adviceman49's advice column | Page 299

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140681

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I'm a 24year old male and my girlfriend is 21. We're from South Africa. She beautifull, smart, cute, sexual and she really turns me on! We've been dating for 2years and I still get shy when I see her. She can give me a erection just by giving me a hug...wich can be very embarrasingfor me but she loves it.I've never cared and loved someone as much as I do for her. Now my problem only happens now and then, but its still a pain because it feels like I'm letting her down. And I know it bothers her. Sometimes when we busy I can't get myself to orgasm. I struggle to concentrate. And then I start to get axious and start thinking about what she's thinking...if she's enjoying it ex. And then before I know it I'm going limp. And then I try so hard to get it up again but no luck. Then my girl asks me what's wrong... And I can't explain to her because I don't know myself. She says its all in my head...that I'm thinkin to much. And I think she might have a point. I did find that if I have a beer or two it doesn't happen. What do you guys think?

First relax, your not the first guy to have this problem. Your girlfriend is also correct that the problem is all in your head, so to speak. You are suffering from a form of performance anxiety. You are in essence thinking to much. There should be no reason when to people love each other for either one to have to think about anything put the pleasure they feel and the pleasure the other one is feeling from what they are doing.

When I say thinking about the pleasure your partner is feeling I don't mean it in the way you have been thinking. If your enjoying yourself, she is wet and lubricating for you then she is receiving pleasure as well. If she is a verbal lover you will hear it as well, there is nothing more to think about.

What you can do is communicate better before and or after sex. Find out what she likes, what her fantasy's are. Tell her about yours. There is nothing strange or wrong about anything sexual that happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of ones bedroom. The operative word here is consenting.

My advice is to try communicating better. Relax and enjoy each other. If the problem continues then I suggest you visit a Urologist to see if there may be a physical reason for your situation.

I am 23 and my you get is nearly 17.
I'm irresponsible, I know this, it's something I would like to change but I am having a hard time with it, I feel like my parents do nothing but pick on me, they are constantly telling how I disappoint them with the things I do, the things I don't do, how I handle my money, the people I hang out with, they are constantly telling me how I never do anything around the house, yea, I'll admit that my room is a total disaster area but it doesn't bother me right now and I keep my door closed so they don't have to see it. When I wanted to quit school I was told I would have to get a job immediately, my brother on the other hand hasn't gone to school in over a year, sleeps til 5 or 6, and does NOTHING but sit on the computer, but somehow this is acceptable. My mom makes a big deal about his Christmas and birthday gifts but never seems to put the same kind of excitement into mine, we used to do this thing where we would get a gift on the others birthday but it seemed like she put more thought into his gift, one year getting an expensive game while for his I got a replacement retainer. I have tried to tell her this hurts me but she turns it around saying I hurt her all the time in turn making me feel guilty about the way I may treat her. She yells at me when I cry and gets so angry and says I'm being awful, how do I show her that it's slowly killing me inside and ruining our relationship?

To a certain extent I agree with what pook said. You are 23 sibling rivalry should be in the past. If your parents are paying your college tuition and you will graduate debt free that is a very large, monetary, gift they are giving you. I also see your point. Receiving a retainer as a birthday or Christmas gift does seem a little strange.

Keeping a messy room? That is a teenage problem and in away a little insulting to your parents at your current age that you can't give their home enough respect as to keep a clean and presentable room. Understandable this is your space, it is also a space in their home. I had the same problem with my son and wife told me just to close the door so I wouldn't have to see it. That didn't work for me and it doesn't seem to be working for your parents.

I reached a compromise with my son. I wasn't looking for pristine. I was looking for presentable. I wasn't looking for his bed to made like he was taught in the army but the least he could do is straighten the covers. Things did not have to hung up, he could at least put them neatly over a chair, not thrown on the floor. Food plates & glasses or cups get returned to the kitchen every morning. This wasn't exactly the condition I was looking for but it was a compromise I could live with. The definition of compromise is something no one likes but all can live with. I still closed his door but knew if I had to open it for any reason his room was presentable. Try this with your parents.

The gifts you are receiving and the relationship problem(s) with your parents or just your mom are something you are going to have to work on with them and her. I know it hurts to feel she is slighting you. For whatever her reasons are for doing so she has either not communicated this to you or she does not see herself as slighting you in anyway. I suspect it is the latter.

Communication is foremost in any relationship. Be it between us and mom and dad, husband and wife, sister(s)and brother(s) boyfriend and girlfriend or employer and employee. If we cannot communicate with one another any relationship is in trouble. I would need more information about how you and your parents communicate or don't communicate as the case may be in order to help you with this. It is evident that you and your parents need to communicate better.

