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i messed up...
i am someone completly against cheating. my ex did it to be and i wouldnt listen to one word he would say and i just broke it off like that. i DISPISE cheating. but then i did it!!! i was with my recent boyfriend for only 3 1/2 months before i cheated on him. i dont know why i did it. i dont want to justify why i did it because i dont believe its right. but he found out (we are in a long distance relationship too). but like the usual person would say that they love them and want to be with them. and i should have thought of that before i did it, i know. we talked and its not that i cheated, its the fact that i liked that bugs him. we are over but he is willing to let me prove to him that i am not a liar or a cheater. but i dont know how to do it because i have never cheated on anyone. how do i prove to him he can trust me again and keep in mind we have a long distnace relationship. any advice asap would be appreciated.
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wish i could help you more, but ive never cheated or been cheated on. trust is a difficult thing to earn back once you have lost it. theres really nothing you can proactively do, just promise that you wont lie to him again.
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It is a hard question to answer, because what ends up happening is entirely up to your boyfriend. There isn't too much you can do to prove to him that you aren't a liar or cheater, besides doing just that: proving it. You have to make sure that it doesn't happen again- simply telling him that you are going to be faithful is one step, but remember, actions speak louder than words. Of course, apologizing is a good thing. But you really have to make sure that you are entirely faithful and are not going to see someone else while you two are together. Now, I can understand a few things through your message- that you are not a cheater, that this was a one time thing, and that you deeply regret what you did. In order for your boyfriend to understand (in his mind, and not just through words), you just have to wait. The best way for him to trust you again is for him to see- after a while- that you have not repeated your mistakes. In the meantime, make an effort to see each other more, and try to keep the relationship alive. I think you got a case of "out of sight, out of mind." It happens sometimes. But to make sure he understands he's the only one on your mind, you have to keep the relationship strong, be honest with each other, and keep your guard around other guys you might find attractive. A night (or even several months) of fun is not worth the pain.
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First... I think you should think about WHY you had to look outside your relationship for attention. Is it because this long distance relationship has been difficult for you? If so... Maybe you should first consider your options, instead of worrying about proving yourself.
If you would like to pursue a long distance relationship... The two key ingredients to any healthy relationship is trust and communication. While the trust in the relationship may have been destroyed... You can still communicate. Talk about what happened, both of you, and how it made you feel.
Other than that... I can't give you any tips on how to make someone trust you because there are none. Rebuilding trust is a long, difficult process that requires the committment of both parties. Many marriages have been destroyed because of infidelity while others had to seek extensive counseling. The fact that the two of you are so far away from each other makes it even more difficult.
When you say, 'he is willing to let me prove to him that I am not a liar or a cheater.' Is that what he said? If so, ask him directly what he means. But proceed with caution. While you may have hurt his feelings, that's no reason for him to try and take advantage of you.
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Well, you are in a long distance relationship, (not to justify your cheating) it makes it even harder not to cheat. You can gain his trust back by showing him and giving him enough attention. Although ultimately trust is normally regained when the other person can look past your discrepancy and move on. If he can't get past it, then I am afraid that you may have to take this as a learning lesson.
Also, YOU have to try and move on, don't keep holding it against yourself. You made a mistake, learn from it and don't dwell. You should, (if you have not already) talk to him. Tell him that you know that you made a mistake and that you are not expecting immediate forgiveness, but you would like to get past this. Also let him know that you are willing to try hard or make an effort to earn his trust back. Let him know how wrong you felt about it. Let him know how much it hurts you to know that you have hurt him or how the thought of loosing his trust made you feel. Find out from him if he can genuinely move forward with your relationship (not word for word, you get it). When you say these thing make sure there are raw and genuine feelings behind it.
Now heaven forbid you guys get into arguments, it is not o.k. for him to keep throwing it in your face. ( i just have to tell you that, don't ever think it is o.k.)
Another thing is you have to try not to let it happen again. If it does, then I am afraid that long distance relationships might not be for you. Always try your hardest be honest with yourself.
He knows what it takes to gain his trust and if he is a great guy and he loves you ( I am not saying he has to, and and I am not saying that it is easy for him) then he will forgive you and the trust will be regained. I am sure you have it in you to talk to him and get through to him. You sound genuinely sorry to me and if i can tell that you are just by reading this then he should definately detect that you are sorry.
Bottom line try and communicate with him, because the truth is if you and your guy can get past this then your relationship might be worth it! Good luck. Hope that this help!!!!!
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Keep in mind that gaining trust is a process, don't expect too much too fast and be consistent. It is possible to repair things effectively but you have to stay dedicated and keep your eye on the prize in a sense. I think that a lot of people say they want to work on things and don't really realize the extreme effort it takes.
For starters, you will need to be emotionally available to this person. So for example: phone calls, late night chats, venting, shoulder to cry on etc. Always let him know how you feel about him, never make him guess. Whenever you leave your mate to draw their own conclusions, it tends to have some inaccuracies. You need to be very up front about everything...that includes your whereabouts and intentions. I know that it sounds a bit annoying, but in order to prove to someone that they can trust you....you have to show them that you have nothing to hide. Also, remember that we are all human and we make mistakes. Your boyfriend can not expect you to be perfect, but you need to be honest with him if it is going to work, especially when it is a long distance relationship as you are in. So, be honest about the good and bad. Don't try to make yourself seem perfect because that seems fake and it tends to make people lack trust in you rather than you gaining it. He will respect you for being up front and real. If he is willing to forgive you, then he has real feelings for you so you don't have to worry about them disappearing just because you messed up. You need to think about why you cheated and make a decision to work on filling any void that may have caused you to slip up. With long distance, it can be difficult but you can make the effort by keeping the contact between you continuous. You can do that thru emails, IM chats, or even something as small as a text message or MMS message with a flirty message or picture attached to it. Even if he only has a few moments to look at it, it will make him smile and you will be on his mind. Those small things will heighten your anticipation for each other. So, make an effort to communicate with him more so that he doesn't feel that you don't care (without smothering him though). If he calls you or sends you a message, return it as soon as you can so he doesn't feel blown off. As time passes, he may not forget but he will be over your mistake and the two of you can plan your future. Good Luck!!
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