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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
My 35 year old daughter had brain surgery 2 years ago. She has told everyone she knows that she was raped by her father. It has torn the family apart. Her 5 siblings won't have anything to do with her. Her father and I are heartbroken. She refuses to talk to us about this mess. We have tried several times. She won't even let us see the grandkids. Its been over a year now. I have been married to this man for 38 years. I know nothing happened and so does her siblings. what do or can we do?
I'm one of the older advisor on this site, old enough to be your father.
I'm a little confused as to what you have written. I understand your daughter had brain surgery two years ago. Did the accusation of her father raping her come as a result of the surgery? Is she telling people that her father raped her instead of telling people she had brain surgery?
If she has told people that her father raped her as a result of the surgery that is one thing. If she is telling them instead of saying she had brain surgery that is another.
One is an out and out lie while the other could be the result of the trauma to the brain from the surgery. If it is he result of the surgery then you and your family need to be more forgiving towards her as even though you know it is not true, to her it is real, as real as any recalled memory would be through psychotherapy. This knowledge doesn't make it any less hurtful to you, your husband and your family I'm sure. Hopefully it can make you more understanding and promote some forgiveness.
Why she would choose to tell people she was raped rather than tell them she had brain surgery? I just don't know.
In either instance she needs counseling to find out the truth for herself. This is not the time for the entire family to gang up on her, either to be helpful or in condemning her. As her mother you are the most likely peron to whom she will listen too.
I would suggest, if you have a good relationship with her husband, that you start by having a private meeting with him. You need to find out from her husband what she may not be willing to talk to you about, so that you have this as knowledge when you do get her to talk to you. You also want to enlist his help in getting your daughter to talk to you.
Your goal here is not to change her mind, especially if this is the result of the surgery. Your goal is to get her to seek professional help, even if it means offering to go with her so you can understand better. Information that you get from her husband is knowledge for you but not to be used against her.
This is the best advise I can or not having the answers to the questions I asked. Hopefully I have been able to be of some help.
So I've had what I think is a yeast infection since Wednesday. I called my doctor on Thursday and couldn't make an appointment until Tuesday. I've been told not to use Monistat or anything until I've been checked out by a doctor since it's my first yeast infection. I had a smaaall amount of white discharge Wednesday, but none since. I just have itchiness/redness/irritation.
I've also read that if you leave a yeast infection untreated it can become chronic yeast infection. /:
So my question is, what should I do?? I can't see my doctor until Tuesday, but I do NOT want to have a recurring yeast infection for the rest of my life. Should I be worried?
And please don't tell me to use plain yogurt or anything.
While Tuesday is only two days away, you could call the doctors office Monday morning and ask them if it is okay to use Monistat or something else until you see the doctor on Tuesday. IF you are really uncomfortable you could call the doctors answering service now and ask that the doctor or the on call doctor from the practice call you back with an answer to this question.
Some doctors have a minimal charge for call backs, but it may be worth the cost considering the discomfort you are in.
so i have been dating this guy almost four months. and i found out about the time we started dating that i can never have children. i feel like im keeping this big secret from him but also we are still early in our relationship. but then again i dont want him to find out later and think i have been lying to him this whole time and being dishonest. im one of those people who are very big on honesty. i hate liars. and thats why this is so heavy on my heart. i just don't know what to do. this guy is great. he is the best guy i have ever gone out with. he's sweet romantic. amazing. help please?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You two have been dating long enough that you should be beyond the infatuation stage and well into getting to know the real person. The one I usually refer to as the person that resides just below the exterior persona of attraction.
This is the stage where a real relationship begins to blossom and if like you, your boyfriend feels that a warming, loving life time relationship is building; then this knowledge should not send him running away. If it does he is not the person you think he is.
You may not be able to conceive children the natural way; what did your doctor say about in vitro fertilization with donor eggs and your husbands sperm. If that is not the problem their is the possibility of surrogacy and adoption. For two people who love each other there are ways to have a family. If you are able to carry a child but are just not able to conceive a child naturally that is not a major problem today.
My advise: First make sure you fully understand what your doctor is telling you. I think you heard, "you'll never heard children" and whatever else your doctor may have said was just not heard. We all have a tendency to do this when getting medical news we don't want to hear. Find out if you can carry a child and if so if you are a candidate for in vitro fertilization.
Once you are sure of all the facts then you can have the conversation you need to have with your boyfriend.
Will i feel it if a guys ejaculates in me?
Yes you should. But you should not feel it because the boy should be wearing a condom, this is for you own protection.
