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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Hey my husband has been deployed about a year now and he will be coming home in the next month or two. We've been married for about 2 years now and we have no children. Lately I've felt like I've been very disconnected emotionally with him. We do talk almost everyday but its not like how it used to be in the beginning of the deployment. He doesn't seem excited to talk to me we have been bickering a little more and i'm starting to take a step back and think what is happening here. I've become a completely different person than i was a year ago. I'm more independent, realize i can actually live by myself and take care of myself (something i never thought i could do) I know people say it's the distance just wait until he gets home but when he came home on his 2 week leave all we did was bicker about little things. I'm afraid that when he gets home i'm still going to feel not as attached as i was in the beginning and that scares me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated i do rate so please anything would help. Thank you!
A lot had happened to both of you during this separation. Even if your husband has not been in a battle zone but has been in an area that supports the battles he has lived under great stresses for this past year.
You on the other hand have been force to learn to live on your own. You have not only had to learn how to deal what would have been yours to deal with, you have had to learn to deal with those things a husband would normally care for in a marriage. This has placed a great deal of stress on you as well.
Because of your individual situations you have been forced to see the world as individuals than as a couple and you have matured differently. So yes there is going to be some bickering. He wants to come home to the women as he left and the world he left. That is what has kept him sane and focused. You want the man you married to come home to you but he may have seen and done things that he cannot share with you because none of us should ever have to do some of the things we ask of are soldiers and airman.
When he does come home he is not the man that he was when he left, possibly suffering from PTSD. You are not the women he left at home either. Hopefully you both of you still love each other and willing to work through a period of adjustment.
The military now realizes that these separations places a great strain on a marriage, especially a young marriage such as yours. They have programs to help. They also have help for those veterans returning suffering PTSD. If your husband is one of them please see that he takes advantage of the help available. You both should take advantage of the programs to help you adjust to his returning home.
I would also like to thank you for your service as the wife of a service man. Also please when next you see your husband or speak to him; thank him for his service from me.
Hello, I hope this doesn't end up being too long! Here's my problem. I have a teacher of one of my classes I've considered myself to be pretty close to for all of high school. I've gone after school to talk to him about random things before and sometimes I stayed for a good hour or so and we had great conversations. But that was last year, and lately things have been strange. When I talk to him or ask him about an assignment he can't look at me, and gets really nervous. Maybe he thinks we're getting too close? But he appears to have similar relationships with other students, as he likes to get to know everybody. Also, he's been putting off my letter of recommendation for quite some time now. I'm not sure why because I've always gotten A's in his classes... but he's writing recommendations for other students. Why is mine so difficult? Also, he seems to be showing favoritism to another girl in the class. She gets the easier research for our projects and the rest of us get harder material. Yet he praises her much more than us! She made a point in class once and I reinforced it & he commended her but argued me. I've always thought we had a friendship-like relationship (not inappropriately of course, he's not like that) but I don't know what's going on or who to ask about this. What do you guys think? There's really nothing I could have done to offend him... so any advice is appreciated, but please be nice and understand he isn't weird and I don't have romantic feelings for him AT ALL. Thank you!
18/f
It is my opinion that this teacher may feel his feelings for you are going beyond what is appropriate for a teacher and his student. you being 18 reduces one problem for him but still jeopardizes his job and this may be why he is treating you as he is.
There is nothing you can do to change how he feels for you or how he is now treating you; unless of course he is treating you unfairly. If he is treating you as he does the rest of the class, the one student withstanding, then you have no complaint. If he is treating you unfairly then you can make a complaint to the principal.
As for the letter of recommendation: His feelings for you may be standing in his way. He may feel he cannot writ a proper letter without his own not professional feelings coming through. I would suggest that you ask another teacher for a letter of recommendation in that subject or Department Head for that Subject.
