|
need some online dating advice
I just met the nicest guy over at plentyoffish.com . It's an online dating site that's free. He is smart, ambitious, lives in the same area, is the same age as me (28), and has similar values and goals. He's also quite attractive from his photo! We've been emailing each other for the last few days. So far I've found out where he works, and he knows where I work. We've also asked each other which highschool we went to, and found out that neither of us enjoyed it. We seem to have a ton in common.
My question is, being that I am very shy and havent dated in a long time (with the exception of a blind date in January that was disastrous), how should I handle this new guy? Should I wait for him to ask me out? So far we have just been writing each other.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First I'd just like to say that in the future it might be prudent not to give out specifics like where you work until you have met someone in person. I'm sure this guy is completely on the up and up, but some people online aren't. I had a very bad experience two years ago because I briefly mentioned exactly where I worked. So just watch for yourself online, it isn't just children who can be vulnerable.
Okay, with my baggage out of the way: This is one of those lovely situations where a girl can have her cake and eat it to, so go ahead and encourage a face-to-face meeting, just don't call it a date. Don't put all the pressure on yourself of asking him 'out'; just invite him to join you at a coffee house or meet up for lunch. Those things can be great 'pre-dates' and a good way to develop a friendship. If he is interested he will probably follow your lead and invite you out on a more date-like date for the next time.
]
Before you ask him out or wait for him to ask you out, you should be friends. I mean you should always want to be friends with the person you like. So I would suggest to schedule something you could both do together, like bowling or a movie or something. Get to know the guy and see if he is the type of person you can hang around and feel comfortable and want to be friends with him. Really, if you are looking for a relationship, try not to push for it but just be friends first. Learn more about him while letting him know more about you through e-mails and if possible in person and over the phone, etc. If it doesn't seem that he isn't aiming for a relationship, that doesn't mean he isn't...so don't get your hopes down if things are off to a quiet or rough start. Hope that helped and good luck.
]
A couple of things: I don't pretend to know everything, this is just advice, not "The answer"
1. Let him make the first move. If He's into you, he will. Even if he's shy. There is no backing out for a guy if he's into you. It may take a while, but it'll happen. I used to be painfully shy. Took me 4 or 5 weeks to ask this girl out. It was definately worth it. If he never makes a move, he's not worth it. Plus, if he asks you out, there will never be any doubt in your mind: "would he have gone out with me if i didn't ask him?"
2. As far as online relationships go, you never know who your going to meet, they could be crazy. You could bring a freind, double-date, or if those would wreck the "mood" then go alone, but tell someone where you are going, and call them by such and such a time.
3. If you really really dig this guy... Like, you've met him twice and you think he could turn out being the one... Bring him to meet some friends and family. See if they like him. It's easier to let your friends/family get to know him (or not), and then fall in love (or maybe not), than it is to fall in love and then try and work it out with your friends/family.
4. Good luck. It's hard to find love, especially for us shy people... ;) Hope you find what you're looking for.
]
I would say that you should wait for him to ask you out. I know it sounds a bit "The Rules"-ish, but I think that it's fair enough to let him make the first move, he would probably expect to do so. If, however , he makes no move(remember that he might be shy as well)then you could suggest meeting for a drink or a coffee in the afternoon. I'm really divided as to whether or not you should make the first move-while I have a history of being the instigator and having none of my relationships work out , that was most likely because of the dymamic between me and those people. Everyone is different, and you have to go with what feels right. But I would say that he will probably ask you when he feels the moment is right.
Good luck!
]
More Questions:<<< Previous Question: preps
| Next Question >>>
|
|