Hi,
I really appreciated your last answer, but I wondered, what would you define as the difference between sexual confusion and the inability to find a sexual identity? And why do you think that I am the latter?
I just feel like I need that explaining more.
Also, I'd like to mention that although yes, I am naturally a shy and introverted person, I am actually very comfortable around the opposite sex, much moreso than my own. From a young age I've always had more close male friends than female. I actually feel very uncomfortable amongst members of my own sex (I think I'm yet to find anyone of my own sex who I'm completely comfortable around) whereas I am far more comfortable around members of the opposite. I don't know whether that's important but I thought I would mention it.
It could be something more deep-seated, I'm not sure. I know I've always thought about sex (and it appealed to me) from a very young age, for as long as I can remember, whereas other kids didn't seem to view it in the same way as I did. Yet when it got to the age where other people were expermienting, I always lagged behind and I've always felt very odd about it and uncomfortable during those experiences. Other people my age seem very comfortable about it, whereas for me it's almost a...fear, in a way. I don't know, it's weird. Sorry if this is too much information or going off track.
Thank you, x
Hi,
How I answer a question has a lot to do with what you write and how you write it. After reading several thousand questions and answering hundreds of then you gain some insight into the writer through their writing. I was able to do so with you because of how far back you went with the information you supplied.
I may have gotten a little bit wrong but the fact remains that he feeling I get is one of sexual confusion not sexual identity problems.
To some extent sexual confusion is: are you and your body properly matched. Now this does not always mean that you are a boy in a girls body. It gets kind of complicated from here and has a lot to do with how you identified yourself as a child. That is why I suggested a sex therapist to help you sort out the confusion.
What put me on to this is the early age you started to have sexual thoughts about yourself. Again not really a problem from my point of view but I am not a properly trained person either. So again the recommendation to seek out a properly trained therapist.
The rest of what I felt is somewhat confirmed by what you have written here.
I really don't feel you have anything to worry about. I feel you are an above average teenager that as I said may be more sexually confused than the average teenager.
You could if you want seek out a therapist at this time. By law you have medical confidentiality. Meaning your parents do not have to know why your seeing a therapist and the therapist does not and cannot reveal anything you tell them in therapy.
If you would like to speak to a therapist now I will make this suggestion. Try speaking with your mom first, someplace away from the house and siblings if you have any. A trip to the mall or the park comes to mind; anyplace where you and she can be alone for awhile while where you can have a conversation.
Having this type of conversation with your mother should not be embarrassing, heck you having it with a total stranger. Parents are not the enemy and we were once teenagers ourselves and have gone through situations very similar if not the same as you are going through. Even if mom does not fully understand what you may be going through, I believe she will want to help you.
As I said my views on sex are very liberal. I believe people are what they are and no one should judge them. There is a term called pansexual which loosely means a person is accepting of persons of all sexual orientations including transgender and trans-sexual. My liberal views put me very close to that definition.
You know better than I do what your parent views on sex are so you need to guide your discussion in that direction to start with, should you decide to talk with you mother on this subject. I hope that you would as I think it will help you.
You may contact me anytime in this manner if you feel I can be of any help to you.
16/f
Okay, so me and this guy I've known my whole life have been talking lately, just as friends. I kind of like him and he does me too,but until something as far as a relationship happens he wants to be sex buddies and I kinda want to too.. Is there anything wrong with that?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
If you read some of my answers to sexual questions, you will find I have a very liberal views when it comes to sex. I also try to tell it like it is and I don't hide things from anyone because of their age.
Wittyusersnamehere made some very good points. Friends with benefits is a term for sex without commitments adults coined for those who just want sex but not looking for a relationship.
Your friend is trying to find a willing female to get his rocks off with because as a 16 year old boy going through puberty he is constantly horny and doesn't want the frustrations of dating.
There is another problem with 16 year old boys you need to consider as well; they can't keep their mouths shut. If you give into him before you know it you will have every other boy in school knocking at your door wanting to be a friend with benefits. I'm wrong; no I'm not, you see I was once 16 too and we had a girl in my class who was easy. Is that the reputation you want?
Yes I was blunt, I felt I needed to be to make my point. Your to young to be thinking this way. Your to young to be having this type of sex life.
If you were my daughter I would be telling you to wait another year or so. That you should still be letting him fight you for a feel or letting him grope you or maybe finger you a bit. You could be giving him a handjob or maybe oral sex. At your age the best birth control is keeping your panties and pants on.
Masturbate at home in your bedroom when you need to. The further away you keep your vagina from his penis the less chance you have of becoming pregnant. A little over kill there but I think I've made my point and yes this is what I would tell my daughter and it is to a certain extent what I told my son.
