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False accusation of child abuse
My 35 year old daughter had brain surgery 2 years ago. She has told everyone she knows that she was raped by her father. It has torn the family apart. Her 5 siblings won't have anything to do with her. Her father and I are heartbroken. She refuses to talk to us about this mess. We have tried several times. She won't even let us see the grandkids. Its been over a year now. I have been married to this man for 38 years. I know nothing happened and so does her siblings. what do or can we do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
She's telling the truth. Believe your child
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This isn't a question this website can answer. I suggest you speak to a family counselor, someone trained and educated in family dynamics and psychology who can actually help you work this out and figure out what exactly is going on in your family.
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I'm one of the older advisor on this site, old enough to be your father.
I'm a little confused as to what you have written. I understand your daughter had brain surgery two years ago. Did the accusation of her father raping her come as a result of the surgery? Is she telling people that her father raped her instead of telling people she had brain surgery?
If she has told people that her father raped her as a result of the surgery that is one thing. If she is telling them instead of saying she had brain surgery that is another.
One is an out and out lie while the other could be the result of the trauma to the brain from the surgery. If it is he result of the surgery then you and your family need to be more forgiving towards her as even though you know it is not true, to her it is real, as real as any recalled memory would be through psychotherapy. This knowledge doesn't make it any less hurtful to you, your husband and your family I'm sure. Hopefully it can make you more understanding and promote some forgiveness.
Why she would choose to tell people she was raped rather than tell them she had brain surgery? I just don't know.
In either instance she needs counseling to find out the truth for herself. This is not the time for the entire family to gang up on her, either to be helpful or in condemning her. As her mother you are the most likely peron to whom she will listen too.
I would suggest, if you have a good relationship with her husband, that you start by having a private meeting with him. You need to find out from her husband what she may not be willing to talk to you about, so that you have this as knowledge when you do get her to talk to you. You also want to enlist his help in getting your daughter to talk to you.
Your goal here is not to change her mind, especially if this is the result of the surgery. Your goal is to get her to seek professional help, even if it means offering to go with her so you can understand better. Information that you get from her husband is knowledge for you but not to be used against her.
This is the best advise I can or not having the answers to the questions I asked. Hopefully I have been able to be of some help.
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I would suggest involving a counselor having you all sit down for a meeting and discuss the situation, Or emailing her that you still love and care about her and the grandkids and it breaks your heart that you can't see them. She is probably feeling guilty and doesnt't want to bring up the subject because she will feel uncomfortable, She probably false accused your husband because she didn't know how you guys would take it and so she just spilled out that lie. Sometimes strange things like this make people too nervous to say anything and be judged so they just say something and make it worse and probably dont even realize it. If she doesnt talk to you after this, she is being stubborn and doesn't realize that family is the most important love she can ever have.
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