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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Well, it's like this.
"Tommy" is one of my closest friends. At school, we always talk and hang out with the group. He's charming, funny and means the world to me. Now, I kinda developed feelings for him to the point that I want to hug him (and, surprisingly, kiss him), and be with him ALL the time, and it keeps distracting my thoughts. I just can't fall out of love in an instant or just suddenly minimize our ''talking time.'' It is now a nuisance to my thoughts, my actions, my time, my studies, and the list goes on. But the catch is that I neither want to replace nor remove him and my feelings from my thoughts, for it is almost impossible for me in the meantime (haha).
Now, my question is: How do I transform him from a 'distraction' into a 'inspiration'? What should I think? What should I do?
This one statement of yours "the catch is that I neither want to replace nor remove him and my feelings from my thoughts" is what pops out as a possible thing to focus on. I don't know if it is an indicator you are mentally doing this but lots of females fall into the trap of thinking a guy is their entire life when a guy can only make up one part of it.
Any time, you find yourself allowing or willing to allow the guy you're focusing on to take over to the exclusion of everything else, then something is out of balance. People who allow this to happen in their life are in danger of no longer having a life of their own because their life now revolves around someone elses life. No one can ever ever Be your life, and its only the ego part of you that will cause you to seek that person to the exclusion of everyone and everything else that make up your life. We tend to seek that which strokes our ego. Ego is tied to our emotions. So if it feels really good to have these feelings and imagine them being returned, then the ego part of you does not want to let it go as you stated in your sentence.
All relationships start with an attraction. It may feel strong enough to be called 'love' as you say but I have lived long enough now to know the difference. Trust me, what you feel in the beginning for a person compared to what you feel for them later if they are the right one, just cant be compared to what you felt in the beginning.
So you've known Tommy long enough as a friend to say, "I am beginning to develop some feelings for you. Never say "I have feelings for you" which has more pressure behind it, the feelings being 100% there already. If its a process you are telling him you are going through, its not as scary a revelation. the same goes for professing love, Instead of saying "I love you" say "I am starting to fall in love with you." In actuality, it is a truthful statement because love for another is something that will always be going through a process of change, of growing stronger through the experiences of life together.
If he doesn't feel the same romantic feelings about you, then finding out may not help your situation for you might then be going through depression and still not able to concentrate on other parts of your life. But in case he does feel the same, it might help to discover it and begin the next stage of your relationship together, eliminating the constant wondering and dreaming about it.
By his actions and body language, has he shown signs that he is interested in you this way? Since he's been a friend a long time, you could say something. Make sure your statements don't carry a 100% finality of already being there, it puts too much pressure on the other to say the same even if they don't feel it, like saying
"I have feelings for you" or "I love you". It is better to say, "I am beginning to have feelings for you." and "I am starting to fall in love with you." Its not as likely to scare someone away.
ok sooo a few months ago me and a guy started dating and his best friend keeps asking me out.... he knows i have a boyfriend and still says he likes me... what do i do? PLEASE HELP
The reason why some realationships during our younger years dont last too long is because we start dating to find out more about a person to see if we really like them beyond the initial attraction we felt with them. If there was never any attraction on your part, then you had no business accepting just because he asked. If you are finding that with what you're beginning to learn about your boyfriends personality and interests, that you are still into him, then stay with him longer. You always stay with any relationship until you come to a point where you discover something about the other that you could not put up with for the rest of your life if in a life-long partnership with them, or you discover something about yourself where this person, as nice as they are, just aren't and never will be able to meet those needs.
If you have learned enough to know you dont have that great an interest in him after all, then stop dating. Just because you stopped dating him does not mean that now that your not dating that you automatically accept his best friend.
You need to feel an attraction there. If you don't, tell him you don't feel any attraction to him to want to explore further by dating.
I dont know your age, but the sooner you can adopt this next strategy, the better your chances of exploring in dating will go.
I have heard the following straight from the mouths of adult males. They are perfectly willing to date a girl who says she is dating around, and she goes out with any guys who ask her that she feels some attraction with. She explains that she is not committing to dating one guy yet at this point but will later. Right now she just wants to discover what she does like about a guy first before she settle on just one. The males said that the guys who can't stand competition are not sure enough of their self image and will not accept that. Its a good indicator that they will not make the best dating partner.
A good majority of males will be comfortable with the challenge, be on their best behaviour, maybe even be more real so the gal can make a good decision on who she will choose to date. This also puts the ball in her court, instead of girls competing other girls to get one guy, the guys have to compete between themselves to get the one girl. that puts her in control of the relationship, something a controller type person will not want and won't be attracted. these guys say not to worry about the guys who can't accept you dating around. They have some major issue or another. Guys are different than girls and the good guys are perfectly capable of understanding a girl dating different guys, sometimes at the same time to determine first which one she will make a commitment to date exclusively. A guy understanding having to be the Best male that she meets so that he will be chosen.
13/f bisexual. I've been pretty close friends with this girl who I've known for a year. We get along pretty well, and somewhere along the lines I started to like her more than friends. I've always known that I'm not straight, but she's the first girl I've liked like this. I asked her out to the movies in August and we had a great time, but I don't think she knew I meant it as a date. I think she is straight. I dream about her a lot. Just like, us hanging out and eating food at romantic places and stuff like that. I really want to know if she is straight or not, but how do you just casually bring that up in conversation? And I don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice? All appreciated.
You're at an age where hormones recently became active, and this is the point at which teens find themselves attracted to others sexually, some to the same sex or the opposite sex, and some to both.
You did not include anything of a sexual nature as to what you fantasize about. Ask yourself if you have deep feelings for her that do not include having sex. In todays time, women are portrayed in the media as being all into their looks and competitive with each other, much into fighting to be the best, the dominant and the prettiest with most male admirers. The lines between being very close female friends have been blurred with those of being gay or bi-sexual.
Todays girls think that if they enjoy their best girl friends company above all else and don't want to do anything without her, really love her deeply, possibly more than a sister, and admire her, then they auto matically think it must mean they are gay or bi. That is not so!
As a young teen, I had a girlfriend I was close to like that, we have strong feelings of love for each other...not romantic love...remember, you dont love mom or sis or auntie romantically but can have deep love in your heart for them. Neither of us felt attracted to each other sexually.
So the question for you here is: How do you really know that you are not straight?
