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feeling uncared for. desperately upset, please help.
I've been dating this guy on and off since I've known him.We're best friends and spend all of our time together.
I love him ver much. He loves me too, and cares about me just as much as I care about him.
He lost his job in December because of a car wreck. Since then, I've been going out of my way to help him with just about everything. I buy him cigarettes,gas, beer and food. I've taken him to concerts, free of charge. I'm going to give him my drum set because he likes to play it and wants to really get good at the drums. I make him mixed cds. I e-mail him when he's down to help him cheer up. I buy him awesome Christmas and birthday presents. And actually, I really don't mind doing this for him. I love him and I want him to be happy.
The problem: He says "Thank you", but that's it. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. And I just found out that he sent a girl that he used to date an E-card because he hasn't talked to her in a long time. Okay, so maybe that shouldn't really matter, but it does because all I want is to know that I matter to him. That's all. He'll go out of his way to do something for her and he hasn't seen her in about a year. I want him to appreciate me and want me around. He usually doesn't even call; I call him.
Should I talk to him about it?
Should I just stop being upset and forget it?
How can I make him see all that I do for him and make him appreciate me?
Please help me. I'll rate high.
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Hello My Dear,I want to start answering your question by letting you know that this world is a wicked one were anything is possible.you dont have to cry over someone who wont cry for you .if you do as much as you have said,and this guy does not show appreciations,then you have to stop doing them so that when he wakes up someday and you are not there to make him feel better ,he will deffinately come looking for you.you just have to make him feel jealous and wanting you .
From the way you sound ,i know you do love him.but the issue is "does he love you, or you are just there as a tool?"you must answer this question or you will one day be heart broken without knowing it .
call a spade a spade.
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i think you should talk to him about it . i mean as i can see you do alot for him let him know that you love doing this for him but you feel really unappreciated , tell him you understand about the whole job thing but your really trying and it wouldnt kill him to try to
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You are making it so easy for him to do nothing.
I know you love the guy, but you need to make it a little more unpleasant to be unemployed!
You can feed him. Everything else...let him figure out how to get it.
Make him go do him own applications. He can go to the place that's hiring and fill the form out there. Turn it right back in. When a person seems eager to work they are more likely to be hired. I have hired people before and I can tell you this for sure, if someone else is doing all the leg work the application will be ignored.
Its nice for you to do all these wonderful things for the guy. But, you are not helping him at all. Not in finding work anyway.
So talk to him. Tell him you love him to pieces but you aren't working to support him. Start it now and it will become an even more unpleasant habit.
Good luck and be tough! :)
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Talk to him and tell him that you did all this because you care about him and you want to no why he wont do anything more than thank you. Also i think he is talking to his ex becasue hes sad. He wants a lot of comfort.
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Wow, he should defenetlly be thankful that he has someone like you and he should feel lucky. You shouldn't just stop being upset and get over it because you know you can't and you know that this is something that has been bothering you. I think that he does appreciate everything that you do for him and he knows that you really care about him, but honestly you give way too much. You have to slow down a bit and it seems like he expects you to do these things for him and he is so used to it. I understand this whole thing about him sending that girl an E-card, but like you said, he hasn't seen her in a year and he cares about her.. friend way. He is with you and that's all that matters. You shouldn't keep this inside because it hurts and bothers you, so just talk to him about it and tell him exactly how you are feeling. He will appreciate you talking to him about it and that you can talk to him about anything.
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The problem here is that you're being what therapists describe as an "overgiver". This is something that occurs quite naturally when you love someone-you want to prove your love, and ovewhelm that person with gifts and tokens. However, overwhelm is just what you'll do-noone really wants to be helped that much, for noone likes to feel beholden or indebeted. Also, if you're really doing something out of love, you shouldn't be counting the cost and waiting for signs of appreciation. Which last statement is nonsensical, or rather completely against human nature. Of course you want him to appreciate and love you. Your mistake is, I believe , in not really feeling that he does, which is why you pile these favours upon him. It's the age old "flee and they follow, follow and they flee" situation. If you were secure in his affection, you wouldn't even think about this email that he sent his ex. As it is, you fear that it means that he prefers her. I'm not going to lie to you and say that he doesn't -he well might. You need to back off from him a bit. I'm not saying don't help him out-just don't email him all the time and be around him so much. It sounds harsh I know, especially since he's been injured, but you have to think of yourself. One other thing:you say you guys are dating"on and off"-yet from the way you write, you're completely commited to him. It doesn't entirely sound as if that commitment is two way. You have I guess to love him, but with more ease. Try reading "Women who love too much" by Robyn Norwood and see if you identify with anything in it.
Good luck, and take care. Your friend is lucky to have you in his life.
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