In 2 months I will be moving to Central America with my father. I'm going to be 19 in 4 months and I do love my country, how ever I just finally came out to all my friends and family here which was hard to do. And now I have to move with my dad to a place where queers and bisexuals and cross-dressers are not only frowned upon but killed. Every time I visit I feel out of place, I have quite a few body modifications; tattoos/piercings. My family such as cousins, aunts and uncles don't really mind I guess they got used to it by now. But everyone else stares at me like I'm some sort of freak. I'm very self conscious of how I look and I feel awkward trying to make new friends. Especially with the same sex since I'd like to have a same sex partner if possible. I just need some of the best advice possible, I don't like feeling insecure and anxious, especially since I'm moving with my dad is 'cause my mother disowned her crossdressing bisexual daughter.
f/18
Lets start with the fact that you are almost 19. This makes you legally an adult in the USA, so lets work with this fact first if you are in the USA. You don't say where you live now but the U.S. Canada and most of Europe are more accepting of Bisexuality than Central America.
First if you live in any of the places I listed you can stay where your are, attend College, with or without dads' or moms' help and be who you are. Being bisexual, transsexual, gay or anything else is really no one's business other than yours and any significant other you happen to be with.
If there are reasons you cannot attend college is there someone you can share an apartment with. Would your dad help with rent an expenses while you find a job and get on your feet financially?
There are always alternatives for most everything in life, you just have to look for them. If I had more information such as where you lived?. If you were going to school? Are there medical issues that require you to stay with your father? Having information such as this I might be able to give you suggestions on other alternatives open to you.
I realize that going out on your own is scary, especially at such a young age. Just remember others have done so at even younger ages and have led very fruitful lives. Your sexuality is not an anchor that will drag you down as it is your own business and no one else's. You can even join the military today without worry. Which is another option open to you.
If you would answer the questions and provide a little more information about yourself and would like some more suggestions. Please write back to me in a private message.
If I keep the charger in but the battery out? I'm still confused on this situation. I don't want to keep wearing out the battery if I'm just keeping the charger in the whole time I'm on the laptop.
Help please? :S
If it matters, it's a crappy Gateway laptop and when I take the battery out and keep the charger in, it says it's plugged in but "no batter attached".
My lap top works fine the way you describe and yes I get the same message. My hand book even recommend doing so when electric current is available, but my lap top is made by another manufacturer.
Check your handbook to see what Gateway recommends. If you do not have a handbook it may still be available on line. C or contact their tech support.heck their website
17-F
To cut things short, I get very annoyed very easily.
There are multiple reasons this happens that varies to things people do to just general things about the world or the way things look.
Anyway, because of how easily irritated I get and how much it effects my attitude, my mother constantly says that I have high blood pressure. She says I'm going to need to take blood pressure pills one day.
I do notice how my attitude changes after I start getting irritated at general things, and I become very mouthy and snappy. I don't enjoy it, but I just can't help myself. I naturally also have a very brash, get out of my face attitude. I do not let people walk all over me, and I make it very well-known that I do not live to please others. And how easily I get irritated just makes it worse.
Anyway, would blood pressure pills calm me down?
Maybe it wasn't just blood pressure pills my mother was talking abut. But it seems like she was talking about pills that would calm my anger.
What could they be? How could I get them? Also, would they just turn me into a zombie? Like not feeling anything. No emotion. I don't want to become droid-like. But I do want to help fix this problem I have.
My mother also mentioned that my oldest half-sister is like me, that she gets irritated very easily. My dad can also be a little like that. So clearly it might be a bit genetic since she is my sister from my dads side of the family.
Also, if anybody has any tips on how to calm down when I feel like my irritation level rising, that would be really helpful as well.
Thanks!
If you visit your doctor regularly then you would know if you have high blood pressure. Anger or the stress from anger will or can spike your blood pressure momentarily though it will return to normal as you calm down.
Your problem is somewhat genetic in nature. While tranquilizers may help you remain calmer; I would not recommend them as you will get a zombie effect from them if they are strong enough. Another factor in the equation so to speak is that you are a teenager, most likely still in High School with all of the pressures of school and wanting to get into a good college. You are also still suffering from the lingering effects of puberty which could last another 3 to 5 years.
When you factor in genetics, puberty and both self-imposed and external stress; anger management becomes a problem. Now it is possible as some of these factors resolve themselves, leaving only genetics, you could gain greater control over how easily you get annoyed and fly off the handle.