My advice is to tell this friend your not interested in being his booty call.
I'm 17 (female), I think I always knew I wasn't straight but for some reason I still identified as straight and only really thought of myself as bi-curious (but in a way where I would only really consider males as possible partners). It's only recently that I've started to think I'm probably at least bisexual, and even more recently that I've started to think I might just be flat-out gay. The reason I'm thinking this is because it just suddenly dawned on me and it somehow feels 'right' and like everything suddenly makes sense. Except it doesn't, because I'm still terribly confused. I looked back at things from my childhood and throughout my life, and this is what I've got:
- I have this clear memory of being a little kid and thinking to myself, "I think I might be gay, I hope not." This doesn't make much sense though, since I'd never thought there was anything wrong with being gay and my family would be perfectly accepting of it. I remember then just pushing the thought away.
- As a little kid, I'd experiment 'sexually' (I find it hard to think of seriously, since we were just little kids) with other kids, but mostly girls, and I remember enjoying the experiences with girls a lot more, and being more into it than the other girls.
- However, I always had crushes on the boys. Looking back, though, a lot of them don't seem like crushes, more like trying to have a crush on someone you merely like as a friend. Some of them were legit crushes though.
From a young age, I've:
- Found female bodies more sexually attractive than male bodies, and have found females generally more aesthetically pleasing.
- Pasted pictures of women to my walls, never men. (I've never thought of this in a sexual way, though, more in a 'women are nicer to look at' way, or just because of fashion.)
- Loved lesbian fictional characters.
- Seeked out books which focus on lesbian relationships.
- Written about lesbian couples.
- Preferred lesbian porn to straight porn, lesbian erotica to straight erotica (started with this way too young, probably.)
- Fantasised about both men and women, but women more often.
- I often felt odd around girls, in a way I can't describe.
- Yet all through this, I fancied guys and not girls. I do, however, remember feeling oddly attached to certain female friends in a way which seems like a little more than friendship, looking back on it.
Looking back on all this, it seems odd that I did those things yet thought of myself as straight.
Now:
- I have no interest at all in images of naked men, yet images of naked women turn me on.
- I have had feelings for lots of guys, and only one girl.
- I've been in love with a guy.
- I've fantasised about men sexually, but in reality, it never feels right. I'm still a virgin, but the sexual experiences I've had with guys (even just kissing) have always either held no interest for me at all (just felt like going through the motions) or have been at once both enjoyable and offputting. I don't know the word, but it's felt kind of wrong at the same time, like I want to carry on but I also want to get away, and the next morning I usually feel dirty, ashamed and sickened.
- However, I've had sexual experiences with girls and have always felt fine about it (though I havn't gone as far as with guys, so it's hard to tell...maybe I'd still freak out if it got to that point?)
I'm really confused. The idea of my being gay, like I said, feels right. Yet I know I can't discount all the feelings I have had for males. And I do still get feelings for males. It's just...I don't know, it seems like I am emotionally attracted to men, but when it comes to sex, I'm more interested in women.
Sorry this is so long. I guess I'm not asking for advice as such, but rather, what does this sound like to you? I'm so confused so I'd like to know what you think.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At your age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Lesbian or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.
From what you have written it just may be possible that you are more gay than hetero. What I see is someone who is and has been more comfortable around her own rather than the opposite sex. This does not mean you are gay. You could be introverted, shy, and just plain uncomfortable around the opposite sex. This has less to do with your sexuality and more to do with your personal make-up.
For right now I'm just going to suggest you go with the flow so to speak. Continue to seek out you true sexual identity. If you happen to find a guy you want to lose your virginity to fine, if not that's fine too.
When you turn 18 I'm going to suggest you do something I have never suggested to someone your age. I suggest you find a sex therapist to talk with. I believe that in your case you are not suffering sexual confusion as such. More so you are suffering a from a inability to find a sexual identity. It may not sound like a big difference but it is. There is something more deep seated that you need to clarify for yourself, before you can find a sexual identity.
It is all psychological in nature and probably goes back to early childhood. I believe if you follow my advice you will have a much better sex life in the future regardless if it is a gay life, hetero or bi.
I hope I have offered you some help.
Hi. just looking for some comments on this subject. Can anyone tell me why it is okay, to kill an unborn CHILD. But it is NOT okay to kill ANY other human being. there was a question talking about a doctor giving a young lady pills to "slow" the BABY's HEART rate down. then do the abortion. if a doctor was to give these pills to lets say, a 60 year old. or whoever that would be considered MURDER. I simply do not understand this. You know the bible says, that there will become a time when wrong will become right and right will become wrong. ladies and gentlemen I have found that we are in that time. With little kids for Gods sake having sex making babys when they are just babies theirselfs then saying I dont want this child then KILLING the child! My God have we went away from the word of God and God himself. But my question for you all is simply this. Why is it okay to kill an unborn child but not any other human being?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You have asked a question for which we have yet to find an answer too. For the moment the law says that under certain conditions abortion is legal and therefore not murder.
