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Multi personality disorder? Bipolar? I don't know what's wrong with my Dad.
My dad has been and still is a great guy. He loves me very much although he isn't very fond of anyone excluding my Mom, sister, and I. Even though he doesn't "like" much anyone else my friends see him as a happy, sociable person on the outside and he also is very friendly towards most strangers and likes to make small talk with them. He's also successful at his job. This is the side of him that I love so much. But this side of him quickly deteriorates instantly when one little thing comes out of place. He will pout and be extremely aggressive fighting with my mom and storming up to his room to brood for hours. Over the years it had only seemed to have gotten worse. He refuses to think there is something wrong with him and will switch personalities within minutes as if a switch went off in his head. It's as if he's two different people. If you have any idea what could be wrong with him I would love to know. And also some tips on how to get him treated. I'm 14 and female and thanks for reading.
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I don't think your dad is bipolar though I do think he has a problem. In fact I can identify very well with him as I suffered very much like him until I finally sought treatment. I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
I controlled my depression the same way your dad does by controlling everything in my life. As long as everything was in its place and there was a place for everything I was fine. If something was out of place or I could not find a place for something I quickly turned into someone else. Of course like your dad I never felt there was anything wrong with me; this was just me. This is where the real problem is.
Once I sought treatment I learned that a person will only seek help when they feel they need it. This is usually when they hit bottom. This reminded me of something my brother in-law said. My brother in-law, who is 25 plus years a recovering alcoholic, once told me that before a person can be helped they must hit bottom.
For me that bottom was a nasty car accident where I was the only innocent and the only person injured. My injuries forced me into early retirement. My whole world suddenly was out of control. No matter how hard I tried I could not put anything in a place and one day I had a real depressive episode that scared me into seeking help.
You could get lucky and tell your dad my story and maybe he would see himself in my story. If he does he may seek help. If he doesn't there is not much you can do to force him to seek help.
Clinical Depression is caused by several things. The first is the lack of one or two hormones that control mood. Those can be replaced with medication. The other is stress; stress causes pain, both physical and mental, which causes depression. Depression causes pain and stress. This is a vicious cycle and unless there is some type of medical intervention it continues to revolve.
In order to break the cycle you work with a therapist to identify the stressor or stressors and to find a better way to deal with them. You learn to identify when the stress is moving you towards the place you don't want to be. In order to do this work you have to want to do it, you can't be forced into doing it to placate someone or family.
I know how hard this is on you for I know how hard it was on my family. We missed a lot of years we could have done other things that my depression got in the way of. The only thing I can suggest is your mother should talk to your fathers doctor about screening him for depression during his next physical or visit to the doctor. If the doctor does diagnose him as being depressed then maybe your father will listen to the doctor. I say maybe because I didn't and my doctor is also a close friend.
As I said I had to hit my personal bottom before I sought help. That bottom for me was a horrible event that almost took my life. Hopefully your father will be smarter than I was and listen to you, your mom and his doctor. If you can get him to he can write me via this forum and I will be glad to answer any questions he has.
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Sounds just like my ex. To this day, he still has not been treated for a mental disorder. Like your dad, he can function well in society so it's easy for people like them to go undiagnosed and untreated. However I want you to know... I suggest you do this is not normal behavior. My ex too would have a mental idea, plan or image of how his day, or life in general should be and when that one thing didn't fall into place or something unexpected happened, same thing, and everyone else was blamed, yelled at, dumped on or he ordered the rest of us to fix the problem and make it to his satisfaction which was impossible....a catch 22, because he wasn't able to be pleased even if you did try every possible solution. A person like this has some inkling that something is wrong with them, its easy to see when those around you don't fall apart like this so they will in fear having it confirmed that there IS something wrong with them, they go into denial which causes them to expend all their energy being on their best behavior elsewhere so they at home have no energy left to keep up the pretence or something upsets what little control they still have. Another trick is taking the focus off hisself so others dont have a chance to discover he has a problem cus they're not looking at him, they are focused on the person he is pointing the finger at and accusing of having issues. Some friends confronted him and told him to go for counselling or he would lose me. The prognosis from the counselor and a counselor friend, was that even with treatment, improvement could take a long time, maybe the rest of his life to see even a tiny bit of improvement in his behavior. I was not willing to be his verbal punching bag for the rest of my life, my health was beginning to suffer so I left. I have 3 daughters all in their 20's and they were left to make their own judgement of dad. Once I was out of the picture, he began to dump the verbal abuse on them. They love him as their dad but cant stand or take his company and make visits to see him very short or leave the moment he gets out of control. I've told my story so you don't get your hopes up too much and disappointed.
In all reality, the people Dad is least likely to take a suggestion from to see a psychologist or mental health counselor is his family. So theres little you or mom can do. Its better coming from someone who knows him well but is not immediate family so you dont suffer the back lash if he is angry. Better him angry at someone, another relation or close family friend who doesnt live with him than with those of you who do. There is no guarantee that he will be ready to go. Mine ex did, only cus he thought it would convince me to stay, if it was little stuff that a marriage counselor could help us with, I would have. But since it was a mental health issue, I had to decide to make a decision based on what was best for my health and well being and that was not having him as my mate any more. Realize above all that he is scared. Think of a scared injured animal in the wild, you want to rescue it but the animal will lash out at you to hurt you in effort to protect itself from any further hurt. In Dads case, its not injury but mental problems so he will resist help much like an injured animal will.
If other family or close friends are unaware of the problem, and your mom wants him to get help, then she needs to find ways to convince dad to go, and if he reacts badly, enlist help of the people I mentioned. Hopefully medication will improve his disposition enough that everyone is much happier. But it's getting him to that spot that is sometimes the hardest. You can just talk to your mom about it, encouraging her to tell others what is happening, and like your dad, I also noticed the ex get worse as he got older. Is wasnt as bad when I married him but 30 yrs later I had to get out just on the basis of self survival. The other thing you can do is pray. Although in all those years, as a Christian, I prayed and believed for a miracle but he never got better. I am sorry to paint such a bleak picture dear. Love him the best you can and know that it is not you but problems he has inside of him. Keep up a positive self image of your own no matter what he goes through or says. that is my best advice.
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