Most people would say they just know in their minds even if they have little or no experience that way. When the word sex or sexual is used, it implies that not only does a persons body think a certain way in the mind mental aspect) and feel something in the heart (emotional aspect) but there will also be a physical reaction to the other person. How do I know I am straight when I can admire a beautiful lady for her looks? Cus the physical aspect is missing, my pantys aren't getting wet, and my nether regions are not tingling, no butterflies in my stomach and my heart beat not picking up a step....thats how I know. You are just starting to discover your sexuality. Don't stick yourself under a label where you may not really fit. But if you are pretty certain that you are indeed bi, then find some article on line about bi sexual girls that is informative, save it, and in convo, tell her you read an article while skimming the internet about teen girls and how they know if they are bi-sexual, gay or straight. Give some of the statistics you read and ask her where she thinks she fits in. You can tell her then that by what you read that you feel like you must be bi-sexual. If she also feels she might be too, then you can reveal how you feel about her currently. Just as in dating boys, even relationships with girls can last a short time and end in a breakup cus feelings change. One thing for sure in its favor, being bi and going for sex with girls in the early teens is a good way to take care of ones horniness without having to fear getting pregnant or taking the pill.
I havent been with my boyfriend but we get along so well we can both be cocky laugh and joke around we've meet each other's family. The only problem is he has so much hatred racial jokes,makes comments about every one he loves his sister but hates her argues with his mom just a lot built up he was in a terrible accident a few years ago that he literally died and was brought back he was brain dead a while and had to re learn everything. He says he went to hell snd truely believes he did which he may have I don't want this hate he has for everyone ruin us. What can I do.
I have a girlfriend who recently broke up with her boyfriend. This guy had a major brain injury in an accident with frontal cortex of the brain being injured as a teen in car wreck. Every gal he's lived with, including a wife, can not have a normal relationship with him. The damage to the brain is such that it affects how he behaves.
Heres some info on the Prefrontal cortex of the brain to give an idea of whats going on if this is his kind of injury.
The prefrontal cortex is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. Likewise, if there is damage to the brain through an accident, there will also be the same effects on those particular functions of the brain.
It would be interesting to know if his behavior changed after the accident or if he was like this before the accident. Brain injury survivors, become like a Dr. Jeckyl, Mr Hyde deal. On
one side you see a beautiful loving person, gentle kind with lots of good in them and for no reason they can instantly change and do some terrible things, picking nasty fights and in some cases even lash out physically such as in this guy attacking my girlfriend recently twice, once hitting her and another in a rage trying to choke her to death.
When you ask, "What can I do?" I am not sure if you are asking, "What can I do to help him" or if instead you are asking, "What should I do as in life decision you are making for yourself, whether to stay with him or not."
The answers in order to my guesses are: There isn't anything you can do for him. If he is depressed, he needs to see a doctor, likely be getting constant medication therapy and counseling. Even with that, he may never be normal, just a little better off than without it.
The second answer is that if you feel you need to make a decision...having the right perspective may help you decide. Remember that a relationship is not your life, it is only one component of your life. Other components are your job, school, family, friends, hobbies, beliefs, morals, values, where you live, your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are some big ones. It is not wise to compromise any or all of these in favor of the one component, a particular man you are in relationship with, whether boyfriend, long term mate or husband. I lived with a 1st husband who was negative for other reasons, and even though I was able to keep my mental and spiritual health healthy, the emotional and physical began to suffer and I went to several different illnesses, to name a few constant headaches, a few migraines, a case of stomach ulcers, gall stones, etc. It got much worse. I had to end the relationship to regain my health and well being. Those who know me well see the difference. I am no longer ill at all.
Sometimes when in a relationship, we tend to forget to love ourselves.
I think its common for women with a strong nurturing, mothering side to them, whether real mothers or not, it's ingrained in us compelling us to approach all aspects of life, and most relationships that way. You may only feel that you need to help him, nurture him. But medically and mentally, only a Dr. can really help him. Spiritually, only his angels and his own want and desire inside him can affect him spiritually. So that leaves just emotional and physical. If you feel that your love and support of him alone can make him whole in those areas, the only way to find out is by sticking with him and giving it some time to see if it makes any difference. But i suggest if this is your decision that you choose ahead of time, how long an amount of time you are going to give to see if your love alone can make him change for the better. Keep in mind that all change an individual makes is not because of outward circumstances alone. The biggest changes come about by where the individuals mind is at. Fears hold most of us back from change, and a brain not working normally can possibly prevent others from being able to change. In that case, your love and support will make no difference.
Okay so I've never really given a hand job before and I want to know how so that I can give my boyfriend one. I've looked up how to do it, but the information doesn't really make sense to me. Most say I have to do a hand job AND a blow job, but I'm not comfortable doing a blow job. How do I make the hand job something that we both would enjoy and how do I make it a good one?
You ask him...thats how you find out, you watch him do it and then copy him. Some guys may like longer or shorter strokes, a change of speed at some point and he will need to communicate this to you as you are doing it. One spot may become to sensitized or sore and need to change to doing something different.
Here's a thought, as a female, have you ever wondered how a guy learned to give himself a hand job? I will assure you that probably 99.9% of them learned by the experience of touching themselves and then doing whatever felt good. Since you can not feel what he is feeling, communication is most important for any aspect of sex to be good between two partners, whether handjob, blow job, him eating you out, etc... When its your turn, you will need to know your body really well by having the experience of giving yourself orgasms so you can communicate it to him. Communication is a key componant here. If you are too chicken to have such a conversation, then you are not mentally mature enough and ready to be having sexual experiences of any sort with a partner. So don't feel pressured if you're not ready. If you feel ready, ask. In fact if the two of you have feelings for each other, it will mean more to him that you cared to ask so that he can show you how he personally likes to do it so it will be pleasurable, rather than you guessing by something you read in a book or were told, and it not turning out good for him at all.
I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with my life from here on out. I don't know anyone else to ask and I used to come to this site for advice in middle school, so I thought I'd try again. Here is the situation.
I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 23. We live together in a college town in the midwest. We've been together for 2 years, and have been living together for 6 months. I graduate college in May and the lease on our apartment ends in the summer.
My boyfriend has already finished his degree and has set his sights on a graduate school in another state. I'm really happy for him that he wants to go to grad school. He has worked really hard to get admitted and save money over the past year, and for that I am really proud of him. I know he is going to love the town that the school is in and really thoroughly enjoy the masters program he's been admitted to. He's planning on moving up there when our lease ends in the summer, in time for the fall semester to start. The school is in a different state and a 13 hour drive from where we live now.