Those conditions hinge on another question; which is when does life truly begin? Does life begin at conception? Does life begin when the fetus is capable of living outside the mothers womb?
With today's advances in medicine doctors are able to shorten the period by which a fetus must stay in the womb before they can keep it a live outside the womb. Once a fetus is able to leave the womb and survive it becomes a human being in the eyes of today's law.
The debate on this issue can and has torn families apart. People have been prosecuted for killing babies in the womb when they have been responsible for killing the mother. This has caused new law to be made and challenged.
At this time and until the lawyers, Theologians and the scholars can agree on this issue there will not be a simple answer to this question. You have to choose what you feel is the right answer for you. Is it the right answer for your friend; that is up to your friend.
As in everything else in life we must do what is write for ourselves and our families. That is all anyone can ever ask of us. We must obey the laws of the land and for ourselves obey the laws of our god as we worship our god.
The laws of our land do not allow us to force our beliefs upon others. This is called freedom. You have a right to believe what you believe and others have their right to believe what they wish to believe. As long as we remain within the laws of the land we can peacefully coexist. It is also your right, within the law,to work to change the law. If this is something you feel the need to do, then I suggest you become active in causes that work to change the laws within the framework of our laws.
This is probably not the answer you are looking for. As I said are freedoms give us the choice to believe as we wish in the framework of our laws. You believe abortion is wrong, so for you that is what it is. That is your right under our laws.
I tried very hard to stay neutral in my answer to you, so that you understand it is okay to feel as you do. Just because a law says it is lawful does not mean you have to fully in agreement.
A short of lame example would be; the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph. You are not comfortable going that fast so you slow down to 65 mph are you wrong for doing so? No, the speed laws allow for this and even slower speeds if conditions warrant. This is called freedom to choose.
Not exactly the same thing but a good example of the fact that unlike other countries around the world. We have the right to and the choice to disagree with laws that we think are wrong; in some cases these laws give us a chance to choose for ourselves how we wish to comply.
Hopefully I have helped you somewhat. If I haven't I apologize. If you write back and tell me where you would like me to clarify I will try to do so.
How serious is this new about the Apple iphone always tracking where everyone is? Does this mean that anyone can find out where we live? I read one thing and it sai dthat when you get an iphone you sign some terms of something that says apple can use your gps to track you so there is nothing you can do about it? Can that be true?
Why is my iPhone tracking me? If I wanted a tracker I would have bought a dog!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I'm fairly certain what Apple has been doing is a back sided marketing venture to enhance their revenue. By giving them the ability to provide certain marketing data to different companies who want specific data on different subjects. It is called data mining.
I'm not quite sure how specific Apples ability to collect this data is. Are they able to data mine right down to Jay smith of 123 Main Street, someplace, USA. I believe that Jay Smiths data is stored in their data mining sweeps. I'm not so sure they can retrieve Jay's specific information unless the information comes in tagged with Jays phone number or ESN or ISN number.
I'm a big fan of the TV show NCIS and old enough to remember a show called Flash Gordon. Flash Gordon had a spaceship that looked a lot like today's space shuttle. On NCIS they are able to locate people using the GPS coordinates of their phones. Is this science fiction or science fact. Maybe a little of both.
Until we have more information we will not know for sure just what Apple and Google are up too. Best advice is to, if you can turn off the GPS tracking features in your phones or iPads/iPods, or turn them of completely when not in use.
I am about 123 pounds and hate my weight. I eat less than my friends and am partially anorexic but do eat enough to fill me usually. I want to be about 100 or 90 pounds like all my other friends. Plz dont give advice like 'you shouldnt worry about stuff like this' or any crap like that because it's obviously important to me. It has nothing to do with height either because I'm one of the shortest. So...please help???
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
There is some information missing before any of us can advise if your target weight is reasonable. Your height is important, as is your skeletal frame. Are you athletic? If so you are going to weigh more than a girl of you your same height and frame; for the simple fact that muscle weighs more than fat. Even the size of your breast will have an effect on your weight. If you have big breast and your friends have smaller breasts you will weigh more. Your age is also a factor.
My wife under went a mastectomy and we were both amazed at her before and after weight difference. They only took the breast and not the muscle and still her C cup breast weighed almost 4 pounds.