Example: Why do you wish to leave school. If they knew all of the factors as to why, then maybe they would have another answer for you other than the one you have said they gave you. The gifts you received. Just to say you've been hurt by her shallow gift does not tell the full story. You need to communicate the full dimension of your hurt; that it is killing you inside and causing a rift that is forcing you all apart and this rift is hurting or hurtful to you.

This is a tall order and may require family counseling. If you feel it does then it starts wit you going to counseling to get help in finding ways to bring your family into the counseling sessions. From there the counselor will help and guide your communications to the level you need to be at.

I hope this helps.

So, I'm a senior in high school. Obviously it's only December so we're only about 1/3 done with school but teachers are pressuring us to get all our college applications done by Christmas break, which is coming up in a few days. My problem is I wanted to be a Pediatrician and that was my set goal, but now i don't know because i don't want to be in school for 11 more years. Then i considered a counselor but i don't want to be upset all the time wanting to help all these people when legally i can't help as much as i'd like. So i'm stuck with my whole solid career choice. And i was thinking of going to a community college for 2 years and then transferring to a university so i can get both experiences and save money. So in that case do i still have to apply to universities now? or deal with that in 2 years when im ready to transfer? Do i have to apply for the community college, or can anyone go there? I'm just kinda stuck and i'm not ready to be growing up so fast. I believe i need a lot more help with this than just all that i informed you on but that's all i'll ask of for now. Thank you

Let me first say your not alone in how you feel. You like many others may not be fully ready to jump into the full college experience. Going to a community college for a year or two and getting the liberal arts courses out of the way is not a bad idea. This gives you time to explore in more depth just what your major is to be as well as allowing you to concentrate only on your major only when you transfer to a University or regular college.

As for applying to a community college there is no true application process. You just go and register for the courses you wish to take. I would suggest you go and meet with a student adviser to find which courses are the ones you should take based on what you feel your major(s) will be. Then when enrolment opens you can either apply in person or online if your community college offers online registration.

Meeting with a student advisor gives you a plan to follow. Having a plan is always a good idea. A plan is like a road map which can be changed if you feel the need. At the very least it gives you a place to start your journey from and we all need a starting point in whatever we do.

To sum up; I think you are doing the right thing by going to a community college first. You have questions about your future and the direction you want to take. These need to be answered before you start down any highway to a goal you may want for yourself.

hi, my husband is a bug fan of collecting guns. I don't know anything about guns, but i want to get him something for his new ar15. what can i get him for that? also, he has an eotech but he says he hates it because he bought a cheap one, so is there a website i can buy him a nicer one? thanks for all the help! :)

I don't have what I would call my greatest advice for you as I am just getting into guns myself. I am doing so because my son, who fell in love with weapons in the army, is a gun nut and this gives us something to do together.

If your husband is like my son he has a favorite store where he shops and dreams about his next purchase. If you know of this store or can find out or know where he purchased the AR15. Go there and ask them what he may be looking at to add to his AR15 or what he is looking at for his next weapon purchase.

If they are a good guns store, most are as the gun community is rather close, they will know their customer and know what he or she are desirous of in their future purchases. At the very least they can help you with what to buy to go along with his AR15 purchase that he should be happy with.

Something else to consider while you are at the guns shop is, if he is not already a member, is to buy him a membership in the National Rifle Association.

19/f. Back in June I got terminated from Captain D's. My General Manager called me on my off day and told me that she didn't want to let me go, but John (our area director at that time) told her she had too, because I supposively got two costumer complaints in one week. Charlotte (GM) said that these complaints could not be proven to be true, thats why she was so upset. The next day I went to return my uniform; and she cried. She said, "You couldn't give me time to let it sink in?" She also told me that when she came in to open the store, she noticed an email John had sent her; it was a compliment from a customer talking about how sweet, and nice I was; how i always got her order right. Charlotte said if that compliment would have came before termination, I would still have my job.

I loved my job. I was damn good at it too. Not sounding cocky, but up front I was always the leader. John quit his job as area director, and now we have a new guy that Charlotte says is a lot more nicer than John ever was.

I was wondering, since I got fired, and it was by John, and my General Manager didn't want to let me go, could I get rehired?

Do you know what I could do, to see if I could? Idk who to talk to or anything.

Charlotte says, if she ever sees an application with my name on it, she'd hire me back, and make me come in as soon as she sees it.

