What are some reasons why a man would stay in a bad marriage? A friend of mine is married to an older woman who is mentally and financially abusive to him. She tries to control his friendships and won't let him talk on his phone to some of his friends. She has also isolated him from his family. She is a very bitter, jealous, vindictive woman. She is extremely unnatrractive because she's been smoking since she was 12. Her teeth are stained and her face is all wrinkled. She looks 20 years older than her real age (54). That part shouldnt matter except her personality is just as ugly. They have no children together, but she has two grown kids from her first marriage. They are both heroin addicts, and have stolen in total 6000 dollars from my friends credit card.
They use to run a cafe together and lost customers because they fought like cats and dogs. I heard they would scream at each other. I don't think he loves her, atleast not anymore. He's even admitted to customers that he hated having to put up with working with her everyday. I doupt they even have sex anymore. So my question is why do you think they are still together? Do you think he's afraid of what she might do to him if he left?
I am going to answer your question with another question: what's it to you? You don't mention your gender- I might be way off here, but I'm guessing you're a woman and that you have a crush on this man. If so, give it up! Who knows the dynamics of their relationship? I agree that it doesn't sound either healthy or supportive, but quite frankly if he's unhappy, it's his responsibilty to get out. You shouldn't involve yourself too much(this is true whether you're male or female). Some people seem to thrive on abuse- your friend sounds like one of them. Who knows, perhaps he had a domineering mother. Or one who couldn't care less about him, meaning that he feels any attention is good, even when it's clearly destructive. By all means, be a supportive friend-if he shows signs of leaving, encourage it,but in a practical way. Don't sleep with him unless and until he is formally separated from his wife. If you do, you'll only get embroiled in their whole mess, which is between the two of them to sort out. Or not, as the case will probably be.
Good luck.
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Lately i have been crying all the time. I have been feeling overwhealmed and sensitive to everything. i used to be so happy and laughing all the time and now i havn't laughed for ages and cry over everything. I read about similar symptoms in a amgazine and it said that the symptoms mean i could be depressed. Is that true and if it is what should i do? I feel so down all the time and upset. Please help
Firstly, you need to think about whether there is anything in your life that could be causing these sad feelings:arguments with friends, (or just general lonliness) and stress over work are both major contributors to depression. Also, remember the time of year-this dark and gloomy season pulls many people down. There is even a condition known as SAD(seasonal affective disorder) which is specifically caused by lack of natural light. Pity all those poor people in Scandanavia.......
Having said all this, please remember that nobody on this site can tell you exactly what is wrong with you:we're not doctors, nor do we know your exact circumstances. If you really feel that your problems come from nowhere, and you're puzzled and frightened, then you should see a doctor who will determine whether or not your feelings are due to some chemical imbalance. Don't be scared, just go to the doctor.
Good luck.
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This weekend has been totally fucked up. I broke up with my boyfriend, but I can't take it. Saturday night I drove to my friends house crying my eyes out and nearly wrecked. I got so fucking wasted it was unbeliveable. I only got 2 hours of sleep that night and it didn't help at all because all I did was cry. I didn't go to school today because I am so depressed. I don't know what to do really because I miss him yet I had my reasons for breaking up with him. At work last night everytime he passed I would cry and eventualy they told me to go step outside for awhile. When I left he took me to my car and I started crying again. He said that he would always love me and he kissed me.Through all my tears I told him that I was so sorry he ever had to meet me. God i seriously don't know what to do and it's eatin me up.... what should i do?
It sounds to me as if you should go to a doctor.At once, before the situation gets worse. I don't want to scare you, but I think from your question that you could do with phsyciatric support. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy- you don't say what your reasons are for breaking it off, and I think that you made the right decision in so doing-it sounds as if you are too vulnerable and volatile to handle being in a relationship right now. Go and seek help, but be happy that your boyfriend loves you. If he really does, then he'll be there waiting for you when you come out of this crisis.You should also stop drinking or taking drugs.Serously, or you'll end up in rehab.
Take care, and good luck.
Lucretia x.