You have not supplied enough information for me or anyone else to say if you are overweight or underweight. There is someone who can tell you immediately if you are either of these and can offer you immediate help.
This person is your family doctor. If you are overweight and need to diet you should do so under a doctors supervision. If you are underweight and need to gain weight this too should be done under a doctors supervision. You can also enlist the help of a dietitian to help with meal planning and what foods to eat.
Anorexia is not a diet plan; being anorexic can only harm you by depriving your body of the needed nutrients to stay in balance. By not getting the proper nutrients your body's electrolytes get out of balance and you start to suffer organ failure to the point you can die. The same is true of bulimia.
My recommendation: See your doctor, find out where on the weight scale you fall. No two people are alike. Your lifestyle and body make up determine your weight. If you are a dancer or athletic say a gymnast or swimmer, you are going to have more muscle weight than your friends that lead a more sedentary lifestyle.
Your family doctor is truly the only person who can tell you what your target weight is and help you get there and maintain it.
A little grandfatherly advise; don't worry about how other people look or what they say or do. There is only one person in this world that you have to be better than. That person is you. If you can be a better person tomorrow than you are today you will have succeeded where most people have failed.
i've been having this thing for a while, the problem is i don't feel as part of this world. everything i do goes wrong or can i put this way i'm just a failure, i try to seek help but people donot believe and i think the only way that can end this problem is to commit sucuide.i'm realy in need of this easy ways to commit suicuide.
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 NOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.
Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. Their number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They will believe you.
They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.
They say you have to walk in someone’s shoes to know how they feel, I don’t, I’ve been there. Someone who is suicidal is suffering from some form of depression. As someone who has suffered with depression for many years I know a little of how you feel. Depression causes you to misinterpret things, take things the wrong way which adds to the depression. Depression hurts and amplifies all other hurts to a point of desperation. You might be at this point. Killing yourself is not the answer. You have a destiny to fulfill and it is not suicide.
Please call the hot line I recommended above. If you feel like hurting yourself before you can get to someone that can help you please call 911. Tell the call taker how you are feeling, they will send help. The normal response is to send both Fire Rescue and the Police. Do not be afraid, the call taker will most likely want to stay on the phone with you until help arrives. The police are there to protect you and the others, not to harm you or arrest you. The fire rescue people are there to take care of you and to take you to the hospital.
Feeling as you do you need to get to someplace where you can get help. The fastest way to do this is to call 911,
Recently my mate and I have decided to spice up our intimate life.. He told me to look into it sometime. There's only one problem.. When it comes to looking at pictures of real people being intimate, I honestly don't like it. I was wondering if there was a site or maybe an e book that has drawings instead of photographs of people.. or whatever.. Thanks.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I did a little searching and found a couple of websites and a couple of books for you to look at. You may find the books at your local library and want to look at them before purchase. I found them at amazon but you may find them at a local book store as well.
I'm rather liberal in my views on sex and since you say you are rather in-experienced let me offer this one piece of advice. Nothing that happens in the confines of your home or bedroom is weird as long as you and your mate both consent to what it is you or your mate wish to try. Always remember no mean no and stop means stop no matter where in the act of sex you are.
Communication is also important. You need to communicate your likes and dislikes. To learn from each other what makes sex the best for you.
If you remember those simple suggestion you should have a great sex life.
Books:
Mastering Multiple Position Sex: Mind-Blowing Lovemaking Techniques That Create Unforgettable Orgasms [Paperback]
Eric Marlowe Garrison
Joy of Sex [Deluxe Edition] [Paperback]
Alex Comfort
Websites
This one is very descriptive:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sex_positions#Sitting_and_kneeling
This one uses wooden stick figures, no real word descriptions: http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualpositions/ig/Sex-Positions-Image-Gallery/
what can i do to not get as much boners?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
There is really not much you can do to minimize the number of erections you get a day. It is a biological function brought on by puberty and the hormonal changes going on within you.
While some of your erections are brought on by visual stimulation, most are not. They are a reaction to the chemical changes within you. Read somewhere that the average teenage male has numerous, I forget the exact number, erections during his waking hours. When this happens you can try thinking of things like baseball statistics or other non sexual thoughts; this will generally help relieve the immediate problem.
The article went on to say that morning masturbation may help limit the number and frequency of erections a teenager has during the day.
All teenage male have this problems and all teenage girls look to see which boys may have an erection. They then stare at him for a minute, giggle and walk away. All boys have been through it and about the only advise I can offer is at least while in school, learn to walk with your books help in front of your zipper.
can i have sex
? i am nine years old.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
It is not a matter of if you can or can't have sex. You are way to young to be even thinking about having sex. Anyone who is old enough to have sex with you would be breaking the law and be sent to jail if caught.
