adviceman49's advice column | Page 275

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140806

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I was just wondering how late 19+ kids get to stay out.

Because my mom is trying to enforce a curfew on me. I'm 19 years old, and I really don't go out too much, i don't drink or do drugs, but i like to go to parties and hang out. is that so bad?

is it wrong that i don't think i should have a curfew? its not like i'm staying out till 4 in the morning. its like 230 tops.. & my mom freaks out and won't talk to me.

maybe i'm being ridiculous, but it's pretty embarrassing when you have to leave a party at 1.. when people are just getting there.

You are legally an adult no longer subject to parental authority. BUT, that word always comes in; but you do live in moms' house and as the saying goes,"if you live in her house you live by her rules."

Then there is the word respect. If mom is waiting up for you then it would be respectful of you to try and end your evening early enough so as she is not waiting up late into the morning hours. I understand you text and let her know you are okay. Until you walk through the door she is going to worry.

How she will handle this when you move out, go off to college or marry is something you need to be concerned with and deal with now as you don't want to be calling her each evening for the rest of your life either.

I do not think the curfew is punitive; I believe it is for her own peace of mind. Once you are home safe she then can go to bed. That is the part that really worries me for as I said what will she do when you move out. If I am right and she is overly concerned for your safety and can not rest until your home. Then this is something that needs to be addressed with a qualified therapist.

I do not think mom will admit to her staying up to see you home safely before she can rest. Instead she will most likely say something to the effect she can not see anything good that can happen at that hour of the morning and you should be home in bed getting your rest. That's mom talk, or an excuse for what is her real problem. It needs to be addressed or you will always have an issue even after you leave the nest.

13/f
ok so my dad hacked my Fb account & saw a message of me asking a boy for some weed. but i don't use it i was just asking for another friend.
but he doesnt believe me & i dont really care but i regret asking that boy for it cause i wasnt gonna buy some i was just curious & my friend also wanted me to found out if he still sells it.
but IM CLEAN. so monday im supposely getting a urine test thingy. idk. so what should i do to convince my dad i wasnt gonna do it, or buy it. i was just curious.
P.S he doesnt believe me cause i get in trouble A LOT at school (not paying attention, yelling at my teacher, cutting myself.) & he doesnt believe me but i stopped. & i never took the weed or anything. Ughh. ohh well what are the consquences for this?

You should of course take the urine test. If your clean it is no big deal. If you truly want to prove to dad your clean ask him to pay for a hair cutting test. In this test the lab takes a cutting of several of your hairs, about a 1/4", and from this they can tell if you have smoked in the last 90 days. I would think this would prove to dad that you are clean and have not used or smoked weed.

While your at it you should tell dad who you were inquiring for. By the way don't ever do it again. This time dad caught you. Next time it could be the police. Your story that you were looking to buy some for a friend could lead to a charge of distribution if the police really want to jam you up. So tell your friend to do her own dirty work. Let dad decide what he wants to do with the knowledge that your friend is smoking weed.

sooo... it's been five days since the condom teared and the guy came inside me...
i've done research and i don't know what to do. i had my period not to long before we had sex, is there a chance this means i won't pregnant? even though he came REALLY DEEP inside me? what is the waiting period for taking a test? i bought the test already because i'm dying to know. and even though it's been five days can i still take some type of morning after pill? if so, what pill?

There is a pill called the plan B pill. If you are old enough you should be able to get it without a prescription from your pharmacy.

They keep changing the law on the age requirement on this. At one time girls 14 an older could get the Plan B without parental permission or prescription. Now I think the law is age 16 or 17. You should check for if you are old enough and 7 days have not passed it still may be effective. It is most effective within 48 hours but they have found that is is still somewhat effective up to 7 days after coitus.

What do I do if my feionce whom I love so so much beats and strangels me :(

This is not a man you should be looking to marry. Get out and don't go back. You are being abused. In fact you should file a police report about his abuse of you. It is called DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and is a felony assault in most states.

You should also call the National Domestic Hotline for advice and help. The number is 1-800-799-Safe(7233). They will help and assist to you to safety and help in your area.