When I was your age I had anger "issues," very much like you. I found when I left home and joined the military my anger issues resolved themselves to a great degree. Everyone is different, what worked for me may not work for you.
My suggestion is you first speak to your family doctor if you feel your anger issues are something you need help with. Then follow your doctors advice.
Hey,
I'm a nineteen year old female, and my boyfriend is 21. We've dating for a few months and such, and now we are having this consistent problem.
Well, we've been having sex and such, which there used to be some problems because he was so inexperienced. He then got better and we did it a lot. And since last week, he can no longer.. 'get it up.'
At first I took it offensively.. cause it was for a few days. But then I decided it was just something that happens, which is true. But after a week there's still no changing. He doesn't even seem interested. He wont even try to like.. do anything to me and such.
It's like he completely lost interest in that whole aspect. And to be honest, it's just infuriating, cause I know he's just over thinking. I tried everything. I really did. But nothing works. I don't tell him he's pissing me off, but I'm so close. He just treats me so different now, that I'm debating just throwing this relationship away just because of sex.
I know it sounds selfish, but hey, he'd probably do the same shit if I wasn't working. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
First, your boyfriend probably finds this very embarrassing as not being able to rise to the occasion is something men find not only very embarrassing but damaging to their egos'.
The medical term for this is erectile dysfunction and there can be any number of reasons for this. Starting with drugs use, illegal and legal drugs, to pelvic injuries. Depression and depression drugs, high blood pressure and drugs to treat high blood pressure score high in the possibility factor for causing erectile dysfunction.
First talk with your boyfriend and find out if he has started any new medications recently. Ask him if he has started treatment for high blood pressure, depression and throw in high cholesterol as well. If he answers yes to any of these questions then he needs to go back to his doctor.
His doctor could offer a change in the medication or offer him a medication like Viagra. Erectile Dysfunction is very common today brought on by stress either at school or work, medications. Years ago it was not spoken of in "polite circles" and men suffered in silence. Today's there is help for men with this condition.
The fact that this is a sudden onset makes me believe that something changed in his life. If it is a new medication then he needs to see the prescribing doctor. If not he should see his doctor for a complete physical and possible referral to a Urologist.
I'm a 14 year old girl from Australia and right now i feel absolutely fucking terrible. i weigh 105 kilo's. its utterly disgusting. i cant even look myself in the mirror with out being repulsed. i dont even look at photo's from a year ago. when i was still over weight but not THIS big. i just want to know if there is some sort of diet that you can go on that will help you lose weight FAST.
P.s. its pretty fucked when you live in a country with THE BEST beaches and you cant even where a bikini. or any sort of swim suit because your gross looking.
At 105 kilo's you have a lot of weight to lose to get to your ideal weight range. I do not know of any quick loss diet that will get you there and help you keep the weight off. Also losing as much weight as you need to lose using a quick loss diet plan can be harmful to your health.
There is only one tried and true method to lose weight, be it 10 kilos or 100 kilos. You start by seeing your family doctor and getting a complete physical, including a thyroid scan to make sure there is no physical reason for your weight gain. Then under your doctors supervision you start on a diet plan that includes: Proper meal planning/proper nutrition, proper exercise and proper rest.
A dietician or nutritionist can help you with meal planning. You might want to seek the help of a physical trainer for a proper exercise routine as well. It is important that you eat properly with balanced meals three times a day and proper snacks as well. Exercise is how the weight is actually lost. A physical trainer will guide you through a exercise routine that will start you out properly for your present weight and increase as you cardiovascular system improves to tolerate a harder workout.
I would think you need to lose 40 to 45t kilos. To loose this much weight properly won't be accomplished in time to wear your bikini this summer. But, if you stick to a proper weight lose program you will knock them dead next summer for you will not only have lost the weight you need to loose you will also have learned and trained yourself how to eat properly to keep the weight off so that bikini can be worn every summer from next summer on.
Sixteen, female, from the United States.
