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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I just started being vegan almost two months ago. My boyfriend isn't full vegan yet though but we are considering having sex soon. I am sort-of concerned about condoms not being vegan but feel strongly that we should use condoms. I haven't really taken the time to look for this information but figured some Advicenators might already know:

Are condoms vegan?

If not, where can I buy vegan condoms?

If there is no such place then how can I tell if a condom is cruelty-free?

Most Condoms are made of man made material such as Latex. From my understanding of the Vegan lifestyle that would mean most of the condoms on the market today would meet the requirements of the Vegan lifestyle.

If the package says anything such as for use by those with a latex a allergy; then check the box for the content of the condom.

I was at a party about a week ago and we were drinking. It was a fun time and there was this guy that was flirting with me all night. He asked me if I wanted to hookup and I said yes.

We ended up having sex that night. I didn't say no or anything but I WAS DRUNK. He had been drinking too but I don't think he was as drunk as I was.

Is this considered rape? I mean, I was drunk so I wasn't in my sound mind or whatever...

16/f

Legally you cannot give consent to sex if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, under any type of anesthetic or under the age of consent. The facts are as I see them: You did not say yes and you did not say no; immaterial. The point is you were not capable at the time of giving consent or refusing. You may have even been passed out. This meets the legal definition of rape.

Now what to do about it; First you need to talk with your parents. Yes, that means admitting to your underage drinking. As someone old enough to be your grandparent I can tell you your parents are going to be upset with your drinking. They will be more upset with you being raped, which will temper some of their anger over your drinking. I would expect that once they have dealt with the rape they will deal with your drinking and rightfully so. There are reasons young people should not drink; alcohol; is a depressant and it impedes normal judgment.

This does not mean you are in any way at fault for being raped, you are not. No one asks to be raped or does anything to invite being raped. If you were given alcohol for the expressed purpose of being sexually taken advantage of, this too is rape as alcohol lowers your inhibitions.

Your parents are most likely going to want to file charges. You should not argue with them if they do. This time he took advantage of someone who was incapable of giving consent and may have blacked out or even been asleep. If you allow him to get away with it this time, the next time he may do more than just rape the young lady. This is something you must let local law enforcement and the criminal justice system handle.

I would also like you to contact an organization called RAINN, Rape, Incest, National, Network. They operate a 24 hour hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE. This hotline is staffed 24hrs a day by trained counselors who will help you and help you find trained rape crisis counselors in your area who will help you. RAINN also has a website: http://www.rainn.org/. You may not feel you need help to get through this right know, but you do. The fact that you have written to use tells me you are troubled by what has happened to you. Call RAINN speak with their counselor and let them help you find someone in your town that you can go to help you through this.

The grandparent in me tells me I have to say this to you. Drinking and getting drunk is not fun and it can be harmful in many ways. Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. Never ever get in a car with someone who has been drinking. Call your parents to come and pick you up instead. They may be angry but they would, I am sure prefer to be angry than to have to deal with the results of a drunken driver

16/f so i get panic attacks once and awhile and thats fine cause i can deal with those, but lately ive been having this weird thing happen, i have no idea what it is...
so it started off just being at night right before i went to bed but now i get it just at random times. its like a huge panic attack but not.
so to describe it as best i can...its like i start feeling like im not real like i dont really have the same skin and stuff and everything gets different textures and sizes and they keep changing and stuff and than ill start hearing nioses sometimes and ill see things like sometimes i hear yelling and its soo loud and i cant stop it and one time i saw all these people and they kept saying my name and one time a couple was arguing and other times its just different colors flashing or different shades of gray....
and when all this happens i try so hard to get out of it but i cant my body wont let me it just controls me and i know when its going to come i can feel it and i always start crying because i hate it so much its really scary..
so yeah i dont know what it is or what to do so please help!

I can't tell you what exactly it is other than it is some form of panic attack. You need to see a doctor to have it properly diagnosed as this should not be happening.

Something in your conscious day is bothering you and coming out at night when you are relaxed. Something that you are literally able to bury these thoughts in your subconscious. Medication will help with the panic attacks. The voices that your hearing and what they may be saying, the things that you"re seeing all have to be dealt with by a doctor trained to deal with them and a therapist to help you talk your way through whatever is causing the problem.

Has something happened to you? Has somebody hurt you or a close friend? Has there been a death of a close family member? All of these things and others can trigger these kinds of problems. You need to see a doctor. If these voices are telling you to hurt yourself or someone else you need to go to the nearest emergency room for help.