It's been 6 months, what do you guys think? Should I talk to Bob (new area director) or what?

PS. When I lost my job, Charlotte told me to call Human Resources, and I did. She took my side of the story, and told me she'd talk to John; John of course declined, and told me that I was denied for my job again.

Anything is worth a try so I see no reason not to go ahead and submit an application. If your GM is being truthful with you, you should get the job you like back. If you interview with the new area manager make sure he knows of the compliment that your GM received after you were terminated.

Most people will right a letter of complaint faster than they will a compliment. A letter of complaint to my mind represents on persons views and should be taken in context of what they say and the job you are doing. Meaning I see you are a server, should the complaint be that service was slow. Was the service during a rush hour? If so it may not have been you, it may have been the kitchen was backed up. This has to be taken into consideration when viewing a complaint.

John should have investigated the complaints before acting on them. Also two complaints in the same week for a good employee, could they have been from the same party? Did John investigate this. You could have complained to wage and hours board for wrongful termination. The wage and hour board would have asked these same questions of him. You may still be able to ask the wage and hour board to investigate your termination if you are not rehired.

On the other hand a letter of complement represent seven or more people, this is a knowledgeable fact to management, as we as a society are very slow to write such letters. We may say something nice to you or even to the manger, if we see him or her, about you. That's is about the extent most people will go to compliment someone in the service industry.

Your rehire may also depend on the corporation's policy towards rehiring terminated personnel. Some company's have specific policies against this. As I said in the beginning; if your GM is telling you to submit an application you have nothing to loose by doing so.

hi we have been dating for a years and everything is going good. my question is, when we have sex my boyfriend asks me to finger his bum hole and as i do what he says because i love him. so, guys does this makes him what? i don't understand or is this just a normal guy thing? thanks.

When it comes to sex let me offer this advice. NinjaNeer is correct; fingering his bum hole does not make him gay. There are a lot of nerve endings back there plus his prostrate gland so fingering him there feels good, he is not gay. Knowing what you like and telling or showing your partner is very important to a good sex life.

Everyone is different in what they like or don't like. We all have different needs. Some women are more clitoral than vaginal and would prefer to have more clitoral stimulation during foreplay. Just like your boyfriend likes his bum fingered other men like or dislike certain things. If we don't tell or partner we too can be very disappointed when making love with our partner.

Just like everything else in life and maybe even more so with sex communication is very important. Also important is mutual consent. As long as both partners consent to doing something it is not weird or makes them some kind of deviant. Sex in the privacy of ones home or bedroom is away to explore each other. There is nothing more intimate then sex. Sex is a way explore, learn about each other to do so you need to communicate your needs and desires to each other.

Just remember the following:

Talk to your partner and communicate your needs and desires to each other.

Nothing is strange or weird as long as you both are consenting to do so.

Each of you can say stop or no at any time. Stop means stop now and no means no, not maybe or anything else.

Consensual experimentation and communication is the best way to learn about each others sexual desires and needs. As long as each are consenting then their is nothing wrong with trying and having fun.

Hey...I need a way to be able to make my boobs bigger..I don't want them just to LOOK bigger I want them to BE bigger. I'm tired of seeing all the other girls with B or C cups and I'm still in A. I mean yeah I guess they are pretty "big" now because my boyfriend seen mine and I guess he told his friend he thought I stuffed before he seen them. But anyways..any advice? Thanks!( :

There is only one way to increase you bust size and that is with plastic surgery.

Since you have not included you age I'll start with that. Most any plastic surgeon will not even consider implant surgery until you are at least 18 years old and some may want you to wait until your 21. The reason for this is until you are 18 you are still going through puberty and their is a chance your breast will still grow on their own. Puberty for some people, boys and girls, can continue into their early twenty's and is the reason why some surgeons want to wait until after 21

Implant surgery is painful, expensive and not covered by insurance. Most of all if not done correctly it can leave you with at best a very noticeable cleavage that screams boob job or at worst, worse off then you were before.

Again not knowing how old you are. If you are going to consider implant surgery you need to know the following.

Look for a board certified Plastic Surgeon. Any Surgeon can do implant surgery. A surgeon certified by the college of plastic surgeons has done a special fellowship in Plastics and has passed special testing to be certified. Having a board certified plastic surgeon insures the best outcome.

Next is the procedure itself. The best procedure is to put the implant under the muscle. This gives a more natural look. It is also the most expensive procedure as it take longer to do and the surgeon may want to do it in two steps. First putting in expander's to stretch your skin and then putting in the implant.

