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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

im nobody and have always been. dont want any pity . i want it done now

If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 NOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). If you have not already done so I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. There number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

You do not say what is bothering you to cause you to think of suicide. Whatever it is it CAN BE RECTIFIED or mitigated that I am certain of. Please call the hotline or go to the hospital for help. I know there are people who love you and would miss you if you were to do this.

my friend is a 12/f
she is dating a 16/m

they have been hiding it from EVERYONE for a month a 3 days. they want to wait to tell their parents when they think the time is right.

so she told me that if they ever wanted to kiss or be alone they had to go into a closet at their church.

so do u have any advice for her. thank you in advance.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Some states do have laws governing age difference and “Statutory Rape” charges and charges of Leading to the “Delinquency of a Minor”. Generally if there is four years age difference, some states differ on the number of years, the older child can be charged with Statutory Rape or other charges.

Sexual intercourse does not have to take place for these charges to be brought. All it takes is the parents of the younger child to have suspicions that the older child is wrong in some way and to bring charges with local law enforcement.

I would suggest that your friend find someone in her own age group to hang out with, she is to young to be dating.

So I have been dealing with body issues since I can remember. Sometimes I like my body, most of the time I don't. Within the past 2 years or so I have started throwing up meals. I do the whole binge and purge. I will eat a lot of something and then feel soo guilty and shitty that I throw it up. I have tried to stop...but I always seem to go back to it. I am an athlete and I do workout, I just also throw up. I don't like doing it, but I feel I have too...

So I would like to know if there are any good websites or support groups I can join. I would preferr it to be somewhat annonymous becauSe I have never told anyone about it. I would also like it to be more personal. I would like to talk with people that have overcome bulimia. So if you know of any websites or anything that can help, I would greatly appreciate it. I really want to stop, I'm done with this. I just now realize that I need help.

Thank you for all help in advance!!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
There are a lot of reasons for eating disorder which is a recognized medical issue. Bulimia, which is the medical term for what you describe, is an eating disorder. Just as people with any other medical issue Bulimics require the help of trained medical providers to help overcome this disorder.

According to WebMD depression is one of the triggers for Bulimia. Treatment would include antidepressants, and counseling. You may be saying right know that you do not feel depressed. Depression takes many different forms; in your writing you say: “Sometimes I like my body, most of the time I don't.” This is just one expression that would factor into forming a diagnosis of depression.

The following is copied from WebMD; I will put the link to their website at the end: Treatment for bulimia involves psychological counseling and sometimes medicines such as antidepressants. Treatment does not usually require staying in the hospital, although this is sometimes needed. Both professional counseling and antidepressant medicine can help reduce episodes of binging and purging and help you recover from bulimia. Both are long-term treatments that may require weeks or months before you notice significant results. You may need treatment with counseling and possibly medicines for more than a year.

Bulimia that occurs with another condition may take longer to treat. And you may need more than one type of treatment. If you have another condition that commonly occurs with bulimia, such as depression or substance abuse, your doctor may want to treat that condition first.

People who seek treatment for bulimia or another eating disorder may have other health problems caused by the disorder. If you have had bulimia for a long time without treatment, or if you have used substances such as laxatives, diuretics, or ipecac syrup to purge, then you may have a health problem such as dehydration that needs treatment first. In serious cases, these conditions related to bulimia may require you to spend time in the hospital. http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/bulimia-nervosa/bulimia-nervosa-treatment-overview.

There is no reason to hide this illness from family and friends; I know I suffered a major depressive episode when I was forced to retire early after a car accident. I was the innocent victim in a three car collision, the only injured party and I was the only one to suffer an injury. With the help of my doctors, family and friends I am recovering. Without family and friends, if I had hid my illness from them, I do not know if I would have recovered. Frankly I do not think I would have.

My advice to you is to see your doctor and explain what is happening to you. Let the doctor refer you to the doctors and counselor that can best help you. Use the Websites PaperHeartsX3 gave you to find support groups in your area. Most of all let your family know of your illness so they can help you. Then start by telling your most trusted friends.

