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ugh guys!
WARNING:long sorry just wanted to give full story or most of it
ok so im pretty much 14(my bday nov 9)
im not attracted to guys around my age i dont knw i just think older guys are cute and are more mature.well there are these three guys one well call d he is 18 or 19 and the other well call is x but i dont knw how old he is and lastly well call him j and he is 16 or 17.at first me and d werent like friends like we hugged and said hi but ya knw.he just kinda messed with me like put his arm around me and sang to me cause he knew i liked him haha just who he is.well now he flirts with me and kissed me on the cheek twice and he knws my name and one day my friend was like why do you kiss b and he was like have i ever kissed you and i was like only on the cheek and he said see i only kissed on the cheek i havent kissed her yet and kinda smiled at me and all my friends think he likes me.now x he is kinda new haha the first time i saw him me and a friend were waiting at the place cause it opened at 8 and he was alreasy there and he kept looking at me and finally he was like ya im lookin at you and i gave him a look like me? and he was like ya you(i knw kinda weird)but when his bro(i only knw it was his bro cuz he told us) got there they started whispering and lookin at me well then they left and he was like watch my stuff please so i did.that whole night he kept smiling at me and yesterday we had our second hug.we talk and flirt and he always looks at me.all my friends think he is mad sexy and are kinda jealous and they all think he likes me but im not sure cause he dont really knw me and he flirts with other girls.then finally the last on j.he used to always flirt with me and stuff then he ended up breaking up with his girl and i saw him lookin kinda bored so i went to talk to him and he was like how old are you and i asked him the same but he was like i asked you first so i told him and he was like damn i cant mess with you and told me how old he was and then the next week he was dating his ex now he doesnt really talk to me or whatever and its seems he flirts with his girl around me but looks at me to ya knw like see if im watching or w/e.and i saw him in the hall last thursday(i go to his school for math) and he walked next to me but didnt say anything but smiled and kept walking and called his friend and kinda looked back at me so i guess you can say im totally confused so i need major help!thank you
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well honestly hun, im not gonna lie..you dont need to be messin with older guys at your age.
you could get into SOOOO much trouble, dumb i know.
but ya older guys are more mature and everything, but pretty much all of them are only out for one thing. sex!
so just be careful, and honeslty i would wait a few years before you start messin with older guys like that...just lettin you know from experience.
*Bri*
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Well clearly, to me, d does not seem like a nice boy. After all, he pretty much told you his only intention was to mess around with you. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, you can find better. However, if you really think this boy is serious, tell him you would like to give him a chance when you are a little older. You are only 14!
~katwashala
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haha you are very complicated! lol. so here's my opinion although i can be wrong. "d" is old! especially now. 4 or 5 years isn't a big age difference but when you're 14 it is. However, he seems like the best one. "j" sounds like he's interested in you and is trying to make you jealous, so ignore him when he's flirting with the girls or get a guy to walk with you and pretendd you like him to make "j" jealous. i really dont know what is gonna happen with "x" but i do know that it's too early to tell. he might be a player though watch out cause players go for the young girls, use them then dump them. I don't know what to tell you like which one is better but you need to be careful cause if you think about it, like no offense to you i'm sure you're gorgeous, it's just that when 18 year olds try to get a 14 year old it's only cause they wanna get some. so please be careful. lemme know if i can help you with anything else. and lemme know how everything goes with them.
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The first thing I want to say is thank you very much for choosing me to try to help you out. I appreciate it.
Now, as far as what you should do-
I am sorry to say I have very strong opinions about this. At 13/14 I feel you only need to be friends with boys. If you must have a particular boyfriend he should also be 13/14. There is no reason for a 14 yr old to be dating or "messing around" with someone 16, 17, or 19!!! yrs old.
Aside from that, you should question the motives of a boy 16 to 19 that would even consider going out with a 14 year old girl. I would want to know what he wanted from you- not that I would have to sit for long pondering this.