How do I know all this? My wife had a mastectomy because of breast cancer. Since the insurance company had to foot the bill our surgeon said there was only one way she would do this surgery. My wife opted for one implant and a lift on the other breast. To look at her, her cleavage, no one who doesn't know her can tell. Even those who know her can't tell which is her breast and which is the rebuilt one as we refer to I. I can't tell even by touch.

This is what is important should you chose implant surgery which is the only way to enhance your bust line. The products marketed on TV and the Internet do not work as advertised and will only disappoint you or even hurt you. So don't waste your money on them.

If your under 18 talk to mom, get her opinion and start searching for a good doctor. You can also start savings and possible start prepayment with the doctor.

Speaking as a man let me say this. There are men out there who like flat chested women. While my wife was never flat chested when I first met her she was small chested. The birth of our son increased the size of her breasts. Some men find flat chested women sexy. You also need to consider your frame size. If you are small framed your skeleton will not support heavy breasts. So greatly enlarging them could cause you severe back pain later in life.

I have had a somewhat colourful life, sexually abused as a child for a period of 8 years by a family member. I grew up in a household where drugs and alcohol were a daily vice. I was removed from here when I was 14 and lived on people's sofa's going from one house to the next. I longed for love but when I got it, I used and abused it.

Years passed, I got into university, but not before going out one night and being so drunk that I woke up in the morning in my house nakered and covered in bruses. I had been rapped but had no idea, when, how, where and by whom.

I chose to put this behind me, I had a goal in life and started an academic career.

I went through uni, getting drunk, sleeping with random men. Feeling completely ashamed and empty everytime. I realised that this would never happen if I didn't drink alcohol. I stopped drinking. Things moved on, got better. I got some self respect back. I have met the man of my dreams. He looks after me, he cares. I have confided in him about my past antics and helped me through! I really love him.

After a night round a new friends, I drank wine. I ended up asking my friends to come back to my house, where my boyfriend was waiting up for me. Upset that i didn't consider him, he left.

I ended up in bed with 2 people. We didn't have full sex but we kissed. This has left me feeling terribly ashamed and guilt ridden. I normally have great insight into myself and I know that to change my behaviour, firstly I need to look at what I want my ideal self to be. I am waiting for therapy around my past but it's taking so long. Do I risk telling my boyfriend, breaking his heart and loosing the best thing that has ever happened to me, or do I never tell him and put this behind me? I am English female nearly 30

I don't have any advice on what to say to your boyfriend. What I have done is to look and find the listing below. Here in the U.S. we have a similar organization that I recommend to women's such as you who write to us for help.While they are in Winchester anyone in England can call them for help.

You have had a rough life and you do need some professional help to get you life on track. Therapy is the right idea. I understand under National Health you have to wait until a doctor is available. This organization may be able to cut the waiting time for you.

I'm fairly confident they can help you and with their help you will find away to talk to your boyfriend.

Good luck and hoping for a better life for you in the future.

Winchester RASAC: Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling

Contact Us: Telephone: 01962 848018 Email: rasac@rasac.org.uk

18 female
Hey so i want to switch to a job that is a little more leniant with time because i am having a hard time balancing school and work (i work in a dept. store) .... so i was thinking of being a tutor for little kids. The reason i would like to do this is because I am majoring in childhood special ed (teaching the deaf... etc.) So would this be a good way to gain a little experience and become more comfortable around kids.
How much would I make and is this a good idea? If so, how should i start?
Thanks!

I think it would be a great idea for during the school year. A much better way to earn some money then working in a department store. As to how much money you can earn will depend on how many students you can tutor. As to what you can charge? We will get into that in a bit.

You have not said whether you are in high school or college. If you are in high school talk with your guidance counselor. He or she should be able to refer you to a school that needs tutors for younger children. If in college you can talk to either you class adviser or go to the student center and ask if they have any requests for student tutors.

I would think if you want to tutor and later teach the deaf you would need to know sign language. You haven't said whether you sign or not. If you don't then you will need to learn.

If you do sign and are going to tutor a deaf child. The fact that you sign makes your tutoring more valuable. Meaning you can charge more for your service. Most tutors charge by the hour. For the whole hour or any part of the hour. Just what they charge really depends on the area you live in. I would say $12 to $18 an hour would be reasonable based on the subject and if you are tutoring a deaf child. You need to research this as you don't want to overcharge or undercharge.

okay so i'm 13 and i already know about sex and stuff but my parents don't know i do and i want to know how to bring it up without asking what it is.