Having the help of trusted friends and family makes all the difference when fighting any illness, be it Bulimia or Cancer or any other serious illness. Bulimia is a serious and can be a life threatening illness if left untreated. It messes up the bodies electrolytes to the point that different organs are affected. Don’t let fear or pride get in the way of getting help.

I'm supposed to give a speech on my topic. Since I'm in the minority of "Requirements for nursing school should be eased". And I put agree. I'm supposed to have 3 main points, and I cannot have any notes with me or have it memorized. I'm having trouble on my research, I don't know what I should start off with or say...

The only 3 main points are that there are nurse shortage, many hospitals are needing more nurses, and that colleges are requiring nurses to take classes that do not even come in handy for their careers... Other than that, I don't know exactly what to say.

Help me please?

Your first two points are actually one in the same. There is a nursing shortage as such hospitals and any other institution that use nurses need more nurses. Your third point will not stand scrutiny. Many of the required courses do integrate into the nursing course in an abstract way such as English or Literature. Courses such as Algebra, Biology, Anatomy and Physiology and Chemistry all apply to nursing.

One talking point you might want to discuss that may be relevant to your point would be lowering required GPA. My point on judging solely on GPA is like judging a book by the cover. Some students are just terrible test takers; some are just are not into the High School experiences but excel once in College.

To find more points type nursing schools into a search engine then pick a school and review their requirements to find one more you would be comfortable talking about.

As to how to make your speech: First find someone to make eye contact that you are comfortable with, this will help with jitters of standing up before the class.

You start of by stating your point. “It is my feeling that Nursing schools need ease their admission requirements… and you lead into your first point which will be the shortage of qualified nurses and how this effect health care.” Then move on to your next points.

You finish with, “This why I believe nursing schools need to ease their admission requirements” If it is appropriate you then ask for questions.

I will be moving to another city with my boyfriend in a couple of months, and right now, he is constantly being manipulated by his mother for money. She will say things like "we can't pay our bills this month" or "we really need the money" but most of the times, she will take the money from his account without any acknowledgment at all. He works full time, and 75% of his paycheck goes to her; he is still living at home.
He refuses to talk to her about it, and when I try to talk to him, he gets upset and says that no matter what, she's his mom, and when she asks him for something, he'll give her anything.
He needs to start saving money for when we'll be living on our own, but no matter what I try to do, he will give all the money to his mom.
We know that she has a gambling problem; she also treats him unfairly. He has three other siblings, and they are given generous birthday presents, while my boyfriend has not received acknowledgment of his birthday for the past 3 years. Also, he is given almost no Christmas presents, while his siblings, again, are give generous gifts.
I know that he is being treated unfairly, and he knows it, but will not do anything about it.
What should I do?!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I agree with Karenr and Dearcandore do not move in with this guy until he can say no to his mother.

What I find hard to understand is he knows he is treated unfairly by his mother in respect to how she treats his siblings. Yet he continues to supplement or be her source of income. Why he feel he has be this way will be something that if left unresolved will always come between the two of you and you will end up supporting his mother as well.

I have a couple of suggestions as to how to help him. First close out his current bank account(s) and move them to another bank. If your boyfriend will allow, only you and he should have access to these account(s). His paycheck should be direct deposited to his primary checking account. You pay his bills and give him an allowance. (My mother in-law did this for my father in-law and they were married for over 50 years.) He still has access to his money and he can still give money to his mother but it stops his mother from accessing his account on her own. If you boyfriend fully allows you to control his finances his mother will have to come to you for financial assistance. You can cut the ties cold turkey or you can wean her off by giving her some of what she asks for and telling her that she has to find another source as her son’s assistance is soon coming to an end.
Next you boyfriend need to see a psychologist to help him find out he feels is the reason he can’t break his financial support of his mother. Offer to go with him. I believe it is a good idea that you go with him as If you are taking care of his finances and ending his mothers support there is going to be some turmoil ahead for the two of you that the psychologist can help you with.