I have been with my bf for 3 years. When I met him he was very depressed & not mentally all there so i guided him through the hard times he had & he turned out amazing. Now its been 3 years and a couple of months ago he started to slap & rip my hair when he gets mad! I said I am not going to accept this & left then helped him seek help about his problem. When I began to see improvements in his behaviour I stupidly forgave him & come running back. Now he close fist hits me & I have had enough. Each time I try to walk out the door he gets more mental coz he knos I am the one who helps him. But I dont understand why I have to get a fist to the face when I havent done anything wrong. Should I stay & help him through this like I have been or forget him & move on?? I love him & I kno he has potential to improve its just the waiting & anything can happen from here on end. HELP PLEASE :(

Get out and don't go back. You are being abused. In fact you should file a police report about his abuse of you. It is called DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and is a felony assault in most states.

He has not right to hit you even if you did something wrong, you are not a child in need of disciplining. You are an adult and adults do not discipline adults with corporal punishment.

You should also call the National Domestic Hotline for advice and help. The number is 1-800-799-Safe(7233). They will help and assist to you to safety and help in your area.

I am 19 years old, and about to finish my first year of college, with a 4.0. I'm a good person, and all that.

Anyway, I still do not have my license. Through high school the classes were too expensive, & i couldn't afford insurance. So, now I can, (and have been able to since last year) my mom lets me drive on occasion. Mainly back streets and such. My 16 year old brother gets to drive much much more then me. Main roads, etc. When I ask if I can drive or if we can practice, she laughs. I've come to the conclusion, that she just doesn't want to let me go.

If i tell her I am going downtown, etc. she freaks out, and bribes me with money or something so I won't go. Since I can't drive, & neither can my closest friend, I sometimes have to rely on her to take us somewhere. She ALWAYS backs out last minute, and makes me look like such a jerk for making plans with someone and then I can't go.

Last year when I was in high school, I was very much considering going about an hour away and living at this one college. If I got enough financial aid, then I was going to go. I did, and I was very excited. Then, a few days later my mom came home with a puppy for me... (i LOVE animals)

So, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so bored on weekends usually. Besides my best friend, my other two friends got boyfriends, so I've been doing next to nothing every weekend..

What do I do? What do I say?

I know my mom just doesn't want to share me, and she tells me how she would be so lonely without me, but this is just getting crazy, even her friends are telling her this.

This will be hard especially on your mother but the longer you wait the harder it will be. You have to cut the apron strings holding you to her. Legally you are an adult now. You do not need her permission to get a drivers licence. You do need her permission to drive her car.

If your state does not require a drivers education class to get a license then you should go ahead and take the drivers test. You may pay more for insurance without the class. This would be the first cut at the apron strings.

Consider starting at the college an hour away from home if the financial aid is still available in the fall. This would be another cut at the apron strings.

For now find a part time job that could be a full time job over the summer so you have money to support yourself with while at school. Financial dependence on mom is the biggest apron sting to be cut and mom will definitely play that one if it comes to it. So be prepared and prepare yourself should she play that card.

You're not the first young adult to write us with this problem. We have had others, some even older than you write to us asking how to cut these strings. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in life but it must be done or you will forever suffer with this problem. You are the youngest and mom doesn't want to let go of her baby; not a very unusual problem.

The sooner you take charge of your own life the better it will be. I'm suggesting you try little cuts at the apron strings rather than one quick separation as it might be easier for both of you. Once you make that cut through don't sew it back together. Start with the drivers license if you can, then the part time job, then transferring to the other school Just don't back down no matter what she offers or threatens.

You not only have a need to live your own life you have a right to live your own life. Keep reminding yourself of this and remind your Mon if need be as well.

My boyfriend and I have been in a three year old relationship, and we have been sexually active for two years.
Our sex life is very good and often playful.
However, every now and then my boyfriend is in the mood of me being in control of him and being more "bossy". I'm up for it, but I always feel like I'm not sure how to be on top and in control.
What are some moves I could use besides pinning his arms up, and not letting him touch me the way he would like to?
Any suggestions would be appreciated :)

Sex is a learned event. To be good especially in a committed relationship like you have you need to communicate.

I think your boyfriend may have some idea of what he wants you to do when your in control. He may be reluctant to ask of you what he desires for fear that you may reject his desires.

So my first suggestion is to communicate with each other what your fantasies might be. To agree that nothing is weird. That if you are both agreeable you will try something but you will not in anyway try to force or coerce the other in to trying something the other feels is a turn off for them.