If you are not interested in boys your own age and want to consider a relationship with an older "man", then you need to wait until you are older. This doesn't seem logical but there is a HUGE amount of difference between a 14 year old and a 19 year old where as there is not too much difference between a 20 year old and a 25 year old.
Also, relationships at your age only last for a short period of time. This is perfectly natural. You have so much to explore about yourself and what you like in the opposite sex. Relationships do not frequently end well so why get involved in a relationship when it could possibly end before too long and end up heart broken and without that person as a friend anymore?
I am quite concerned about the amount of flirtation going on between you and these older boys. You should really question their motives. If what they are looking for is what I am concerned they are looking for, are you sure that at your age you would be happy being nothing more than a toy to these guys? Then consider the reprecussions of being the toy (pregnancy, STD's, bad reputation and attracting more guys that are no good).
While you are still 14 you should be showing these guys not how well you can flirt and get their curiosity up but rather that you are a strong woman and if they want you, not only are they going to have to wait for you to grow up a bit but they are going to have to prove their worth to you. Don't fall head over heels in love with a guy because he is drop dead gorgeous. Fall head over heels in love with a guy who is great in many ways and happens to also BE drop dead gorgeous. You may also find that the better a man is; funny, kind, trustworthy, etc. the better looking he becomes.
Guys come and go. I would just let these guys go for now and hold off for those awesome guys that are going to come along in a few years.
You are worth it. Girls need to be strong, know what they want in life and not just settle. You are only just learning who YOU are right now. Get to know yourself before you start trying to get involved with someone you don't know very well and question how nice they will still be once they "get what they wanted".
I am not sure this is what you want to hear. I just can't go against what every part of my moral being is telling me and that is don't trust these guys. Respect yourself, love yourself enough to just hang out with guys for a few years, get to know them, figure out what it is you are actually looking for in a man, and then start thinking about "hooking up".
I know hormones are totally difficult to restrain at your age, nearly impossible in fact. I think you'll be much happier as an adult and be thankful if you are very picky about the boys you allow to associate with you.
Best of luck.
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Honestly, if I were you, I would definitely refrain from hanging out with these guys. Why? Because you are very young and they are not as young as you. Which means they probably want to take advantage of you.
Are older guys more mature? Not really, to be frank. Even though you say you're not attracted to guys your age, I think you're much better off. Because 17-19 year old guys are in a whole 'nother ballpark than someone your age. Guys and girls your age have much more in common than a 15 year old girl has with an 18 year old guy.
Guys in their upper teens have one thing in mind, and that's to take your innocense. Do yourself the favor and preserve it, you won't regret it.
And the fact that "J" said he can't "mess with you" means he had it on his mind. Which is exactly what I was aiming at. They only want sex and then it's time to move onto another girl.
Your best bet: find someone cute your age (believe me, I can guarantee that an older guy has the same maturity level as a younger guy). There's absolutely no rush to go out and get a boyfriend. Take your time and find someone who you can relate with and take it from there.
Hope this helps! If not or you have any questions, drop one in my inbox ;]
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ADVICE
Well with any guy that you might be interested in, its best just to ask them if they like you directly. I know you stated your age, and often times girls your age look much older. As for the attraction to older guys I can field this pretty easily. Girls mature at a much faster rate mentally than boys do. You may find you have interests that your other friends your age dont really have yet. BY this I mean to say some of your friends still like doing things you consider child like and immature even for you. So it comes to figuring out which older guy may have a real interest in you. The only way you will know for sure is to ask them in person. I will say that if an older guy is interested in you, he may often brush you off, just because of the age factor. Guys that may have a genuine interest in you might not want to deal with all the responibility that goes along with it. This means dealing with your parents, getting picked on by his friends who are older and so on. It does sound to me that the one guy who has kissed you on the cheek may have a real interest in you. He could just fear the idea of getting serious with someone younger than himself. I suggest telling that guy how you feel and what he thinks. Just keep in mind older boys like to do certain things to keep their interest. If he does return the feelings, dont ever let yourself feel pressured or you might have to do something sexually just to keep him around. I cant stress that enough because of te age differance. Guys those ages have hormones running on overload, as I am sure you have seen first hand. So figure out who you really want to be around, and who you really might have a connection with. Then you can take it from there. Just dont rush into it really get to know the guy as a person to be able to make the right call. I hope this helps please let me know, if you may need my assistance again. Feel free to leave me a message in my inbox anytime..