Your boyfriend has to break his mother’s financial ties to him if the two of you are to succeed as a couple. What I have suggested is the only suggestion I could think of, you may find or have others. The one thing I am certain of is that unless and until your boyfriend is willing to break from his mothers’ dependence on him you should not move in with him.

hey. my name is evan. im 15 years old and a freshman in high school. i have been diagnosed with malignant melanoma which is a skin cancer for the 2nd time and my chances arent to good. im tired of trying to keep the secret that im sick again. im gonna do chemo this summer but i feel like im gonna burst if i dont tell my friends. my parents said not to cause i already get made fun of alot and i dont wanna get teased about this. what should i do? should i tell my friends or keep the secret like my parents want. i just feel like i need to talk to someone. thanks for the help.
evan

Before I give you any advice let me tell you that I am old enough to be your grandfather. I am not going to side with you or with your parents. What I am going to do is offer you advice on how to make your decision. You are the one who is sick, you are the one who knows these kids best and finally you are the one who will have to live with the outcome; good, bad or indifferent.

I find it hard to believe that kids your age are not mature enough to understand the seriousness of your type of illness and would tease you about it. I can also hear some of what they might say in their teasing and you do not need to hear that. So the first thing you need to decide is:

What is your need to tell them?

Will telling them cause then to tease you more or less?

Answer these two questions and you will know if you should tell or not. Of course with summer coming and if you will see these kids during the summer it will be hard for them not to know you are sick again if the chemo you will be getting will cause your hair to fall out. So this is another factor to take into consideration. This has to be your decision, no one else’s.

I have found is attitude is just as important if not more important than the medical treatment. I’m a fan of an old TV program called MASH. One of the lines from that program is “GOD cures the patient but the Doctor takes the fee”. I’m not imposing religion here and I’m using the line out of context. The meaning of that line is that the doctor and medicine can only do so much. The rest is up to you. If you believe you will get better than you can get better. In your own words you said you beat this illness once, there is no reason to believe you should not beat it again.

I know for a fact attitude makes a difference. I was disabled in a car accident. I was not ready to retire and I took retirement very hard. There is no surgery that can fix what is wrong with me; I have to deal with the pain. There are things the doctors can do to help deal with the pain but my attitude does make a difference. Part of the process of dealing with the pain was sending me to a psychologist to help me deal with the forced retirement and all the factors resulting from the accident. At first my pain so bad I could hardly walk and it was rare that I had a good day. Today 5 years later I have good days and bad days. Most of the time they are good day; my injuries are still there, my pain is still there. I am able to manage them better because I am able to have a proper attitude about what has happened to me and not feel sorry for myself.

I cannot tell you what to do about telling your friends. What I will tell you is find the right attitude about your illness. If you need help doing this ask your parents to find you a psychologist to help you. Attitude is everything when it comes to serious illness. If you believe it will happen.

Listen to your doctors, get a good attitude on this, and take care of yourself.

My sister is starting to make me freak out about my future, I want to become a nurse. So this program I'm doing, I'm graduating with my associates of sciences. Then I'm planning to go to a university, the thing is... My GPA is somewhat at risk. It went to a 3.5 to a 3.2 all due to one C. Then I had 2 C's in the spring semester so it dropped my GPA to a 2.9... My sister says to be in a nursing program I have to have a 3.5, and the thing is.. I'm starting to think I'm not smart enough. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to make a lower grade than I expected. I can't seem to put my mind into school because I also have work on the side since my parents are divorcing and selling the house so I'm trying to save money. I don't know... Is getting into nursing school really that hard? Should I change my major? What should I do? What can I do to help me succeed in school?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

Nurses are in great demand; there is a shortage of trained nurses with RN degrees. Rather than listen to your sister and stress yourself out over what is required for entrance into a Nursing School why not go straight to the source. If you have a school in mind contact the admission center. Ask them what is required for admission. I’m sure GPA is only a part of what they look for in a prospective student.

If you have not chosen a school(s) to apply to go on-line and type “Nursing Schools” in to your search engine: The search engine will return literally hundreds of schools, both traditional and on-line Schools you can apply too. You can narrow your search by limiting it to a particular State or region.

Financial assistance is also available to you through various programs. Some government programs require no repayment if you, upon graduation, practice in a particular area where doctors and nurses are in extremely short supply. Generally it is a 2 for 1 program. That is for every year of school the program pays for you give them 2 years in return. The Military is also in short of Nurses. You could talk with a Military Recruiter to find out what their program is and how it works. One thing of note with the Military get it in writing that you are enrolled in school and that is your duty assignment before you sign any enlistment papers.