Who is this man that wants to have sex with you? Is this man asking you to have sex with him?
Is he truly a man or a an older boy?
Is this person someone you know?
Id this person a teacher or an Uncle?
If the answer to these questions are yes you need to tell your mom or a lady teacher. This is very wrong. Do not hide this from mom or school authorities. Do as I am telling you to do and stay away from this man. Tell mom now or female teacher on Monday.
Okay so im 16 and i lost my virginity in july last year,(i was 15, he was 18) i had sex with him a couple times then we broke up. he completely used me. Now im dating a new guy. we had sex yesterday for the first time(I used protection everytime). and today i started my period and it kinda hurts down there even to use a tampon.(more then it ever has). Is that normal? is it because i haven't had sex in a while? What should i do? Please help.
P.s. My parents dont know any of this only me and my bestfriend knows. So if i have to go to the doctor for anything how do i without my parents knowing?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
First of all at your age you have medical confidentiality and have had so since you were 13. The law giving this to you is called HIPPA, Health Information Personal Privacy Act, and was implement by Congress about 10 yeas ago.
Any medical professional who treats you, this includes, doctors, nurses, EMTs and Paramedics cannot disclose any medical information to anyone, this includes your parents, without your written permission.
When you turned 13 your doctors may have had you sign some papers that gave them permission to speak with your parents about any medical conditions. You need to revoke this permission on your next visit both verbally and in writing. Once you have done so you can visit you doctor without fear of your parent finding out you are sexually active.
This law was put in place for a variety of reasons. One reason was so that teenagers like yourself could talk openly and freely with their doctor. So that they could meet with their doctor without a parent being present and so a doctor could get all the information needed to properly treat them.
That answers the question of how can you go to the doctor without you parents knowing. They can know you went,if you tell them. They just won't and can't find out why unless you tell them.
As to the problem you are having: Your reasoning is probable. If it persist for much longer it is probably a good idea to check in with a gynecologist. A good reason to see a gynecologist anyway if you are not seeing one is: That young ladies who are now having their periods should have yearly checkups with a gynecologist and have PAP smears and breast exams just as mom should be doing. This is a reason to give to mom should you need one.
im thirteen & i really badly want a job. so, i can earn money & help out my mum. but, i want to be able to sell clothes? some thing like that. not walking the dog. doing the news letter runs. baby sitting. < stuff like that. i want a better job. any ideas?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I understand why you want a proper job. Unfortunately for at least the next 3 years you won't be able to get one and then only if your school will give you working papers.
You are probably not aware of this but there are laws, both Federal and in each State, that govern at what age a child may hold a proper job, what type of work the can do, the hours they can work each day & how many school nights each week.There are many, many more rules depending on what each state legislature has put into there laws.
These laws were written in the early part of the last century. They were written to protect children from being exploited and forced to work in sweat shops for what was pennies a day.
Because of these laws instead of being forced to go out and work, you now have the opportunity to get a good education. Part of that education is having a way of earning money for whatever variety of reasons you may have. The laws strictly control the how, when and where you can do so. This is done so that school is always the first priority.
I know this is not the answer you want. I'm hoping by explaining why no one will give you a proper job it will be less frustrating for you. I know you feel you have a good reason for wanting a proper job. I'm proud of you for wanting to help your mom out and I'm sure she is too. I'm just as sure she wants you to stay in school and take advantage of the educational opportunities available to you.
When the time comes that you are old enough to have a part-time job, the better your education the better job you will be able to find. Better job means more money. Employers pay for knowledge and skills. I can teach anyone to say;"do you want to super size that order"? What I can't do and don't have time to do is teach someone to do the research I need for which at times may be technical in nature. A good student with a good educational foundation in math and science and good writing skills is someone I can use and someone I will pay good money to assist me in the work I do.
Understandably the type of help I need is different than most part-time jobs. The fact is though not all part-time work is in fast food. Some of the jobs require better skills, skills that you developed by paying attention in school. People pay for skills as they are harder to find and teaching then takes time they don't have to waste teaching.
Sorry, did not mean to lecture, that is the grandfather in me. I just need want to make sure you understand why the restrictions are there and that you do not become frustrated with the system.
Do guys like when you moan? I never thought i'd be a moaner but turns out i am. Is this a turn on for them? What other turn on's are there? I usually run my hands through his hair and grab it gently but other than that and moaning I don't know what else i can do!
