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what would you do if this was your mother?
I am 19 years old, and about to finish my first year of college, with a 4.0. I'm a good person, and all that.
Anyway, I still do not have my license. Through high school the classes were too expensive, & i couldn't afford insurance. So, now I can, (and have been able to since last year) my mom lets me drive on occasion. Mainly back streets and such. My 16 year old brother gets to drive much much more then me. Main roads, etc. When I ask if I can drive or if we can practice, she laughs. I've come to the conclusion, that she just doesn't want to let me go.
If i tell her I am going downtown, etc. she freaks out, and bribes me with money or something so I won't go. Since I can't drive, & neither can my closest friend, I sometimes have to rely on her to take us somewhere. She ALWAYS backs out last minute, and makes me look like such a jerk for making plans with someone and then I can't go.
Last year when I was in high school, I was very much considering going about an hour away and living at this one college. If I got enough financial aid, then I was going to go. I did, and I was very excited. Then, a few days later my mom came home with a puppy for me... (i LOVE animals)
So, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so bored on weekends usually. Besides my best friend, my other two friends got boyfriends, so I've been doing next to nothing every weekend..
What do I do? What do I say?
I know my mom just doesn't want to share me, and she tells me how she would be so lonely without me, but this is just getting crazy, even her friends are telling her this.
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This will be hard especially on your mother but the longer you wait the harder it will be. You have to cut the apron strings holding you to her. Legally you are an adult now. You do not need her permission to get a drivers licence. You do need her permission to drive her car.
If your state does not require a drivers education class to get a license then you should go ahead and take the drivers test. You may pay more for insurance without the class. This would be the first cut at the apron strings.
Consider starting at the college an hour away from home if the financial aid is still available in the fall. This would be another cut at the apron strings.
For now find a part time job that could be a full time job over the summer so you have money to support yourself with while at school. Financial dependence on mom is the biggest apron sting to be cut and mom will definitely play that one if it comes to it. So be prepared and prepare yourself should she play that card.
You're not the first young adult to write us with this problem. We have had others, some even older than you write to us asking how to cut these strings. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in life but it must be done or you will forever suffer with this problem. You are the youngest and mom doesn't want to let go of her baby; not a very unusual problem.
The sooner you take charge of your own life the better it will be. I'm suggesting you try little cuts at the apron strings rather than one quick separation as it might be easier for both of you. Once you make that cut through don't sew it back together. Start with the drivers license if you can, then the part time job, then transferring to the other school Just don't back down no matter what she offers or threatens.
You not only have a need to live your own life you have a right to live your own life. Keep reminding yourself of this and remind your Mon if need be as well.
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Well,that is really sweet,you're mum is really sweet,but I do know that she is overprotecting you.Look,if you want me to be honest,you two should do therapy together so as to see if there's something wrong between the the two of you,maybe she is seeing something in you that still promts her or moves her to protect you as if you were still a litte kid,mmm...Maybe there's something wrong only with her,or who knows,therapy is really useful for most of people sometimes,you ought to try it,trust me,it helped me a great deal to me once,hope I've helped a little:)
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You can't live for your mother. It's extremely unfair of her to put her happiness in your hands like this. Good parents don't have children so they can keep them at home forever. Good parents have children so they can send them off into the world to become their own people, and enjoy them as fellow adults, not as overgrown babies.
You need to start making a plan for yourself. It may be worth it to talk to a career counselor (the YMCA/YWCA sometimes offers this service, or talk to your old high school to find one in your area) to help with this. Take real steps towards breaking away and being your own person. Look into college options, or start applying to jobs in other cities. Heck, you don't even have to move out town. There's no law that says that as long as you're in the same city, you have to live with your parents. Check out apartment listings, or see if anyone in your area is looking for a roommate.
Your mother will resist. She might cry. She might threaten you. She might try to bribe you or beg you to stay. You've got to stick up for yourself and your future, and tell her in no uncertain terms that you can't be responsible for her happiness forever. As long as you're living under her roof, she's going to put you in that role. Time to break away and be your own person.
Until you can move yourself out, is there another way to get around? With spring coming on, cycling could be an option. Or there's always public transit. Try getting involved with a new hobby that takes you out of the house. Jogging, joining a gym or a yoga class, taking a pottery seminar, volunteering... they're all great ways to keep busy and keep your own life going outside the house.
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