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Why have I been single for so long?
I'm a 16 year old girl who has been single for roughly 3 years and I don't know why. I've been told I'm really pretty, and generally a likable person, even if I don't think so. I'm a bit shy and kind of awkward, plus I have like 0 self confidence. I know that confidence is a good thing to have, but it can't be the only reason why I'm single right? I also don't really put myself out there, I'll talk to someone only if they talk to me first or if i'm with my friends. I've been told that I could get a boyfriend if I tried, but here I am. Single. It seems like all the guys that like me are not really my type and I could honestly never date them. Am I just setting my standards too high? Maybe I'm really ugly and no one wants to tell me? Maybe it's my personality? Maybe I'm just boring? *sigh* I just don't know what's wrong with me.
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I am going to assume that by stating you've been single 3 yrs that you are implying that before that period, you were dating? Like at 12 and 13.
If so, usually thats when kids first begin to try dating, the time when their hormones start to kick in and they take notice of the opposite sex. If you initially got asked but nothing since then, I can see why you wonder...what changed. Actually likely nothing about you changed. You're probably the same person you were then as you are now. It's only that guys were starting to observe you and discover things about you then that they would determine whether it was something they were attracted to or not. Lots of guys are shy at this stage in their life and that can contribute to your situation. Another is a mis-assumption that we 'need' to be dating to be normal like the rest. I never dated in high school. I had about 3 male friends instead, no romantic stuff. Some of us are not ready to start the dating process until we are older and that is okay so don't pressure yourself to do something you aren't ready for.
Young people can be pretty harsh and judgemental of their perceptions of others at this age. Most teens will find they do not gain mental maturity until their mid 20's when the frontal lobe of our brains is finally done growing. So Before then, guys too will not be mature enough to know what they want, be attracted to the wrong things, or not look deep enough to really discover who a girl really is. That is likely another cause of your situation.
And lastly, (even tho you said you don't know why) you provided a list of possible reasons why you could have no guy seeming interested in you
1. Being pretty. The pretty girls are sometimes not approached by guys because they feel they don't have a chance with the girl. A girl needs to look for some signs that a guy she is interested in may have interest in her, and then she needs to make the first move.
2. You said you don't think you're pretty. Girls are trying to fit the image of what teen magazines, fashion industry and Hollywood says is attractive. It is a look that is impossible for any human being to achieve because the majority of it is caused by computer magic, air brushing photos, botox, implants, all fake fake fake. Once guys get past their teens or into the mid 20's when they have matured some, they will begin to realize that what is really attractive is the real natural female and even more than her looks is her self confidence. A plain looking girl with confidence, grown men have agreed will turn their heads faster and make them want to date her than a pretty girl with no self confidence.
3. Being shy. Guess what I discovered with tests I conducted? That the majority of people are all waiting for the other person to start talking first. We assume someone doesnt like us cus they won't approach us and break the ice and start talking. I used to be extremely shy so if you want me to sent a document of how I got beyond that, let me know. And I will send in a separate response, just write to my inbox on my column.
4. Zero self confidence. At your age, I was tired of having zero confidence also. By time I graduated I was only just beginning to make attempts to gain self confidence. It wasn't until I was divorced and starting dating process all over that I stumbled across a concept that worked for me in regaining some confidence now that i was trying to date in my late forties. I will share it with you. You will gain your own confidences as you "Experience Successes" in your life regarding interactions with others. Until then, it works great to borrow the self confidence of someone famous you really like. I did not feel that maybe in 40s I was as attractive as when I was younger to attract a guy. So I decided to focus on what I considered my one best feature, which was my eyes, and then think of an actress whose eyes I thought were sexy and I came up with Sophia Loren, an actress not from your age so you may not be familiar with her. I visualized myself in public and people looking at me and seeing someone as sauve, sophisticated and sexually attractive as Sophia. It worked the first time I tried it. I had to mentally prepare myself, and imagine myself in my mind as her in the beginning but later, even when I wasn't even trying, the inner confidence was still working. I had women and men approach and tell me I had the most beautiful eyes. Strangers mind you! I am not kidding! In all this, my looks didn't actually change, my inner confidence of how I looked is something they picked up on. This can happen for you. But be patient, it will take some time. Be consistant though.
There are several young actresses who follow their own path not doing what Hollywood wants them to, or change their looks for a part like
Miley Cyrus, Hayden Panettiere or Jennifer
Lawrence for example. It more than just looks, I suggest you read the blurbs on what makes them hot people of interest.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Overcoming shyness and gaining self confidence are probably going to make the biggest difference for you. As your girlfriends already know, you could easily get a boyfriend. You have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Let me know if I can help you any further. Good luck dear.
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You're 16, you've been single for the first 3 years of your teenage life. That's not very long for your age. It's not like you're in your 20's or 30's and have been single for 3 years. You're only 16.
Anyways, most people just start dating at your age or older. At least in a more serious way. When you date any younger, it's not much real.
So the reason why you're probably not currently dating is just some of the reasons you stated. It's probably because you are shy, have no self confidence and only talk to people if they talk to you first. Those girls normally have to wait awhile.
So if you want to start dating, then you should probably just put yourself out there. First, you need to work on your self confidence because even girls who are considered unattractive get guys because they have self confidence. Remember, you can't love someone unless you love yourself first. It doesn't sound like you have very much self love. Because honestly, guys don't want to date girls who don't think they are pretty or likable.
Second, once you've worked on your self confidence then that's when you should start talking to people before they talk to you. That's how you meet new people.
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There is nothing wrong with you.
You are sixteen years old.
You've been single for three years, but those three years were basically the first three of year of your life where you could have had anything even remotely like a romantic relationship. With a little luck, you have about 20x that length of time left to have romantic relationships.
Of course it's sad not to have met anyone yet - but that's just bad luck, not a reflection on you as a person or your standards. It's only a reflection on your youth and limited groups you currently move in.
It's okay to be sad and want a boyfriend, but if there are no guys that are interesting to you, then there are no guys that interest you, and that's okay.
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