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Tired of no sex in marriage. I love her and I want to fix things!
I'm a 39 year old male who thinks about sex all the time I'm married but sex with her is a rare thing her sex drive is just not there so I look at other women even though nothing happens I find myself wondering what I would do if I. Slept with this woman or that woman fanticising about it I even look at porn from time to time because I have a high sexdrive I think if my wife would love me enough to make out with me from time to time I would be the way I am or maybe she's cheating on me who knowes but I do know its not rigtht but what can I do iv talked to her plenty of times about my needs I. Work 2 jobs my money goes to the bank what elese am I missing I tell her how sexy she is how I love her but I get nothing can someone help me please
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It needs to be addressed. Don't be too hesitant to bring up couples therapy if she doesn't agree that there is a problem.
Sex is part of intimacy between two people married such as yourselves. I know my wife had issues with sex drive because of her birth control and we've had to find alternate methods because where she was when we met once a day or more she dropped to once a month, and going back off the pills she's back where she started.
Not feeling wanted is a serious problem, especially for someone of high sex drive. Even an extensive porn habit won't do anything to counter the feelings that your partner isn't really attracted to you anymore and feeling like the spark is gone.
I would say talk to her but you already have, and you used the word "needs" which tells me that you've sent the exact message you need to and nothing has changed.
Couples therapy is your next step. This is not a choice. You are not happy, and none of us are professionals who can walk you through fixing it. You need someone who can get into the issues present between the two of you and help you figure them out.
Be prepared. This may not be fixable. My wife and I went through some rough times, when her sex drive was depressed from hormonal BC she treated me something like a burden. She didn't want it, and the fact that I did was mostly inconvenient.
I had to put the end of our relationship in front of her. Not as a threat, but as an end I was trying to avoid and needed her help on. I loved her, but I wasn't going to stay in a relationship which did not meet my needs.
Your needs aren't being met. I don't know if hers are. You need to see a couple's therapist to help you figure out if there is common ground you can meet on, or if there's a canyon there that is now impassable.
If she's pre-menopausal and on hormonal BC, look into that too. That COULD be your problem.
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This is a hard question to answer as there is some missing information. Information such as; do you have children? How many children? If so how old are they? Is your wife a stay at home, soccer type mom, or does she work outside the home?
Why are these questions important? Some working mothers and mothers of preteens and teenage children have lower sex drives than when they were first married and childless. Just why this is maybe that they are just too tired to enjoy sex after working all day then coming home to cook, clean, do the laundry and chauffeur the children to their activities. For the soccer type moms who do not work outside the home but have large families they too get exhausted from all they do for their families. The fact that you work two jobs says you may not be home to help out much and relieve your wife of some of the responsibilities. The problem could also be medical. No she is not sick; her body may not be making enough of the chemicals that produce a sex drive.
Mostly I think she is just too tired for sex and she may also be afraid that one of the children may interrupt you during sex causing frustration rather than pleasure. Rather than being frustrated she has suppressed he need for sex.
If it is affordable, try farming out the children, if you have children, to the grandparents, or friends for a weekend and take your wife on a brief holiday. My wife and I would do this several times a year. We would book a room downtown for two nights, usually there were special rates for locals, have dinner in town and just relax. I did not have to initiate sex at these times and the sex was awesome. Much different then what we had at home.
If you find this to happen for you then you will know two things. First your wife is working hard and needs time to relax in order to truly enjoy sex. Second the children may be impeding her sex drive. Relax this is normal and will pass as the children get older, it did for us. I would also recommend having your wife see a doctor just in case her low sex drive is hormonal in nature. There are drugs on the market today to help correct it.
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