When it comes to sex what happens in the privacy of your bedroom is not weird as long as you are both comfortable in doing so and no one is truly hurt by what you do. Everyone has fantasies especially when it comes to sex. Those fantasies run the gamut from Bondage and discipline to water sports. As I said as long as the both of you are agreeable there is nothing wrong with them as long as they remain in the privacy of your bedroom and neither of you are truly hurt.

This is where communication and trust come in. If you truly love one another and trust each other. Then you need to talk to each other about your desires and how you want to fulfill them and increase you sex life together. Guessing at what your partner may want is not the way to go about this. Asking him and agreeing in advance that nothing will be considered deviant is. You don't have to agree to it just be respectful that he isn't weird in his fantasy or you in yours.

For school I have to parody the song we didn't start the fire by billy Joel. Since its about events from 1949-1989, I have to do one for my life. I was born in May 1998 so all I have is Apple, 9/11, Obama. I need more events and how to put it in a song

Their are a number of events you can research:

Wars and Conflicts.

Korean War
Vietnam war
Grenada Invasion
The two Gulf wars
Britain's War of the Falkland Islands
The Hostage Crisis in Iran, the taking of the American Embassy
The Cuban Missile Crisis

Assassinations

Martin Luther King
President John F. Kennedy
Bobby Kennedy
The attempted Assassination of President Reagan

Then you have the cold war itself and all the close calls it brought. The Berlin airlift when the Russians closed of access to Berlin Germany. The Space Race was very much apart of the Cold war as we raced the Russian to the moon.

Out of the space race you have many good things to write and talk about especially in medicine and science. The coming of the jet age and supersonic flight. The Internet, Cell, Phones, MP3s and just about everything you now take for granted can be traced back to our race for space as much of this technology grew out of this race.

I normally do not help with homework assignments but in this case I am because history is today a forgotten subject. History is important for if you wish to move forward you have to know where you have been. This assignment will give you insight to what you may not have learned in school. Do your research and write a good paper as you will learn a lot by doing so. I will be hear and will try to help if you need it.

my name is Rachel and i am 22 years old and i will be 23 on Wends-day which is less than a week a way and she says it happened a week before I turned 4 and she also said that had said that he wanted my sisters to and that there was nothing she could do to maker him stop and I don't think that my mom would lie to me about something as horrible at this but what is making me doubtful is that my dad's side of the family has told me for years that she is lying and I should believe what she says. I also don't know weather or not to believe them because my mom says that they are just trying to take up for my dad even though he has been dead ever since I was 12 years old so I can't even go and confront my dad with what is being said about him and even if it was true he probably would deny it to take the blame off his self if he was alive to ask. I do remember bits and pieces but I don't remember the sexual abuse what I remember is my dad slapping my mom and my granny telling my dad to hit her some more and I also remember the police coming to my aunt's house while I was on my dad's lap the cops handcuffing and putting him in a police car and me in a different police car. I've been having nightmare's about the terrible event and I don't know if these are flashbacks or not. my mom said that she took me and my sister's to doctor Col lip which was my pediatrician should
I go to him and ask would it still be on file or would my file be closed since I go to a family doctor now? I also had to have court ordered visitation rights with my dad every other weekend.
my my mom also said he only spent a night in jail and only got 10 years probation wouldn't he have gotten more time than this and I don't think the police would have allowed him to live in the house right behind me if this really happened. If I would go to the police and ask would they still have it on record after almost 19 years?
I can't ask any of my dad's side of the family because they won't talk to me anymore because I still talk to my mom and my mom and my step dads all i have now because my granny died 2 years ago and when she was alive she had severe Alzheimer's and wouldn't remember. what should I do and who should I go to? sorry this is so long but i had to explain everything so that you would be able to answer my question and my mom also said I couldn't talk until I was 4 years old but my dad was in the Vietnam war and my mom said that he wasn't right in the mind plus he had PTSD from the war and being sexually abused when he was a child at least that's what my mom says. If he was molested by his dad why would he want to do it to hes almost 4 year old little girl? please tell me what to do to find out what happened and what's the truth?

First your letter is not totally coherent but I will do my best to answer your questions.

First the big question: Would an abused child abuse their own child. The answer to this question unfortunately is yes. Just why this is so I am not qualified to answer. A psychologist may be able or should be able to answer this part of the question better.