Tell your mom and dad what is happening and ask them to take you to the doctor. If as I said the voices are telling you to hurt yourself or someone else either call 911 or have your parents take you to the nearest hospital emergency room.

I am in summers school. I'm not in summer school for failing or being dumb or nothing like that. Im going to be a junior next year and I decided to go to summer school to take senior classes, so I wont have to take them when I become a senior. Its some program that my school has. A teacher that I have a crush is teaching a class. He knows that I have a crush on him and he jokes around and calls me his girlfriend and puts his arm around me. I think hes just playing and he tells other people that hes just playing. One day he called me his girlfriend in the front office in front of the counselor and the principle and they didn't say anything, the counselor just laughed. Ok, during our little lunch break everyone was in the cafeteria and I was talking in the hallway with one of my friends. My teacher asked me could I take something to the office for him and I went in his class to go get it. He gave me some papers and put is arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. Is that wrong?

Let me start by saying I am old enough to be your grandfather. When I was your age and in school a teacher referring to a student as his or her boyfriend/girlfriend and kissing them on the forehead would not have been given a second thought. Maybe it should have been given second thoughts; Sexual predators where just as prevalent back then as they are know.

Your teacher was wrong to kiss you, period, be it on the forehead or anyplace else. Now what to do about it. While you could go up to him and tell him that you felt uncomfortable with him kissing you and not to do it again. You do not know if he has kissed or done anything else with other young girls. The best thing to do is to talk to you parents. Let them decide what the proper thing to do is.

They have a number of choices they can take. The best place to start is with the school principal. If the school administration does not take what your parents feel is appropriate action they have other avenues they can follow. I encourage you to talk with your parents about this. It may have been just what it was a kiss to say thank you, but can you be 100% sure?

Is 19 too young to be having sex? Just a note I think premarital sex is perfectly okay as long as you're responsible.

The reason I am asking this is because I want to get my Gardisil shot, and my mom would know about it, and she believes that the only people that get it are those who are sexually active or will be in the near future.

I live at home (except I go to school out of state). What should I do when she questions my reasons for getting the shot? Should I tell her I'm sexually active and I want to protect myself? I'm just kind of in a tough situation right now because I have a boyfriend, whom I'm keeping a secret from my family (he's black, and I don't know how my family would react to that). I told my mom a bit about him, and that we are bests friends, and that yes I do spend the night at his place every once in a while but we don't do anything (which is a lie, but I figured my mom can just assume whatever she assumes).

Yup, so what should I do? Tell my mom I'm sexually active, or keep lying to her about it. I mean 19 isn't too young to have sex, right?

(and just a note, I'm on birth control and we use condoms, so no lectures). Oh and if it matters, he is 23.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

You are 19 and considered an Adult by society. Whether or not 19 is too young or not too young to have sex is strictly your call. When an at what age people decide to have sex is a very personal decision but certainly as an adult you are not too young to engage in sex if you so wish.

As to the Gardisil shot: Here again you are an adult, this is your body. You do not need your motherâ��s permission to see your doctor and receive the shot, even if you are using her health insurance. Your medical information is totally confidential. The Health Information Privacy Act, HIPA, has severe consequences including fines and jail time if your medical information is released without your written permission.

My advice is: If you want the Gardisil shot, talk with your doctor. If your doctor feels the shot is right for you then get it. It is up to you if you want to tell you mother. You are an adult now; you do not need permission to see a doctor, to have sex or to date someone of your own choosing. Mom also has the right to be disappointed and to do as she chooses when she finds out if she finds out. Iâ��m not suggesting that you lie to your mother even by omission. What I am saying is as an adult you have all the rights of an adult as well as facing the consequences of those rights as an adult.

Reply:Your medical information is something your mother cannot find out about it is protected by law. The only thing she can find out about is who your dating and if you are sexually active and this only if you tell her or leave your birth control pills where she can find them. As for dating a black man, if mom finds out; first it is really non of her business who you date or maybe I'm just to liberal. Second who says you will marry him, your just dating.

I dunno if this is the right group to put this in but lately my teeth have been hurting when I bite into things, like taco's an cheerio's, an I don't think its a cavity, because it feels like their all pushing together

P.S. dunno if this helps but all four of my wisdom teeth are in =( ...

You need to see a Dentist. It very well may be your wisdom teeth crowding your other teeth. None of us are qualified to make that call. Only a Dentist can tell you what the problem is.

