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Hurting inside, need help.
I am 23 and my you get is nearly 17.
I'm irresponsible, I know this, it's something I would like to change but I am having a hard time with it, I feel like my parents do nothing but pick on me, they are constantly telling how I disappoint them with the things I do, the things I don't do, how I handle my money, the people I hang out with, they are constantly telling me how I never do anything around the house, yea, I'll admit that my room is a total disaster area but it doesn't bother me right now and I keep my door closed so they don't have to see it. When I wanted to quit school I was told I would have to get a job immediately, my brother on the other hand hasn't gone to school in over a year, sleeps til 5 or 6, and does NOTHING but sit on the computer, but somehow this is acceptable. My mom makes a big deal about his Christmas and birthday gifts but never seems to put the same kind of excitement into mine, we used to do this thing where we would get a gift on the others birthday but it seemed like she put more thought into his gift, one year getting an expensive game while for his I got a replacement retainer. I have tried to tell her this hurts me but she turns it around saying I hurt her all the time in turn making me feel guilty about the way I may treat her. She yells at me when I cry and gets so angry and says I'm being awful, how do I show her that it's slowly killing me inside and ruining our relationship?
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To a certain extent I agree with what pook said. You are 23 sibling rivalry should be in the past. If your parents are paying your college tuition and you will graduate debt free that is a very large, monetary, gift they are giving you. I also see your point. Receiving a retainer as a birthday or Christmas gift does seem a little strange.
Keeping a messy room? That is a teenage problem and in away a little insulting to your parents at your current age that you can't give their home enough respect as to keep a clean and presentable room. Understandable this is your space, it is also a space in their home. I had the same problem with my son and wife told me just to close the door so I wouldn't have to see it. That didn't work for me and it doesn't seem to be working for your parents.
I reached a compromise with my son. I wasn't looking for pristine. I was looking for presentable. I wasn't looking for his bed to made like he was taught in the army but the least he could do is straighten the covers. Things did not have to hung up, he could at least put them neatly over a chair, not thrown on the floor. Food plates & glasses or cups get returned to the kitchen every morning. This wasn't exactly the condition I was looking for but it was a compromise I could live with. The definition of compromise is something no one likes but all can live with. I still closed his door but knew if I had to open it for any reason his room was presentable. Try this with your parents.
The gifts you are receiving and the relationship problem(s) with your parents or just your mom are something you are going to have to work on with them and her. I know it hurts to feel she is slighting you. For whatever her reasons are for doing so she has either not communicated this to you or she does not see herself as slighting you in anyway. I suspect it is the latter.
Communication is foremost in any relationship. Be it between us and mom and dad, husband and wife, sister(s)and brother(s) boyfriend and girlfriend or employer and employee. If we cannot communicate with one another any relationship is in trouble. I would need more information about how you and your parents communicate or don't communicate as the case may be in order to help you with this. It is evident that you and your parents need to communicate better.
Example: Why do you wish to leave school. If they knew all of the factors as to why, then maybe they would have another answer for you other than the one you have said they gave you. The gifts you received. Just to say you've been hurt by her shallow gift does not tell the full story. You need to communicate the full dimension of your hurt; that it is killing you inside and causing a rift that is forcing you all apart and this rift is hurting or hurtful to you.
This is a tall order and may require family counseling. If you feel it does then it starts wit you going to counseling to get help in finding ways to bring your family into the counseling sessions. From there the counselor will help and guide your communications to the level you need to be at.
I hope this helps.
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This probably isn't what you want to hear, nevertheless: 23 is too old to have a messy room, or to be worrying about what gifts your brother received and you didn't. Comparing yourself to your siblings is something teenagers do - not someone who by now is quite capable of looking after themselves, picking up after themselves, etc. Your mother sounds like she is frustrated that you seem to have no drive - of course she will be upset if you drop out of school but don't get a job. Or did you want to live at home forever? Show her that you are willing and able to take on responsibilities in your life, and she will respect you in turn.
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