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I am an 18 year old female and I have been getting my period since I was about 13. I get my period every month. This month, however, I got my period for about a week(which is normal) ...but now, my period should be done by now. There is no more red blood, however, there is brown when I wipe. It kind of looks like brown blood, if that makes sense. This has never happened to me before in all these 5 years I have had my period. Please voice your opinions if you think you can help. Thank you very much.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: noone on this site is a doctor, so none of us can tell you exactly why this is happening. Make an appointment with your doctor or visit a gynacologist, if you're that worried.
Having said that, what you have described happens to me quite sporadically;and as in your case, started happening about four or five years into my period. I wouldn't worry about it.
Good luck.
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Hi,
My parents really want me to play water polo. I do not want to play, however. I was on the swim team, but I do not want to play water polo. The coaches called me, and everyone in my family wants me to play but I don't want to play at all! (For many reasons). What should I do? See if I end up liking it, or not doing it.
I would suggest that you quietly and simply explain to yoir parents the reasons you don't want to add water polo to your list of activities. I thinl that if you told them that it might ake up too much time and intefere with your grades, they're more likely to be sympathetic than if you cited other hobbies.
That said, of course, you could compromise by offering to give the polo a try and then drop it if it gets too much. The snag of that solution is that while your parents might well be happy with it, your coach is far less likely to be. On balance, I really recommend just being assertive and telling them no:that is your right.
Good Luck.
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I want to break up with my boyfriend because when we are doing "stuff" he is more into the tv than me. He gets really depressed and everything. I was gonna tell him that if he really loves me he will understand the decision I have to make and tell him I just need a break right now. I will wanna be friends but I dbout he will.....any sugestions?
Your decision to break up with your boyfriend over this issue, instead of just talking to him, makes me wonder whether there are other issues which trouble you. If there are, then you need to be honest wiht yourself: you say he "gets really depressed"- depression is hard to deal with , whether in yourself or a partner. I suspect that this negative attitude is at the root of your problems. Otherwise, the T.V. during making out is annoying, but not worth breaking up over-you could just tell him how irritating you find it and insist that he shape up or get out:in short, ultimatum him. If however your problem is, as I suspect, down to more than just his bad television habits, then you need to tell him that, as you say, you need a break. By all means offer him your friendship-if he's mature, he'll take it in a while, if not, you're better off without him anyway.
Good luck!
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Okay, I wasn't sure if this was good enough for the health section, but I was just wondering about something.
A little over a year ago a friend of mine was in a car accident due to drinking and driving and she didn't make it. I was completely torn up about it. I wouldn't say that I'm over it now, but I've found other ways to deal with it.
Recently another friend of mine was in a car wreck and was injured pretty badly. The first week or so that he was in the hospital he was in a lot of pain but he was there. He understood what we said to him and he could talk back to us clearly. By the end of the 1st month it was just like something was eating away at him, he was like a mentally ill person. You couldn't understand what he was saying, and well I don't know if he could understand me. He lives in a different state than I do (I moved away a few years ago) but we still kept in close contact after I moved, he even helped me through the death of the friend I mentioned above. I owe him (and a few others) my life. But anyway, about a week ago his health completely deteriorated. He is now in a coma and I feel really guilty because I have shown no emotion whatsoever. I'm living my life just like I did before. I cried once and that is when I found out. And that kind of scares me. I am not that much of an emotional person, but when somebody like a brother to me is in a coma and his mom doesn't really love him (she used to abuse him) and wants to pull the plug thing that is keeping him alive (sorry, I don't know what it's called) because she is sick of paying for her sons mistakes (she told me that when I talked to her) I just don't know what I should be feeling.
How come I'm not feeling anything? Is it wrong not to be feeling anything knowing that such a great person and somebody so close to me may die?
I don't know, I'm just confused, I needed to vent and just see if anyone else has experienced or knows somebody who has experienced something like this. I just kind of found it weird that I was sooo devastated when it came to my one friends death, and now this person, and I've cried maybe once...