See your dentist before you do any costly or permenant damage to your other theeth.

this question is for parents on AdCens...

i am in my mid 20s/f.... i've been through hell with my family...
i've witnessed things happen to people my parents and siblings over short and long periods of time: injustice, wrongful incarceration, rape, violence, threats, mental breakdowns (anorexia, bipolar, ADD, depression, suicidal bouts...etc) I've witnessed lying, hate, love, breakups and makeups, humiliation, hostility, prosperity and bankruptcy, deaths and births.... i moved countries so many times i don't know what home is...
if i were superstitious i would have believed that my family is cursed.... but i am not... it's just the nature of my parents jobs and the "high maintenance" backgrounds they come from
some people say that it is moments like these that bring families together... but i say these are the moments that test our bond leaving each individual broken for life....

i know i am not the only one suffering the repercussions of all these events. each of them is dealing with it their own way... that said i don't think my family is strong enough to be a source of support... So i am asking parents on advicenators to give me some advice...
i don't know what exactly my problem except that i am going through a sort of identity crisis... i don't feel i belong and i feel completely isolated from the world in my experiences no matter how much i reach out and try to connect. I don't know what what i want to do with my life... or should i say i don't their is anything worthwhile to do... relationships of any kind start intensely fade over time and die completely with distance... some faster or slower than others.... i feel lost and different and despite the bonding circumstances in our lives i know my parents will never accept who i am in that sense... they hold on to something very unfamiliar to me that i think belongs to their past. an image of stability in terms of traditions and expectations... i just feel i can never adopt that and it can never satisfy all the questions and confusion.... what is so unsettling about wanting to be a drifter? to take it as it comes... i don't want to plan... i don't even think i know how to! i just don't know how to tell them this without them accusing me of being too "philosophical"...

Some of the things you speak about such as Bipolar disorder and Depression are hereditary. The feeling of confusion and being lost, your talk of identity problems and even your relationship problems all have links to Depression and Bipolar Disorder, also referred to as Manic Depression. I’m not a doctor and I’m not trained or able to make diagnoses nor should I or anyone else on this website. What I can and will do is strongly suggest you see a qualified physician to be screened for these disorders.

Once screened for Bipolar Disorder or Clinical Depression, whether diagnosed as suffering for either or not, you should seek the help of a Clinical Psychologists. From what you have written you have had a rough life and you have said parental support is most likely not an option. A Clinical Psychologist or a licensed social worker is the best avenue to pursue for the support you need to deal with the many facets of your life you need to deal with.

You don’t need a parent, although I am and actually old enough to be your grandparent, to tell you that the cure will not happen overnight. It took you a long time to get where you are and feel as you do. It will take time to feel better about yourself and to build trust not only in others but in yourself.

There is nothing wrong in being a drifter as long as you are drifting and not searching. There is a difference. My niece drifted for a number of years after College. She will turn 35 in November and in December will receive her Doctorate in Engineering. She drifted to satisfy her wanderlust. Once satisfied she had seen everything there was to see she returned to school to finish her education.

To conclude: Have yourself screened for Depression and Bipolar disorder. Then work with a clinical psychologist to answer all the questions you have written about. When working with a psychologist you need to find someone you are comfortable with. You may have to work with two or three to find the one you are most comfortable with. This is not uncommon, the more comfortable you are with your clinician the easier it will be to heal.

Okay... I have a question. I am fifteen now, but I was fourteen at the time, and my bf was sixteen. When we were dating I was what you would call "whipped". I basically let my bf do whatever he wanted, except when he asked for a hand job. I kept telling him no, no, no. But one night we were hanging out and making out on the couch. We were getting pretty into it and all of the sudden he just pulled down his shorts, grabbed my hand, put it on his you know what, and started moving my hand with his hand. It happened so quick, it took me a second to realize what was going on and when I did I pulled my hand away and started crying. I never even talked to him about it after that... but now that were broken up it keeps coming back to me and I don't know why. It wasn't that bad was it?? I don't know what to do... why is this bothering me so muchh???

Why does what happened bother you so much? In a sense your Ex boyfriend raped you.

If you look at the definition of rape: It is the forcing of a sexual act upon another. By taking your hand and placing it on his penis and attempting to get you to masturbate him, also known as giving a hand job; this is a sexual act. By forcing you, which he did, is considered rape. Sexual intercourse does not have to happen to meet the standard for rape.

You did the right thing by pulling your hand away and sending the boy home and not seeing him again. That of itself does not lessen the feeling that he violated you and this is why you are so bothered by this so long after the event. You have every right to feel violated.