Of course, he is hoping and assuming that I am going to move there with him. Like I said, we already live together now, so by most people's standards, you can assume we're in it for the long haul. The problem is, I'm not sure I want to move to the grad school with him. On the surface, there are a few reasons I don't want to move there. First of all, I most likely can't get a job in my field there. I'm about to get my bachelors degree in journalism and there are zero jobs there even remotely related to journalism. Also, its very far north, and therefore cold and dark for much of the year. I know it sounds trivial, but I think I have a light case of seasonal depression disorder and I really don't thrive under those conditions. (As an endearment/pet name, by boyfriend calls me "Sunny" because he knows how happy I get when it's sunny out.) Its also far away from where any of my family and friends live. Living there would only be for a year, but those are just some of the surface-level reasons that this town really isn't the place for me.
But there are some deeper problems that make it difficult for me to decide whether I should move there or not.
The main one is that my boyfriend is very protective and jealous- and this has been an issue throughout our relationship. He got very upset when he found out that I had become particularly close with a male coworker early in our relationship, even though me and the coworker were no more than friends. (and just "work friends" at that- we almost never hung out together outside of work.) Since the coworker incident, my boyfriend has been paranoid about my fidelity. A few months ago, my boyfriend nearly got in a bar fight over a male friend asking me if I wanted to sing a kereoke duet with him. (I wish that was a joke, but unfortunately, it happened.) After the "Kereoke Incident" (as we now call it) I made it clear to my boyfriend that I seriously wanted to break up with him, but the next day, he signed himself up for anger management classes and has been attending them ever since. So I gave him a second chance at our relationship thinking, "Nobody's perfect, but someone willing to put serious effort into being a better person and a better partner is worth sticking around for." A true asshole will not regret being controlling, and an average joe will apologize for it, but someone making an honest attempt to fix a major behavioral flaw is a truly good person, right?
But the way I look at it, this controlling/jealous streak is two sides of the same coin when it comes to deciding to move to the grad school with him. On one side, it is a fair rationale to decide to not move with him. If I decided I didn't want to continue a relationship with someone as controlling/jealous as he is, I could live with that. The way he's treated me thus far has given me plenty of reason to end it, and maybe this move is the natural closing of our time together.
ON THE FLIP SIDE, I feel like moving to a new place with him could be like hitting the reset button on our relationship. It could give us a total second chance together in a town where we don't know anyone. We've got the lessons learned in our first apartment under our belts, and can move to the next one and put those into use. For example, when I told my boyfriend about my male coworker, I had no idea that it was going to absolutely disturb him like it did. I didn't know my boyfriend as well then, and I didn't know he had such a jealous personality. If I were to do it all over again, the obvious lesson learned is "don't rub your friendship with a guy in a jealous man's face." With this under my belt, I can make our relationship at the grad school go much more smoothly. It was a steep learning curve for sure, but I'm over the hump now.
In general, I really really don't want to break up with him. I love him very much and 99% of our relationship is nothing but true friendship, good sex, and having a hilarious time as roommates. Despite the bad picture I've painted, he is in general, a sweet and pretty selfless guy; he is self-reflective and feels serious regret when I told him he has hurt me. But I can't for the life of me make heads or tails of the decision to move with him next year. There's good reasons to break up and good reasons to stay together. Endless pros and endless cons. Half of me is saying "Move! Whats the worst thing that could happen? You hate it and break up?" and the other half of me is saying, "Are you actually considering moving to a podunk town thats dark half of the year for a man that controls you?" Isn't there something romantic about moving somewhere crazy for love in your early 20s? On the flip side, aren't I too young/wild/independent/good for him and his shit?
I know this is long, so MANY THANKS for reading and responding. Its really tearing me up so any advice is appreciated. THANK YOU.
Thanks hon for going into detail and sharing exactly what you feel and are thinking. It helps me to know what to tell you.
You mentioned there are as many pro's as there are cons to the relationship and making a decision.
On the pro side, the good stuff you said about your relationship makes me think of a video I viewed recently on relationships and shall share with you.
A woman on the panel said something about women getting attached to the 'idea' of a relationship, loving how it feels to be part of a couple and what she had invested and experienced in the relationship, the fun times, the laughter, the passion and sex...etc. Yes all good things but it can hold a person back from deciding to end a relationship that their gut is telling them to end for whatever reasons. This same woman says that all women are naturally intuitive. I agree. Sometimes we don't listen to our intuition, that little voice of reasoning inside of us that keeps telling us something. We always know the answer. So you already know the answer to whether to follow him or stay.
I quote the female in the video, "It's that I don't want to ask the question, because I don't want to get real with myself, I don't want to face it. So you live a lie with yourself." And thats one of the worst things you can do, lie to yourself. I did that in my first marriage. So be real with yourself. The issue isn't really about you toughing it out for a year to be with him while he's up north and you have to find a short term job not in your field until you both move again somewhere south where both of you can find employment in your fields. The issue is that your inner voice, your gut instinct, your subconscious mind are all telling you that something is not quite right about the relationship. Is it the anger? He's getting treatment for that. Is it the controlling? Good chance that won't disappear with anger now controlled. A controller will just get more subtle at controlling their partner instead of using emotional outbursts. Is it the jealousy? You can not make excuses for him, lying to yourself that its partly your fault, you provoked him.... that you shouldn't have done this or that..etc
Jealousy arises from a fear, usually a fear of loss or of not being good enough and can indicate a low self esteem. Jealousy and controlling, work hand in hand. I am talking out of experience here. I know what it is like to have a man like that. When you said " maybe this move is the natural closing of our time together" you were starting to listen to yourself.
Your life is not the relationship. The relationship with him is only one part of it. The other parts, are your job, your friends, your family, your favorite pastimes and hobbies, the goals and hopes and dreams of yours, etc... but too many women decide to give this all up for a guy and that is the wrong move to discard the many parts of your life, even for a short while, in choice of the one part. I hope this helps you sort out what you must do. Heres the video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWldxwqt9RU
Most of what I wanted you to hear is in the first 15 minutes but theres a short bit at about 34 minutes in and also at 42. minutes.