As a parent I can tell you it is just about as easy as the way you have written to us. Why mom has not sat down with you yet I do not know. It may be she is waiting for you to come to her or she may feel that the sex education in school is sufficient to answer all your questions.

I suggest you ask mom fro some alone time with her to start. This is something you would both feel more comfortable discussing away from any siblings and your dad for know. You will want to talk with your dad to learn how to fend off boys after talking with mom as well on that subject too. It is always good to get both sides of that issue and dad can give you some good insight to how boys think.

For alone time with mom you can go out to shopping or even the library which is an excellent idea as it is quiet and generally you can find a private space. Then you just tell her you have some knowledge of sex but have questions you feel you need answers to if you are going to stay safe.

I don't have a daughter so the sex talk was a little different for as was when to have it. It started with having respect for young ladies and keeping it in his pants until he was old enough to support a child and the young lady. You can interpret that for your own well being and start there with your mom.

If you are finding the need to have this talk with mom, it is also probably the time to visit a gynecologist, if you have not already seen one, for a proper female examination. If your having your period you should see a gynecologist once a year unless told otherwise by the doctor.

Hi guys, i'm in a bit of a rut. I used to be friends with this one guy and one day in the spring time he got mad at me for a reason i do not remember, but his friend told me that if i sent him a nude picture he would get this guy to speak to me. so after two hours of him trying to convince me to i finally i did. i am not proud of it. but now that it is almost winter the picture got posted on facebook. (From my old friend, not his friend) He keeps calling me from blocked restricted numbers and just whistles in the phone. A few months ago he called and whistled and than said some very inappropriate thing to me. And a few weeks ago someone randomly pulled up to my house at about 3 in the morning and started screaming things out the window. my brother had fallen asleep in his car and woke up to it and chased after them a little till he lost them. than the following week or next week they came at about midnight and i ran down the stairs opened the door and when they saw me they took off. now i dont know if that was him or not, but it all seems to be ironic than. This guy is a literal lunatic and i am scared of him coming to my house to hurt me or my family. i keep the doors locked but i feel like i keep kearing things so i keep checking the house because it wouldnt surprise me if he found a way in. i am 16 years old, and is 20 or 21. Can someone tell me how to tell my parents without me getting in tons of trouble if possible to avoid. and what i can do in the mean time to feel safe? ANY advice is helpful! absolutely anything! whether its comforting, or advising me to do something. should i get the police involved? PLEASE HELP! it will be very appreciated!

I can't add much to what the others have said other than this: Contact Facebook and advise them that the picture of you represents child pornography as you are only 16. Tell them where it is on facebook, whose account and they will remove it. You do not or should not have to tell them how he came in possession of the photo. Pornography in general is not allowed on facebook and child-pornography is certainly not allowed.

They may also close his account and anyone else's account who may re-post the picture. Ask them to retain the records as you intend to inform your parents and they will most likely seek police action against this man as he is an adult. The police may want to subpoena those records. (You may want your parents to make this call)

As the others have said you need to inform your parents. Why a man of 20 or 21 would be friends with a 16 year old is questionable at best. Then to have his friend have you send him a nude picture of yourself does nothing but send up all types of alarm bells for me.

As you have found out you did a very stupid thing. You never ever let anything out of your control that can come back and hurt you like this. Will the police charge you with distribution? I doubt it, others have made this same stupid mistake. They will most likely attempt to scare the living daylights out of you and they should so you will definitely remember this.

Tell your parents what happened and what is happening. This man is harassing you and your family. This alone is a formal police charge. The fact that you feel he can or could hurt you and your family is called ASSAULT, another charge.

He may think he is having fun or he may be a real danger to you and your family, you don't know his reasoning. The only way to stop him and insure your safety is to have your parents file charges against him. He can be charged and most likely convicted of the following charges.

In receipt of child pornography

Distribution of child pornography, his posting to face book.

Sexual Harassment

Harassment

Assault

Each state has different sentencing guidelines for these charges. Where I live he would be looking at 25 years to life on the child pornography alone, depending if they find more in his possession, plus a minimum of 3 to 5 years on each of the other charges. He could also face federal charges on the distribution charge as facebook has distribution crossing state lines.

This is the real life consequences of what started out as a peace offering and ends up as harassment. He may think he is having fun. He won't have fun in prison that is for certain.

TELL YOUR PARENTS; TODAY.

but after she told me.. she posted it on facebook! and she doesnt believe me when I say that overdosing it REALLY painfull, I should know cause when I was little I ate a whole bottel of tylonel and I was realy sick but nobodey found out. so how do I get her to believe me?