My advice is you is to tell your parents what happened. What this boy did was wrong; it was a hand job with you. The next time he may actually force a girl to have intercourse with him. You and your parents should discuss this with local law enforcement. I know you don’t want to get the boy in trouble, but what about the next time he tries something. You could be saving his next victim the same pain you are going through. I would also like you to contact an organization called RAINN, Rape, Incest, National, Network. They operate a 24 hour hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE. This hotline is staffed 24hrs a day by trained counselors who will help you and help you find trained rape crisis counselors in your area who will help you. RAINN also has a website: http://www.rainn.org/.

Review the website, call the hotline, and talk with your parents and local law enforcement. Get professional help with how you are feeling. This is not something that will pass overtime. It will continue to fester until you properly address this issue.

Your parents are not going to be made at you. I know I’m a parent old enough to be your grandparent. You did nothing wrong. Every teenager makes out with their boyfriend/girlfriend. You set your limits and he was well aware of your limits. He went well past simply violating your set limits into what can be considered Rape. You may not believe this but by reporting him to local law enforcement you will be doing him a favor even if he is not charged. You will most defiantly save another girl the pain you are suffering.

I came to a point in my life where I just don't like anybody I think people are real stupid they don't even use comon sense and they do stupid things all the time at least I think before I do is there something wrong with me I guess I was brought up to work hard and earn what u get but it seems to me that now days people expect everything to be hande to them on a silver plater I know wh3n I was young my dad didn't hesitgate to use a belt on me if I was to get in trouble now if you as a parent spank a child that's wrong but that's the whole problem today parents let their children control them insted of the parent controling the child why do you think the prison poulation is so huge because it started as a child NO DISIPLIN but what I'm geting at is why do I hate people

We live in a world of instant gratification and instant rewards. Along with this is the loss of discipline both personal and parental. It is okay for a parent to spank a child but don’t dare take a belt, or switch to a child as that is considered child abuse. Gone are the days of taking ones child to the woodshed for a good tanning.

Society wants discipline but will not tolerate discipline that instills proper respect and learning. I know that is a weighty sentence. Today’s discipline is to send a child to their room; that is like sending them to an amusement park. They have their computers, XBOX, Music Players, Cell Phones and other electronics to entertain them. You are better off punishing them by sending them to the kitchen for the day. Spankings are old school and frowned upon, why I do not know. We and our parents before us survived spankings and the proverbial trips to the woodshed and we did not turn out to psychotic or social outcasts as we are being told today. A good spanking leaves a lasting message, provided all is forgiven when the spanking is over. I clearly remember hearing “this is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you”; never quite under stood that at the time.

Parents today are too busy with their careers to be good parents. They would rather pacify than discipline. Employers have to take a lot of the blame for this as they demand more than they should from their employees leaving them to drained to be good parents. Then they turn right around and complain that finding good help is impossible in today’s job market. If the employers of the world would look further than their noses they would see that by creating a more stress free work place they would be investing in the future of their company seeing a longer and better return on their investment.

We could have the world you and I are looking for. The world we want would have less crime, less drug and alcohol problems. Better respect for our fellowman. The world will never be a perfect place as someone will always want more than they are entitled too. But if each of us takes the time to show one other person the respect he/she is do, or to help someone without waiting to be asked. Those acts are contagious and eventually we can make our part of the world a better place to live.

My advice: Don’t give up on mankind; make an effort to change your part of the world to be a better place. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown. So put a smile on your face and say good morning to your neighbor and wish them a good day. You will be surprised by how they react.

My boyfriend and I are really horny and want to have sex. We haven't yet because we're young and I don't want to be a teenage mom. We've talked about it a lot and he's so afraid of getting me pregnant so I totally understand.

I was thinking about still having sex with him but during my period so it's like impossible to get pregnant. He is all for it and is really excited about it. :)

The problem is that the blood will probably make a mess, I'm guessing. I figured we could do it in the shower though and then everything would work out fine and the blood can just wash down the drain. I think this might sound pretty sexy and we can make it fun with the water.

Is that safe to do though? And will there be like LOTS and LOTS of blood or just a little bit? I need to know what to expect here...

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I found the following website while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than fore the boy. You are more emotionally mature than your partner is at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always must have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urge without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. These forms of sex should be adequate for now to satisfy both you and your boyfriend without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.

Before you make your decision please review the following website.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

here are my symptoms that lead me to believe i do:

i'm always tired, no matter how much sleep i get.

i have depression

i'm dizzy a lot

i have very poor balance

i get muscle pains, especially in my back

my joints are sometimes sore or weak, and they sometimes grind

i read something on chronic fatigue syndrome and i had most of the symptoms, others i didnt. like weight gain and loss, panic attacks, sore throat, bloating, and a few others. but the main ones i do. i also might be anemic so some of these may have to do with that. i haven't been diagnosed by any doctors yet, but should i? i'm 17/f, by the way

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

You should see a doctor to be properly diagnosed, but it sounds as if you are suffering some form of depression. It could be the changes your body is going through that are causing you to feel depressed. You are old enough to make doctor’s appointments on your own, please do so. Teenage depression is quite common and easily treatable.