I've known I've had a few "mental issues" for the past four years. I used to be one of the self-mutilating crowd, mainly because of a past boyfriend who was suicidal and tried to get me to go along with him. I used to be extremely angsty, whiny, all that shit. Luckily, I grew out of that side. However, the beatings I was giving myself didn't stop.
I've told my parents multiple times in the past that I had a weird thing for pain. They caught me cutting my wrists once, and my mother put on her caring face and tried to help me through it. She hired a therapist to talk to me about it, who honestly didn't help a single bit when it came to the self-mutilation thing, but was at least there to listen to everything else. The understanding and kindness lasted for about a week or so, then everything pretty much went back to normal.
My parents aren't horrible parents; they're just a little...uninvolved. My mom only talks about her life at work or with her side of the family, my dad doesn't talk much at all, and my sister's too young to understand much. The biggest attention I get from them is A., when I do something -really- good, or B. when I do something "horrible" (forgetting to wash dishes, making sarcastic comments, etc.), and they feel like screaming at me about it. In that kind of situation, they pretty much completely forget about my condition and start calling me worthless, stupid, over-dramatic, etc. To the point where I usually just storm out and take it out on myself downstairs. They have to know what I'm doing down in my room, they've seen the scars, and yet they pretty much ignore most of it when we have to interact again.
I feel better when I'm in pain. I've already realized this for a while now. When I'm hurting myself in any way, I'm not often doing it because I'm depressed. It distracts me, it keeps me clear-headed, and often, I enjoy the feeling. Kind of like listening to music or eating chocolate, only a little more...extreme. But sometimes, I really do fear that if I go too far or lose control, I'll end up hurting myself or someone I love.
I'm already slightly unstable enough as it is, because I had a -lot- of shit go down with a past boyfriend a few months ago; when he found I was hurting myself, he flat out yelled at me to stop it or else he would never see me again (although he ended up leaving me anyway a week later for another girl). That kind of sent me over the edge. Not the edge as in "I became depressed and sad and suicidal", but more of "I feel like burning something and laughing hysterically".
Anyways. I don't have anyone to talk to about this "problem"; all my friends think I'm kidding (literally, I've told them about six times in all seriousness and they sluffed it right off), and I don't have any family members that are close to me. I'm not hurting myself enough to make me (or, apparently, my parents) worry, but it is starting to interfere with my everyday life, and I know that things like this just escalate from there.
Advice, anyone? I would ask for internet hugs, too, but that might be asking too much. D:
It is possible that mom thinks that since you have seen a therapist that you are cured. I know from personal experience this is not so and I am a lot older than you or your parents.
Sometimes it takes seeing several different therapists until you find the one you can work with who can help you with the main problem you are experiencing. When I was involved in a serious life altering auto accident I went through 3 therapists until I found one I could trust and work with who could help me deal with my problem. You should think about telling mom you are not cured and would like to find another therapist.
As for the other things you have written about. Some of what you have written could or would be seen as a some what normal family life in today's world. Others might see what you have written as a form of child abuse.
What is most important is getting you the proper help to stop the cutting. There are two things I would like you to do for me.
First: I would like you to get a big thick rubber band and hang it loosely around your wrist. When you feel like cutting yourself snap the rubber band against your wrist instead until the need to cut is gone. The therapists call this alternative therapy. This could help you until proper help is found for you.
Second: Since you feel that there are no family or friends you can turn to then you can turn to your school for help. If there is a teacher you trust, go to him or her and ask for help. You can also go to the guidance office or the school principals office to ask for help. Every school has procedures in place to help a student such as yourself if and when you go to them and ask for help. By law they must take action and follow the procedures they have in place to help you.
There is also a third thing: If the first thing I asked of doesn't work and you feel like cutting yourself; please don't cut yourself. Instead pick up the phone and dial 911. Yes calling 911 will send the proper help to your home, or wherever you may be and neither mom or dad can send them away until the responders are sure you are safe and not in need of their help. If they feel, which I believe they will, that you need help, you will get that help as you are a minor and can be protected by the responders.
