|
Sexual urges as a Christian
I have been a christian off and on since I was 13. I am 22 years old now. When I was younger I have always had some sort of sexual curiosity not knowing where it all started? I am not sure why. I started playing with the idea since I hit my puberty stage. My first time was with my high school sweetheart at 15.
Long story short, I have been very sexual subconsciously and never really had a PROBLEM with controlling my urges. I also started masterbating at a young age. I believe my urges became almost non-existent after I had my son who is now 2. I started to become disgusted with it, and I was also seriously devoting my life to the Lord, puting my past behind me especially now that my new goalk was to be a Godly mother for my son.
My one weakness is my baby daddy who is also my high school sweetheart whom I have known for almost 10 years. Regardless of how disgusted with sex I was with anyone else, I can never refuse or not want to be with him. Although we never married we have always had a deep relationship, we are not together now, but we are still very close. I could honestly say I love him unconditionally and he does also, but marriage is far from our minds because of our past insecurities, God still needs to heal. I know that continuing like this hinders the relationship with God we both yearn for, and I am starting to feel that our love making is becoming more lustful because it is not right in our hearts always.
Another thing is that there is a powerful retreat coming up for the both of us, and I have heard stories of how the enemy will distract us from being empowered by the works of God. My urges has intensified within the last week. Everyday for hours I cant stop thinking about it. I pray, and pray... God is supposed to deliver me from this spirit. I just want to pounce on my baby daddy like an animal. I want to make love for hours! If I had a penis, I would have a boner all day. I know that since I was delivered from my natural sexuality,I had one demon to deal with and now Im dealing with seven. Everything I fought against in the past, I let the enemy manipulate me and now I have an almost impossible battle trying to get into the "purity" place I once was in. I know I need cleansed, I know I am a sinner, I am not perfect. How do you control something like that, I know urges are natural, but how could I refrain even from even masterbating (which is so unsatisfactory) at this point? I dont like how I feel, or what I am struggling with. Is it a psychological issue as well? I dont believe I have had to struggle with something that is so emotionally and physically intense before. And the funny thing, is its not like I want to go hump random guys or even things, its my yearning for my baby daddy.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
ADVICE
All christains including myself mess up. We make mistakes and we often times get confused. I can tell you this as a christain the closer you try to get with god the more struggles you will face. So the more you pray and the more you try, the harder things will become around you. Those feelings of guilt and remorse for knowing you might have done something you should not have. Pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom. Ask for more willpower, when your feeling weak or tempted read the bible together. Find things to do with your child when he is around. Seperate yourself from being left alone with him because you feel weak at this time. I do not mean avoid him, just have your child in the room with you. Or possibily some other friends. Never be afraid to go to other christans you know for support. They can offter ideas, or even tell you what they have done to overcome certain things in their life. You will most likely always have a close connection with the father of your child. This can be a good thing, but it depends on how you go about it. IF you two do not want to be together but still act this way at times, its going to send mixed messages to your child eventually. Seek strength in those who have the same goals and beliefs as you. Those people where set in place to assist us and guide us when we feel we are loosing our way. Young christans learn as they go, the more we learn through the word of god the more is required of us. Knowledge is truely power, its what you do with that knowledge that makes the differance. Dont be hard on yourself, dont feel like your going through this alone. God is always watching over you, and when your ready to hear or accept god unconditionally things will get a little easier. I find that when I am alone and things are really getting to me and I know that I am having harsh thoughts, or non christain like feelings. I will pick up my bible lay my hand over it and pray. Then I will just open the bible at random. Allmost always my eyes are drawn to a passage that helps me, with what is going on around me. I feel so much better, and often times after doing that. I will again pray and ask for forgiveness, guidness, and strength to not be so easily distracted. You will never be perfect honey, and even god knows this. But god also knows whats in our hearts and why we do the things we do. Have a honest relationship with god, and then you can understand compeletly why god has given us certain guidelines to live by. You will begin to understand and know more as you continue to learn more about the bible and can gain, and retain that knowledge.
I also would like to say that I dont feel there is anything wrong with you at all. Struggels between good and evil will always be present. Mentally we face challanges everyday, sometimes the darker side wins. Other times the light shines through. Just remember the light always offers forgiveness, and hope for everyone. When the darker side takes hold, hurt, pain, guilt, and sadness usually show its ugly face.
I hope this helps you some, and always know that God never rejects anyone, people choose to reject God.
If you ever feel the need to talk some more, or just want someone to listen, drop me a line in my inbox anytime.
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime.
]
honey...
this is called being "horny" and everyone is "horny", no matter what they say. at least you know your not a sex addict because you know you only want to make love to whoever that guy is.
im 15, and a few months ago i had sex for the first time, and now its haunting me and i want him all the time. but we're not together and we havent hung out since the last time we made love.
God wont hate you for being horny. i know he isnt happy that you and dude had a child before marriage, and i know he isnt happy that you lost your virginity before you're married. but you cant just pray for sexual urges to go away. it doesnt work like that.
why dont you start from the basics: what is causing these overdrives? is it movies your watching? is it books your reading? is it music your listening to? what about your guy? is seeing him just arrousing even when you arent doing anything together?
if you want the urges to go away, get rid of whatever is making them come on. if you need some time away from the dude, then spend some time away. if you need to stop listening to certain music or reading certain books or watching certain movies, do that too.
if i were you, id just go with it. id let what needs to happen happen so i can get it out of my system. or why dont you and dude just get married already so you'll feel less bad about having sex? i mean, you've already done it for so long, why the sudden uncertainties?
anyways, im sorry i cant help a little more. im still kind of young and naive so i cant throw any technical terms out there. :
but yeah, take care and breathe easy. its just sex.
]
...
Sexual urges are not evil. They aren't a response to demons or something evil,ugly, or unholy.
They are a biological drive to seek reproduction and intimacy.
Past insecurities about marriage? I'm really not sure what you mean. I mean, if you have a kid together, love each other, and want to fuck each other's brains out (excuse the language) then there shouldn't be that much of a problem here... I don't know exactly what "insecurities" means in this context, but if it means what it usually does, then I say that not doing things you want to do because you are insecure is a bad way to make decisions.
Sex is many things. It is love, it is raw animal lust, it is playful, it is comforting. It is a gift, regardless of whether you think its a holy gift or just an amazingly lucky coincidence of the universe. We are the only beings we know of, the only ones on the planet who gain everything out of love and sex that we do.
I mean, what is seriously going to happen here? You marry the guy, are consumed by carnal lust, and become unable to be a good person? Do you know any married couples who fit that description? I don't.
The reason the lust is so strong is that stress builds on people. Lack of satisfaction of sexual drives builds stress just like work or drama or any of a million other things in our lives can.
Add to that, varying sex drives. Sexual drive is more powerful in some than others. I have a friend who lost his virginity at 19. More because he didn't have enough sex drive to seek it out, and it took a girl who liked him enough to pursue it for herself before he finally did.
You, by comparison, have a high sex drive. Its not a bad thing, its just that you have a higher capacity for desire (and thus, can suffer alot more from lack of sexual satisfaction)
I don't know. I would love to give you advice on how to resist the urges, but I can't. Because resisting natural sexual urges to the point that you don't marry the man you love because of how much you want to ravage each other, or whatever, is not healthy. Its not good for the psyche, and I would venture to say that it is not good for the soul, either.
You have been taught all your life that what you feel is wrong. Its not my place to tell you that what you were taught is wrong, but I will say that I strongly disagree with that perspective.
Send me a private question if you'd like to talk more, as I honestly don't think I understand the entire situation enough to be of much help beyond what I've posted.
]
More Questions: |