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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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We go to the same university (both sophomores). We've known each other for a while, but I was in a failing relationship at the time that we met, so he didn't "try" anything.
He asked me out after my previous relationship ended. We went out for drinks and then I came over to his place. We ended up making out the entire time. He tried to go further, but I stopped him.
Last week, we went out again. He asked me to come over but I declined.
He wanted to see me again, and we made plans to hang out at his apartment for a few hours this weekend(we have pretty cramped schedules and it was the only time that worked for both of us).
Should I be concerned that he's just asked me to come over? How do I prevent things from escalating too fast when I do come over? Does it sound like he's only interested in sex?
Thanks :)
If you've known about him for a while, how well did you know him while in the other relationship? If you don't know him well enough to feel comfortable alone with him at his place, then dont do it. And tell him so. Tell him you agreed to date to discover if you like anything about him other than (and here you list what you do know about him). If you find him attractive and can feel a spark with him but have not developed deep enough feelings to be ready to have sex, then say so. Until a girls tells him how it is, a guy can only guess and assume.
Are you going out with him only because he asked and you want a boyfriend badly or some social life, or are you genuinely interested in getting to know him better.
What I am asking is, if you find there are enough things about him that you are magically drawn to him, wanting to learn more. I assume you want to marry and have kids some day. Dating is to discover things in men that you like and dont like and as soon as you feel that the person you are with is not a good potential as a marriage partner then stop dating.
All guys are visually stimulated and want sex. A really mature man with experience in life will know better than to just assume its okay to start making out without discussing romance and sex before hand with the girl and leaving it up to her to make the first move sexually when she is ready. Thats how it was for me with my 2nd husband, we were both in our forties. When we met, we talked in detail about our hopes and dreams and what was important to us. To me, finding my sexual equal was important cus my ex and I were mismatched. Different libido's plus we had no sexual chemistry.
The current husband spoke with me in detail regarding anything about sex, experience, likes, dislikes, etc and I did the same for him. I knew how he believes women should be treated, upheld and supported. Spending time with him, he was able to prove himself through action. I knew he was attracted to me, he'd told me so and I could see it in his eyes, but he left it up to me to start the first kiss and the first overtures to making love. If you want that same kind of control, ask for it. If he's a reasonable loving caring man at heart, he will understand. If he is only interested in sex, he may tell you or not. He may simply stop calling or talking to you to show disinterest. So have a good talk on the phone or in public before going anywhere where you'd be alone with him again.
Ok,I know what your thinking you just tell him how you feel, but it doesn't work. I have told him like ten times that I don't feel the same way but he keeps insisting and bugging me trying to win me over. He is a real jerk and a big player. While he has been trying to get me to go out with him over the past four months he has had fourteen other girl friends including one of my best friends!! how do I get him to leave me alone?!?!?!
Some guys are into girls just for the hunt and once they catch the girl and she returns the interest, they dump her. All that these types of guys are interested in is the chase, but not the commitment to a relationship, which is obvious by the 14 girls he has dated in the past four months. He sounds like he may be addicted to the feeling of the thrill of the chase, and the challenge. So the more a girl resists him, the more interested he becomes in winning you over. I had that happen to me in high school with one guy. Luckily he wasn't in any of my classes but he hunted me for a bout 6 months before he finally gave up.
Hopefully your school considers this 'harassment' in their school policies and you need to simply alert them to his behavior. While asking a girl out on a date is not considered 'harassment' sexual or other, repeatedly pursueing her for 4 months constantly asking her, attempting to change her mind can be considered harassment.
Here a link that describles the basics of harassment.
http://imarketingsolutions.com/diversityresources/rc_sample/basicharass.html
You could try calling him on it first. Have friends with you to witness this, maybe even film it on their cell. Tell him that you know him better than he probably knows himself and then say: You are the type of guy who is interested in the chase, it gives you a certain excitement and thrill to catch the girl, and once caught, you no longer have any interest in her because you are not into the commitment of a relationship, only into the chase. And I am not willing to be a pawn in your game. If you continue, I will complain to school officials because this is a case of harassment. Asking me out once or twice or even 3 times is not harrassment but constantly hounding me to change my mind for 4 months IS. So if you do not stop seeking me out immediately with intent to change my mind to go on a date, I will take up a case of harassment against you.
