|
friend in coma
Okay, I wasn't sure if this was good enough for the health section, but I was just wondering about something.
A little over a year ago a friend of mine was in a car accident due to drinking and driving and she didn't make it. I was completely torn up about it. I wouldn't say that I'm over it now, but I've found other ways to deal with it.
Recently another friend of mine was in a car wreck and was injured pretty badly. The first week or so that he was in the hospital he was in a lot of pain but he was there. He understood what we said to him and he could talk back to us clearly. By the end of the 1st month it was just like something was eating away at him, he was like a mentally ill person. You couldn't understand what he was saying, and well I don't know if he could understand me. He lives in a different state than I do (I moved away a few years ago) but we still kept in close contact after I moved, he even helped me through the death of the friend I mentioned above. I owe him (and a few others) my life. But anyway, about a week ago his health completely deteriorated. He is now in a coma and I feel really guilty because I have shown no emotion whatsoever. I'm living my life just like I did before. I cried once and that is when I found out. And that kind of scares me. I am not that much of an emotional person, but when somebody like a brother to me is in a coma and his mom doesn't really love him (she used to abuse him) and wants to pull the plug thing that is keeping him alive (sorry, I don't know what it's called) because she is sick of paying for her sons mistakes (she told me that when I talked to her) I just don't know what I should be feeling.
How come I'm not feeling anything? Is it wrong not to be feeling anything knowing that such a great person and somebody so close to me may die?
I don't know, I'm just confused, I needed to vent and just see if anyone else has experienced or knows somebody who has experienced something like this. I just kind of found it weird that I was sooo devastated when it came to my one friends death, and now this person, and I've cried maybe once...
Oh 15/f
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
To start off, please accept my condolences for the harrowing experiences you have been through. To in effect lose two people that you have been so close to has , I believe, had the effect of numbing you. If you felt all that you believe you are "supposed" to feel , I think that you would probably go mad. You have been traumatised by this secomd experience- the situation isn't helped by the astonishing attitude of your friend's mother. Also, your friend isn't dead, (although sadly he may well still die) so you're in limbo and can't grieve as you would for a dead person. From my own experience, I can tell you that tears do not necessarily come with bereavement-my father died when I was a couple of years younger than you are now-I found it hard to feel anything at all. I certainly didn't cry, which surpised and disturbed my mother, who thought I was unfeeling. The truth was, if I had allowed myself to feel the pain I would have gone mad. This numbing is the defence mechanism which allows human beings to get through the at times unbelievable bleakness and cruelty of life.
Good luck, and feel free to MSN me if you need to talk(my email address is lucrece_13@hotmail.com)
Lucretia x.
]
Your really like me.
To start off, Im really sorry about your friend.
To clear it up, this doesnt make you a bad person at all. I think your just so confused (or maybe in shock about it happening) and you dont really even realize the reality of it. You cant cry, when you dont understand yourself. I bet reading that out, gave you a better undertstanding of your feelings (hopefully)
]
First off, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Having lost several close friends over the last few years, I understand what you're going through.
It's completely normal for your emotions to be kind of "off" right now. It can be for various reasons. One, it may not have fully sunk in yet. When a friend who was like a mother to me was diagnosed with cancer and given only a few months to live, I didn't cry. I knew in my head she had little chance of surviving, but I kept thinking she'd get better somehow. After all, she'd beat cancer once before. I was devastated when she took a turn for the worse and passed away.
Two, your body may not be able to deal with it right now so it's blocking the emotions as a protective mechanism. Not long after the friend I mentioned passed away, I found out my best friend had cancer as well. I wasn't ready to deal with losing another friend, especially to the same disease, so I kind of blocked it out. My head knew it was going on, but my heart refused to believe it. Even when the second friend passed away, I couldn't cry. Finally, about a month after her death, I finally broke down.
I wish there was something I could say to make things better for you, but I know there isn't. If you ever need to talk or need a shoulder, my email address is on my column.
]
you're not a bad person, it just seems like it came as a shock to you so maybe you just havent actually accepted it yet. maybe you were also just closer to the other person than you are to this person in a coma..visit them in the hospital if you havent already just to say hi (well, you know what i mean) and see how he's doing. people also respond differently to situations so it might just be that too.
anyway, im sorry about your friends and i hope this helped a little bit...
]
More Questions: |