Now as to your other questions. By law doctors are required to keep medical records on file for a certain period of time. Just how long a period that could vary from state to state. That being said; should your pediatrician still have you medical records then you, as an adult now, are entitled to have them. The doctor should release copies of his records to you upon written request.

Police records are a different story. They never go away. Someplace they are archived. You may have to use the Freedom of Information Act request to get what you are looking for or you may need a lawyer to request of the court to have them released to you. I believe though that if the Police will not give them to you voluntarily a Freedom of Information request should be sufficient to get what you are asking for.

As for the rest of what you have written. I can only suggest if you are going to dig up all of this you should do so with the help of a qualified family therapist. It appears to me you are about to dig up 19 years of family history and personal hurt. It would be best if you did so with the help of a qualified therapist to help you make sense of all of this and to properly deal with it. To do so any other way is to injure yourself all over again except this time the hurt will be even deeper.

i am from PAKISTAN,
I AM 28 YEAR old & got married 3 weeks ago,
my wife is 25 years old,
she have Big breasts with big Aerola's,
she use's 40 inches Bra size according in our country sizes,
to b very frankly i am worried about her Character before Our Marriage,
If some body can
then please Help & Advice me
i am very tens n upset,
i am sorry if my English is not very correct.

I understand in your country there are a lot of arranged marriages, so it is understandable that you might not know that much about your wife's past.

If you are concerned that your wife did not bleed or that you did not feel you broke her Hyman on your wedding night you really do not have something to be overly concerned about.

Now I am not familiar with the practices of your country. That being said today's women even in you country have access to feminine products your ancestors did not. If your wife uses Tampons she may have ruptured her own hymen years ago. This would account for the lack of bleeding and your not feeling the breaking of her Hymen. If your wife is or were very athletic her Hymen could have broken as a result of athletic exercise, falling down or even horseback riding.

The fact that you wife may not have had an intact Hymen does not mean your wife is not or was not a virgin on your wedding night. Her breast are a gift from god and doesn't mean she is a loose women. A small breasted women can have a sexual past just as easily as a large breasted women. The size of a woman's breast has nothing to do with her sexual past.

Hi there. 19/f.

My period is ALWAYS on time. I start at the 14th of every month, and for some reason this month,
I haven't started yet.

This month I have started working out at the Y. I've done water aerobics, treadmill, oliptical, and a bicycle.

Me & my boyfriend had unprotected sex, and he uses the pull out method, but we haven't had sex in almost two months, and I've had my period since then on time; and I've also took pregnancy tests and all are negative; along with my blood test from my doctor. So I know it isn't that.

I haven't took my birth control yet. My doctor told me to start it at the beginning of April; so it can't be that. , and
I'm just curious as to why my period is late?

The short answer to your question is yes.

If you look at the Olympic women athletes many look under developed. Most of them are and most of them do not get there periods. The strenuous exercising they do takes so much out of them that their bodies halt that development and with it their periods. As soon as they stop training their bodies develop and their periods begin.

Even though you are starting birth control, your partner should still use a condom. First, it is a good back up birth control method. Second, while a condom does not prevent the transmission of all STDs it does prevent many. Having unprotected sex with someone that you have not been in a long term committed relationship with. Means that you are both having sex with everyone you have both had unprotected sex with in the past.

Your bf may not like condoms for some don't feel or take feeling away. There are a whole host of condoms on the market. You can experiment with different ones until you find one you both like. You can cruise the web and you will find companies that will send samples to try. If either of you are Latex sensitive there are non-latex condoms available..

12/F Ok well I've asked a question about this before about me not wanting to have sex with my boyfriend and well I kinda took the advise until a few weeks ago:(it was his birthday and we were at his house in his bedroom and then we were playing truth or dare I got dared to have sex with him...infront of everyone!so well I said no at first but then everyone got mad so I said yes and well we did! And now I have missed my period and I'm gettin symptoms of pregnancy and I don't know what to do! Help please! I hate myself for doing it!I feel like such a slut!

If everything happened as you said it did you have been raped. The definition of rape is having sex against your will. You said no. You were then bullied, coerced or in some way forced to change your mind. That is the definition of rape. That in a manner of speaking is sort of good news for if you are pregnant you will need to tell your parents.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. Once anyone says no, boy or girl, to having sex. If they are in anyway forced, shamed, bullied or pressured into having sex; that is the definition of rape. By your description of what happened, even though you consented in the end; you were raped. You felt you had no choice. Having no choice is rape. You are a victim. Not a willing participant. Just keep remembering that.