Just what cause’s teenage depression I cannot say, I am not a doctor. If you look at this problem from a realistic standpoint it is easy to see some of the stressors a teenager has to deal with. You have all these hormones raging through your body; there are higher expectations of you at school and at home. You have a new social structure to navigate. College expectations come in to play as well. Being female you have the added stressors of the physical changes in your body to deal with. And this is the short list.

There is nothing wrong in asking for a little help while all this is going on. Medication and talk therapy can help you deal with the changes and the stressors. Help you put things in the proper prospective and to help relieve some of the stress you impose on yourself.

When your parents and I were your age life was a lot easier than today; when some of us suffered as you are, parents said it was something we would grow out of. Some of us did and some of us did not. Today when a child says they are feeling depressed we need to be cautious and have a doctor screen the child for depression. You may or may not fit the parameters of a clinically depressed teenager but only a healthcare professional can make that judgment. Once screened it is something your doctor can keep tabs on regardless of the results of the initial screening.

Some, but not all of your symptoms fit symptoms of depression: These other symptoms may be triggers for the depression and need to be diagnosed and treated as well. Please make an appointment with your family doctor. Make sure you tell the doctor of all the symptoms you have listed here. Some of the symptoms you list, your family doctor will treat, the others you will be referred to a psychiatrist to treat. No you are not mentally ill; most depression is caused by the body inability to produce enough of a chemical the brain needs to prevent depression. A psychiatrist is the best doctor to diagnose and treat to depression.

Alright, so i was messing around with an application on my i pod touch that allowed me to view websites through my computer. i had a porn website on my i pod, my parents walked to tell me goodnight in so i closed the app. Then because the app closed, the porn website popes up full screen on my computer. the whole time it was up my back was to the monitor and i told my parents goodnight. now i feel sick and i just want to die.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

First things first; while porn is much maligned by a load minority, there is nothing wrong with a young boy or girl watching it. If your parents saw what was on your computer and said nothing then their silence is speaking loudly that they do have a problem with your viewing pornographic websites. The problem if any comes in when these websites consumes all of your time. It would be the same with any website or activity that consumes all of your to the detriment of everything else. Pornography and related activities just happen to be the flavor of the times.

Young people have all these hormones raging through them with no real outlet for them. Pornography provides the visual acuity some need to masturbate. Contrary to perception over 90%, by recent survey, of adults and teens masturbate. By the way fingering and hand jobs fall in the realm of masturbation.

As a parent I much preferred my children indulged in joint masturbation and singular pleasuring rather than trying to get a young lady to have sex with them. It was safer, less chance of the young lady getting pregnant and less chance of anyone getting an STD.

I realize I got off the subject a little bit but hopefully the information I provide helps you some. As I said to begin with; if your parents saw what was on the computer screen, chances are they did, there is no reason to be embarrassed, you are normal. Their silence in not saying anything says they quietly approve. If you are concerned about being seen looking at porn ask your parents about your putting a locking door knob on your door for privacy or at the very least talk to your parents about respecting your privacy and knock before entering your room. You are getting older and you do not walk into their bedroom without knocking, if the door is closed, you would like the same respect for your privacy.

I was shopping with my friend. When we left the store we were stopped by two lady loss prevention agents. It turned out my friend was shoplifting, which I didn't know. She fessed up right away. I didn't steal anything. They said we both had to go with them to the security office. I tried to leave but one of the LP agents grabbed me and handcuffed me, hands behind the back. They separated us and tried to get us to admit we were in on it together. My friend and I stuck to the truth which was that I wasn't involved. We were both taken to jail and charged with misdemeanor theft. My friend pled guilty later and the charges against me were dismissed. I spent three hours in handcuffs and a night in jail. Why would they do this to me just because I was with someone who shoplifted? Any ideas on whether this kind of thing is legal? If not, does anyone think I have a legal remedy against the store for false arrest or something? Opinions on whether this is worth pursuing?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

I disagree with the two other advisors; your friends shoplifting does not mean you are guilty by association. Unless you did something to aid and abet her crime there was no reason to detain, or charge you. Retail stores are somewhat overzealous in there loss prevention programs and rightfully so given the high loss rate they are incurring. That does not mean they are immune from such charges as false arrest, false imprisonment and any other charges a competent attorney may come up with.

