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Partner refuses to be romantic. He stopped 'Fighting'
I have been with my boyfriend since a year and 3 months. Why our relationship tends to be difficult at times, is the distance between us, seeing as we skype everyday, with 10, 000 km between us (and a 3 and a half hour difference).
I love the boy very dearly and am very vocal about it. Unfortunately, he isn't. Often times, I feel like I need to hear compliments or sweet words to feel loved and to be able to go to sleep happily. I know relationships don't revolve only around that, but fact is, that IS all we have. Well, except for jokes, understanding and all the basic stuff (that don't get me wrong, I treasure dearly). But as a girl with past relationships (and a broken heart), I know what I want from a man. And HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT. First, I tried hinting at it, but he ignored that. Since we are very honest to one another, I told him flat out, say these things to me. I feel happy then. He didn't do it. Then, I made the mistake of yelling at him. All the more, he didn't do it. So then I left it, and all he does nowadays, is her plays with his phone and plays with something or another and then just rattles off an: 'iloveyouyourebeautiful/cute'. -that's it. When I have just earlier, told him how much I adore his smile, the way he looks ble ble- all the cheese of the world.
Fact is, we have had a fight, were I told him to say these things to me (once again) and he compared it to me not having had UNPROTECTED SEX. -he says if I want that, then he wants UNPROTECTED. -I said flat out: NO, because I am scared. He said I'm being silly. -I decided to teach him a 'lesson' and didn't speak to him for 3 days. Finally, today he apologized many times via email. So I came to him on skype. -After a while of him only picking fights with me, instead of apologizing, he told me that he apologized only in a 'MOMENT OF WEAKNESS'. One lead to another, and I told him, how this means so much to me, for the millionth time. He just stared and said, that what I want is 'STUPID'. I yelled at him. And I just looked all shocked. All energy was drained out of me. What more can I tell this boy?
Finally, it all ended with all my emotions coming gushing out. All the times I chases after him, all the times I have apologized for the smallest of things, when he can't respect this ONE wish.
It all came out in a long sentence. 'I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. -You BROKE MY HEART'.
-While the hating part is a lie, the heart breaking isn't. I feel ridiculous. Also, I know that most girls would have dumped a boy for verbally forcing them into unsafe sex... But on the other hand, I know he loves me. -what now?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Stop dragging it out and break up.
It's not working. You two aren't compatible.
He doesn't understand. After 3 years he probably isn't going too wake up one morning and see things your way. You also can't find a way to understand and feel appreciated without a very specific kind of verbal appreciation.
Neither of you are willing to compromise, so you aren't compatible.
Lots of people love one another, but aren't able to behave in loving ways towards one another.
End it.
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ok well ur situation is not uncommon but i have never been in such a situation however i can give some advice from the relationship im in now. me and my boyfriend are always texting eachother and talking sweet i also see him everyday at school like i have since kinder. we have now been dating for 3 years and he is the mushy lovey one not me. if he wasent though our relationship may not work. why? because love is not 1 sided its 2 sided i love him very much and he knows it so thats his way of showing me that he loves me. but if you keep telling him and he yells at you and talks about unprotected sex which i would be very scared of too since me and my boyfriend havent even kissed yet. so take a step back and say to yourself if a friend was in a position like yours, so your feelings wont get in the way, what would u tell her to do. so think about that and get to know the situation better instead of letting your feelings for him get in the way. I HOPE THIS HELPS! -with lots of love and compassion for u~ Katie
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You know i do not think he deserves you. I know you're upset i said it but it's true and if you want your life to be like this and something to mean nothing. I suggest you dumb the asshole. I know you love and if you follow my advice you'll find someone who actually does love you and doesn't force you to anything. My friend had the same situation and she still can't get over him. I keep telling her to follow my advice but she just thinks i'm joking. I'm telling you this will help just let go and move one.
1) Try to keep yourself busy.
If you have any after school sports and or activities, join them son't sit there doing nothing. It's not going to help you get over her trust me.
2) Avoid her. Don't talk to her, don't look at her , and stay away from her as far as possible.
This is the best way to forget them. It helps to get them off your head and it won't hurt you as much. Unless you keep thinking of them.
3) If she keeps asking you why you're not talking to her or why you're ignoring her just tell her you don't want to see her anymore.
She's not worth fighting for. Just tell her that you don't want to see her anymore because of how much she hurt you.
4)Try to move on to a new girl. Don't just stay put. Observe other girls and see what you like in them or just don't date at all its really your choice.
My friend didn't follow any advice i told her and now she is crying that the guy she likes hates her now. or at least that's what she said.
I really hope i helped
Good Luck!
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Take a look at things from his perspective. You would rather have him spout off a bunch of mushy romantic comedy nonsense against his will than be content with a great guy who's willing to last the distance with you from 10 000 km away, but doesn't like to sound like a valentine. You have to admit, that is pretty stupid.
Now, wanting a guy who says sweet, romantic things isn't stupid. That's not what I'm saying. Trying to force another person into a mold that you've prepared for them is, though. If you really love this guy, you'll love him for who he is. I'm not those ladies who likes to spout (or receive) cheesy compliments, but my husband loves to lay it on. We've had to just come to terms with our differences. He knows that I love him, but in my own way. I laugh when he calls me Snugglemuffin, and try not to barf when he acts all soppy-sweet.
If you really can't deal, then you should be breaking free to find that Prince Charming you're looking for, because even if you do get this guy to start talking like him it won't be sincere.
His unprotected sex analogy (that's what it was, not a demand that you actually have unprotected sex) wasn't too far misplaced. Him talking you into having unprotected sex in the name of love would make you extremely uncomfortable. It wouldn't be you. You'd be unhappy and feel put upon and wouldn't enjoy it a bit. So when you try to force a torrent of Taylor Swift lyrics out of this guy, he's feeling like it's a bastardization of the real, beautiful relationship that you two could be enjoying. He just didn't word it very well.
Remember that while he's not respecting this one wish of yours, you're not respecting his wishes either by making these demands. You two have to compromise between the two of you if you want to make it work.
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