Know what you have to do is tell your parents. You start by telling them you were raped and you think you are pregnant. From that point on your parents are going to ask a lot of questions. They are going to want to know why you didn't tell them sooner. The answer to that question is simple you were not sure you were raped until someone told you the definition of rape. Then tell them just as you have written to us. Like I said once you said NO, anything further becomes subject to the Rape laws and the police should be called.

Then you need to see a doctor to find out if you are pregnant. If you are then being under 14 whatever your parents decide is what you must do.

Just keep in mind that by definition you were raped. Your parents are going to be upset. There may be some crying and yelling but I don't think they will be mad at you. I think the may be upset with themselves that you were afraid to tell them what happened to you.

My dad HATES his side of the family for an unknown reason. I can never go to their house(s) because he forbids me to see SOME of them!
I made plans for Friday to do with my cousin(I already met her) and when I told him, he was like "Uh no your not" and my mom said it was ok!!!
I talked to him about it and he said "Until your 18 you live under MY rules" and stupid crap like that. I'm not waiting like 7 years to see them!!!
What do I do? I can't talk to him because he walks away from me and shuts his door!!!!

So you got the infamous "you live under my roof, you live by my rules," quote.

That is a tough one to undo for regardless of how you feel about it, it is quite true and very lawful. As long as you are under 18 your parents are responsible for you and everything you do, regardless of where you live. They have every right to limit who you see and what you do. Is it right? not really. When put in to certain aspects of your growing up and learning to make your way in the world in can be very wrong.

Being of the age of one of your grandparents I can tell you that many family feuds are for the most part irrational to those outside the feud, such as someone like you. Now it is possible that your dad has a very good reason why he does not want you seeing members of his family. My father in-law had a very good reason for feuding with his family.

He was a prisoner of war during WWII. Two of his three brothers and his one sister sold everything he owned when they got the news. His other brother was also in the Army fighting and he maintained a relationship with him but not his two other brothers and his sister. For when he returned they said; oh we figured you would die in prison camp and would want us to have your things. They never offered to even give him the money they got for them. This is just an example of a justifiable family feud. There are thousands of lesser reasons for family feuds.

Your father may not think you are old enough to understand the why of his not wanting you to see his side of the family. If this is the case you could ask mom if she can give you some insight or when in doubt about an issue like this follow one of the golden rules; "Honor thy father."

I know what I am asking is hard, especially since you have no logical explanation to do so. But ignoring your fathers wishes until you are old enough for him to be either be more comfortable in telling you the why of his reasons; or you are old enough to be on your own and make up your on mind of who to see and not see. This is the right thing for you to do now.

Whatever the reason is your father is harboring a deep hurt towards his family. You fighting him on this will only deepen that hurt.

Is it weird for my school to search their students and have drug sniffing dogs?

Sometimes at my school we have to randomly get searched or go through metal detectors. Or sometimes they bring dogs in the school to search for drugs. And if the metal detector goes of because maybe you have metal on your pants or jacket or bra an adult has to search you and they get too close and touchy. I don't even do drugs or get in trouble. Do you think that's weird or wrong? Is my school the only school that does this?

No I don't think it is weird. I think it is a shame that we must resort to doing things like this to keep you safe in school.

Where I live in our middle schools and High schools we have what they call resource Officers. They are on Duty Police Officers that Patrol the hallways and teach a class as well. Their primary purpose is two fold. Student safety and to get to know the students. Recently there have been discussion on if it necessary to expand this program to our elementary schools. The need to do so is a bigger shame that it has become necessary.

The shame of all this is that we need to do this. There was a time when this was not even thought off. I'm 65 years old. When I went to school we never thought about bringing any type of weapon to school. Teachers had total parental control of us. If we stepped out of line they treated us as if we were one of their own children.

I remember in high school if a fight broke in the cafeteria they would call Mr. Fraley the football coach. He would walk into the middle of whatever and bodies started flying out middle of the fight. Today they call the Police.