I am in 9th grade and we are doing the swim unit and boys and girls do it together. At first I was thinking of asking to sit out since girls seem to be vicious monsters who enjoy humiliating anyone that is not perfect but now I read that while swimming you can easily get an erection when you are a teenager? Is this true? I cannot risk that happening. If it is true I am definitely sitting out
Had to ask my husband who has studied psychology extensively on this. I know I had not heard of it. An erection can be triggered by anything that your subconscious mind has some connecting memory or experience with. So it could really be just about anything. Is swimming something that triggers it in high numbers for all guys? Just in perusing the web, the majority of guys find the cold water makes them contract, not expand. A few said that the girls on the team were what caused most of them to get erections. And lastly only two accounts I found of guys who said cold water had the opposite effect on them. The normal function of the body is to pull in the parts towards the body when subjected to cold, just as bodies of those lost in the snow will
take blood from the extremities and redirect to more critical parts to be kept warm like all internal organs, so extremities like toes and fingers can suffer frostbite. So there is very little chance of you getting an erection from being in the water of a cool swimming pool.
If you fear erections so greatly then your mind will begin to create all sorts of situations in which all your senses will trigger an erection. it can go to extremes if you don't find ways to deal with your mind and its fears of imagined situations. An example might be hearing a certain melody makes you get one, hearing a girls laugh, smelling cookies baking in the oven, smelling a girls perfume, wearing silky boxers, jogging, riding a bike, etc....
Its a known fact by all humans, both male and female that teen boys can easily get 4 erections or more per day....thats just the way it is so likely that guys and gals will sometimes notice that some guy is having an erection. Even in regular pants, there are hints that there is an erection, kinda hard to hide unless you decide to switch to wearing Kilts as the Scotsmen do.
16/F
For as long as I can remember, which would be from about age five until present day, I've always easily developed crushes/romantic attraction towards book or television characters. I didn't think much of it then and from what I heard from friends, I definitely wasn't alone. What I'm wondering now is, as a teenage girl who has never had a boyfriend nor any real romantic contact with anyone, is it normal of me to still entertain thoughts like this or is this perhaps the cause of my lack of contact with others?
Fantasizing about book or tv/movie characters is quite normal and it does not stop just because someone has a boyfriend or is married.
So enjoy your fantasies. Just keep in mind that a fantasy is just that....a fantasy....where all the missing pieces of information on a person that one would get if in a real face to face relationship are missing.
So your mind will imagine creatively and freely to fill in all the missing pieces, usually on the side of glorifying and creating the perfect person...which doesn't exist in real life. As long as you are able to keep the fantasy guys and reality guys separate and not expect the reality guys to match up to the fantasy ones, you'll be doing okay.
I'm from the Philippines and I'm 13. Sorry If I have some grammatical errors.Sometimes in school I just feel like I'm no one. No one ever talks to me unless it's really important. I can't understand. I tried my best for them to notice me, but they don't. I have a few friends, but I they aren't just the friends that can really 'understand' me.
So let me describe myself. I'm pretty (others say) but I'm short and chubby, I can draw well (one of the best in my class I think), I can play the guitar and piano,and I'm an honor student. I think I have a good attitude, but sometimes I'm just shy. I also love books and I'm in different 'fandoms' like I'm a Directioner, a Swiftie, and fans of fiction books like Harry Potter and Percy Jackson. I'm really not the girly girl, I don't like girly fashion like others do.
I just can't understand. Are they avoiding me because I'm shy? Or is it because I'm chubby? Or because I don't like fashion?
I also hate it when they compare me to my sister. She's a year older than me and she's pretty to. We are exactly the same except I'm into fandoms and books and she's into girly things and love stories. I can say she's kinda popular in our school and my classmates adore her. I can't understand why they don't act like that when it comes to me. Not that I'm jealous, but sometimes they don't treat me as me. When others see me they're all like "You're Anna's(not her real name) sister right?"
I tried to be into these girly things, love, etc. But I just can't. I don't really like those stuff.
Sorry if this is kind of confusing. >.< So what can I do to have friends? To make them notice me as I am? Should I change? Please. I need advice.
Hello dear,
First, your grammar is very good and I can tell from your writing you are intelligent. As to why some might be avoiding/ignoring you, I'd have to say that at your age, teens will do so for those very reasons that you listed and more. Some are outcast because of their beliefs, the christians, the pagans, some for their looks, overweight, gothic style dress, and for their sexual preferences or differences.
Why people your age through early 20's act this way for the most part can be explained by the following.
The pre-frontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The pre-frontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s.
So no wonder a great number of kids shun you, each for their own reasons. It doesn't mean there is anything at all wrong with you. You sound like a young lady who will be very successful in life. Some teens like yourself will have brains that develop faster and are capable of more adult like thinking. Other kids grow up in a household where they learn bias's and bigotry from their parents and assume it is normal acceptable behavior to be that way because the family is. You are going to run into these kinds of misguided people throughout life, just not in as high and concentrated numbers as in school during the teen years.
Never change who you are to be accepted as a friend. Remember that also when of dating age, never change who you are to win the attention of a guy. He should also accept you just as you are or he's not worth your time.
So how do you get friends when most are immature yet? Look for the few other outcasts like yourself and be a friend to get a friend. These kids learn how to not be noticed, not do anything to stand out, they fade into the background but once you start looking for them, you will notice them....the kid who sits alone at lunch, the extremely shy kid who walks staring at the floor, the one who is awkward and clumsy often, the overweight, the gay kid who has no friends, the kid who got kicked or beaten by others, and so on.
Once enough of the so called rejected kids band together as friends so no one is any longer a loner, then its less likely to be picked on because in reality, the popular teens are really the smallest group in society and all the others are just fragmented into tiny groups, just two buddies or no friends and yet all of you would make good supportive friends for each other, even though you have some great difference between you. Hope this helps to encourage you dear.
Happy New Year
Hi, I'm a teenage girl and I've always felt there's something wrong with me because of the way everyone treats me. They always leave me out, and I am a gal who usually goes with the flow, but to be honest with you, I'm tired of being silent. I have no friends, the people I hang with make fun of me, laugh at me, and some kick/hit me. I've been stressing over this matter for 5 years. I've spoke to some people about this and they've said its the things I focus on, apparently, that is why people treat me different. Others say I need to find help. Believe it or not, I've considered self harm because this is eating me alive! It's like this little trigger in my brain, it goes off every time someone treats me strange. People never smile at me, they just stare and watch me, some will nod their head at me and look at me with hatred in their eyes...Why won't anyone tell me what's wrong with me? What is wrong with me?