If you decide to make the threat about harassment to get him to understand how serious you are, you also need to be willing to go forward with it. You might formulate your story in a document, with chronological documentation of when this started, ask the girls he dated if any are willing to let you give their names as proof that he went out with many girls in 4 month period while trying to pursue you to show he had no real interest in you, just the thrill of the chase. Perhaps your girlfriend he took out would be willing to verify what has been going on, that you are not making this up. An actual cell video taping of him by a friend, approaching you to ask you out and you stating that after 4 months, you are not going to change your mind and ask him to stop harassing you to try to change your mind and go out with him. Have a copy of any such video with this guys responses on it.
Take this to your mom and show it all to her. I dont know if you've said anything at all to her but it would be good to have her support. You may not need to face school officials alone if your mom called and talked to them asking them to do something about the harassment and telling them that you will come into the office to see them in the next day or two with your story. I know its embarassing to have parents come to school but I dont think that is necessary, just a warning call from mom that she agrees with you that this behavior is just going too far, should be enough. Besides, she may have a job during the day thats hard to get away from.
Non of the other girls have been strong enough to hold him off, but you have. So I believe you have the strength to carry this though to the end.
Good luck. Let me know how it goes dear!
I constantly think, day dream, fantasy, have urges, & desires to kill people. One day I was so overwhelmed by my urge that I couldn't ignore it anymore. So i drowned my pet & I didn't feel guilt or remorse. All I felt was happiness & satisfaction. So ever since I did that my urges to kill have become to much to handle & it's becoming more difficult to ignore my urges. I don't know what to do? My mom says I am doing it for attention but I am doing it because I desire to kill things. She won't let me get help & she won't let me tell anybody so I can get help. So does anybody have ideas on how I can get help without my mom knowing?
Your mom may not know what to do or just is unable to mentally process or handle the information that you need professional help. So it is easier for her to try to ignore it by telling you it's nothing but attention getting and not to tell anyone.
Her playing the part of "Turtle" and pulling into her shell to try to hide from the situation isn't going to make it go away or get any better.
I am glad you wrote us. Yes, you need to get help. Don't be hard on yourself. You aren't choosing to be like this, it's something you can't help but a doctor can help you.
Talk to a school counselor. They need to hear from you that mom isn't taking this seriously and told you not to tell anyone. As far as counselors and medical professionals are concerned, they must abide by a law to keep things confidential so that no one else need know. Ask them to help set you up with a mental health professional. I believe they may have someone come to the school to meet you because there is no other way for you to go on your own somewhere for appointments.
Some of my own experience:
My daughter confided in me after giving birth that she was scared that something was very wrong with her. She was bombarded with thoughts of killing herself or her baby although she knew it wasn't right and didnt want to do so but she feared she might lose control one day. Not the same thing as you have. But it turned out she had depression as a teen but there were no signs...I am pretty close to my kids and we talked alot...no signs. However pregnancy increased her problem and she now had extreme case of postpartum depression. As she began to get treatment, they discovered it wasn't related to just the pregnancy but it would have to be medication she got for the rest of her life. For many though, its a combo of medication and long term counseling. I was a caregiver for a gal who was mentally ill. She will be on medication and getting counselling for the rest of her life but it makes her able to have a normal life. When her medications were changed to a new one that was different and cheaper, unfortunately the difference was great enough that it was as if she wasnt taking medication at all and her whole attitude and mental stability went haywire and she was miserable. I made sure the Dr. saw her immediately for an unscheduled visit and they put her back on her regular meds. The right medication can make a big difference. So please don't chicken out. Tell the school officials dear.