I remember how pleasant it was to travel by air. Going to the airport was exciting. You checked in. You and those seeing you off all went to the gate. You plane watched, you boarded and everyone was pleasant. Today just getting to the gate can take longer than most of the flights.

No its not weird it is just a sign of the times and it is very unfortunate that we must do so.

I've been having these terrible headaches,I've been also taking all sorts of pills but I can't seem to make 'em stop,what can I do?'Cause I cannot afford to go the doctor either,thanks!

If you do not have health insurance and cannot afford to see a doctor. Go to a hospital emergency room. All hospitals are required by law to treat you regardless if you can pay or not. Your best choice of hospitals is the county hospital but any hospital must by federal law treat you.

If you are under 18 there are federal programs to cover the cost of the hospital visit. Hospital Er's do not work on a first come first served basis so be prepared to wait. They go by who is the most sick is seen first.

A headache can be just that or it can be a sign of something worse that if caught early is easily treatable. That is what these programs are all about. Treat you know while the problem is in the early stage and it cost less than later when it has progressed to a point where hospitalization may be required.

So don't worry about cost, go to the hospital ER. Be prepared to wait and see a doctor.

f/18

its my final year in high school and for my last and final grade i have to do a research paper (max 5pages. min 3pages), and i decided to do my paper on the way other cultures have inspired american cuisine, but i cant find anything on the web along those lines. everything i find is saying that ALL of american food came from other places. what can i do to get more info on the american food? and if you know of a website could you PLEASE tell me. i have dead lines every friday untill may 20th and my first deadline is in 3 days and i have nothing to work with. PLEASE HELP ME IF YOU CAN!

Type into yahoo search engine"history of American cuisine." The return will include a number of sites. I think you will find most of what you need in the following link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_cuisine

What's the easiest way to die painless

As a first responder I can tell you with out a doubt there is no easy way to die. I have probably seen every conceivable way people have tried and in the end they call for help out of pain.

If you are thinking about suicide please co to the closes hospital emergency room and ask for help. They won't ask for insurance if you tell them you are suicidal and need help.

I am a female, in my 20's, married, and work in a male-dominated profession. My job requires quite a bit of travel, and sometimes the jobs have long hours and are physically intense. This often leads to the crew having a few drinks at the end of the day. My husband has an extreme jealousy streak, and recently told me of all the men I work with, he is most jealous of my immediate supervisor. He (hubby) knows I love him, and he trusts me, but he doesn't trust the guys I work with. The last job, just myself and my supervisor were on the crew. After a few beers, we were calling it a night and heading to our respective rooms. My supervisor then asked me if he could kiss me! Shocked - I said NO and went straight to my room. I called my husband to tell him goodnight (like I always do), but I did not tell him what happened. The next morning my supervisor apologized, and we finished up the job, over the next few days, without any afterwork beers. I don't want to do jobs alone with my supervisor again. I don't want to go above his head and tell someone higher up what happened for fear they might make me file a sexual harassment claim.

How do I go about making sure we don't get scheduled alone together on a job again? Should I tell my husband what happened, and risk him wanting me to quit my job (or worse, alter my carrer plans in this very hard worked for and difficult to break into profession to something less male-dominated)?

Please Adivse!

The answer Razhie gave you was good for as far as it went. She did not address the issue of you and your supervisor working alone together.

Depending on who makes up the work schedule you may be able to avoid filling a sexual harassment complaint. If someone other than your supervisor makes up the schedule then go to the scheduler and ask if it is possible not to schedule to work alone together.

The scheduler will probably ask why? You can try replying that something uncomfortable happened the last time you did. That you would just as soon let drop as it has been rectified but you would prefer you and he were not in that position again. You may have to further explain that nothing happened between you and him. It was just an awkward position you found yourself in and you would rather not be placed in again.

If the scheduler is a savvy person he/she will understand and if he/she is not wanting to force you to make more of the situation than you wish. The scheduler will do all that can be done not to schedule the two of you alone together.

You may though be requested to explain exactly what happened and if in the eyes of the scheduler this amounts to sexual harassment and is a violation of the companies sexual harassment policy. You will be asked to file a complaint.

Of course if the person that makes up the work schedule is your supervisor. Then you may have no choice but to go to HR and file a complaint.