If the people you hang with are treating you that way, its time to hang out with other people. You are not the only one who feels left out. There are many many others. I was one of those as a teen who did not really fit in any group. I wasn't one of the populars, the brainiacs, the science/nerds, the emo's, or the goths. Actually I don't think Goths were a group yet when i was in school. Emo's yes but they didn't have a name. I don't like labeling but at your age, kids tend to form tight clicks. They are nervous and fearful around anyone different from them. What they don't understand or care to learn to understand, they mock, tease or treat cruelly. You actually see it with adults too sometimes only they've become more sophisticated at how they exclude and try to shame others. These kids you have not yet found for good friends, are not very noticeable, they tend to fade into the background, try their best to not be noticed or do anything to get noticed and mind their own business.
The real overweight kids have the same problem of no friends. I taught my daughters to accept everyone no matter what, so though my girls were not one of them, they accepted the overweight girls, the goth, pagan, christian, emo's, the gays, the so called outcasts. The outcast kids tend to have higher rates of cutting, depression and suicide than others with those of alternative sexual and gender situations, the highest suicide rate. They all feel alone. Instead of feeling alone, if each one who feels like you started looking around and really searching for those who sit alone at lunch, who act shy and barely talk, walk around looking down at their feet, you will begin to notice them. Befriend someone like that. When you 'be a friend' or be friendly towards someone outcast like you, you will make a friend. These kids will accept you exactly how you are, even if you look strange or have strange mannerisms or beliefs.
A strange thing will happen over time. Those who have compromised their beliefs and pretended to be one of those of the popular group only because they feared being alone like you... when they see a group of people, average teens with all their differences becoming a good size group of friends, they will see these kids, like yourself, as an option of people to identify themselves with, to find friends in. And they will leave the populars and come to join your group and become accepted by you, even those some of these were the ones who first played along and kicked, and teased you. It may take all of high school and some of college for many to mature and thats okay.
i know you can find at least a handful of friends, I know because I did. In 9th grade I was in a separate school and had two girls who were lesbians as my friends tho I am not, two guys who were the nerdy type, actually one wasnt but hung out with the nerds cus he didnt fit anywhere else and a black girl in an almost white school. In highschool I had begun going to church youth group so I had lots of christian friends in the school and we welcomed the girls who weren't christian but had no where else to fit in. There is hope dear. Good luck.
Family Guy is one of the worse animated shows on earth in 1999 that moron Seth Macfarlene created it and used some really bad jokes trying to copy the Simpsons which used to be funny but not anymore and in 2005 Seth Macfarlene created a show worse than Family Guy American Dad and now the Clevland Show which finally got cancelled still shows reruns and Family Guy seems to be popular with stupid teenage boys who dont know real entertainment period and it would be worse if adults were watching it too which some are seriously Family Guy should have ended after Brian died becuase i dont like it and they should also end South Park as well what sites can you vist to make that happen
I am the wrong person to ask because I basically haven't watched TV for years. I have heard of the show but know nothing about it. Sorry.
My dad has been and still is a great guy. He loves me very much although he isn't very fond of anyone excluding my Mom, sister, and I. Even though he doesn't "like" much anyone else my friends see him as a happy, sociable person on the outside and he also is very friendly towards most strangers and likes to make small talk with them. He's also successful at his job. This is the side of him that I love so much. But this side of him quickly deteriorates instantly when one little thing comes out of place. He will pout and be extremely aggressive fighting with my mom and storming up to his room to brood for hours. Over the years it had only seemed to have gotten worse. He refuses to think there is something wrong with him and will switch personalities within minutes as if a switch went off in his head. It's as if he's two different people. If you have any idea what could be wrong with him I would love to know. And also some tips on how to get him treated. I'm 14 and female and thanks for reading.
Sounds just like my ex. To this day, he still has not been treated for a mental disorder. Like your dad, he can function well in society so it's easy for people like them to go undiagnosed and untreated. However I want you to know... I suggest you do this is not normal behavior. My ex too would have a mental idea, plan or image of how his day, or life in general should be and when that one thing didn't fall into place or something unexpected happened, same thing, and everyone else was blamed, yelled at, dumped on or he ordered the rest of us to fix the problem and make it to his satisfaction which was impossible....a catch 22, because he wasn't able to be pleased even if you did try every possible solution. A person like this has some inkling that something is wrong with them, its easy to see when those around you don't fall apart like this so they will in fear having it confirmed that there IS something wrong with them, they go into denial which causes them to expend all their energy being on their best behavior elsewhere so they at home have no energy left to keep up the pretence or something upsets what little control they still have. Another trick is taking the focus off hisself so others dont have a chance to discover he has a problem cus they're not looking at him, they are focused on the person he is pointing the finger at and accusing of having issues. Some friends confronted him and told him to go for counselling or he would lose me. The prognosis from the counselor and a counselor friend, was that even with treatment, improvement could take a long time, maybe the rest of his life to see even a tiny bit of improvement in his behavior. I was not willing to be his verbal punching bag for the rest of my life, my health was beginning to suffer so I left. I have 3 daughters all in their 20's and they were left to make their own judgement of dad. Once I was out of the picture, he began to dump the verbal abuse on them. They love him as their dad but cant stand or take his company and make visits to see him very short or leave the moment he gets out of control. I've told my story so you don't get your hopes up too much and disappointed.
In all reality, the people Dad is least likely to take a suggestion from to see a psychologist or mental health counselor is his family. So theres little you or mom can do. Its better coming from someone who knows him well but is not immediate family so you dont suffer the back lash if he is angry. Better him angry at someone, another relation or close family friend who doesnt live with him than with those of you who do. There is no guarantee that he will be ready to go. Mine ex did, only cus he thought it would convince me to stay, if it was little stuff that a marriage counselor could help us with, I would have. But since it was a mental health issue, I had to decide to make a decision based on what was best for my health and well being and that was not having him as my mate any more. Realize above all that he is scared. Think of a scared injured animal in the wild, you want to rescue it but the animal will lash out at you to hurt you in effort to protect itself from any further hurt. In Dads case, its not injury but mental problems so he will resist help much like an injured animal will.
If other family or close friends are unaware of the problem, and your mom wants him to get help, then she needs to find ways to convince dad to go, and if he reacts badly, enlist help of the people I mentioned. Hopefully medication will improve his disposition enough that everyone is much happier. But it's getting him to that spot that is sometimes the hardest. You can just talk to your mom about it, encouraging her to tell others what is happening, and like your dad, I also noticed the ex get worse as he got older. Is wasnt as bad when I married him but 30 yrs later I had to get out just on the basis of self survival. The other thing you can do is pray. Although in all those years, as a Christian, I prayed and believed for a miracle but he never got better. I am sorry to paint such a bleak picture dear. Love him the best you can and know that it is not you but problems he has inside of him. Keep up a positive self image of your own no matter what he goes through or says. that is my best advice.