Im 21 , i have a stressful job, husband is in the military, everything points to stress however some opinions would be be helpful. We have unprotected sex, no pull out methods, in hopes We could have a child someday. The both of us have little chance due to some medical factors. Though i Havent had a period since july 26 and it is sept 21 considering are chance are low i have lately, the past 3 weeks, been experancing lower abdomal pains, like periods. I have been unusually hunry, and very sick and nauseous if i dont eat often. All i want to do is sleep. My breast are Not sore (just my nipples are) i Havent had any spotting, no back pains, and have been very emotional. At this point becas i have a stressful LIFE, and because We want a child, i feel i mighht, as crazy as it sounds, be "thinking" myself pregnant. Or other words, its all in my head. I have Not yet taken a test, in fear of just disapointment. Can some giv me opinions ?
Stress can be very harmful to you and cause long lasting problems. There is the possibility that you are pregnant. Just because the chances are low does not mean impossible. Take a pregnancy test. If it is negative see your OB/GYN. Let the doctor run a pregnancy test which will confirm one way or the other.
If you are not pregnant, the stress you are under could be cause of you missing your periods. Your GYN will examine you to see if there is any other physical cause for you missing your periods.
If not I would suggest you speak to a therapist who specializes in stress reduction. Having a spouse in the military is stressful enough, to have that spouse deployed as much as they are being deployed these days is even more stressful. A qualified therapist will show you ways to reduce your stress which will allow your body to function as it should.
If stress is the problem do not feel bad, your not alone and there is nothing really wrong with you. You are young and in love. You want your husband home, safe and in your arms. That is nothing to be ashamed of.
Next time you speak to or write to your husband, please thank him for his service and I thank you for allowing him to serve.
Hi I'm Haley I'm 13.Well yesterday my 15 yearold brother's friend came over and my brother wasn't home.Since I knew him we were just chillin in my room and talking and stuff.Then we didn't have anything to talk about and he asked if I wanted to makeout I said yes and we started kissing on my bed and my dad justs comes in my room after like 5 mins.He was pretty mad at me and today after he picked me up from school he told me I'm grounded.Why is my dad so upset with me?! Any advice is welcome
Let me see if I can put this from a dads' point of view.
I come home and find my (little) girl laying on her bed hugging and kissing with a boy. The fact that he is older enters into the equations but even if he is her age what enters my mind is not something I want to think about.
Yes, I over react, I jump from zero to 60 and wonder how far this would have gone if I had been a half hour later getting home. Would I have found you still hugging and kissing or would I have found this boy pawing over your half naked or naked body. Would I have found you in even a more compromising position.
Have your mother and I set down rules for having friends over when we are not home. What are the rules for having boys over and in your room when we are not home. All of this went through my mind in less time then it takes for me to type this or for you to read this.
I think your father showed great restraint not saying or doing anything until the next day. Giving him time to cool down, possibly talk with your mother on the proper way to handle this situation. I do not know if I could have shown this restraint.
You are a 13 year old girl. Yes I remember what it was like when I was your age and when I was 15 as well. I'm sure your father remembers too; There in lies the problem. Making out is sort of the right of passage. As a parent I know this will happen, I just don't want to see it or have it happen in my home, in your bedroom, were it could go further than you plan.
What you need to do is apologize to your father. Tell him your sorry and it won't happen again. You, he and I all know that when the opportunity comes again you will make out with another boy; as I said this is a right of passage. Apologizing tells him you broke a rule and are acknowledging it.
As for making out with boys? Set your boundaries now and stick to them. Do not let anyone push you past where you are willing to let them go. Do not succumb to peer pressure that someone else is doing this or that. First it probably not true. Second that is there is to do, you do not have to follow them.
Hey,
Im 11 turning 12 in 5 months, i started getting discharge 1-2 and a halve months ago but i still haven't had my period.
My hormones are going crazy, like when im talking to my mum i might just suddenly start balling my eyes out or when im happy i might suddenly just get angry by the smallest things so im really moody but that started a bit before i turned 11 but not as strong.
Periods normally start 2 years after you start to grow your breasts and its been to years and i started growing them when i was around the age of 10.