Remember, that you are the victim here and did nothing wrong. Yes he apologized which is good. Still he placed you in an awkward position not just as coworkers, but as a supervisor and someone he supervises. This is not proper and if you were my wife and you told me I would be supportive of you filling a sexual harassment claim as what you said happened is to my mind sexual harassment.

Im a woman and I never had an orgamism what can I do to fix the problem?

There are a number of reasons why you are having a problem. First understand if a boy gets an erection the chance of him not cumming is about 1% at your ages. Basically a boy gets hard he can cum through oral, hand or intercourse at almost anytime or any place.

For a girl it is a little more complicated. Unlike a boy a girl cannot just drop her pants and have intercourse. She needs foreplay. She needs to be comfortable and she needs to feel safe in her surroundings. Remove any of these three things and the boy will get off and she probably will not.

What I suggest is that you first find out if you can orgasm. To do so I suggest you go in your bedroom, lock the door, undress and make love to yourself. Call it self-foreplay or masturbation if you want. There is no sin in masturbation it is after all nothing more than foreplay and according to a recent survey 85 percent of us do it. Most religions condone masturbation including the Catholic church.

If you can relax in your own room and bring yourself to orgasm then there's nothing wrong with you. What you will find out is if you are clitoral or vaginal in nature. If you can orgasm by stimulating your clitoris then what you need to do is get your boy friend to stimulate your clitoris during foreplay and to find positions that allow for greater stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse.

You may also find that you need to spend more time on foreplay before actually having intercourse. Boys (ages from 13 to 25) are always in a rush to get to the act, so you may have to slow him down both before, during foreplay and while having intercourse to allow you to catch up to him.

Most important for a female to reach orgasm is comfort and security. Meaning having sex in a bed someplace where you will not be disturbed or overheared or intruded. Once you know what you need then you can teach your partner.

By the way this is fairly normal for people your age. Boys are quick on the trigger so research the web to find ways to slow him down and I think you will find what you are missing as well.

I hope I have helped.

Well this happened a few months back n I feel guilty. Since I have my periods regularly almost the exact date, once when it got postponed for a week I totally panicked. i did a pregnancy test at home twice and it turned to be positive. Me n my boyfriend looked up for early abortion tablets online, also consulted a friend whos married and I took the pill. The periods started immediately. I know I should have consulted a doctor but in my circumstances I was too embarassed to do so. Thinking of the facts that 'I am not a virgin' plus 'I have had an abortion' makes me feel horrible! Not that I will marry this guy, things between us are so bad , I fear a break up soon. How do I get rid of this dirty feeling?

First I don't think these early abortion tablets sold online actually work. If they do, I don't think they work as fast as you say this one did. I think it takes a few days for something like this to work.

Rather what I believe occurred here is you obsessed over a possible pregnancy and you through your cycle off causing you to be late. When you took this pill, possible a placebo, you relaxed enough for your body to function properly and your period started.

There are a lot of snake oil medicines sold online. Most of them do not work as advertised. When they do work it is more mind over matter. Another way of putting it is you mind cured the problem. You didn't abort anything, rather your body rebooted itself when you relaxed enough to allow it to do so.

The mind is a powerful tool. Ask any doctor and they will tell you that most of them are not talented enough to truly cure everything that ails us. They just send the bills. Our mind and our beliefs in a higher power are what really cures us.

So let this be a lesson to you. If your going to have sex you need to be on birth control and your partner needs to wear a condom. If you are over 14 years of age you do not need parental permission to seek a doctors appointment for any ailment or medical treatment concerning your reproductive health. This goes for boys as well.

This is guaranteed under Federal Law called HIPPA. Under this law you are guaranteed total medical confidentiality. Meaning you can speak openly with the doctor about any concerns you have and treated for them. You can ask for and receive a prescription for birth control pills or any other form of birth control you and your doctor agree upon is right for you.

Your mother has no right to be in the exam room with you and the doctor will not examine you if mom is in the room unless you consent to it. You cannot consent under duress. Any information concerning your doctors visit is totally confidential and cannot be released without your written consent. This is federal law and carries stiff prison time for the doctor or anyone in his/her employ.

Even if and when you are on birth control and until you are in a long term committed relationship. Your sex partners must wear a condom. This limits some of the STDs but not all that can be exchanged during sex.

Short answer to your question: I don't believe you had an abortion. Things don't work as you described them so please don't feel bas but learn from this experience.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>