I know every one is different, but any suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You have asked one of life's questions that can never be truly answered for you by a stranger. The reason for this is we all have are on turn on and turn offs.
This is why when I answer questions of sex and sexual relations the most important thing I stress is communications and consent.
For both partners to get the most out of sex the need to communicate. They need to communicate what they like and what they don't like; how they like to be touched and where. What type of foreplay and how much they may need to get fully turned on. Girls usually need more foreplay than boys. Girls are unique in that they can be turned on in foreplay either vaginally or clitoral. This preference is something that needs to be communicated. Simply moaning does not always send the right message to the male partner.
Communication is important. So the short answer is: you need to ask you partner if your moaning is a turn off to him.
My name is Michael, Im 15 and a freshman in high school.
I live with my mom, dad, and sister. My mom is emotionally abusive to me, and is psycho beyond belief. My sister helps me get through the tough times, but next year shes going away to college and won't be here. My dad feels sorry for me, but won't help me at all. Ive been dealing with it, but today just sent me over the top. I came home today, and was going out to dinner with my friends. I went to my stash of money, and looked at it. Well, i noticed that it looked off. I blew it off, grabbed a 20 and went to dinner. Well i came home and counted my money. It turns out im missing 80 bucks!!! I have had the stash of money, for a while, and i keep up with how much is there everyday. I have made no purchases with that money in a while, so someone at home, had to of stolen it. My mom yelled at me when i confronted her, and told me to stop lying and that i was a piece of sh*t for asking her about it. I can't take this anymore, and i dont know where to go, or what to do!!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Let's take this one problem at a time. Stashing money never works as someone will always find where you hide it. Confrontation never has a good outcome as you are in actuality accusing someone of something even if you have no proof. You confronted your mother, what proof did you have.
Mark this up to a learning experience. Now go out and by a strong box or a small safe with combination lock to store your money and valuables in. This way if someone wants to steal from you they will have to physically break something to get at it.
Now as to moms' emotional abuse: It is almost a right of passage for teenagers and their parents not to get along. There are a great many teenagers that feel as you do. This is not to say you are wrong or that I don't believe you. There is every possibility that you mom is emotionally abusive to you and your father as well giving reason as to why he won't step in. Being emotionally abusive to you is a form of child abuse.
Is this something that has just recently started? If so it may be for hormonal reasons due to the on set of menopause. Menopause can come on as early as mid to late 40's and can be just as bad as puberty when it comes to hormonal imbalance and the problems it causes. If this is a possibility talk with dad and your sister and see if you can get mom to see her doctor. There is medication, hormone replacement therapy that can help her.
If this is not something new than you have another choice. As I said emotional abuse is a form of child abuse, just make sure that your sure this is what is going on. If your sure of this then go to one of the teachers you trust, your guidance counselor, or your school principal. Tell them what has been going on between you and your mother. Expect to be asked numerous questions. By law once you ask for there help they must make a report to child services.
Running away will not fix the problem. In fact it will only make it worse and you will have a juvenile record as a runaway. You don't need that problem. My solution of asking for help at school is the better way to handle this problem. Just be sure of what is going on at home.
I know I've asked this question on here before, but I haven't really gotten a response. This is very serious and I really don't know what to do. I'm growing to a bigger a bigger depression. When i was a senior in high school, I wanted to leave my hometown to go to school. I thought it would be a good opportunity and what a better excuse to leave home than that you are studying? Well, it didn't happen. The day after I graduated, I found out I was adopted. My mom and I were fighting SO much because she would do anything in her power not to let me go. I sincerely think my mom is OBSESSED with me and it scares me. I watch scary movies about obsessed mothers and my mom has an excuse to justify almost everything they do.
I'm 20/f. It's been 2 years, almost, since I've found out about the adoption and I can say sincerely that I feel better. I think at this point in my life, I am BEYOND mature enough to make certain decisions that most of my friends (who did leave) have been making for the past 2 years (budgeting, etc). Let me begin by telling you that I am VERY mature. If you knew me, you would know what I mean. I went to private school my whole life. I have very high values. I am very religious. I'm not a trouble-maker. But my mom is obsessed with me. It's not trying to protect me anymore. It's an obsession.
I spoke to my mom about moving to my own apartment. Right now, we live with my grandparents. They are overbearing to her and she is overbearing to me. She doesn't have a job. She doesn't even look for one. All she does is sit in front of the computer all day 2 c when I can log into facebook so she can talk to me. I'm not exaggerating. I asked her to please support my decision. I have a job. I make $1200 a month. I am a straight A student, and therefore, I receive $3200 every semester from school. Financially, this is a possibility for me. She started fighting with me and making a big deal. The other day, I mentioned transferring to another university maybe about 3 hours away, and that day, she was MORE than happy to help me look for an apartment. But now, that she sees it's a reality, she's panicking.