My sister gave birth to her first baby today and will be bringing him home tomorrow. We've been a four-person family unit for 18 years and my sister is a very young mother so it's going to be a big challenge. On top of that, I have some really important exams coming up in the next month. If I pass them, I'll be leaving home in September and going to university.

Has anyone got any tips on living with a newborn baby? I need some practical advice on how to get through these exams while getting used to having a new family member.

Living with a newborn can be both beautiful and trying. The trying part is putting up with all the relatives who want to come by and visit with the baby. They forget what it was like for them or they remember and think well at least I can leave when the baby gets cranky. This makes it hard to get the baby on a schedule, which the baby needs to grow and do well.

The family also has to remember that the baby has come into your world not you into the baby’s world. Some adjustments are going to have to be made but the faster you establish a schedule for the baby the easier it will be to adjust for the rest of the family. You may have to adjust your study time or do more studying away from home if you can’t adjust your schedule.

Remember babies need a bottle or need to nurse every 4 hours or so. That means you will have your sleep disturbed by a crying baby until you sister either takes the baby to nurse or prepares a bottle. Babies cry for other reasons as well but a healthy baby will cry for feeding and diaper changing. Fortunately those two seem to coincide. If the crying baby disturbs your sleep to much you may want to find someplace you can bed down in the house as far from the baby as possible, at least until your exams are over.

There is not much more you can do for yourself except to love your new niece or nephew, which is the beautiful part. On the nights before the exams maybe a friend will allow you to stay at their house so you get a good night’s sleep. Hope I’ve helped.

Does anyone know a site where I can ask a question on sex. I believe my question would be too graphic for this site because of how young most of the people here seem to be. :\ Or maybe a girl that would be old enough to answer my question (im 16)

I agree with OhMyLucyDarling. There are older advisors on this site if you want to ask questions of someone old enough to be you parent or grandparent. All you need to do is to look at the advisors column to find out if they are older than most of the others.

Not knowing what your question is the following website is a good general purpose website for sex questions: http://www.pamf.org/teen//faq/

does sex hurt the first time?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website, found at bottom of this page) while answering a very similar question for another young lady. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman must always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, comfortable, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you this advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is general apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

My parents have been divorced for several years now and until about a year ago I've had a good relationship with both of them. I live with my mom and I used to see my dad every second weekend. Then about two years ago he got re-married. At first things were going good and then she got pregnant and my step-sister was born just before Christmas. I spent last Christmas with them and that was the last time I've seen my dad. I don't know what happened but all of a sudden he just stopped calling me. I used to try and call him but he never answered the phone or was too busy to see me. So I've basically given up. It's gotten to the point the point I don't even want to see him anymore because I really feel like he doesn't care. Everyone tells me I need to re-establish a relationship with him, and I've been thinking about it, but he acts like he doesn't want to see me. What should I do?

This may not be your fathers doing. From what you have written my thoughts are; when you call your father’s house your step-mother answers the phone. She must tell you something like your father is not home or unable to come to the phone. If I am correct in my thinking I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that she and not your father is the problem.

We read about this all the time in Novels and newspapers, we see it movies. It is not just the imagination of the writers, your step-mother wants your father to pay attention to his current family and probably done everything she can to isolate him from his past family. If this sounds possible or even probable then you might want to give your father the benefit of the doubt.

My suggestion to you is this; since calling your father at his home is not working sending a letter to his home may not reach him either. IF you know where your father works you could send a letter to him there. Even if your father does not have an office type job, any letter sent to his work address will be given to him. Since you do not want your letter sent to his home you could put one envelope inside another with the outer envelope addressed only to his employers’ office. The inner envelope would contain your letter to your dad; on the envelope you can write please do not forward to his home. Please arrange to hand deliver through company mail.

In your letter to your father you should tell him you called him numerous times at his home without a return call. Each time you have called you are told________________ (fill in the blank with whatever you have been told). Tell him how much you miss him, how much you love him and how much you need to have a relationship with him and your step-relations.

