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Flat tire in the sex life
Hey,
I'm a nineteen year old female, and my boyfriend is 21. We've dating for a few months and such, and now we are having this consistent problem.
Well, we've been having sex and such, which there used to be some problems because he was so inexperienced. He then got better and we did it a lot. And since last week, he can no longer.. 'get it up.'
At first I took it offensively.. cause it was for a few days. But then I decided it was just something that happens, which is true. But after a week there's still no changing. He doesn't even seem interested. He wont even try to like.. do anything to me and such.
It's like he completely lost interest in that whole aspect. And to be honest, it's just infuriating, cause I know he's just over thinking. I tried everything. I really did. But nothing works. I don't tell him he's pissing me off, but I'm so close. He just treats me so different now, that I'm debating just throwing this relationship away just because of sex.
I know it sounds selfish, but hey, he'd probably do the same shit if I wasn't working. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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First, your boyfriend probably finds this very embarrassing as not being able to rise to the occasion is something men find not only very embarrassing but damaging to their egos'.
The medical term for this is erectile dysfunction and there can be any number of reasons for this. Starting with drugs use, illegal and legal drugs, to pelvic injuries. Depression and depression drugs, high blood pressure and drugs to treat high blood pressure score high in the possibility factor for causing erectile dysfunction.
First talk with your boyfriend and find out if he has started any new medications recently. Ask him if he has started treatment for high blood pressure, depression and throw in high cholesterol as well. If he answers yes to any of these questions then he needs to go back to his doctor.
His doctor could offer a change in the medication or offer him a medication like Viagra. Erectile Dysfunction is very common today brought on by stress either at school or work, medications. Years ago it was not spoken of in "polite circles" and men suffered in silence. Today's there is help for men with this condition.
The fact that this is a sudden onset makes me believe that something changed in his life. If it is a new medication then he needs to see the prescribing doctor. If not he should see his doctor for a complete physical and possible referral to a Urologist.
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It would be wrong to end a loving relationship over this. The problem has nothing to do with physical attraction or loss of interest. Nine times out of ten it's a medical issue.
Check to see if he's taking any medication be it new or old with dosages changed or out of whack. They could have adverse affect in this area. It could take him longer to achieve or maintain blood flow to that area. An illness could also be causing the problem. If so seek out a urologist.
There are novelty products out there that are plastic rings that work and trap blood in his genitals specifically designed to combat this problem. You might want to check that out as it could help you.
The fact he's embarrassed is difficult and if you've shown him frustration it wouldn't have helped. He also could have an irrational fear or something psychologically blocking him with sex in general. Try talking about this without blame and look at your options to fix the issue.
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Anything can cause a lack of sex drive, It could stress, depression, etc. I'm going to agree with Razhie you need to just chill seriously.
If it bothers you then maturely discuss it with your boyfriend, Do not spill the beans and blow up in his face because you aren't getting what you want at this time. How would you feel if your boyfriend was on your ass about you not wanting to have sex while on your period? This is just a prime example. Your boyfriend may have a reasonable explanation that could be resolved by talking it over. Nothing is going to fix the situation by getting all pissy about it.
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Well, you do need to chill out a bit.
It's important for him to know that this is upsetting you, but the anger you have in this question is far too extreme for a week or two of low sexual interest.
He could be stressed, or tired -- Did he just return to school last week?
It's not selfish to know what you want and to ask for it, it IS selfish not to take a deep breath and be calm when you ask, and listen to another person’s answers.
Stop working yourself up into a fit. Take 10 deep breaths and then tell him "Look, something has changed and I'm not happy about it. Please tell me what you are thinking. Have you noticed? Do you have an opinion?..."
And then just shut up a listen for a few minutes. He's not an idiot. He likely knows that you are pissed. Give him some time and space to talk honestly with you. If your tone with him in real life is anything like your tone in this question, even a little bit, he is going to turn off and shut down. You are not sounding like someone it’s easy to be honest or vunderable with.
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