Based on your new information I now believe your friend is just looking for attention. Someone that is serious about committing suicide generally does not announce their intentions to the world on facebook.

Just to be on the safe side, as there are exceptions to every rule, my and the others instructions to you still hold. Tell your parents, her parents, a trusted teacher or the police. If it is truly her intentions to end her life she will not listen to reason especially from a peer. It is better to do the right thing and tell on her and have a live friend that is made at you; then a friend who is dead and buried.

Me and my girlfriend K, We love doing stuff or having sex. But the only problem is that I am allergic to condoms! I break out with hives everytime we use one. Is there another way around this?!

DearAbby92 is correct you are probably allergic to the latex condoms or the lubricant on the condom. There are many other non-latex condoms on the market that are just as comfortable.

The following is taken from Wikipedia,For the full document click on this URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom

To find non-latex condoms type: type "Non latex condoms", into a search engine and view the returns.

Synthetic

The most common non-latex condoms are made from polyurethane. Condoms may also be made from other synthetic materials, such as AT-10 resin, and most recently polyisoprene.[31]

Polyurethane condoms tend to be the same width and thickness as latex condoms, with most polyurethane condoms between 0.04 mm and 0.07 mm thick.[32]

Polyurethane can be considered better than latex in several ways: it conducts heat better than latex, is not as sensitive to temperature and ultraviolet light (and so has less rigid storage requirements and a longer shelf life), can be used with oil-based lubricants, is less allergenic than latex, and does not have an odor.[33] Polyurethane condoms have gained FDA approval for sale in the United States as an effective method of contraception and HIV prevention, and under laboratory conditions have been shown to be just as effective as latex for these purposes.[34]

However, polyurethane condoms are less elastic than latex ones, and may be more likely to slip or break than latex,[33][35] and are more expensive.

Polyisoprene is a synthetic version of natural rubber latex. While significantly more expensive,[36] it has the advantages of latex (such as being softer and more elastic than polyurethane condoms)[31] without the protein which is responsible for latex allergies.[36]

Lambskin

Condoms made from sheep intestines, labeled "lambskin", are also available, although they have been clinically shown not to necessarily keep out STDs compared to latex because of pores in the material, which are thought to be large enough to allow infectious agents to pass through; sperm is still blocked.[37] Lambskin provides more sensation and are less allergenic than latex, but because of their comparatively less-safe nature, other hypoallergenic materials such as polyurethane are recommended for latex-allergic users and/or partners. Lambskin condoms are also significantly more expensive than other types, similar to polyurethane's comparative expense to latex.

I am 20 and i have a problem of shivering at crowded places,giving presentations or when i have food in party's.I want to get rid of my shiver because it is very embarrassing for me to tackle with this.I need advice!

While none of us are doctors and we cannot make a diagnoses. My best guess is that you are experiencing an anxiety attack and the shivering is the outward appearance of the attack.

Your doctor can give you medication to help you deal with the anxiety attach. What you really need is to find out what is causing them. To do this I would suggest talk therapy with an experienced therapist. Your doctor could probably recommend one.

There are many reasons for anxiety attacks. Some can be dealt with by finding what is the root cause. Others just have be dealt with by learning to live with them and deal with them through other methods. A good psychologist will help you with this.

Ok. My best friend Lydia is planning to kill herself with a overdose and I want to try to convey to her that suicide isn't the answer. that people are here 4 her. How do I do this so she won't get mad at me?? I don't want her to die. We are both 13 and are girls.

KlutzyKim is right; you need to tell either her parents or yours. You could even tell the police. Believe it or not attempting or planning to commit suicide is against the law. No they will not put her in jail but they will get her the professional help she needs.

My wife works for the largest mental health provider in the USA. What doctors know about people who plan to or attempt to commit suicide is that they are very depressed. What the doctors need to do is treat the depression and find out what is causing the depression. While this may sound like the same thing it is not.

You can treat the effects of the depression with medication. To cure the depression requires therapy to find out what is so troubling as to be the root cause. In the case of suicide they need to find out why the patient felt so desperate that end of life was the only answer.

While it is good that you want to help your friend and to stop her from doing this, you are not qualified to do so. I don't say that to be mean but it is actually possible to push her in the wrong direction while trying to help her if you don't know what is the right things to say. As a firefighter neither as EMTs or paramedics are trained in what to say to these people yet we are the ones called to help them. If need be we have to rely on police who are trained to a degree to help us.

I know your thinking if you tell her parent, your parents or the police you could lose her as a friend. Is it not better that she be alive and mad at you, while in treatment, then dead and buried. Once she is feeling better she will thank you for telling someone.

