this, have that talk with her, show her that you are more mature than she gives you credit for. Start doing things to rebuild her trust. Most of all remember in two years you will be 18 and your mother might lose you all together if you cant work on your relationship now. Be honest with your mother and tell her she is driving you away. Not only emotionally but with her actions as well. No parent ever wants to lose contact with their children. This might also be another fear your mother is having. When a parent is not sure what to do or how to handle things they will lock you up. Its the only way they have left to try to control situations that makes them feel uncomforable. The best thing you can do is build a better relationship with your mother. Try to refrain from all the cusing if at all possible. That is disrespectful on both your parts. All that does is make your mother more angry I am sure. I would never allow my children to speak to me that way. The only other concern that is really bothering me is you saying that you felt like killing yourself. Things suck right now I know, but that is never the answer. I have been there and felt that way many times myself, but we all work through it and we learn to become a much stronger person because of it. When your feelngs that low think of all the people that would miss you, and how much something like that would affect them. It might be hard to see what your future holds but you should want that furure. Two years just think two years, its not that long left to live at home. Find something that you and your mother can do just you and her. Make your mother feel like your are still her little girl to a point. Dont shut your mother out of your life completely, let her know that you still need her, and she is not forgotten. Your mother may feel like you dont need her anymore, and that can really hurt. I hope this helps I would like to talk to you some more, please leave me any more questions you might have in my inbox... keep me posted I really want to help you get past this. It will pass believe me, and things will get better.
Always remember ondayatatime
|
|
how long will it take for a hickey to go away? (link)
|
ADVICE
It really depends on how bad the hickey is. Hickeys can last only a few days, others can last for two weeks or little longer. If the hickey is really bad as in black coloring almost it will heal in different stages just like a bruise. If its red or lighter in color it can heal up in only a few days or so. The deeper or more force used when the hickey was given will depend on how long it will take to heal. So if you know how long it takes for a bruise to heal normally when you get hurt. It should take about the same amount of time before that hickey is gone. I hope this helps let me know what you think..
Always take it onedayatatime
|
|
this isnt me, im just wondering, so if you were adopted and you adopted parents adopt another guy, and is it wrong to marry and love him? and he lvoes you back? i mean we're both adopted! (not me) just wondering (link)
|
I dont see it as being wrong. The fact is both children that where adpoted would have time to really get to know each other, being able to be around each other all the time. Having the adoption its self in common would bring them closer together just knowing their would share that same history. So even though it was meant to be like a family setting and living situation, does not mean that these two adopted people could not build real or relationship feelings towards each other. My only concerns in a situation such as this is how the adpotive parents themselves my view or react to it once they knew, or found out. Apotive parents my react upset or degusted as any notmral parent might, when viewing them as thier own children. The best thing to do is be honest with the adoptive parents and explain why these two adopted people grew so close together and why they care for each other in the way that they do and how it came about. Once the adpotive parents have time to let what is being said sink in they will have an overall better outlook on it. I myself can understand how easly something like this could happen. It might still be difficult for an adoptive parent or parents to handle though. The adoptive parents could feel quilty for this occuring since it was never something they expected or something they thought might ever happen. So just be honest and be upfront, they have nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about. I hope this helps, let me know what you think.
Always remember take it onedayatatime
|
i was wondering if its a good idea to wax my "mustache" off. i did buy bleach, but can't you still see the hair, even if it's lighter?
im 16/f by the way.
i was wondering how long it will last, like when will the hair start to grow back? and also, when it grows back, is it way darker and much more noticeable? i just dont want to constantly have to worry about it.
thanks in advance :) (link)
|
ADVICE
I find that hair on your face no matter how light colored it is, still stands out when the sun or lighting hits it just right. Instead of waxing it off, I would suggest getting a facial hair remvover for your face. They make creams for your face now that will remove it completely. The creams are kindof of like nair for your legs, but certain companys make products such as this for your face only. So if your really concerned about it being noticealbe at any time, I would recommmend doing this. Depending on how fast your hair grows you may need to do this once a week, for other people it can last two weeks or longer. I hope this helps some let me know what you think...
taking every day onedayatatime
|
|
Does anyone know how to get rid of really dark circles under the eyes? I have natural dark circles under my eyes that are hereditary in my family. It is so frustrating. I have bought lots of makeup but everytime I try to cover up the circles, my the makeup always looks cakey. does anyone know how to get rid of them? i just bought one of those new Garnier anti puff eye rollers, but so far it hasn't helped. (link)
|
ADVICE
Well I sware by the olay line of products myself. They have so many things that would help with this problem. Look at all there antiage products. I use almost all of them. There range from evening out all skin tones to just eye care products themselves. I would suggest getting the firming night cream with collogen and the under eye products they offer. After using that for awhile see if it helps some. For a better fix right now, this is what I do when applying make up to make it look better. I use a consealer, like a liquid or stick cover up. I apply it heavy enough but keep it smooth. Then I will take and put on something like the three in one stick I think revlon makes it. Then I apply that as well. I will then add my blush lipstick eye, shadow, eyeliner, and when I am done with that, I use a light powder to finish up. Now the powder I love it that mineral powder brush on. Their are serveral companies that make that as well. But that should help enough that nothing will be caked on in any way and you wont see any dark circles at all doing that. Overtime the olay products should help and you might be able to cut back on having to do all those steps when applying your make up. I hope this helps you out some, please let me know what you think...
P.S. One other thing have you ever tried shcoking your face, you get a big bowl of ice water place some cucumbers in there for little bit and shock your face a few times. Then you pull out the cold cucumbers and place them on your eyes while you just lay down and chill out.
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime
|
|