Oh 15/f
To start off, please accept my condolences for the harrowing experiences you have been through. To in effect lose two people that you have been so close to has , I believe, had the effect of numbing you. If you felt all that you believe you are "supposed" to feel , I think that you would probably go mad. You have been traumatised by this secomd experience- the situation isn't helped by the astonishing attitude of your friend's mother. Also, your friend isn't dead, (although sadly he may well still die) so you're in limbo and can't grieve as you would for a dead person. From my own experience, I can tell you that tears do not necessarily come with bereavement-my father died when I was a couple of years younger than you are now-I found it hard to feel anything at all. I certainly didn't cry, which surpised and disturbed my mother, who thought I was unfeeling. The truth was, if I had allowed myself to feel the pain I would have gone mad. This numbing is the defence mechanism which allows human beings to get through the at times unbelievable bleakness and cruelty of life.
Good luck, and feel free to MSN me if you need to talk(my email address is lucrece_13@hotmail.com)
Lucretia x.
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Im a guy, me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up(she broke up with me, said she needed some time off)...anyways its been over 2 months and all I do is think about her, i miss her so much, and even though we still hang out and talk on the phone, i feel alone. I wonder if maybe i should go and date other girls because i seriously can no longer take the emptiness in my heart, i love her so much and wanna be back with her, however, i dont know exactly what plans she has. I have asked her if she sees us getting back together and her answer is always the same " i cannot answer that, cause i dont know?"
What am i supossed to do here, in one hand i love her and miss her so much, and i can continue feeling empty while waiting for her to come back to me, but on the other hand, i dont know if we will ever get back together, so maybe im getting my hopes up too high, all i know is that the emptiness and despair i feel everyday cannot be good for my health, what should i do?
I really sympathise with you, since I'm going through a rather similar situation myself. My only advice to you (and I warn you, it sounds trite) is to throw yourself into as many activities as you can:in short, to distract yourself. Don't think about dating other girls- at this early stage, it won't work and you'll just rebound on them, which does noone any good. You have to give yourself time and space to grieve-feel your pain, feel it and feel it and feel it until you can feel it no more, which is the point at which you have to start doing other things.Don't just listen to music, write it, play it. Take up a sport, if you don't play one already.On the other hand,don't force yourself out if you feel bad-sleep is a great comfort.
You must try to assume that you guys won't get back together:that way, you're in a win/win; if you don't then you know the worst, which hopefully in a bit if time won't seem so bad after all. If you do, your relationship will have been strenghtened by the fact that you gave her some space. Which brings me to my next point;if it is humanly possible, don't call her. I know that it's hard, and that you're longing to hear her voice, but don't do it. She'll respect you far more, and remember you with more love, if you don't turn clingy on her. Don't keep asking her if you'll get back together. Her "I don't know" means one of two things: either she genuinely doesn't know(in which case your plauging her is unlikely to make her decide in your favour) or she means "no" and is just trying to let you down lightly. In which case you need to move on. Don't think I don't know how difficult all this is-as I say, I've been there. All I know is that you'll look back on this situation with more self respect, and feel more peaceful, if you let her go with a good grace. People move on, but love is never wasted.
Take care, and good luck.
Lucretia x.
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i think i'm anorexic... i really don't know what to do but i love the way i feel when i don't eat! but i'm just so fat! i went from 87 to 100 in a couple months and now i never want to eat anything and even if i do i don't... i can stand the way i look and i wanna change. NOW. i think im' anorexic and i don't know what to do
Get help. Now. Before your situation gets any worse. Your question doesn't mention your height and build, but unless you're very short, eighty-seven is pretty damn skinny. It's good, of course, that your weight went up-it did so bcause it needed to. You need to go to a doctor without delay. If you don't want to talk to your parents, talk to guidance at your school.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
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I've been dating this guy on and off since I've known him.We're best friends and spend all of our time together.
I love him ver much. He loves me too, and cares about me just as much as I care about him.
He lost his job in December because of a car wreck. Since then, I've been going out of my way to help him with just about everything. I buy him cigarettes,gas, beer and food. I've taken him to concerts, free of charge. I'm going to give him my drum set because he likes to play it and wants to really get good at the drums. I make him mixed cds. I e-mail him when he's down to help him cheer up. I buy him awesome Christmas and birthday presents. And actually, I really don't mind doing this for him. I love him and I want him to be happy.