Take a deep breath and remember to take it onedayatatime
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ahah dont worry about the length (: , the more you know the more you can say and help with it .
And oh yeah, well i know exactly how you feel . Im the same way with older guys . But before i say anything more, and you probablly dont want to beleive it and have heard it enough or more then enough maybe, but
all older guys want, expecially at that age, and with a freshman like you in highschool (especialllyy because you just started and your a lot more vulnerable and easy because youre new), is to get in your pants . And i know it seems like you might think you know that they're not messing with youre head or trying to play you, but in the end, they cant even help it . Guy are just like that and want stuff like that because its natural for them, no matter how nice they can be (: .
but , ill start with d . from the sounds of it, i will just be completely honest because it will probablly be better for you in the end , it seems like he is playing you , you can still be friends with him ? and maybe even get to know him a bit better, butttt , soon enough, he's probablly going to want more then to just kiss you on the cheeck and stuff . and untill that point, if you like him and stuff, just get to know him more . because seriously you never know for sure untill that point . But if he's that much older then you, than im sorry, i think he's probablly trying to mess with your head . because most guys that age if they were serious about liking someone, they would probably be looking for someone more around their age .
For x, i think you should probablly get to know him first , he sounds a bit like a player because he flirts a lot and stuff also, but again , you never know untill you get to know them and stuff for sure . but id be careful with him though and try not to fall for his tricks and stuff .
And for j . I think you shouldn't maybe bother with him ? if he has a girlfriend you dont want to get inbetween anything like that or make his girlfriend mad or suspiscious and stuff . He's probablly trying to make you jealous a bit also, or he likes the fact of making girls jealous, because he can ? but honestly, any guy that would even go out with a girl to do that is pretty much a mad player . And who knows what he would use you for then alsoo ?
but in the end, once again, older guys usually just want to get in your pants, even guys our age :| . i only liked older guys at first and went for them, but they completely took advantage of me . so i just found someone in my own grade, but he was totally different and actually mature and things were soo much better with him ! like i thought i would never like someone my own age, but it just kind of happened . if you dont find anyone your own age, try looking at different schools even, because some people from different schools act different, or maybeeven more mature . or if you just cant, try going for at least a bit younger guys, like maybe one more year older, theyre still a lot more mature, trust me a year can make a difference(:.
but also, maybe try to go for guys maybe that are a little less flirtascious, and maybe nicer or maybe even a little more shy ? not too shy, but just try different things , trust me you'll find someone , and sometimes you just have to stop looking or trying, and it comes naturally . thats how most long lasting relationships happen .
but,
goooood luck ! (L)
and tell me how it goes ?
(:
Amber,
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Ah, that is quite the difficult situation :).
I'm sure you're mature for your age and do need somebody that's a bit older because guys your age will be too immature for you. I do suggest that you be really careful because honestly most guys these days absolutely suck and act all nice at first then treat girls horribly and just want to use them for sex and such.
However, there are still the nice ones, so I'm hoping your judgment is good (I'm sure it is).
Anyways, D sounds pretty nice. I would avoid J completely because he doesn't want to go for somebody that's younger than him, and he obviously is already no good since he went back to his girl and still thinks about other girls. X sounds alright as well.
You have to just go with the flow; let them come to you and when they do, decide if they're good enough for you. Remember to keep your self respect because a lot of the time, they're only going to want you for your looks / sex and such. You're just turning fourteen so it's alright to just have fun with it and not get into anything too serious. So, I'd say go for the cuties :) But make sure you don't seem desperate; make them want you!
I think D is my favorite of those for sure.
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