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Confused about my sexuality, what's your take on this?
I'm 17 (female), I think I always knew I wasn't straight but for some reason I still identified as straight and only really thought of myself as bi-curious (but in a way where I would only really consider males as possible partners). It's only recently that I've started to think I'm probably at least bisexual, and even more recently that I've started to think I might just be flat-out gay. The reason I'm thinking this is because it just suddenly dawned on me and it somehow feels 'right' and like everything suddenly makes sense. Except it doesn't, because I'm still terribly confused. I looked back at things from my childhood and throughout my life, and this is what I've got:
- I have this clear memory of being a little kid and thinking to myself, "I think I might be gay, I hope not." This doesn't make much sense though, since I'd never thought there was anything wrong with being gay and my family would be perfectly accepting of it. I remember then just pushing the thought away.
- As a little kid, I'd experiment 'sexually' (I find it hard to think of seriously, since we were just little kids) with other kids, but mostly girls, and I remember enjoying the experiences with girls a lot more, and being more into it than the other girls.
- However, I always had crushes on the boys. Looking back, though, a lot of them don't seem like crushes, more like trying to have a crush on someone you merely like as a friend. Some of them were legit crushes though.
From a young age, I've:
- Found female bodies more sexually attractive than male bodies, and have found females generally more aesthetically pleasing.
- Pasted pictures of women to my walls, never men. (I've never thought of this in a sexual way, though, more in a 'women are nicer to look at' way, or just because of fashion.)
- Loved lesbian fictional characters.
- Seeked out books which focus on lesbian relationships.
- Written about lesbian couples.
- Preferred lesbian porn to straight porn, lesbian erotica to straight erotica (started with this way too young, probably.)
- Fantasised about both men and women, but women more often.
- I often felt odd around girls, in a way I can't describe.
- Yet all through this, I fancied guys and not girls. I do, however, remember feeling oddly attached to certain female friends in a way which seems like a little more than friendship, looking back on it.
Looking back on all this, it seems odd that I did those things yet thought of myself as straight.
Now:
- I have no interest at all in images of naked men, yet images of naked women turn me on.
- I have had feelings for lots of guys, and only one girl.
- I've been in love with a guy.
- I've fantasised about men sexually, but in reality, it never feels right. I'm still a virgin, but the sexual experiences I've had with guys (even just kissing) have always either held no interest for me at all (just felt like going through the motions) or have been at once both enjoyable and offputting. I don't know the word, but it's felt kind of wrong at the same time, like I want to carry on but I also want to get away, and the next morning I usually feel dirty, ashamed and sickened.
- However, I've had sexual experiences with girls and have always felt fine about it (though I havn't gone as far as with guys, so it's hard to tell...maybe I'd still freak out if it got to that point?)
I'm really confused. The idea of my being gay, like I said, feels right. Yet I know I can't discount all the feelings I have had for males. And I do still get feelings for males. It's just...I don't know, it seems like I am emotionally attracted to men, but when it comes to sex, I'm more interested in women.
Sorry this is so long. I guess I'm not asking for advice as such, but rather, what does this sound like to you? I'm so confused so I'd like to know what you think.
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From the looks of these you sound like you are lesbian. I believe you are confused on whether you want to pursue this or try to experiment with men. I do not think that you are really interested in men but you still want to try and experiment. To be sure you can always experiment and what ever you don't like or you like better then stick with that. Good Luck!
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At your age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Lesbian or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.
From what you have written it just may be possible that you are more gay than hetero. What I see is someone who is and has been more comfortable around her own rather than the opposite sex. This does not mean you are gay. You could be introverted, shy, and just plain uncomfortable around the opposite sex. This has less to do with your sexuality and more to do with your personal make-up.
For right now I'm just going to suggest you go with the flow so to speak. Continue to seek out you true sexual identity. If you happen to find a guy you want to lose your virginity to fine, if not that's fine too.
When you turn 18 I'm going to suggest you do something I have never suggested to someone your age. I suggest you find a sex therapist to talk with. I believe that in your case you are not suffering sexual confusion as such. More so you are suffering a from a inability to find a sexual identity. It may not sound like a big difference but it is. There is something more deep seated that you need to clarify for yourself, before you can find a sexual identity.
It is all psychological in nature and probably goes back to early childhood. I believe if you follow my advice you will have a much better sex life in the future regardless if it is a gay life, hetero or bi.
I hope I have offered you some help.
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What you're saying is pretty normal from people of all sexualities. It's pretty hard to pin down what label you would identify as. And really, who needs labels?
I was in the same boat as you. I found myself more attracted to females, but ended up with a male. Instead of identifying as bi-curious, bisexual or straight, I go with "fluid" or "flexible".
Let's be honest here. Men are less aesthetically pleasing. The male body is not pretty. It's functional, but that's where it stops. It doesn't take someone who's not straight to see that. So-called straight porn is pretty weird. In fact, I have trouble understanding how it's straight for a guy to enjoy watching another man demeaning a woman.
In the end when it comes to a relationship, it tends to be about how you feel about an individual rather than how you feel about their gender. If I had fallen in love with a girl, I'd be with a girl. I just happened to meet a guy who was pretty fantastic.
Don't worry about pinning your sexuality down and labeling it like an insect collection quite yet. Labels are overrated. Just think of yourself as having a more open scope for finding that special someone than people who do identify themselves by their sexuality.
I would advise against promiscuous sexual activity with anyone. People say that it doesn't count if it's "just experimenting" but it does. You can still get STIs from females. You can still carry emotional scars from females. Don't make the mistake of thinking that same sex activity isn't real, because it is. Make sure that whatever you choose, you do it safely.
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I had a lot of the same feelings when I was younger but I didn't worry so much about putting a label on myself. I realized that I could live me life however I wanted and my friends and family would still love me. I think when the right person comes along, you'll know you want to be with them. I had some of my best sexual experiences with women but ended up marrying a man. There are things that a man can give me that a woman can't and the same can be reversed. Don't be afraid to experiment when you get the chance with a girl you'll attracted to. You should have fun with your youth and if you're afraid what you're family will think, just keep it to yourself and let them think everything is normal. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me or check out my advice column. I hope this helps and good luck.
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this shit is insane that you have almost an identical situation that i have.... but anyway you sound like you are confused. but if i were you i wouldnt label myself just yet. because later in life you may change your mind, so just explore your sexuality. theirs nothing wrong with you. find someone you can trust to talk to and dont be afraid to be you:) good luck and message me for anything else
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