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depressed boyfriend
I havent been with my boyfriend but we get along so well we can both be cocky laugh and joke around we've meet each other's family. The only problem is he has so much hatred racial jokes,makes comments about every one he loves his sister but hates her argues with his mom just a lot built up he was in a terrible accident a few years ago that he literally died and was brought back he was brain dead a while and had to re learn everything. He says he went to hell snd truely believes he did which he may have I don't want this hate he has for everyone ruin us. What can I do.
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I have a girlfriend who recently broke up with her boyfriend. This guy had a major brain injury in an accident with frontal cortex of the brain being injured as a teen in car wreck. Every gal he's lived with, including a wife, can not have a normal relationship with him. The damage to the brain is such that it affects how he behaves.
Heres some info on the Prefrontal cortex of the brain to give an idea of whats going on if this is his kind of injury.
The prefrontal cortex is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. Likewise, if there is damage to the brain through an accident, there will also be the same effects on those particular functions of the brain.
It would be interesting to know if his behavior changed after the accident or if he was like this before the accident. Brain injury survivors, become like a Dr. Jeckyl, Mr Hyde deal. On
one side you see a beautiful loving person, gentle kind with lots of good in them and for no reason they can instantly change and do some terrible things, picking nasty fights and in some cases even lash out physically such as in this guy attacking my girlfriend recently twice, once hitting her and another in a rage trying to choke her to death.
When you ask, "What can I do?" I am not sure if you are asking, "What can I do to help him" or if instead you are asking, "What should I do as in life decision you are making for yourself, whether to stay with him or not."
The answers in order to my guesses are: There isn't anything you can do for him. If he is depressed, he needs to see a doctor, likely be getting constant medication therapy and counseling. Even with that, he may never be normal, just a little better off than without it.
The second answer is that if you feel you need to make a decision...having the right perspective may help you decide. Remember that a relationship is not your life, it is only one component of your life. Other components are your job, school, family, friends, hobbies, beliefs, morals, values, where you live, your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are some big ones. It is not wise to compromise any or all of these in favor of the one component, a particular man you are in relationship with, whether boyfriend, long term mate or husband. I lived with a 1st husband who was negative for other reasons, and even though I was able to keep my mental and spiritual health healthy, the emotional and physical began to suffer and I went to several different illnesses, to name a few constant headaches, a few migraines, a case of stomach ulcers, gall stones, etc. It got much worse. I had to end the relationship to regain my health and well being. Those who know me well see the difference. I am no longer ill at all.
Sometimes when in a relationship, we tend to forget to love ourselves.
I think its common for women with a strong nurturing, mothering side to them, whether real mothers or not, it's ingrained in us compelling us to approach all aspects of life, and most relationships that way. You may only feel that you need to help him, nurture him. But medically and mentally, only a Dr. can really help him. Spiritually, only his angels and his own want and desire inside him can affect him spiritually. So that leaves just emotional and physical. If you feel that your love and support of him alone can make him whole in those areas, the only way to find out is by sticking with him and giving it some time to see if it makes any difference. But i suggest if this is your decision that you choose ahead of time, how long an amount of time you are going to give to see if your love alone can make him change for the better. Keep in mind that all change an individual makes is not because of outward circumstances alone. The biggest changes come about by where the individuals mind is at. Fears hold most of us back from change, and a brain not working normally can possibly prevent others from being able to change. In that case, your love and support will make no difference.
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