I normally get discharge about everyday, and sometimes i get cramps but after the cramps i dont get the period.
B.T.W i have pubic hair and under arm hair.
Is there something wrong? or are they signs?, when will i get it?
Plz help
I am not a doctor or an expert on this subject though it sounds like your body is preparing itself for your period. Each of us are unique and will follow our own paths through puberty. What you are experiencing now could continue for several more months or you could get you period tomorrow.
As long as you are healthy, not under weight or overly athletic you should not worry. Women who are under weight or overly athletic do not get periods. If you get sick with an infection you may miss a period.
Talk with mom about this, she is your best source of information. This is a normal bodily function and nothing to be embarrassed about. If need be ask her to make an appointment for you with her GYN.
i'm almost 19, i'm 5'6" and i weigh 98 lbs. i weigh less than i did in 8th grade. i didn't use to be this underweight, about a year ago i was 112. then over the summer i picked up a bad habit with drugs and lost a ton of weight, but now i'm trying to gain again. i've quit the drugs that made me lose weight, i drink nutrition shakes, take vitamins, smoke a lot of weed to pig out, eat when i can, but still can't get over 100! my parents think i'm starving myself, my friends say i'm unattractively thin and i don't want to look like this anymore. what more can i do?
I agree with everything Zane said. The drugs and weed are most likely the base cause of your weight problem. I would also suspect that the drugs and weed may have done something to your metabolism.
This is a serious problem that needs to be seen by a doctor for treatment. You are old enough to be seen by a doctor without mom or dad in the exam room with you. So see the doctor alone and tell the doctor about your drug use and weed smoking. Also about your weight loss and inability to gain weight.
I'm sure the doctor will need to run several test to determine what if any problem(s) you are suffering from. Once the doctor has a diagnoses follow the treatment plan you are given to the letter.
As your doctor will tell you; being under weight is more serious that being over weight. People who suffer from anorexia die because the body is designed to save itself. If the body does not receive or can not process the nutrients it receives it will start shutting down different systems to save the heart and brain. By this time a person is usually in the hospital on life support.
My advice is to make is to make an appointment with your family doctor today. While the nutrition drinks,shakes and vitamins are helpful in providing some of the nutrients you may be missing, they are not going to gain weight or repair any damage the drugs and weed smoking has done to you.
I would like to know the best way to kill yourself.i have been out of work for 5 months I have lost my job,pawned every puece of jewelry I own,pawned my lap top,wrote check loans,title loans,about to loose both my vehicles by the end of the month im ready to die.
Dyeing solves nothing. You leave behind everyone that loves you and all your problems for them to solve.
The present economic times have caught up with all of us in one way or another. There are millions just like you that have lost possessions, As others have said possessions can be replaced, you can't be replaced.
Right now 5 months is not a long time to be out of work, others have been out of work much longer. It may take swallowing some pride but you need to ask for help from family and friends if needed.
The first type of help is to find someone to help you through the depression you find yourself in. Here again this is unfortunately a part of the economic times for those of us who have been hard working individuals, like yourself, suddenly find themselves unemployed.
You need to speak with a therapist to get out of the funk (depression) so when you interview for a job you are in a proper mood and stand out from the others. Please call this number 1-800-273-8255. They will talk with you then help you find someone in your home town who will help you out of the funk your in.
You also need to speak with a financial counselor, possibly a bankruptcy attorney. Here again the economic times has taken the stigma out of bankruptcy. By filing for bankruptcy you may be able to preserve some of your assets such as a car while discharging most or all of you debts.
There is help out there if you want it, you just have to ask. Dieing just leaves behind a lot of hurt for everyone who knows you and loves you.
My best friend is a Lesbian and is trying to "get it on" with me what should i do
The obvious answer is to just say no.
In any sexual relationship no has to mean NO. It does not matter if that relationship is heterosexual or gay. Your friend has to learn this, especially if she wants to remain friends with you.
I would sit down with her, say at a coffee shop or in the Mall and say to her: Look, I do not have a problem with your sexuality. Your my best friend and I would like to stay friends with you. If you want to stay friends then you have to stop trying to hit on me or have a sexual relationship with me. I just don't swing that way. I'm not gay or am I bi curious.
