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why does he stay with his abusive wife?
What are some reasons why a man would stay in a bad marriage? A friend of mine is married to an older woman who is mentally and financially abusive to him. She tries to control his friendships and won't let him talk on his phone to some of his friends. She has also isolated him from his family. She is a very bitter, jealous, vindictive woman. She is extremely unnatrractive because she's been smoking since she was 12. Her teeth are stained and her face is all wrinkled. She looks 20 years older than her real age (54). That part shouldnt matter except her personality is just as ugly. They have no children together, but she has two grown kids from her first marriage. They are both heroin addicts, and have stolen in total 6000 dollars from my friends credit card.
They use to run a cafe together and lost customers because they fought like cats and dogs. I heard they would scream at each other. I don't think he loves her, atleast not anymore. He's even admitted to customers that he hated having to put up with working with her everyday. I doupt they even have sex anymore. So my question is why do you think they are still together? Do you think he's afraid of what she might do to him if he left?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Do you know her side of the story? Do you talk with her? A lot of people don't like to tell the other side. And there's ALWAYS another side of the story.
If you don't, then it's unfair for you to be so judgemental. I've heard lots of sob stories from people where I almost grew to hate their partners...Until I finally got to see the other side of the spectrum. It takes two. I'm not saying he warrants the way she treats him. But he is a grown man and can make his own decisions.
Why people stay in abusive relationships, it's usually a self-esteem issue. You haven't mentioned how long they've been together, either. It's not easy to just let someone go from your life, it's HARD. I guarantee you things didn't start out that way, otherwise he would have never married her. So there's something there that KEEPS him there.
When he's fed up and strong enough to do it, he'll leave one day if that's what he wants. In the meantime, you can only be supportive friend. He might complain complain complain and never leave. It's his choice. Let him run his own life.
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I am going to answer your question with another question: what's it to you? You don't mention your gender- I might be way off here, but I'm guessing you're a woman and that you have a crush on this man. If so, give it up! Who knows the dynamics of their relationship? I agree that it doesn't sound either healthy or supportive, but quite frankly if he's unhappy, it's his responsibilty to get out. You shouldn't involve yourself too much(this is true whether you're male or female). Some people seem to thrive on abuse- your friend sounds like one of them. Who knows, perhaps he had a domineering mother. Or one who couldn't care less about him, meaning that he feels any attention is good, even when it's clearly destructive. By all means, be a supportive friend-if he shows signs of leaving, encourage it,but in a practical way. Don't sleep with him unless and until he is formally separated from his wife. If you do, you'll only get embroiled in their whole mess, which is between the two of them to sort out. Or not, as the case will probably be.
Good luck.
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He could be very set in his wedding vows as said before OR he may be having a self-image problem. He may not be able to admit to himself that he is a battered husband. The very thought of it may make him feel like less of a man. He probably puts up with it because it is the "man" thing to do. Try to get him to see a relationship counselor or other professional. Preferably without his wife. He really needs to get out of that situation! Good luck!
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It sounds like you have possibly come across a very rare and exotic species that has become almost extinct!!!!!! Your friend may have actually taken his wedding vows seriously!!!
Or, maybe he does love her with all her faults for reasons only his heart can understand. Or,maybe she's blackmailing him! Or, maybe he just hasn't found someone else he wants to leave her for...
The possibilites are truly endless.
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