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should I give my ignorant friend another chance?
I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia since I was 20. I am 24 now. All of my close friends no about this, and are fine with it. I am on medication, and as long as I stay on my meds I can function and live a normal life, but the meds have side affects that make me drowsy. I am living on a small disability pension because I can't work full time. I am allowed to work casually and make up to 400 extra dollars a month, but don't have to. I have been really active by volunteering at mental health and the food bank as a receptionist. I also do talks at the local highschoolds to educate students about having a mental illness. Anyways, one of my "friends". or so I thought, did something really mean to me. He works at and owns a small cafe. He knows about my illness and I thought was understanding. I went in to his cafe one day to visit him and he just wnet off on me, and said some really mean things. One of them was "so I guess you're just going to live off the system", and "arent you going to better your life", and said it in a very vindictive way. He was also the one to bring it up. I am perfectly happy and fullfilled with my life. I told him I wasnt planning on looking for work for now, that is when he went off on me. He even said sarcastically," do your meds make you wingy". He was so mean about the whole thing that I left his cafe in tears. He never ran after me to apologize or phone me to see if I was okay. I also found out from my other friend that he was telling everyone what happened, but had changed the story around to make me sound like the bad guy.
It took me 3 weeks to calm down, and I finally decided to confront him face to face at his cafe. I told him what he did was very judgemental and that it really hurt me. He GLARED at me and said "you NEEDED to hear it". I stated crying again and left. All I wanted was an apology or some kind explanation as to why he was so cruel.
So my question to you it why do yo think he would be such a jerk? We're not dating, were just friends. It's like he's trying to force me into employment when I'm not ready. He's not my husband or bf, so why would he care if I'm not working? He's acting like he has to support me or something. It's not like i just sit around on my ass all day, I do volunteer and keep active and he knows this. At one point I thought he was interested in me romantically. Do you have any advice for me? Should I give him a second chance?
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Firstly, I want to say how very sorry I am that you have had such a bad experience-you sound like an exceptional person; loyal, caring , hardworking and compassionate. How dare this man treat you like this? I don't need to tell you that you shouldn't give him a second chance. He would in any case be incapable of taking one. I would surmise that the reason he is behaving like this is pure jealousy. You say that he was once interested in you romantically- I presume that you didn't return his affection(good for you). He's one of those who, when thwarted, turn to belittling and hurting others to build themselves some security. But their house is built on bitter ashes, for true security, which is based on caring for and respecting others, will never be theirs.
Having said all that, don't think that I don't realise that my advice is more easily given than followed: the very fact that you had to ask the question shows that you still have some vestige of hope that he could be your friend again. This is wholly understandable, which is why I say to you that, just possibly, IF he apologises to you,you could resume contact. I am cautious in even advocating that, for he is definitely someone you could live without. But I also believe that forgiveness is what makes the world go round , and that to forgive him will only strenghten you. However, he has to make the first move(and needless to say, set the record straight with your friends about who said what: nothing short of a full, candid and public apology will do). Frankly, I'm sorry to say that I don't think that apology will take place. Thus, you should make the most of your job, your other friends and your tuly wonderful life. Thank you for writing to me . You're an inspiration.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes,
Lucretia x.
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