Then as the saying goes "The ball is in her ball park." If you have not told her flat out in words that say you are not interested. She will continue to try if she has a sexual interest in you.
I am proud of you that you for not holding her sexuality against her. She has no more control over her sexuality than you do. But she has to learn that her being a lesbian is not a choice that someone else can make. That some of those women she might want to have a relationship with will turn her down. Some will even shun her because of her sexuality.
So tell her you are not interested in her sexually, do so in a firm but nice way if you wish to remain friends.
We fight every single day! It's so annoying and I'm getting tired of it! He's 8 years old and I'm 12 years old. My mom is always mad at us and I just want a happy family again.
There are a lot of reasons why you and your brother fight.
First there is the age difference. Right now the four year age difference seems like a world of difference. When you two are in your twenty's that age difference will disappear. For now he is too young to enjoy what you like to do and most likely destroys or disturbs you when you are doing things.
Next, younger siblings always look up to their older siblings. They want to do as they do or be with them. Fact is with the age difference you two have he can't do many of the things you enjoy doing or even understand what your doing. His way then to get your attention is to attack what you're doing so you will do something he can do too.
This is just how life is. You are the older sibling and we as parents expect you as the older sibling to understand all this. We forget that you don't understand this. That you find this annoying and that you have a need for your own space and privacy.
Why doesn't mom or dad understand this. Well I didn't understand this when I was their age. I'm now a grandparent and with that comes the ability to sit back and look at things differently. Grandchildren will tell grandparents things they won't tell their parent for fear their parents won't understand.
If I'm correct and you find your brother is a constant annoyance there are two things you can do. First you need to speak with your mom. You need to tell mom that you are getting older and need some time and space where you can have some private time. Second tell mom that you understand that your brother looks up to you and wants to spend some time with you. That you will try to set aside some time each day to do something with him that he enjoys doing. In exchange though he has to learn that when you want some privacy and private time he has to leave you alone.
I feel if you put this to mom calmly, she will remember back to when she was your age. It was no different between me and my sister, it will be no different between your children. You too will forget no matter how much you say today you will remember.
So talk to mom and start thinking of things you can do with your brother he enjoys. He really loves you no matter what he may say.
Hey
I'm turning 20years next month. Me and my fiance had unprotected sex on the 20th of june, missed my periods took a pregnancy test. Which turned out to be positive. Went to the doctor who confirmed that its true.
Me and my fiance are happy about abt the baby. The only problem is dat I'm still a training nurse and I don't know how to tel my parents. I will be 3months tomorrow.
Thanks in advance, any advice will really be appreciated!
As someone a little older than your parents I would say it could be a little hypocritical of them to say anything to you about sex before marriage. Most people my age did not go to their marriage beds virgins. About the only thing I might say to you if you were my daughter is it was foolish of you in this day an age to have sex without taking the proper precautions.
Other than that, given the fact that you are engaged to be married I would look at this as a wonderful accident that will bring a joyful blessing into this world. I would discuss with you and your fiance the prospect of moving up your wedding.
As for telling your parents or his, it is simple. Your adults and you tell them just as you would as if you were married. Mom, dad your going to me grandparents in about six months. Unless there is something you have not said to us I would think they will be overjoyed after the initial shock is over.
As I said you are adults, you have plans to marry. You are not teenagers out for sexual thrills. You are in a loving relationship when a loving moment happened and failed to use protection. There is a big difference here then when you were a teenager. So go ahead and tell them for it won't be long before the evidence will be evident.
im so confused!! so me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 9 months. we have been wanting to step our relationship up a few notches. we have been wanting to have sex, but i have worries and questions. suuch as:
- what does it feel like?
- how much does it hurt?
-do you really bleed after??
if you know the answer, tell me! and if theres anything else i should know please feel free to tell me!! thanks.
I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible adults. Sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at your same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.