The problem: He says "Thank you", but that's it. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. And I just found out that he sent a girl that he used to date an E-card because he hasn't talked to her in a long time. Okay, so maybe that shouldn't really matter, but it does because all I want is to know that I matter to him. That's all. He'll go out of his way to do something for her and he hasn't seen her in about a year. I want him to appreciate me and want me around. He usually doesn't even call; I call him.
Should I talk to him about it?
Should I just stop being upset and forget it?
How can I make him see all that I do for him and make him appreciate me?
Please help me. I'll rate high.
The problem here is that you're being what therapists describe as an "overgiver". This is something that occurs quite naturally when you love someone-you want to prove your love, and ovewhelm that person with gifts and tokens. However, overwhelm is just what you'll do-noone really wants to be helped that much, for noone likes to feel beholden or indebeted. Also, if you're really doing something out of love, you shouldn't be counting the cost and waiting for signs of appreciation. Which last statement is nonsensical, or rather completely against human nature. Of course you want him to appreciate and love you. Your mistake is, I believe , in not really feeling that he does, which is why you pile these favours upon him. It's the age old "flee and they follow, follow and they flee" situation. If you were secure in his affection, you wouldn't even think about this email that he sent his ex. As it is, you fear that it means that he prefers her. I'm not going to lie to you and say that he doesn't -he well might. You need to back off from him a bit. I'm not saying don't help him out-just don't email him all the time and be around him so much. It sounds harsh I know, especially since he's been injured, but you have to think of yourself. One other thing:you say you guys are dating"on and off"-yet from the way you write, you're completely commited to him. It doesn't entirely sound as if that commitment is two way. You have I guess to love him, but with more ease. Try reading "Women who love too much" by Robyn Norwood and see if you identify with anything in it.
Good luck, and take care. Your friend is lucky to have you in his life.
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There is this boy who lives in SC who is going to be 16.(I am going to be 14)He knows how I look. I think he is really cute, but I don't know if he likes me. He has a GF, but I don't care. Anyway,he is suposed to come and live with my family after spring break, but I scared what to do. Can you help me?
I would suggest that you do nothing at all. There are two clear reasons for this:
1) You have no reason to suppose this guy likes you.
2) He already has a girlfriend.
Without these obstacles, I would say go for it, as a two year age gap is not that major. But a guy with a girlfriend is off limits, whatever his age. If, of course, he has split up with her by the time he comes to stay with you, it's a different matter(though you still shouldn't throw yourself at him-you'd just look a fool). To sum up, wait for him to be single and make a move on you, then you'll be allright. Otherwise, look around elsewhere.
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Hi again Lucretia :)
Just following up on the guy I like. I hope you remember the situation? Basically he's a friend from home and we go to different Universities so it's really hard to get to know him, and I wasn't sure if he liked me or not. That's not much innfo lol but the last email was ridiculously long and I'm trying to avoid it again!
Well I sent him the birthday card - I should have combined it with the V-Day card like you suggested but I had already sent it :S Anyway, I decided the day after to send him a casual email, but I hadn't heard anything from him by this Tuesday just gone. So like anyone normal I decided that I'd had enough of waiting around and I'd forget about him. Naturally being a bloke, and therefore akward, he must have some kind of built-in radar, as he contacted me the next day! I had left my house for a meeting and was set to "Away" on MSN and he left me a message saying Hi, thanks for the card, he'd not been ignoring me - he'd just had no credit and that he hoped I was okay, with 2 kisses on the end! So I thought "awwwww!". So it seems to me he's at least interested in keeping in touch, which obviously is where we ned to start from if anything were to eventually happen between us.
Now, my question concerns what to do next. I think he quite likes me, although obviously I don't know the extent of it and I'm not daft enough to ask him lol! (I didn't send the V-Day card in the end btw). Ideally I'd just like to keep in touch so I can get to know him, but again he has no credit, so texting's out. He didn't reply to my previous email (just left a message on MSN) so I'm not sure there's much point in that. And he's not on MSN that often which is a bit of a bitch. Ideally I want to wait for him to come to me, but you know what men can be like! So any suggestions on how I can keep in contact without looking like I'm desparate?
