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Abusive Boyfriends
I have been with my bf for 3 years. When I met him he was very depressed & not mentally all there so i guided him through the hard times he had & he turned out amazing. Now its been 3 years and a couple of months ago he started to slap & rip my hair when he gets mad! I said I am not going to accept this & left then helped him seek help about his problem. When I began to see improvements in his behaviour I stupidly forgave him & come running back. Now he close fist hits me & I have had enough. Each time I try to walk out the door he gets more mental coz he knos I am the one who helps him. But I dont understand why I have to get a fist to the face when I havent done anything wrong. Should I stay & help him through this like I have been or forget him & move on?? I love him & I kno he has potential to improve its just the waiting & anything can happen from here on end. HELP PLEASE :(
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I love it when guys don't take any shit from girlfriends. If I could go back on time I would have pounded my girlfriends face in and kicked her in the face until she was covered in blood. I'm not even joking I wish so bad I would have beat her face in soo bad. You deserve to get hit cunt, just cause your a woman doesn't mean SHIT. I hate how women think just because they are woman that they can do whatever they want. I love it when a guy punches his woman square in the face. It's a cold world bitch so get used to it. I will absolutely punch my next girl in the face if I'm mad at the cunt.
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You cant stay in this situation no matter how much you love him. Sometimes it is better to just let them go. Now before you tell him you are moving out you need family or friends and a police officer there while you move your possessions out of the home. For your safety you need to let him know that you can walk out and what he is doing to you is wrong. If he harms you again you need to contact the police. He has been getting worse, slapping and pulling hair to beating you whats next murder? Please open your eyes hun. You need to get out of this situation and fast.
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I agree with NinjaNeer and Adviceman, and here are my two cents:
Out. Get out now. Not being "mentally all there," as you put it, is not an excuse for subjecting your significant other to violence. You've even called him abusive, so the euphemisms are off. He's a batterer and you're his victim - sorry, but you don't get the title of "Survivor" until you get away from him for real and for good.
From the way you described it, every time you come back, the abuse gets worse. He's already hitting you with a closed first - what's he gonna do next? Grab a knife because the fist-to-face thing isn't effective anymore? Do you really want to wind up in the hospital because your abusive boyfriend is beating you harder and harder?
I'm gonna be a nerd here for a second - I'm actually studying intimate partner violence/domestic violence from a behaviorist psychological perspective. Did you know that somewhere around 2 million women are reportedly abused by their significant others per year? Two MILLION. Even more of them don't report the abuse, and wind up hospitalized - or killed, even accidentally. Batterers like your boyfriend can lose control at the drop of a hat and accidentally do some serious damage to their victim.
Going with a theory I have, he fits the ICD typology described here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Anyway. You DON'T have to get a fist to the face for doing nothing wrong. No, DO NOT stay and help him through this. You've done enough. The rest is up to him, and having you there to punch when he gets frustrated, or for whatever reason, will not help him. He could do CBT and get treatment for it, but you need to get away from him first.
He's dangerous; this is no joke, and as far as I'm concerned, not worth your time until and unless he FINISHES a treatment program. Sure, they all have potential to improve, but they have to make the decision to change for real, for themselves, not because of a significant other.
In short, leave him. You should NEVER stay with someone who hurts you. Ever. Be strong; make the right decision; be safe.
Siren
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Get out and don't go back. You are being abused. In fact you should file a police report about his abuse of you. It is called DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and is a felony assault in most states.
He has not right to hit you even if you did something wrong, you are not a child in need of disciplining. You are an adult and adults do not discipline adults with corporal punishment.
You should also call the National Domestic Hotline for advice and help. The number is 1-800-799-Safe(7233). They will help and assist to you to safety and help in your area.
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I'm all for helping people through the rough patches, but there comes a point where you need to put your own health and safety above rescuing others.
By accepting his abuse over and over but still coming back to save him, you're telling him that that is acceptable behaviour. It isn't. He has no incentive to change right now. What he needs is a reason to change, and he's not going to get it as long as he has you saving his butt.
He knows that you're willing to help. What he needs to know is that as long as he's abusive towards you, that help is not forthcoming. You stay away until you see some real, quantifiable effort on his part. Name your terms. Do you want him to start seeing a counselor? Then tell him you won't so much as take a phone call until he shows you he's maintaining a treatment regimen for an amount of time that you're comfortable with. He abandons that after you come back? You're out. Or tell him that next time he hits you, you're calling the police and pressing charges. And mean it. That's the most important part: following through. Meaningless threats won't do anything. He has to know that you're going to be firm.
I've been in your boyfriend's position (minus the physical abuse part). I've been not mentally all there and had someone hauling my arse through it all. The only reason that someone and I are married today is because he gave me the ultimatum that I had to start taking some responsibility for my own health and actions, or else he was going to leave, no matter how much it hurt either of us. I threatened, I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I manipulated. Then I got off my butt and accepted the help that was being offered, which was the beginning of my journey into figuring out how to control my mental illness.
I know it hurts to think of leaving someone you've put so much time and effort into, especially when you know they can be a really good person. The problem is that by rescuing him over and over again and accepting all of his problems as they are, you're telling him that he doesn't need to improve. He is capable of getting better, but he won't do it while you're carrying him. Make him do the work, and he'll be more likely to stick with it. Support him in what he does, but don't force him. He has to want it for himself.
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Get out of the relationship right away. if you don't leave him, you are putting yourself at risk. have confidence. stand up for yourself. you have NO right to be treated that way and deserve better. he shouldn't be taking his problems out on you. its one thing if he has emotional problems and helping him through the bad, but its another thing if he takes out his emotions on you. you deserve better than being a boy's personal punching bag. in the words of bob marley, stand up for your right! there are plenty of fish in the sea, and im sure a wonderful guy will come along that will treat you with respect and make you happy. true love never involves violence. go find your real true love
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