I'm a 16 year old girl who has been single for roughly 3 years and I don't know why. I've been told I'm really pretty, and generally a likable person, even if I don't think so. I'm a bit shy and kind of awkward, plus I have like 0 self confidence. I know that confidence is a good thing to have, but it can't be the only reason why I'm single right? I also don't really put myself out there, I'll talk to someone only if they talk to me first or if i'm with my friends. I've been told that I could get a boyfriend if I tried, but here I am. Single. It seems like all the guys that like me are not really my type and I could honestly never date them. Am I just setting my standards too high? Maybe I'm really ugly and no one wants to tell me? Maybe it's my personality? Maybe I'm just boring? *sigh* I just don't know what's wrong with me.
I am going to assume that by stating you've been single 3 yrs that you are implying that before that period, you were dating? Like at 12 and 13.
If so, usually thats when kids first begin to try dating, the time when their hormones start to kick in and they take notice of the opposite sex. If you initially got asked but nothing since then, I can see why you wonder...what changed. Actually likely nothing about you changed. You're probably the same person you were then as you are now. It's only that guys were starting to observe you and discover things about you then that they would determine whether it was something they were attracted to or not. Lots of guys are shy at this stage in their life and that can contribute to your situation. Another is a mis-assumption that we 'need' to be dating to be normal like the rest. I never dated in high school. I had about 3 male friends instead, no romantic stuff. Some of us are not ready to start the dating process until we are older and that is okay so don't pressure yourself to do something you aren't ready for.
Young people can be pretty harsh and judgemental of their perceptions of others at this age. Most teens will find they do not gain mental maturity until their mid 20's when the frontal lobe of our brains is finally done growing. So Before then, guys too will not be mature enough to know what they want, be attracted to the wrong things, or not look deep enough to really discover who a girl really is. That is likely another cause of your situation.
And lastly, (even tho you said you don't know why) you provided a list of possible reasons why you could have no guy seeming interested in you
1. Being pretty. The pretty girls are sometimes not approached by guys because they feel they don't have a chance with the girl. A girl needs to look for some signs that a guy she is interested in may have interest in her, and then she needs to make the first move.
2. You said you don't think you're pretty. Girls are trying to fit the image of what teen magazines, fashion industry and Hollywood says is attractive. It is a look that is impossible for any human being to achieve because the majority of it is caused by computer magic, air brushing photos, botox, implants, all fake fake fake. Once guys get past their teens or into the mid 20's when they have matured some, they will begin to realize that what is really attractive is the real natural female and even more than her looks is her self confidence. A plain looking girl with confidence, grown men have agreed will turn their heads faster and make them want to date her than a pretty girl with no self confidence.
3. Being shy. Guess what I discovered with tests I conducted? That the majority of people are all waiting for the other person to start talking first. We assume someone doesnt like us cus they won't approach us and break the ice and start talking. I used to be extremely shy so if you want me to sent a document of how I got beyond that, let me know. And I will send in a separate response, just write to my inbox on my column.
4. Zero self confidence. At your age, I was tired of having zero confidence also. By time I graduated I was only just beginning to make attempts to gain self confidence. It wasn't until I was divorced and starting dating process all over that I stumbled across a concept that worked for me in regaining some confidence now that i was trying to date in my late forties. I will share it with you. You will gain your own confidences as you "Experience Successes" in your life regarding interactions with others. Until then, it works great to borrow the self confidence of someone famous you really like. I did not feel that maybe in 40s I was as attractive as when I was younger to attract a guy. So I decided to focus on what I considered my one best feature, which was my eyes, and then think of an actress whose eyes I thought were sexy and I came up with Sophia Loren, an actress not from your age so you may not be familiar with her. I visualized myself in public and people looking at me and seeing someone as sauve, sophisticated and sexually attractive as Sophia. It worked the first time I tried it. I had to mentally prepare myself, and imagine myself in my mind as her in the beginning but later, even when I wasn't even trying, the inner confidence was still working. I had women and men approach and tell me I had the most beautiful eyes. Strangers mind you! I am not kidding! In all this, my looks didn't actually change, my inner confidence of how I looked is something they picked up on. This can happen for you. But be patient, it will take some time. Be consistant though.
There are several young actresses who follow their own path not doing what Hollywood wants them to, or change their looks for a part like
Miley Cyrus, Hayden Panettiere or Jennifer
Lawrence for example. It more than just looks, I suggest you read the blurbs on what makes them hot people of interest.
http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/2013/10/top-10-hottest-actresses-their-20s?page=10
Overcoming shyness and gaining self confidence are probably going to make the biggest difference for you. As your girlfriends already know, you could easily get a boyfriend. You have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Let me know if I can help you any further. Good luck dear.
One of my grandfathers is from Cameroon, which was partially a British colony at the time. My dad said soldiers were recruited from the country and my grandfather fought in Burma. So I'm wondering what exactly British forces as a whole did in Burma, and specifically African (like Nigeria and British Cameroon), if you have any knowledge of that. Did they have a positive impact? If so, how? I know absolutely nothing about it, but I'm very interested.
Whether someone made a positive or negative impact on anything is really up to the personal perspective of the person you are asking. And that does not verify whether that is true fact or not. Answers will differ depending on the experiences of those who were there, or the impression it made on family to whom they passed on their stories and accounts on to. If your grandfathers are still alive, I would ask them. A good idea is to tape record any conversations like this with them to have for future references once they are gone. If you can't ask more questions of your dad, I would ask my history teacher where I could go to learn more about the subject and this period of time.
If you drink 4 pill of trigestrel and menstruation and what is the problem
The pills you take that are placebo's to take during the week that your period is to start have no effect on whether a period starts or not, they have no active ingrediants in them. The pill is non hormonal only to take to stay in the habit of taking something daily.
You're not the only one on the hormones of trigestrel that find their period is slow to come about, comes later, lasts a day or two or is only a little spotting.
You will need to ask your Dr. if that is normal. If it is, then don't worry. If not, they may change you to taking something else. If you are having any other side effects with it, that you are not comfortable with, they may change you to another medication for that reason too.
I met him online and the first time he saw my picture he said I was pretty and afterwards, would call me pretty when necessary. So we started talking and asking each other sexual questions. Once, I asked him what he would choose and he said "of coursr you! I think you're beautiful!" That wad the only time he called me beautifull and afterwards, he started using the term sexy.
He usually initiates contact.