Thanks for taking the time to read this, it's greatly appreciated :) If you'd like to add me to MSN that'd be really nice (though you don't have to!) - it's ellamouse9@hotmail.com. xXx
Thanks for getting back in touch:I'll certainly add you to MSN(I'm lucrece_13@hotmail.com).
As for your problem , ithink we have good news, though it's obviously early days yet. Your friend could well be one of those guys who's poor at keeping in touch, and it doesn't hurt to help him along by dropping a note to him online when he's there, etc. Here, though, I must just enter a chill note of warning;you must have come across Greg Behrendt's bestselling "He's just not that into you". I don't normally like recommending books which have generated a craze-but this book has a solid core of common sense combined with cold fact. I just don't know, but it's possible that this man is either not all that interested, or worse, has another full-time girlfriend where he lives and is keeping you hanging on. Harsh thoughts I know, and I'm by no means saying that they're the case, but I flatter myself that I know men(at least a little better than I did). I was had that way by my first boyfriend-never online, always out of credit;it transpired that he'd been sleeping with three other women at his university.
Thus, I would recommend going carefully with this guy. He might be the nicest man in the world and just be scatty-if so, he will eventually pull up and start to contact you. (For that reason alone, it's a wise idea not to bombard him with messages-which you already know). But if he's an asshole, or simply just not that interested, then you won't have lost anything. You should start looking around your own area a bit-it's easier if your partner's in your own university town(easier said than done I know-if you're obsessing over one particular guy, then the very thought of another can be at best tedious, at worst almost repulsive). Either way, try not to give this man too much thought-hang out with your girlfriends, concentrate on work, hobbies, etc. If you leave him to cool off a bit he'll come round if he really wants.
Good luck, and MSN me any time.
Lucretia xx.
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i think i might have general anxiety disorder (GAD). i get really anxious and nervous a lot. sometimes for no reason. i also cant sleep, but i dont know if thats related. does anyone know signs that mean you might have it or how this is usually treated?
I think that sillyrob is right and that you should go to a professional, however, to get some idea:
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I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia since I was 20. I am 24 now. All of my close friends no about this, and are fine with it. I am on medication, and as long as I stay on my meds I can function and live a normal life, but the meds have side affects that make me drowsy. I am living on a small disability pension because I can't work full time. I am allowed to work casually and make up to 400 extra dollars a month, but don't have to. I have been really active by volunteering at mental health and the food bank as a receptionist. I also do talks at the local highschoolds to educate students about having a mental illness. Anyways, one of my "friends". or so I thought, did something really mean to me. He works at and owns a small cafe. He knows about my illness and I thought was understanding. I went in to his cafe one day to visit him and he just wnet off on me, and said some really mean things. One of them was "so I guess you're just going to live off the system", and "arent you going to better your life", and said it in a very vindictive way. He was also the one to bring it up. I am perfectly happy and fullfilled with my life. I told him I wasnt planning on looking for work for now, that is when he went off on me. He even said sarcastically," do your meds make you wingy". He was so mean about the whole thing that I left his cafe in tears. He never ran after me to apologize or phone me to see if I was okay. I also found out from my other friend that he was telling everyone what happened, but had changed the story around to make me sound like the bad guy.
It took me 3 weeks to calm down, and I finally decided to confront him face to face at his cafe. I told him what he did was very judgemental and that it really hurt me. He GLARED at me and said "you NEEDED to hear it". I stated crying again and left. All I wanted was an apology or some kind explanation as to why he was so cruel.
So my question to you it why do yo think he would be such a jerk? We're not dating, were just friends. It's like he's trying to force me into employment when I'm not ready. He's not my husband or bf, so why would he care if I'm not working? He's acting like he has to support me or something. It's not like i just sit around on my ass all day, I do volunteer and keep active and he knows this. At one point I thought he was interested in me romantically. Do you have any advice for me? Should I give him a second chance?
Firstly, I want to say how very sorry I am that you have had such a bad experience-you sound like an exceptional person; loyal, caring , hardworking and compassionate. How dare this man treat you like this? I don't need to tell you that you shouldn't give him a second chance. He would in any case be incapable of taking one. I would surmise that the reason he is behaving like this is pure jealousy. You say that he was once interested in you romantically- I presume that you didn't return his affection(good for you). He's one of those who, when thwarted, turn to belittling and hurting others to build themselves some security. But their house is built on bitter ashes, for true security, which is based on caring for and respecting others, will never be theirs.