It is my belief that the fact that she has told you she is in her own way expecting you to tell someone. It is her way of asking for help. So help her and either tell her parents, your parents the police or a trusted teacher.

The same thing keeps happening when ever I get into a serious relationship
I'm a 19m by the way

We have sex and it consumes the relationship

I can't really talk to my friends about it

I have no reason to complain I have an above average sized "package" about 9" and I have sex atleast once a day I live the mans dream but it isn't a relationship and that's what I really want any advice would help

Based on my own experience I would say your relationships are probably normal, at least based on the information given and has little to do with the size of your package. Our attraction to one another at first is based on sex or sexual attraction. So most all relationships are to one degree or another all consuming on sex at first. But sex only goes so far at some point you want and need more.

What you have to learn is to find someone that is not only attractive to you but has similar interests. Now when I say attractive to you this does not mean the woman has to be most beautiful woman to ever walk this planet.

You will be surprised that once you start searching for a women with similar interests in things that interest you; you will see the inner beauty of this woman. This will have more meaning then the outer beauty which may only go skin deep.

At 19 you are a little ahead of yourself looking for a women with brains. But this is the type of woman you want to make a life with. Yes, sex is going to be an important part of your lives but sex is also a learning activity; again something to be mutually enjoyed. Sex is something you can teach each other as to what gives each of you the most pleasure. This takes an ability to communicate on higher plain, above the waistline in general and outside the bedroom as well as inside the bedroom.

I'm trying very hard not to be crass as this is serious and I believe you truly want a women who wants you for your brains and not your sexual abilities. This is a rarity as generally it is the women who is writing this type of question.

Suggestion: To find people with similar interest it is helpful, I've always found, to make a list of what most interests you. It could be fishing, boating, hiking or it could be more scholarly interests such as history, geology or whatever are the things you like to do, hobbies. Then number these interests in the order of importance.

Once you have your list look for clubs that are organized for those interests for people your age. This is where you will meet women who you can have a relationship that extends beyond the bedroom as you have from the start that extend beyond the bedroom. From there as the relationship grows you can develop mutual interests.

Your on the right track and as I said years ahead of your buddy's. This is a good thing and will make for a better marriage when the time comes.

im 15 years old and I switched from a private school to a public school in the middle of the year because of bullying. I've been at my new school for about a month and a half at first things were alright but now i often skip my classes and my grades are really low, and I sleep A LOT. At least in my other school I had better grades even if I was bullied and at least I had some friends, I do try to get good grades but when i check them they are D's and F's. I'm wondering if I should switch back to my old school but I'm not sure because my parents worked really hard to get me out of that school and into my new one. Its so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because it feels like there's nothing to look forward to and I've told my counselor this and she says it sounds like depression but what would help? I'm mostly concerned about my grades it seems i try so hard but I can't get them up? I thought public school would be easier then private . I just try to take it day by day and just try to get through each one at a time, I've only been going for a month and a half and it feels so long and I've even skipped a lot, In my other school I would never skip or anything bad the only problem was I was bullied. On the weekends I hangout with my old friends and it makes me really happy and the week easier, but on the weekends they are busy and they cant hangout then I find the next week of school very hard. I think part of the reason my grades are low is because I'm still trying to figure out public school and there systems work because I've gone to the same private school my whole life. I try to make friends by talking to people but they are just friendly to me not really friends....I want to go back to my other school but at the same times I don't. Some days are worse then others and I'm tired of it all. Everyday feels the same. I'm not interested in things i use to be interested in anymore.

Some of the things you mentioned meet the criteria for a diagnoses of depression. Not being a doctor and not having the ability to examine someone over the web it is impossible for me or anyone else to offer a diagnoses.

What you need to do is talk to mom and dad. Tell them how you feel. The slipping of your grades may be expected by them in the changing of schools. They may not see the other things you mentioned or relate the slipping in your grades to the other things you wrote about.

What needs to happen is you need to be screened for teenage depression. Teenage depression is something doctors have just recently recognized as a treatable illness rather than a phase that most doctors and parents thought was something most teenagers would grow out of.

The cause of this illness, which is more medical then mental, is the lack or insufficiency of a particular hormone. This hormone is easily augmented in synthetic form by a pill taken once a day. It takes a few days for your body to build up the reserves it needs but once it does you will start to feel better.

Stress is also a cause which is partly caused by the missing our insufficient amount of the hormone. To help deal with the stress and better understand and recognize the signs of stress and the depression it causes talk therapy is usually helpful.