The question here is: does he mean what he says or is he just saying it for his own benefit?
Hon, there is no way I could even begin to understand the mind of any one individual I do not know. And therefore to guess what he means when he says it or if there are any hidden agenda's I would have no clue.
But you did say you met online. Whether dating site or other, is this still only online, or have you met in person?
I have no idea how often you talked on line before going to sexual questions and I ask because if you are not on a dating site where you make a statement that one of the things you are looking for is your sexual equal, then talk of sexual topics right off the bat, if started by the guy, usually points to the fact that all they want when they see you is a sex partner. He is thinking of his needs first, mainly satisfying his sexual needs and will say and do anything to convince you to be his sex partner. Women usually want to feel some kind of emotional connection to the man they have sex with.
Remember, the internet is quite one sided, flat, it is not multidimensional, so a friendship on screen is just fantasy, it is not a good Some woman will have sex reflection of what it may end up in real life. I did internet dating. I used it as a tool to discover guys, screen out the obvious losers, and go out for coffee with the ones I wanted to meet face to face. Even then, many did not end up being anything like I thought they were after a week or two of on line convo's.
All you can be guaranteed of is liking how the person thinks and expresses themselves and if they are sharing enough, what they say their morals and beliefs and ethics are. Even photos can be misleading. I saw guys online I thought looked fairly good looking. When I went looking for them at a restaurant or coffee shop 1st meet, sometimes I couldn't even recognize them, even when the guy was standing in front of me and I wondering why he was staring at me and starting conversation with me.
Lots of women don't think they look pretty. So guys who are being honest, no matter how much a guy is being truthful and complimenting her, the gal won't believe him....I do not know if this is what is going on with you and he's is just trying his best to convince you that you truly are attractive to him.
Guys with ulterior motives will say that because it is true they were attracted to your looks but they are looking for a certain look in a girl not for a relationship but only for sex, what they find sexually attractive and so will turn the conversation to what you are wearing, and questions about your sexual preferances before you know what his favorite foods, hobbies and birthday is. Believe me, I've had many write who either don't know how to have a conversation with women, or were just horny and wanting to chat online with a real woman whose pic they find sexy and masturbate or at least fantasize about her sexually while attempting to hold a conversation...how do I know? Some were bold enough to say so and others took a very long time sometimes to respond to what I typed when their response recently were quicker. One can't masturbate and type at the same time.
If you are truly interested in getting to know him better, then you would be initiating some contact with him and suggesting bringing it some the fantasy world of online into the real world.
But be safe and agree to meet the first time or two at a Starbucks or a restaurants. Just the price of a coffee, in case a guy turns out to be a dud, is not a big investment.
You can ask him questions online and he can say anything and not have to prove it by his actions because you dont see each other in real life. So if you really want to know what he's like, ask some friends to help and plan to have two or three friends girls and guy agree to go bowling or somewhere with you where you invite him to show up and not only are you safe cus the friends are there but you get the benefit of their first impressions of him also. If he isn't interested in getting to know the real you inside, then he wont agree to come, or he will show up and try to convince you to leave and go somewhere private with him. Don't drink alcohol while with someone you are trying to learn about, you need to stay sober to make your best possible observations of him and not be tempted to go against your better judgement and have sex with him when you don't really want to yet.
Hi... 16F
*̩ lost my verginity this weekend. He weared a condom. And *̩ think *̩ have efection now*! *̩ have a high body tempreature and if *̩ pee it burns. *̩ can't tell my mom because se will kill me! Please help...
Burning sensation with peeing is a classic symptom of having a bladder or urinary tract infection. Having a high fever is another sign thats whats happening although in my own personal experience, the fever only came if I neglected to do anything about the earlier symptoms of a building bladder infection which are a feel to need to pee more often and upon emptying the bladder a sensation of it still being full or not completely empty but nothing else comes out. If this was going on before this weekend, that could explain the high fever by now.
Normally If it was just starting, I'd recommend drinking lots of cranberry juice to cure the starting infection but since its at fever stage meaning 'full blown', at this point you need to see a doctor to verify if it is indeed an infection and get antibiotics to get over it.
If you don't want parents to know, you can go to Planned parenthood and have them check you out. Or you could make appt and see the family doctor. Due to current laws, doctors cannot share details of your visit with parents, that is kept private.
Going to see a dr. for a urinary tract infection is actually quite common among females and can occur under several circumstance besides having sex or having a latex allergy.
There is a chance that a latex allergy may have kicked it off. So you might want to ask if theres a way to test you to see if you are allergic to latex. If indeed you are allergic, you will want to see Planned parenthood to find out what other options of protection you have and they'll get you set up on birth control.
In case you want to read about latex allergy heres a site:
http://www.drugs.com/health-guide/latex-allergy.html
.
I like this guy and we've known each other for a LONG time. This year he asked me if I liked him and I said no because i was nervous, and I'm NEVER nervous around him. This year he's been confusing. I joined a sport this year, and I noticed he's been hanging on with the jocks and trying to be like them. I don't like it.I liked the guy who had time to talk to me, and was always there for me in times of need. I don't understand him anymore. But just before everything got confusing I asked if he wanted to go to six flags with me.. He said he did. And it was supposed to be my "birthday gift". He kept asking me when my birthday was but I know he just wanted to talk to me cause he has the MOST WONDERFUL memory. Should I tell him I like him before, during, after the amusement park? Or never? ( if it helps I'm in middle school )
Would you like going somewhere with a guy who invited you but has told you when you asked that he doesn't like you (whether true or not?
You had every right to feel nervous about answering that question, it's new territory you are experiencing, and the hormones going through your body bring up all these feelings that make things feel confusing when really its not all that strange. Guys are humans, just like your best girlfriends, a lot of what applies in your girl friendships and how you and girls interact will also apply to guys. Its just the feelings you need to sort out whether they are romantic or not.
The next time you are asked whether you like someone when you are not sure yet of how you feel, remember you don't have to answer yes and you dont have to answer no either. Instead you say, not sure yet if I like you that way, but I am interested in 'getting to know you better' so that I can determine if I do like you as a boyfriend or not. To say you like a person just to go out on a date and during on the first 3 dates you discover it's someone you really don't have a great interest in after all and then the kids 'break up' meaning they stop dating and seeing each other and everyone gets so upset about it. It better to keep things in perspective as I explained the 'getting to know someone better' phase which is what will help you know if you like someone.