I can't deal with her anymore. I really can't. She's not overprotective. It's not like she doesn't let me go out or anything like that. But, she's overbearing. She calls me every 1/2 hour to ask me if I ate lunch, who I ate lunch with, if I went to the bathroom, if I saw any cute guys at lunch, if I did my nails, if I saw my ex, how was my day. She will text me like 10 times telling me to call her that its super important and that she needs to talk to me right away. Then, when I answer the phone she's like, how was your day? Sometimes, I can't answer because I'm in class, or having lunch with a friend or a guy or studying in the library. I try to express how I feel to her and she never listens. She doesn't care what I have to say. She just screams and says "fine, I won't do it again!" I can't communicate. I've written her letters, facebooked her, texted her to not be interrupted. But, she doesn't listen to me.
I just want to cry. I don't want to live with my mother anymore. I love her but i can't love her to the point that she's suffocating me and I allow it. I'm really sorry if being an individual with my own set of thoughts is a bad thing. But, the last time I checked, being 20 and having a job and a scholarship and straight A's qualifies me as a responsible adult.
Please help!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
From one of the things you said about your mother, it sounds as if she is a product of her upbringing. In that your grandparents are overbearing to her. She is only doing what she knows based on how she was raised and the relationship she has with her parents. Being adopted adds to this in that you are somewhat more special.
I have a cousin who is adopted. My Uncle doted on him until the day he died. My Uncle loved all children his Nieces and Nephews all, but his son was very special to him and while he did obsess over him I don't think it was to the excess that you describe. I think it is only natural that adopted children are obsessed over for only a fortunate few parents get to adopt.
Your 20 years old; you have a right to a life of your own, without hourly interruptions by your mother or minute by minute detailed reports to her of your activities. The cycle that has begun with your grandparents and possibly their parents before them needs to be broken or it will continue when you become a parent.
You know what you need to do; if you are asking for permission or need someones permission to do so; you have mine. You will never get your mother to agree to let you move out on your own. This could include when you marry. Instead of moving out she might insist you and your husband move in with her and your grandparents; bad move.
If you are confident that you have the financial arrangement to make it on your own then that is what you need to do to break this cycle and do have the freedom you need. Your mother will argue with you, give you a thousand different reason why you cannot or should not move out. She may even feign illness to keep you at home.
The real question is are you strong enough to stand up to all the argument, the crying and the excuses that will come at you? You are the psychology student you know this question. The question now becomes are you certain enough in your answer?
Well, I have a serious problem! I keep slitting my wrists to relieve my distress and anger and stress and pain and to get away from life. And every time I do, I faint. I have a friend who cuts herself too and she always tells me not to cut myself and that it will get me nowhere in life. Can you please help me and her with that? By the way, I'm thirteen and she's fourteen.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Cutting is a very serious and dangerous thing to be doing to yourselves. None of us are doctors and cannot for certain tell you why either of you are doing this. Each of you could and probably are doing so for somewhat different reasons, there called stressors. Cutting is your way of relieving stress and or depression. Much of this is brought on by what your body is going through with the changes caused by puberty. Hormonal changes, changes to your physical self, social changes and what is now expected of you. This is a lot of stress for someone as young as you.
Most teenagers when they cut themselves do so in places that are not noticeable to others. The fact that you are slitting your wrists, something I will come back to, makes me wonder why your parents haven't noticed.
The fact that you are "slitting your wrists", your words, gives me great cause for concern. Not only is cutting harmful; you have chosen a very dangerous place to cut yourself.
You and your girlfriend are not going to be able to stop cutting by yourselves. You are going to need a doctors help. There is nothing wrong with asking for a doctors help. It wasn't all that long ago we viewed what is happening, or causing you to cut yourself as a phase you would grow out of. Today we view it as something we can treat and help you with; it takes a doctor to do so.
Because of where your cutting yourself it is important that you don't delay in getting help. If you feel like cutting yourself and your parents are not home; please, please pick up the phone and dial 911. I would rather 911 send help then have you mistakenly cut an artery rather then a vein.
If mom, dad or both are at home as you read this please go talk to them. Show them your scars and tell them what you have been doing. Ask them to take you to the nearest hospital emergency room for help. For the same reason I said above.
I am worried that you could cut an artery and not a vein by accident. You don't have to cut to deep to do so in the area your cutting. It could be a total accident with a knife sharper than you are use too. So please, please do as I ask.