My advice is that if you are under 18 you and your parents should seek the advice of a competent attorney. If you are over 18 you do not need your parent to seek the counsel of an attorney. Laws concerning shoplifting, aiding and abetting differ slightly from State to State so it is ill advised of me to advise you based on the law in my state.

If you have been wronged under the law in your state the attorney will advise you and what your potential remedies may be. He or she may suggest seeking simple expunge meant of the record, too suing both the store and the Police Department for False Arrest and other charges. The stronger your case is the better chance the Attorney will take the case on what is called a contingency basis. This is where the Attorney shares in any award you receive; generally about a third plus any expenses they incur.

You can always find an Attorney who will take you case to court based on a retainer against billable hours. It’s your gamble all the way as they have nothing to lose by taking your case. Their being paid win or lose. So do not base your decision to sue based on finding a lawyer who agrees to take your case with you paying the way. Base your decision on finding a lawyer who will gamble with you either in whole or part.

You can have the best case ever to be taken to court and still lose. A good lawyer will try to win a case out of court through compromise. The definition of a good compromise is: “something no one likes, but everyone can live with.”

Good luck.

Okay, so i'm 15 years old, going to level 1. This is my summer vacation, and my mother tells me my curfew is 11!!! That really bothers me because throughout the school year, my curfew on weekends was 12... I really feel like im being mistreated here, but she will not reason with me. I hate my curfew, and it's embarrassing when all of my friends can be in at 12 and 1..but i'm home at 11.

I've tried to explain to her sooo many times that all of my friends can stay out later than me, she just says it's only an hour!

What can i do to change this? I would really appreciate any advise, thanks!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

There are a lot of different reasons parents set curfews as they do. Before I go into some of them you said something about going into “Level one”. This tells me I am probably responding to someone not living in the USA; and that’s okay, I’m just not familiar with the laws on driving and such where you live.

Back to curfews: When my son was your age his curfew on school nights was, depending on the activity he was attending, between 9:00 and 10:00 pm. This gave him time to complete homework and get some sleep before school the next day. On weekends his curfew was extended to 11. Dating was in groups and was usually restricted to movies or mall dates. I know, I was a little strict by some standards, so where most other parents in our area.

We do this for two reasons; first because we love you and want to protect you. Second; it is the parents’ responsibility to teach our children proper behavior. Part of this is being responsible. It sounds unfair but part of being responsible is asking you to do something you don’t agree with, like curfews. If you constantly break your curfew, or fail to call home if you’re unavoidably delayed, is not being responsible.

You may only be 5 or ten minutes late, but you’re still late. In this day and age with everyone having cell phones how hard is it to call home and say; “I lost track of time I’m on my way and will be home in 5 minutes; or “Jeff’s’ dad was late picking us up we just left the mall.” This is what responsibility is about. Your responsibility is to let your parents know that you are safe and aware of the time and your curfew.

One must earn respect; even though you are your parent’s child and I’m sure they love you without question; you still must earn their trust and respect. There are many ways to do this. Such as doing things around the house without being asked, getting good grades in school and respecting your parents’ wishes.

Yes, you want more freedom; you want what your friends have. To have more freedom you have to earn it. My mom would say to me if Billy jumps off the bridge does that mean you have to jump off the bridge too? For the longest time I thought that remark was crass and stupid; then I became a parent.

Im 13. I love guys, and couldnt date a girl (i need masculinity) but i have imagined being with girls, and i wouldn't mind kissing a girl (my bf thinks it'd be hot). I think some girls are hot and i think im slightly attracted to them. and les p*rn turns me on. I don't know if im bi, or if its normal for a straight female to feel this way.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.

At your present age I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At this age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Lesbian or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.

There are a number of reasons for sexual attraction to someone of our own sex at this age. First and foremost is the fact it is safer and easier to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones your body is producing. Parents think nothing of two children of the same sex being behind closed doors, sleeping together, even in the same bed, particularly females.

I have known women that have been bi all through college, then gone straight heterosexual afterwards. Reason it was easier and sex was more available if you were bi; it was also safer.

My advice: Don’t put a label on your sexuality at this time. Just enjoy learning about who you are sexually. When you are more adult if you still want to put a label on your sexuality then do so, but for now just enjoy being you.

can i have sex with 2 men at the same time?

PEEPS has given you a great answer I would suggest you follow the advice given. I can only add that if a threesome is something you what to do, and you are single and still a teenager, that you wait. For the reasons given by PEEPS. Teenage boys are not the most discreet and you can get labled quickly with this type activity.