Do not be critical or say things to put him on the defensive. It is just possible that your father is not happy at this time and is protecting you from whatever is happening with his new family. So for now give him the benefit of the doubt until you have evidence that says otherwise.

((I'm 15/f))I think i am ready for sex but im not all that sure cause sometimes i think about it and think that i might regret it in the future. I REALLY like this guy tho. Also, I'm kinda scared that it will hurt really bad and i'm scared that i might not know what to do. What do u think?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. At 15 you are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html

I haven't spoken to my father in 8 months, Let me begin...

A year ago, My oldest sister and my father had a fight as my father is remarried and my oldest sister never saw eye to eye with her. My stepmother is very manipulative and often told my sister the right and wrongs of how to raise her children. Eventually, My father had felt that my sister was coming between him and his wife because my sister had stated that she doesn't appreciate her stating her opinions also she wrote a letter regarding her feelings towards my father. My father never really seem like he wanted me or my sister in his life, His time spent with us were almost as if they were a burden to him as he put his wife before his kids.

My father had called my oldest telling her (at 8 months) to have a nice life, Leaving behind her and her 3 children at the time. I was bothered from the beginning and over time my relationship with my father began to fade due to lack of respect and gradually I began to feel my step mother had got her way. It is now 8 months later since I have spoken to my father, I have been wanting to write him a letter for quiet some time now and I haven't had the sense to even know how I would approach it as I just cut complete contact without saying a word. I feel I need closure and that letting my father know how I truly feel is never too late, Although it will not solve the issue I would like to let him know that I will no longer be involved in his life and why. What I am asking is should I do this? I need opinions and much is appreciated

Thank you

Whether you want to have a relationship with your father is a very personal decision. I made that decision almost a decade ago for many of the same reasons you present and some reasons of my own. I too struggled with whether or not I should write my father and explain why I had decided to cut him from my life. In the end he made the decision for me telling the older family members a story that got him the greatest amount of sympathy. Since I was forced to explain myself to the elders in my family I felt I had earned the right to tell him of the hurt he had caused me and why it had finally come to a point that I could no longer stand be in the same room with him.

In one respect it was the hardest letter I have ever written and in another it was also the easiest letter I have ever written. I let everything out; from how he abused me as a child, mental not physical, to his disrespect of my wife and son. How he favored one grandchild over another while telling the other, my son, how he favored him over the others. I did not hold back a thing including the fact that I had informed the family that the version he was putting out was not quite truthful and I had informed them what it was like growing up in his house and afterwards.

This is what went into my letter, yours will be somewhat different. The benefit will be that you will have an opportunity to get this off your chest. Yes, you will be burning a bridge with your father that will most likely be not repairable. For me and my family this has not been a problem as my father showed us his true colors long before I wrote the letter. When my son and I were both seriously injured in separate work related car accidents and not word one do we hear from him, I do not regret for a minute telling him off and telling him that I don’t want him in my life and he should make no attempt to get back into my life.

My story is much different than yours or KarneRs’ and I do not disagree with what she is telling you. What we are discussing is a very personal and private matter. Something that will be next to impossible to fix should you decide to go ahead with what you are thinking and then down the road have a change of heart. From what you wrote you have every right to be upset and to disassociate yourself from your father. You also have every right to write him and tell him the why and wherefores’.

In the end though neither KarenR nor I can tell you yes write the letter or no do not write the letter. My advice to you is to consult with your wife as well as your brothers and sisters before you make a decision as to whether or not to write this letter. I ask that you consult with them only for the fact that should you write the letter it will have an impact on them and they should at least know of the letter if not have some input into it if they would like. I consulted my wife, son and my sister before I sent my letter off.