Having said all that, don't think that I don't realise that my advice is more easily given than followed: the very fact that you had to ask the question shows that you still have some vestige of hope that he could be your friend again. This is wholly understandable, which is why I say to you that, just possibly, IF he apologises to you,you could resume contact. I am cautious in even advocating that, for he is definitely someone you could live without. But I also believe that forgiveness is what makes the world go round , and that to forgive him will only strenghten you. However, he has to make the first move(and needless to say, set the record straight with your friends about who said what: nothing short of a full, candid and public apology will do). Frankly, I'm sorry to say that I don't think that apology will take place. Thus, you should make the most of your job, your other friends and your tuly wonderful life. Thank you for writing to me . You're an inspiration.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes,
Lucretia x.
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I think I may have social anxiety(sp). Whenever my friends do something without me I start to think they don't like me and and start to get very depressed. I've been depressed a lot lately for different reasons also but I was thinking I may have social anxiety. I'm starting to feel separated from my friends and that I only have one tru friend. I'm also getting depressed more easily. The slightest thing makes me force back tears. Does anyone have an idea as to what this might be? Thank you.
While I agree with Rainbowcherrie that your problem is probably not social anxiety, I am also not sure whether it is low self-esteem(or rather, low self esteem is such a general term that it is not always useful.) It sounds a little as though you might have depression and general anxiety, not necessarily specifically social. If your life seems an endless round of cares and concerns, but you see no specific reason for this to be so, then that could be depression. Remember though that noone on this site is a proffesional, or can advise you as to specific illnesses or syndromes. I would advise that you seek out a counsellor who will then refer you if necessary to a clinic or hospital.
Even coming here to ask help is good -well done!-but remember it's only a first step.
Good Luck!
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I just met the nicest guy over at plentyoffish.com . It's an online dating site that's free. He is smart, ambitious, lives in the same area, is the same age as me (28), and has similar values and goals. He's also quite attractive from his photo! We've been emailing each other for the last few days. So far I've found out where he works, and he knows where I work. We've also asked each other which highschool we went to, and found out that neither of us enjoyed it. We seem to have a ton in common.
My question is, being that I am very shy and havent dated in a long time (with the exception of a blind date in January that was disastrous), how should I handle this new guy? Should I wait for him to ask me out? So far we have just been writing each other.
I would say that you should wait for him to ask you out. I know it sounds a bit "The Rules"-ish, but I think that it's fair enough to let him make the first move, he would probably expect to do so. If, however , he makes no move(remember that he might be shy as well)then you could suggest meeting for a drink or a coffee in the afternoon. I'm really divided as to whether or not you should make the first move-while I have a history of being the instigator and having none of my relationships work out , that was most likely because of the dymamic between me and those people. Everyone is different, and you have to go with what feels right. But I would say that he will probably ask you when he feels the moment is right.
Good luck!
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I went out to have lunch with a male friend of mine. During our meal he asked me where I was going to meet Mr. Right, and that Prince Charming wasn't going to knock on my door. He also said that if I was still single in 5 years that I wouldnt be happy. The whole time he was looking at me romantically. At the end of our meal I applied a fresh coat of lipgloss and he couldn't take his eyes of me, like he was getting turned on. When we left the restaurant it was raining and he held his umbrella over my head.
Do you think that all the questions he was asking me was him hinting around that he was interested in me? I think he was thinking long term, why else would he be talkig about 5 years from now?
I would say that he was almost certainly into you-guys vary in their approach to asking a girl out;some do it directly, some indirectly. The latter method usually sugggests a lack of self-confidence on his part. The question for you is, though, how interested are you in him? Your question doesn't say, though I suppose the fact that you are even asking shows that you are at least curious. Given that you like him, leave him to make another move-ask you to lunch again, or over to his house. If he doesn't do this within about a week, then there's no harm in contacting him.