You should ask your parents or you are old enough to go to a doctor on your own, to have you screened for depression. Once properly diagnosed and treated things will look better. Your grades will improve and you will make new friends.

Just one other thing, skipping class is not a good way to maintain your grades. I'm not going to lecture you on this as I believe your skipping class may be in part systemic of you possibly suffering teenage depression.

Hi.
I'm 18 years old and iv been with my boyfriend for a year and still my dad is really protective of me. I want to be able to have my boyfriend stay over and for me to stay with him but I know my dad wont allow it. How do I get round this and get him to let me? I don't want to go behind his back. Please help.

I don't have an answer that will help you convince your dad to let your boyfriend stay over. I might be able to help you understand why he is this way.

First you need to understand one thing about us dads. Our sons will always be our sons but one day they will grow in to young men. Our daughters, well they are another story. Our daughters are always going to be our little girls; even when they are grown women and have children of their own. Dads expect their daughters to always need their dads and we will always be their for them, unfortunately, for them, we always see them as our little girls.

So this is what you are faced with from the start, from the day you were born. Most fathers if they had their way would not allow their daughters to date until they were 30 and in some cultures even today the daughter does not date,or chose her mate. Her father chooses her husband for her. She may not even meet her husband until the wedding night.

You're 18, legally an adult though you still live at home. Even though you are an adult you live at home and house rules still apply. If you were away at school the dorm rules may be that members of the opposite sex must leave by a certain hour. So dads rules that your boyfriend cannot spend the night are not much different than most dorm rules unless you lived in a coed dorm Which is a whole different issue.

I understand your point that you are an adult now and you should be allowed a certain amount of shall we say freedom of choice. That choice may or could include a sex life if you chose to have one. But in just about everything we do there are rules.

There are rules at work, school and rules of the road just to mention a few. So as long as you live at home there will be certain rules that you must abide by. Some rules are worth appealing now that you are of adult age. Parents some times forget or don't want to see their children grow up and they have to remind us they are older now and need more freedom. But still there will be rules that cannot be appealed, this is one of them.

If you want to continue to have your fathers trust and the ability to appeal some of the other constrictions of your youth I would not go behind his back on this one. As parents we always find out when our children hide things from us.

I am eating popcorn,cucakes,cake,sugar,and icing.I just got my period sooooo Should I eat this

I've never heard any reason not to eat any particular foods during a woman's period. I would say as long as the foods you eat do not cause you any additional cramping I see no reason to stop during you monthly period.

I will offer this though. A regular diet of the items you listed is not healthy. As a society we are grossly over weight. Try snacking on fruits and vegetables instead of the items you listed. They are better for you and you will have a healthier complexion as well.

The past two times my boyfriend and I have had sex iv bleed really badly. We have had sex before and I haven't bleed like this before. Is there something I can do to stop this? Am I too tight or something? I don't know what to do!
Any advice appreciated.
Thanks

It would be nice to have a little more information. Such as how long ago you lost your virginity and how many times you have had sex since then if you recently lost your virginity.

If you lost your virginity a while ago and you are still bleeding after sex you should see your GYN. I'm not a doctor and can only speculate as to why you are bleeding but it should not be happening.

Hopefully you are over 14 years of age. If so you can see any doctor in total confidentiality by law. Meaning you can make an appointment and see the a doctor without mom or dads permission. You may meet with your doctor without a parent being in the exam room with you. Anything you discuss with the doctor, are examined for or treated for by the doctor cannot be discussed with your parents by the doctor. By law for the doctor to relate anything about your visit the doctor needs a written release from you.

The law is called HIPPA which is a Federal Law with a specific section covering women's health and reproductive system. Women 14 and older are covered under this section. This section was written for situations like yours so women can visit a doctor if needed and are under 18 not wanting parents to know they are sexually active.

You can visit you own GYN or moms if you have not yet visited a GYN; or visit any of the Planned Parenthood clinics.

My advise is that you see a doctor as you should not be bleeding. The problem is probably not anything major. If I had to guess and you recently lost your virginity with your Hymen in tact at the time. I would say the probability is your Hymen is not fully ruptured and the doctor needs to finish removing it. This is a minor office procedure that will not hurt.

I must as an adult ask the you consider, if under 18, speaking with you mother about what is happening. My reasoning for this is as a minor your parents are responsible;e for your well being and should/need to know about things important to your health. This includes your reproductive health. As I said by law you need not inform your parents or get permission to seek a doctors help in resolving this particular issue.

I hope I have answered your question,

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>