My mom is very controlling and easily jealous. My freshman year of highschool I did very bad in school. Ever since then I have worked very hard. My cummalitive gps is now a 3.6 I worked really hard and pretty much gave up a big portion of my social life. I've always wanted to go to college away and live there. I'm a junior now and I was talking to my mom about colleges I'd like to attend. Her response was "what you can't leave me, if you go away I'm not giving
you any money for college" so I later said to her "me and Hillary are going to get an aparment and go to a college close by and it will be cheaper anyway." my mom says "what no I don't think so, your not living with her. If you two want to live at our house then that's fine and you should just go to the college down the street." it's literally right down the street, I could walk there. That was how the conversation was
pretty left. But then one time we were talking about where i'd like to live after college and I move out. I was like "when I'm older and married I'd like to move to south Carolina, or somewhere like that" my mom had a very similar response
to the one about college. I can't tell her when I have boyfriends or anything because she gets crazy jealous. She also tells me way too much and wants too much from me. This one time my friend and I were going to this concert we were excited about for months. The day before my mom goes "I don't really want you going there I'll buy you a new coach purse and matching wallet if you don't"..how could I pass an offer like that up? She does this all the time and I just don't
know what to say or do anymore...help!?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

As you have already found out your mom has a controlling personality. I say this not to remind you but I too have been a controller and it takes one to know one. My controlling ways almost cost me my family, fortunately for me I have a loving family who over time helped me seek help. You can ask someone to get help, you can threaten someone to get help but until they themselves are ready they will not seek help. Why? Because we do not see ourselves as others see us and until we hit bottom we won’t. This is not unlike being an Alcoholic, until you accept being an Alcoholic you cannot begin any meaningful recovery.

What I found is part of the problem of my controlling personality, was an underlying depression. Once I started treatment for my depression I started seeing things differently. Depression causes a person to see thing not as they are or as they where meant. They are received in a colored manor based on how the underlying depression is affecting their processing at that point in time. Medication and clinical therapy has helped me recover. Like an Alcoholic I feel I will always be in recovery for I must always watch for the triggers that bring out my depression.

Saying this I am sure does not help your situation, but maybe it will help you understand your mother a little better. You will not win any fights with her over this. You cannot force her to seek help. What you can do is lead her down the right roads and hope like leading a horse to water she will drink from the trough. Call her doctor and tell the doctor what you suspect based on what I have written. Then see if you can get your mom to go for a checkup. Her doctor may have more influence over her than you do.

If the doctor is unable to get your mom to try some medication and therapy then you have a limited number of choices. You can allow hour mother to continue to control you until you finish your education. Not the worst choice in the world but could lead you to making a future bad choice. That choice would be to marry for the sake of getting out from under moms thumb. Do not say it will not happen; it can and has happened to others. When you finish High School you can find a job, move out on your own, attend a local community college part-time and get an AA Degree. During this time you will be saving money so once you have your AA you can go to College for you Degree full-time. This will add two to four years to the time it takes to get a full College degree. Not a bad choice and there are financial programs at both schools to help you. Downside is you can expect your mother to continue to try and control you and harass you into coming home to her.

The last and choice I like the best, but may not be the one you like best is to join the military. Why? Mainly because mom cannot get to you to harass you if you are in the military; once you finish basic and advance training you can also start your college education thought the military extension program on base. When you finish you commitment to the military you will have benefits to complete your education and you can relocate wherever you chose; just something to think about.

You cannot change the way your mother is unless she wants to change. You are the one who will have to decide what you want and how you are going to get what you want. Your choices really come down to two: Stay under mothers thumb or break away from mothers controlling ways. How you decide and what you decide is when your choices start to become limited or limitless.

I'm a senior in high school, would it be weird for me to date a guy whos only a freshman?

Btw, im a 17 year old female, he's 15. I will be turning 18 in June and he will be turning 16 in August.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

It is not strange for a freshman and a senior to be dating, after all age is only a number. WHAT you have to be CAREFULL of is some states do have laws governing age difference and “Statutory Rape” charges and charges of Leading to the “Delinquency of a Minor”. Generally if there is four years age difference, some states deferrer on the number of years, the older child can be charged with Statutory Rape or other charges. If you turn 18 during the school year, which is possible, you can be charged with Statutory Rape. If by chance you and your freshman date cross a state line then a then a Federal charge of violating the “Mann Act” can come into Play.