As for the long term thing, it sounds as though he's definitely looking ahead. I have to say, though, that I personally would have been annoyed by his telling you that if you were single in five years, you wouldn't be happy. Who is he to say that? That is often a line used by men who aren't very successful with or interesting to women, so beware. Prince Charming doesn't have to knock on your door, you can go and find him, whether in the form of this man or not.
Good luck.
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I'm 18, and my child is due on March 3rd. I'm really excited about this, but the problem is with the father.
Don't get me wrong--I really love him, but I'm scared we leaped into everything too soon.
We were dating for 3 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to tell him, but he was so supportive, and he ended up absolutely ecstatic about it once we'd both been reassured about some things. We're engaged now, and things are going great.
But, that's the problem.
I think things are too good, and that once the baby is born that things might fall apart. I really want to talk to him about this, but I don't know how to approach it.
Any help is more than appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
While none of us can fully advise you, since we don't know your fiance, it really sounds as if you don't have anything to worry about. I understand your concern- three months isn't that long to have been dating, and the pregnancy was rather sudden. Having said all that , though, it sounds as if you have really struck lucky in your fiance- we hear so many stories about selfish and irresponsible men, that to hear one about someone really kind and commited makes a refreshing change. I think that you're just experiencing pre-natal nerves-your hormones will ineveitably be affected by your pregnancy. Just keep on the way you've been doing, and you'll be fine. Good luck with the birth!
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My calves are huge and i hate it, theres nothing i can do to make them smaller or go away because a)ive tried and b)theyre hereditary.
BUT my thighs are kinda muscular (and i love them like that) and i want them to be waay more muscular
So what im wondering is:
Is there any way i can make my calves MUCH more smaller?
Do guys like girls with msucular thighs?
Do guys think girls are uglier with disgustingly big calves?
I'm very self concious and would like to know. Thanx!
Listen to the guys! I'm a woman, but I can tell you from the inside that these things don't matter to any guy worth your time. Large calves will put noone off-an obsessive girl, one who inhabits her body in a self conscious and unsatisfied way, will put off any sensible person man or woman. I know, because for three years I was that body-conscious woman, and I was never so miserable in my whole life. It's great that you like your thighs;enjoy the strength you can draw from them and the advantage they will give you in track or soccer or basketball. Even dance is good, though perhaps build your body confidence by trying a sport first.(Dancers have notorious problems with body dissatisfaction and dismorphia, as well as eating disorders.)
Good luck.
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So I'll try to keep this short--
I'm a freshman this year. In November, me, this guy Seth, a junior, and a few other people went bowling. After, it was dark and we were walking around. It was like the group in front of us, and then Seth and me. In the middle of December, we were both at a party. It wasn't hardcore, but it was like a get-together. At like 10:15 he was like, "At least there are still SOME hot girls here." He said this to me. In the past couple days, more and more people have been saying, "Hey, I think Seth likes you. He said you were really hot." or "Seth said there was only one hot girl in (a club we're in), and that's you." Today, I gave a presentation to our school, he was sitting on the floor (I was on stage) under me and was staring at me the whole time. He has been staring at me a lot lately, and I think he likes me.
I wonder if he likes me, or just thinks I'm hot. What do you think? Also, what do you think about a freshman dating a junior? I've never had any romantic relationship. Do you have any advice to help me get him? I like him, too (well, duh)...
Any other dating advice (not those tip websites) would be appreciated.
Oh, and I don't see him very often, but we do go to the same school.
I would advise you to think about dating him, but also to go carefully. I say this last because guys who are too hung up on how beautiful a girl is are not really the best canidates for boyfriends-it tends to be the immature guys, or the ones with self issues, who bother about looks the most. That said, attraction is certainly neccesary, and the fact that he finds you good to look at is certainly a starting point. One thing not to lose sight of is how much you like him-do you find him good company, amusing, kind or is a large part of it the flattery of admiration from an older boy? Don't be offended, because that would be perfectly natural. Try also to find out a bit about him-it's a sad fact that some boys in older years will hit heavily on younger girls for sex, then dump them. I'm, not saying he's like that, just that you should find out a bit about his rep. But if you're satisfied that he's a good guy, and you find each other attractive, then perhaps get one of your mutual friends to approach him, and just see how the land lies.
Have fun, and good luck!
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