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tell or not about cancer
hey. my name is evan. im 15 years old and a freshman in high school. i have been diagnosed with malignant melanoma which is a skin cancer for the 2nd time and my chances arent to good. im tired of trying to keep the secret that im sick again. im gonna do chemo this summer but i feel like im gonna burst if i dont tell my friends. my parents said not to cause i already get made fun of alot and i dont wanna get teased about this. what should i do? should i tell my friends or keep the secret like my parents want. i just feel like i need to talk to someone. thanks for the help.
evan
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Before I give you any advice let me tell you that I am old enough to be your grandfather. I am not going to side with you or with your parents. What I am going to do is offer you advice on how to make your decision. You are the one who is sick, you are the one who knows these kids best and finally you are the one who will have to live with the outcome; good, bad or indifferent.
I find it hard to believe that kids your age are not mature enough to understand the seriousness of your type of illness and would tease you about it. I can also hear some of what they might say in their teasing and you do not need to hear that. So the first thing you need to decide is:
What is your need to tell them?
Will telling them cause then to tease you more or less?
Answer these two questions and you will know if you should tell or not. Of course with summer coming and if you will see these kids during the summer it will be hard for them not to know you are sick again if the chemo you will be getting will cause your hair to fall out. So this is another factor to take into consideration. This has to be your decision, no one else’s.
I have found is attitude is just as important if not more important than the medical treatment. I’m a fan of an old TV program called MASH. One of the lines from that program is “GOD cures the patient but the Doctor takes the fee”. I’m not imposing religion here and I’m using the line out of context. The meaning of that line is that the doctor and medicine can only do so much. The rest is up to you. If you believe you will get better than you can get better. In your own words you said you beat this illness once, there is no reason to believe you should not beat it again.
I know for a fact attitude makes a difference. I was disabled in a car accident. I was not ready to retire and I took retirement very hard. There is no surgery that can fix what is wrong with me; I have to deal with the pain. There are things the doctors can do to help deal with the pain but my attitude does make a difference. Part of the process of dealing with the pain was sending me to a psychologist to help me deal with the forced retirement and all the factors resulting from the accident. At first my pain so bad I could hardly walk and it was rare that I had a good day. Today 5 years later I have good days and bad days. Most of the time they are good day; my injuries are still there, my pain is still there. I am able to manage them better because I am able to have a proper attitude about what has happened to me and not feel sorry for myself.
I cannot tell you what to do about telling your friends. What I will tell you is find the right attitude about your illness. If you need help doing this ask your parents to find you a psychologist to help you. Attitude is everything when it comes to serious illness. If you believe it will happen.
Listen to your doctors, get a good attitude on this, and take care of yourself.
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I am very sorry to hear that. I have actually been in this situation where my doctor thought i had a chance of melanoma and i was scared to tell anyone because i didnt want them to think different of me.
My advice to you is to find a couple of your friends that you can trust. i would recomand mature ones. explain to them your situation and let them know you just want someone to talk to and someone to turn to for comfort.
The teasing only happens because people are immature and dont know what is really happening. it usually comes from people who have low self esteem and make themselves feel better by insulting others.
hope this helps. i hope you get cured
Stephy
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Well, I have never had a skin disease before but I have been in situations where you don't have any one to turn to. Everyone out there has someone they can tell their secrets to, so my advice would be to find that person and be yourself. :)
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Sweetie, first of all I'm so sorry to hear this. You will be in my prayers! I can understand that you want to talk to someone. Your parents are just trying to protect you but you need to help them understand that you need to talk to someone. Sit down with them and tell them that you want to talk to your friends. I wouldn't suggest that you go behind their backs and do it because like I said, they just want to protect you. You should let them know how you feel. I hope I helped and God bless you!
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