It is nice to be popular but not for this reason. This is something that can follow you for a long time. Is this really something you want following you?

Additional info:If you would answer this question for me I would appreciate it. Why are 13 year old girls having sexual intercourse?

You are way too young to be having sex. I understand your bodies are going through a lot of changes both physically and hormonally; but there are other ways to take care of your hormonal needs. Why run the risk of becoming pregnant? Is it because you want to be popular with the boys? This is not the way to be popular with the boys. You will gain a reputation for being easy that will follow you for a long, long time, not something you want.

I urge you to rethink having sex at your age, to wait for at least 4 years until you are older and can understand your body better. Have fun fighting the boys off for a while and if you feel you want to give then relief you can do so with and HJ or a BJ; but not all the time. Be discreet with your sexual favors.

At this age boys think with the head that is in their pants and mistake love for lust. Any boy or man for that matter who tells you he loves you just to get in your pants is: First, not worthy of you and Second, someone you should never even let him touch you let alone get in your pants.

I'm a 39 year old male who thinks about sex all the time I'm married but sex with her is a rare thing her sex drive is just not there so I look at other women even though nothing happens I find myself wondering what I would do if I. Slept with this woman or that woman fanticising about it I even look at porn from time to time because I have a high sexdrive I think if my wife would love me enough to make out with me from time to time I would be the way I am or maybe she's cheating on me who knowes but I do know its not rigtht but what can I do iv talked to her plenty of times about my needs I. Work 2 jobs my money goes to the bank what elese am I missing I tell her how sexy she is how I love her but I get nothing can someone help me please

This is a hard question to answer as there is some missing information. Information such as; do you have children? How many children? If so how old are they? Is your wife a stay at home, soccer type mom, or does she work outside the home?

Why are these questions important? Some working mothers and mothers of preteens and teenage children have lower sex drives than when they were first married and childless. Just why this is maybe that they are just too tired to enjoy sex after working all day then coming home to cook, clean, do the laundry and chauffeur the children to their activities. For the soccer type moms who do not work outside the home but have large families they too get exhausted from all they do for their families. The fact that you work two jobs says you may not be home to help out much and relieve your wife of some of the responsibilities. The problem could also be medical. No she is not sick; her body may not be making enough of the chemicals that produce a sex drive.

Mostly I think she is just too tired for sex and she may also be afraid that one of the children may interrupt you during sex causing frustration rather than pleasure. Rather than being frustrated she has suppressed he need for sex.

If it is affordable, try farming out the children, if you have children, to the grandparents, or friends for a weekend and take your wife on a brief holiday. My wife and I would do this several times a year. We would book a room downtown for two nights, usually there were special rates for locals, have dinner in town and just relax. I did not have to initiate sex at these times and the sex was awesome. Much different then what we had at home.

If you find this to happen for you then you will know two things. First your wife is working hard and needs time to relax in order to truly enjoy sex. Second the children may be impeding her sex drive. Relax this is normal and will pass as the children get older, it did for us. I would also recommend having your wife see a doctor just in case her low sex drive is hormonal in nature. There are drugs on the market today to help correct it.

So I have really weird looking nipples. And I want to feel close to my boyfriend, by not covering up my body when we have sex (leaving my bra on), but I always felt extremely self conscience about them, and I don't let anyone see them.

So I know my boyfriend will accept me no matter what, that he won't care, but I don't want him to be disappointed that my breasts are so different from other girls', and he won't be able to have as much fun with them as he would with normal breasts.

How do I help myself feel more comfortable when I expose myself? I am only doing it when its dim or completely dark, but I'll still feel reaaalllly self conscience when his hands go over there... or worse his mouth. Any advice? Do I tell him I'm self conscience about them? I'm sure he knows, but I haven't verbally said it before.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

You have not said how old you are or what your concern with your nipples are. Whatever your concerns are the fact is you have normal nipples in most cases. What you may be seeing are under developed nipples which will change with age. Nipples attached to short milk ducts which can be corrected with Plastic Surgery once your body is fully matured, usually between 18 and 21 years of age and older.

You really should not be embarrassed by your nipples. Your nipples have a primary purpose, which is to feed your child after giving birth; which they will do in almost every instance regardless of how they may look. While they may provide a stimulus for you and your mate during sex that is really secondary and how they may look may not affect this purpose. The following website explains some of the different looks breast nipples have. I suggest you review the information they supply and then if you still have questions either sit down with your mom and discuss it with her or see your Gynecologist and let the doctor examine you and discuss with the doctor your concerns with your nipples. http://breastcancer.about.com/od/whatisbreastcancer/tp/nipple-variations.htm

In the mean time don’t worry about your nipples; don’t worry about what your boyfriend may think of them. If he is getting enjoyment from them he is probably not thinking anything about how they look. This is how you were born, your nipples will either mature or you can have corrective surgery once your body has fully matured. But satisfy yourself by first reviewing the website I have recommended then seeing your Gynecologist and having an examination and consultation.