I am not looking to rain on your parade here; these are things that can happen and have happened when young people like yourself date even younger people. Sexual intercourse does not have to take place for these charges to be brought. All it takes is the parents of the younger child to have suspicions that the older child is wrong in some way and to bring charges with local law enforcement. I know what you are thinking: These charges usually brought against older men dating much younger women? Yes that is the norm; these charges have been brought against women dating younger males. We generally see them when a female teacher has a sexual relation with one of her male students.

I would suggest you find someone in your own age group to date. It is safer for both you and the boy you are dating to do so. Nothing I have described may ever happen; if it does it will ruin both of your lives. I can see from your writing that you are an intelligent young lady. I am sure there are boys your own age to date. Once in College you will find a whole new crop of young men to date as well.

Hello! I just move to a neighborhood and there are 3 little girls that constantly knock on my door and ask for food, band aids for boo boos, and to use the bathroom. We caught the smallest one in our car in the driveway trying to steal some candy and change out of it. She is about 5. My son gave one of them a bowl of applesauce and all 3 took turns taking bites. they did the same with some chocolate milk minutes later. They are outside and dirty from 8 am to 9pm on weekends and after school til dark. I asked the one girl why she couldnt go potty at her house and she said mommy wont let us in. After the little on stole from us I dont want to let her in though. She has been caught going in our garage and walks in our home without permission constantly. Please give me advice. This reminds me of my alcoholic mother when I was young. They are a family of 7 in a tiny 2br home. I have 3 of my own and cant care for them. What do I do?? thanks guys!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Child abuse and child neglect is a criminal matter, so you can start by filing a complaint with your local police or sheriff department. This will have an immediate effect as law enforcement must investigate any allegation of child abuse or neglect immediately.

They can enter the home and see if it is a safe environment for the children, if there is sufficient food and if the parent or parents are sober and capable of caring for the children. If in their estimation they believe it is not safe for the children to be in that home they can file for an emergency removal and place the children with protective services. If warranted they can also file any charges they deem appropriate against the parent or parents.

Remember what is at stake here: It is in the best interest of the children to seek immediate intervention. Young children need supervision, adult parental supervision. You say they children are left hungry, dirty and unsupervised for upwards of 12 hours a day. To me that is the definition of child neglect and abuse. Please intervene on their behalf and call your local law enforcement agency today.

I NEED HELP... i HAVE REPEATEDLY ATTEMPTED TO END MY LIFE....I NEED ADVICE,,, I HATE MYLIFE... I FEEL AS IFF U GUYS HAVE TO BE IN MY SHOES TO KNOW EXACTLY WEA IM COMING FROM... ITS NOT EASY LIVING THE LIFE THAT I AM LIVING...... ETC,

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 KNOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.
Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. Their number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.
You say I have to walk in your shoes to know how you feel, I don’t. Someone who is suicidal is suffering from some form of depression. As someone who has suffered with depression for many years I know a little of how you feel. Depression causes you to misinterpret things, take things the wrong way which adds to the depression.
You have just entered your teenage years; you have probably also started going through puberty. This is a very confusing time for any teenager; young women are especially confused as their mind tries to keep up with the changes their bodies are going through; the changes they feel within and most importantly the changes in the social structure they must navigate at school.
Your parent have expectations that they expect you to live up to, your teachers in school have higher expectations of you. Last but definitely not least your friends are also changing, just as you are, and they pressure you to change as they do.
Please call the hot line I recommended above. If you feel like hurting yourself before you can get to someone that can help you please call 911. Tell the call taker how you are feeling, they will send help. The normal response is to send both Fire Rescue and the Police. Do not be afraid, the call taker will most likely want to stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The police are there to protect you and the others, not to harm you or arrest you. The fire rescue people are there to take care of you and to take you to the hospital.

Feeling as you do you need to get to someplace where you can get help. The fastest way to do this is to call 911, go to the nearest hospital emergency room yourself or go to the nearest fire station. Fire Stations across the U.S. are Safe Havens for all children. Tell the fire fighters on duty how you feel. If the station is unmanned, there should be a call box at the front of the station. Use it to call for help.

lately i've been thinking about suicide. I cry every night and im always sad. i keep trying to find things to make me happy. But nothing works anymore. i feel like theirs nothing really to live for. nobody loves me. and I don't think anyone ever will. im just unlovable. I want to be happy so bad. please just tell me what could make me happyy. or why I should live. i just need something, anything. I don't want to die but I don't want to feel this pain anymore. i just can't do it

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 KNOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. Their number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

You say you feel unloved. That is not possible, at least five of us, at this time, love you enough take the time to write you and ask you not to do this. Yes we do this out of love; we have no obligation to answer any or all letters written to this website.