Since you have not given your Ages I will add the following:
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always have him use a condom.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urges without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. At your present ages you can have all the intimacy of sex using these alternatives without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
My advice is to wait a few more years, let you and your bodies mature a bit more so that you can fully enjoy a sexual relationship. Don’t let pear pressure force you to do something you may not be fully ready for.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
all answers are welcome, but i prefer someone with military knowledge because i need a serious answer for a serious situation, thank you :)
my boyfriend and i have always planned to get married early. however, he is getting deployed in april 2012. we are positive that we're signing papers before he leaves, i just want to know if there's any requirements (do we have to be married for a specific amount of time to receive benefits, etc.) any knowledge would be great, thank you.
Unless things have changed once married the benefits start as soon as he files for them.
If your boyfriend is active duty enlisted you and he may have to go through marriage counseling and get his commanders permission for him to marry. Like I said this may have changed since I was in the military though it is something he needs to check out. This way there is no reason for the military to withhold benefits or discipline him for violating any general orders.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
i currently have had braces for about a year now. i used to live in ga, but i ended up moving. before i moved, i asked my orthodontist to send my records over, but we're caught in a bit of situation and they're refusing to send my records over. i desperately need to go see another orthodontist soon because it's been a long while now since i've had a checkup. my question is: can i go to a orthdontist without my records? can i just ask them to take my braces off and start over if that's necessary? the money is not an issue because i've been saving. i'm just wondering if there's anything i can do right now. thank you.
A good orthodontists should be able to see what is going on and what the other doctor was trying to achieve without your records. So go ahead and make an appointment with another orthodontists.
As far as you medical or dental records are concerned they are your records and there is no reason why a doctor should withhold them. Call your doctor and advise him or her that unless your records are immediately released you will file a complaint with the state medical licensing board and the state dental association.
You did not say what the problem is but even if the problem has to do with a final payment they want for work not completed. This is not a reason to withhold your medical records and the doctor would lose in court if you were to take this matter to court. There are other means for the doctor to settle a debt with you other than withholding vital medical records.
The chances are if you moved, say because dad changed jobs, this is not your fault. If as I said above the problem is the doctor wants payment for unfinished dental work the problem is with your parents not you. Even if you changed jobs or went off to College, got married and moved these are all reasonable reasons fro early cancellation of some contracts. Withholding your records is wrong and he or she could be sanctioned both in court and by the dental association and licensing board.
Call the Dentist office, tell them you have the letter written and ready for mailing. You want your records by overnight Fedex or UPS. If not received by 3PM tomorrow you will mail the letters. Them do as you threaten, send them copies so they know you did as you said you would. You may be able to file your complaints with Licensing board and dental association on-line which would get you a faster result.
I am a 56 year old woman. My husband, who is from another country, is 60 and unemployed. A little over 2 years ago one of his adult sons came over to stay. I filed the son's initial immigration paperwork. We are overdue to file the remainder. I have been after my husband to get the supporting documents together since I work during the week. The son suffers from depression. Due to my meager salary and the rising cost of living, I cannot afford his medication and feel my husband should at least seek part time employment. If not for anything else, but to pay for his son's medication. I should mention my house, humble as it is, is paid for. I pay all the bills and find it hard to keep going. Not to mention that I have some health issues (open heart surgery 12 years ago and a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome diagnosis). My husband does the majority of the housework while I do a few things. I consider my weekends my "recovery time". If the roles were reversed and I was living in his country with one of my adult children I would not wait for him to ask me to help out financially. Am I wrong? If it were just the two of us, it would not be a problem.
I'm not up on immigration law but if you do not complete the process and his visa has run out I would think your step-son is now in the country illegally. Depressed or not he should find away to complete the process or he could face deportation.
I also agree with you that if your husband is capable of working then he should look to find some type of work; even part-time work. In most areas part-time jobs are plentiful and pay slightly above minimum wage to about $10.00 an hour maybe more. If your husband were to find a job paying $10.00 an hour and worked 20 to 30 hours a week that should cover the incidental expenses you are incurring for your step-son.
I would suggest you and your husband talk about this issue. While your at it you need to tell your husband that there is a good chance his son could be deported if you do not file for an extension on the paperwork and finish the process.