A good way to explain to your guy friend is to say something like this in your own words:
Hey Brian, when you asked if I liked you, I figured you meant as a boy friend cus I have known you a long time as a friend, but I hadn't given it any thought whether I really liked you as a 'boyfriend'. So I answered No. But saying No would not be true since I haven't given myself a chance yet to discover if I would really begin to like you in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and the only way to find out is if we hang out together so thats why I asked you to 6 flags. I already like you as friend, but now that we're older, I want to see if I can also like you as a boyfriend.
That speech would be perfect before your trip. Then if in one date, you are sure, then tell him you like him and you want him to be your boyfriend
during or right after. Or if you need more time, tell him later after you've hung out more together. If you discover that you like him as friend but never seem to develop romantic feelings like wanting to cuddle and hold hands and kiss, then you have to be honest and say so, that you don't feel that part and at some point you will be dating another guy then.
So if you think your quick No to him might make him decide to not go along when you do want him to go, then talk to him ahead of the trip to 6 flags, otherwise, you can talk with him during the trip or after.
Hi again! Haha. Well I took some of your advice by asking Kenneth about what was up. I actually was talking to another guy who was my ex. He had told me he broke up with his girlfriend, and I was willing to give it another try. But then as he dropped me off at work around seven, he said "we'll I'm going to pick up Kayla. Ill be here at ten." And I asked "Kayla?" And he said "my girlfriend." I was shocked because we had been holding hands and kissing and what not. I was telling my friend Taylor and Kenneth about it after he left. After getting off work at ten, which Kenneth got off at around ten thirty, kody had not showed up to get me. I walked outside to call himC and Kenneth walked out towards his car and sad "Did he not show up?" I said no, and he stopped and turned around and said "I'm gonna run to my dads. Ill swing back by here to see if he got you." Kody showed up right when Kenneth did, and I told kody to go back to his girlfriend and I ran out and sped off with Kenneth. He didn't take me straight home either, we drove around talking for a good hour. I asked him "Are you interested in me?" And he hesitated a little and then said "sort of." He gave me his number, (which what Zach gave me really was his number, I checked.) so I'm wondering what I do now. I cleared up all the rumors, and talked to him outside work. Should I wait a few days and text him?
Hi Hon, the site was down for me, couldn't access the column or I'd have answered sooner.
If Kenneth can admit to being 'sort of' interested in you, it's probably that he can more easily admit to being 'interested in getting to know you so he can discover if he has a real interest in you.Talking for an hour was a good start. He wouldn't do that if not interested, so if he enjoyed that, he should enjoy more of getting to know you. So if he hasn't contacted you first, (assuming he also has your number) by now, go ahead and text him. I don't know if he will still see a need to call if he see's you at work so you might want to have a talk to know what are the best times for you to text or call him where you won't be interrupting his schedule. I would've asked at the time I was handed a guys number by him. But it can be asked any time.
Since he seems to be the shy type, he will need the encouragement and the compliments and a sense of knowing that "your hearing from him" is needed. A guy likes to feel needed and will blossom under encouragement. So be sure to say somewhere along the line something about the effect that hearing his voice has on you, and be truthful, dont say stuff to encourage that arent quite true. There's one guy I dated and my husband who had voices like those of male dj's the voices on the radio. There is a calming, peaceful aspect to them, something mesmerizing even hypnotic in the effect of the voice on me. And while others dont sound bad, just lack that effect.
I am a nice person but I have acne, I'm really skinny, have a long neck, a flat chest, a flat butt, huge hands, fat fingers, really small wrists (I can fit in my baby bracelet), and I'm over all ugly. My best friend though is pretty, is big were she needs to be and all the boys like her. Is there something wrong with me? I wear makeup every day to "cover the ugly" but some how it just breaks through. I'm not asking for people to feel sorry for me I just want to know what I'm doing wrong
Light of truth is right. Work on self confidence and don't compare yourself to what you think is prettier than you. I just recently watched a you tube show done by men for women and the guys discussed what it is they find most attractive in a woman. Mind you these were guys in their thirties or just turning 40. And young guys may not have matured enough to know what they want yet. And since all men at any age are visual and will check out a females body at any age, the one thing they are most attracted to is a females confidence, she knows what goals she has in life or has certain interests she follows, she has her own path and doesnt have to follow the crowd and be like everyone else. She is happy in her own body, is not insecure and always asking if he likes her, or loves her or how she looks in this or that. This is what is most attractive to a guy, so much that if they can't find it in someone in their age bracket, some are willing to look into females who are older than them. They recalled teen and 20's age range where the girls might have been pretty but didn't hold thier interest totally cus she was so insecure and in experienced which could have been off set by doing some study on studying dating and relationships, how to understand and relate to men. A young gal who did that and was happy with her own looks got as many men falling over her as some of the pretty girls who couldnt understand what she had to attract guys with. Most guys admitted they looked and went for while a teen but as they grew older, they found they disliked the boob jobs, fancy new hair do's and nails and tons of makeup girls did to be attractive, they preferred the real woman, not made up. Just for a comparison from real life, I am 55. I wear my hair long, and it had some silver strands, I have the fine wrinkles in my face now, I have always had a nose with a big bump in the middle, have a short torso and very little waist therefore, I have knobby boney elbows, my wrists are boney and probably about the size of a 5th graders and I am short , 5'2. I started out shy as a kid and teen. Looking back, even though I didn't think i was ugly, I didnt feel anything remarkable either. However as my confidence in myself grew, so did mens interests. Even as a mom with 3 kids in tow at a department store, I'd catch men eyeing me and if they caught my eye, sometimes would wink at me. It was a wonderful compliment to a lady who doesnt quite feel sexy while being mom. By time I left an abusive 1st husband, I had gained even more confidence, developed particular interests and I knew now what I was looking for in a guy and went to dating sites with an exact list. I have never in my life realized how many men find me attractive as I learned then. Yes, some wrote just wanting sex, I was looking for a life partner. Several wrote who were putting in searches for someone with similar interests and once they got to talk to me, I became totally irresistable cus of who I was on the inside. I found my wonderful guy there. And even though married, guys still find me like on Facebook for example and write me saying they are looking for a female to date and hopefully marry. They're still drawn to me though I am 55. And honey, they not all my age. I've got those in their late twenties, thirties and forties, all who wish they could have me. I am no raving beauty but the men I attract don't go by Hollywoods and fashion industrys idea of beauty...they want the real woman with her wrinkles, skin tags, freckles, little belly rolls from having kids and small breasts. Hope this gives you some hope that not all is impossible for you. Work on your mind set and your self image and good luck dear.