You have just entered your teenage years; you have probably also started going through puberty. This is a very confusing time for any teenager; young women are especially confused as their mind tries to keep up with the changes their bodies are going through; the changes they feel within and most importantly the changes in the social structure they must navigate at school.

Your parent have expectations that they expect you to live up to, your teachers in school have higher expectations of you. Last but definitely not least your friends are also changing, just as you are, and they pressure you to change as they do. If you do not change as they want you to for whatever reason you become a social outcast. I have a feeling that this is where your problem may truly begin. Your friends may be pressuring you to do things you’re not willing to do or not able to do. Because of this they may have abandoned you.

As a parent I can tell you that your parents still love you. Parents never stop loving their children. There are times when we may not like them very much, but we never stop loving them.

Please call the hot line I recommended above. If you feel like hurting yourself before you can get to someone that can help you please call 911. Tell the call taker how you are feeling, they will send help. The normal response is to send both Fire Rescue and the Police. Do not be afraid, the call taker will most likely want to stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The police are there to protect you and the others not to harm you or arrest you. The fire rescue people are there to take care of you and to take you to the hospital.

If nothing else please remember this: There are people that love you. Your parents love you and five people who have never met you have taken the time to write to you to convince you that hurting yourself is not the answer and ask you to seek help for whatever is causing you to feel this way.

what is the meaning of life?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

What is the meaning of life? That’s one heck of a question you asked. I do not believe there is just one answer to that question; as I believe life is what you make of it.

For intendance ever since you were a small child the adults in your life have asked you what you want to be when you grow up. Your answers differ based on many different factors in your life. Most children answer Police Officers, Fire Fighters, Doctors and Lawyers. Then as they get older and start their education they become interested in different things as they learn more. Some do go on to be Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers and Fire Fighters. Others become Teachers, Pilots, Truck Drivers, Electricians, Plumbers, Carpenters, and other needed professions. All of this is the result of our ability to learn and be inquisitive.

We all follow a path in life that we ourselves layout for us; based on upbringing, heritage and education. From this we choose what we want from life. We could want riches, fame or we could want life handed to us. Life is a series of choices that we make to get what we want from life. To me that is the meaning of life.

I am somewhat troubled by your asking such a deep question. I would like to know why you asked. Is this a school question? Are you troubled by something? If you would like to answer me in a private message you can do so by selecting my column: adviceman49 on this website.

Okay, my brother just went to jail 2 days ago for being charged with Stachatory rape. Here's the story. My brother was believed to be 20 or 19 when he had sex with this girl (who was 15 at the time) they were at a party where an adult served minors with alcohol. My brother does not remember ever touching this girl. Well she got pregnant and had the baby Dec 16 2009. when the baby was 4 months old, they sued my brother for custody. but he said it wasn't his, so they did a DNA test, and it was. now the baby is 5 months pregnant and now they arrested my brother for stachatory rape. Now with the girl who is 16 now, wanted my brother in the baby's life, but the parents want him arrested, what's the consquense for my brother?? We live in Pennsylvania.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

To be blunt; your brother is screwed. The fact that he does not remember having sex with the girl is negated by the proof of the pregnancy and paternity test. Statutory Rape is by Lay Definition defined as: Consensual sex between a minor and an adult or sex between two minors more than 2, 3 or 4 years difference in age. Each State differs’ on how many years in age difference between minors for a statutory rape charge.

The best advice I can offer is to find the best Lawyer you can afford. Remind the girl’s parents that if your brother is in jail for 20 years he cannot financially support the child. A binding, court supported and ordered offer of support for the girl and child until the child is 18 may go a long way in getting the girl’s parents to drop the charges or agreeing to a lesser charge. One for which probation may be an approved plea agreement.

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