I recently (as in an hour ago) discovered a have a septate hymen. I would like to get it remove to prevent it ripping durig sex and to make using tampons easier (for 2-3 days I have to use super and it's very painful to remove it.) My question is, how do I talk to my mom about it?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Being a male I cannot talk directly to your problem; what I can talk about with some degree of authority, given my age, is how to talk to your mom.

Keep in mind one thing about parents; we have all gone through what you are going through, maybe not your exact problem but something very similar. When it comes to life experiences there is very little new in this world and explains why some parents are more strict than others. They have been there and want to prevent you from suffering whatever they may have suffered. This may be a little hard to understand but take it at face value and understand your parents are trying to protect you.

This is also the main reason children fear talking to their parents. Never be afraid to talk with your parent especially about medical issues. Never take medication that is not prescribed for you because your friend had similar symptoms and her doctor gave her this medication. While your symptoms may be the same the diagnosis could be very different and the medication could do more harm than good.

For the problem you have written about I would suggest you use straight talk, although I would leave out the ripping during sex part, I would suggest you tell her the rest. Tell mom you would like to see a Gynecologist to have the problem corrected. Mom could counter with you switching to pads, in which case you can counter with that now that you are having your periods you should be seeing a Gynecologist annually anyway. If for some reason you find it embarrassing to talk with your mother about this, and you should not be embarrassed as this is a natural part of life, then just tell mom you think it is time you saw a Gynecologist now that your periods are happening and go from there.

Straight talk is the best way to handle anything. There may be consequences for being truthful but those consequences’ are far less painful then when you try to deceive. Just remember parents were once teenager themselves and there is not very much we haven’t experienced or seen ourselves.

18/F
I've started dating this guy I had been crushing on forever recently, and we've been on like 7 dates, he's smart, funny, kinda odd but in a good way, and a perfect gentleman. The problem is even though I really want to make love to him, but he won't. The reason he told why I am not sure if it's even possible, or if it is if I need to report it, etc. He said he hasn't been interested in sex since a girl he knew gave him roofies and then had sex with him. She told her best chick friend that she had done so because he "didn't deserve to remember having sex with her". That really upset her best chick friend, who then told him what the girl said because it upset her so much. (he had nearly died from overdosing on alcohol and drugs the night this girl was his DD, and the roofies had shown up on the drug test the hospital did even though he didn't recall taking them.) Is it even possible for a girl to use roofies like that on a dude? If so, does that mean she raped him, and does that mean it needs to be reported?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I did some research on “ROOFIES”: This is a date rape drug similar to GBH though stronger and more dangerous. It is a sedative, muscle relaxant drug that can cause memory loss.

Is it possible that your male friend was raped while under the influence of this drug? I would say probably but not in the manner that he was able to perform sexual intercourse. I do not think he was capable of getting and maintaining an erection, which does not mean other sexual acts, could not be performed on him without his consent. The fact that he had ROOFIES in his system and is noted in his medical records says he was not capable of consenting, therefore he was raped. The operative word is consent; sex without consent of either party is the definition of rape.

I suggest you encourage your friend to view the RAINN Website: Rape, Abuse, Incest, National, Network http://www.rainn.org/, as well as to call their hotline 1 800-656-HOPE. The counselors who staff the hotline will help find trained councilors in your area to help your friend. Just like a women who has been raped he is trying to deal with a violation of his person. He needs the support of his family and friends as well as the advice and support of trained rape counselors to get through this. While rape of a male does happen it is reported far less than rape of a female.

As for making a Police report; my thoughts are you should. The young lady that did this was very wrong, criminally wrong. By reporting what happened to the police and allowing the criminal process to proceed he will prevent this from happening to someone else and possibly save that person’s life. I understand it is an embarrassment to get up on a witness stand and announce to the world he allowed a woman to rape him. Fact is he didn’t allow it to happen; he was drugged, a crime in itself, and then raped. Fact is the case will probably never get to Court. Based on what little you said her lawyer will probably plead the case out. Even if it does go to Court with the support of friends and family, the support of his therapist he will be able to get through it and the young lady will pay the price sending a message to other young ladies who think as she does.

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