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black sheep...
this question is for parents on AdCens...
i am in my mid 20s/f.... i've been through hell with my family...
i've witnessed things happen to people my parents and siblings over short and long periods of time: injustice, wrongful incarceration, rape, violence, threats, mental breakdowns (anorexia, bipolar, ADD, depression, suicidal bouts...etc) I've witnessed lying, hate, love, breakups and makeups, humiliation, hostility, prosperity and bankruptcy, deaths and births.... i moved countries so many times i don't know what home is...
if i were superstitious i would have believed that my family is cursed.... but i am not... it's just the nature of my parents jobs and the "high maintenance" backgrounds they come from
some people say that it is moments like these that bring families together... but i say these are the moments that test our bond leaving each individual broken for life....
i know i am not the only one suffering the repercussions of all these events. each of them is dealing with it their own way... that said i don't think my family is strong enough to be a source of support... So i am asking parents on advicenators to give me some advice...
i don't know what exactly my problem except that i am going through a sort of identity crisis... i don't feel i belong and i feel completely isolated from the world in my experiences no matter how much i reach out and try to connect. I don't know what what i want to do with my life... or should i say i don't their is anything worthwhile to do... relationships of any kind start intensely fade over time and die completely with distance... some faster or slower than others.... i feel lost and different and despite the bonding circumstances in our lives i know my parents will never accept who i am in that sense... they hold on to something very unfamiliar to me that i think belongs to their past. an image of stability in terms of traditions and expectations... i just feel i can never adopt that and it can never satisfy all the questions and confusion.... what is so unsettling about wanting to be a drifter? to take it as it comes... i don't want to plan... i don't even think i know how to! i just don't know how to tell them this without them accusing me of being too "philosophical"...
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Some of the things you speak about such as Bipolar disorder and Depression are hereditary. The feeling of confusion and being lost, your talk of identity problems and even your relationship problems all have links to Depression and Bipolar Disorder, also referred to as Manic Depression. I’m not a doctor and I’m not trained or able to make diagnoses nor should I or anyone else on this website. What I can and will do is strongly suggest you see a qualified physician to be screened for these disorders.
Once screened for Bipolar Disorder or Clinical Depression, whether diagnosed as suffering for either or not, you should seek the help of a Clinical Psychologists. From what you have written you have had a rough life and you have said parental support is most likely not an option. A Clinical Psychologist or a licensed social worker is the best avenue to pursue for the support you need to deal with the many facets of your life you need to deal with.
You don’t need a parent, although I am and actually old enough to be your grandparent, to tell you that the cure will not happen overnight. It took you a long time to get where you are and feel as you do. It will take time to feel better about yourself and to build trust not only in others but in yourself.
There is nothing wrong in being a drifter as long as you are drifting and not searching. There is a difference. My niece drifted for a number of years after College. She will turn 35 in November and in December will receive her Doctorate in Engineering. She drifted to satisfy her wanderlust. Once satisfied she had seen everything there was to see she returned to school to finish her education.
To conclude: Have yourself screened for Depression and Bipolar disorder. Then work with a clinical psychologist to answer all the questions you have written about. When working with a psychologist you need to find someone you are comfortable with. You may have to work with two or three to find the one you are most comfortable with. This is not uncommon, the more comfortable you are with your clinician the easier it will be to heal.
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Don't worry. I don't think you'll be accused of being philosophical.
Everyone goes through things in life. Everyone.
You've got these beliefs that eventually all your relationships deteriorate, that you don't belong anywhere, etc.
Sometimes if you really believe something, it becomes true.
You're really vague with this question. I suggest you find a therapist to discuss your emotions with in detail.
Let's start with where you said there's nothing worthwhile that you could do the rest of your life. Become a nurse, a veterinarian, a teacher. Do something selfless, and not selfish. Help people.
Set some goals. Look deep within yourself and ask yourself what you're missing in life. A steady job? A sense of fulfillment? Go to college. Get a degree. Do something that will help others. Helping others will bring you a sense of fulfillment and will make you feel needed. It's hard to not be happy when you're bringing joy to others.
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