Me and boyfriend have been dating for four months today. We are both Jrs in highschool.
Recently I feel unimportant because he has been neglecting to make plans with me or see me. Throughout the relationship, he has avoided being able to come to events that are important to me or to stay a little while after school, telling me he has plans or has to do homework.
Until now I have had no problems with this, I want to give him as much space as possible! :)
But I feel like he just doesn't want to see me? I asked him to make plans on a non-school day, and he says he has homework. I don't know how he could have twelve hours worth of homework, or why he didnt make an effort to have some of it done so that we could hang out. But no problem, school comes first right?
But when I texted him this morning to tell him something funny that happened, he was hanging out with friends.
This happens all the time, and I feel like I'm not a priority.
When I brought it up and told him how I felt, he just said 'you know hw always comes first!'
I havnt seen him outside of school in three weeks, other than valentines day.
He also has made a habit of leaving when he is hanging out with me to go meet other people. (Once even another girl to 'study'... But that is resolved)
I communicate about how I feel but he doesn't seem to see a problem. It's a pattern. I love him but...
If you want more background info, I'm probably out of his league, but we are both very mature for our age.
In the past I have had problems with him moving to fast physically, and my parents and him quietly don't get along, if that makes sense.
Should I end it? I'm a loyal person, and staying longer may just make life a lot harder for me.
Good girl, you communicated and said something, and he gave his explanation that it was homework. But you guessed right when you said, "But I feel like he just doesn't want to see me".
Guys are pretty simple creatures. The idea behind giving a guy space is only to not be demanding to be the top priority in his life. Girls tend to make their boyfriend the only priority while guys put efforts into whatever is important, school, job, homework, hanging out with buds, family or a girlfriend. However I know of relationship experts who say that if a guy can't make you one of the top three priorities in his life, then you don't matter to him, he's a douche bag and its time to let him go.
So naturally, if he's not interested, you think he should say so, right? A girl doesn't think the same as guys and doesnt realize that his finding no time for her means he's lost interest. It would be nice if he communicated in words but too often guys figure if they show less attention or none that the message with get through to the girl. At the same time she's waiting for a verbal confirmation one way or the other of his interest or lack of it.
You said you both are mature but maturity really comes from experience and from learning from our experiences. A good step to help out with the ignorance of lack of experience is to start studying all you can about relationships. How do you know what he is doing, how he's treating you is mature behavior. It sounds immature to me because of ignorance. At 17, you both are old enough to begin to study what is healthy in relationships and what is not. A sign of maturity is the person who learns from mistakes how to avoid them in the future. YOu can do this by looking up articles or you tube videos on line. My favorite is you tube videos. Do searches in you tube for "Signs of a healthy relationship", "What guys find to be turn on in a girl" "What never to do when dating a guy" "Signs that a guy is into you"/ etc... just put in phrases like this and one video with the same or similar title will pop up with tons more on the right hand side. I periodically go through and view some of them.
Another thing that doesnt sit right with me is that you've only had this dating relationship for 4 months and lots of those times he hasn't been around, plus you say he moved too fast physically.
What exactly do you mean by that. Was he trying to do sexual things with you? And if so, how soon after asking you to date him or be his girlfriend did this start? Was it in the first few weeks? next months? It's only been 4 months, anytime in that period is too soon for a guy who hasn't spent any quality time getting to know you better as a person to want to rush things physically.
I am no prude and understand that many teens are sexually active these days. But you said he moved too fast physically in the past and you don't have much of a past with him to begin with, i did the math, it's only been 3 months and one week where you both have seen each other. Dating couples don't take 3 week breaks from each other without a very good reason. Seeing him in school doesn't count.
The purpose for dating is to discover more about the person you met and were attracted to and see if you have things in common, similar goals and if so, you continue to remain together and bond closer and closer as friends, supportive of each other, even your differences. You already mentioned him not desiring to be supportive by attending events important to you. What you learn now as a teen and young adult in dating is going to help you to find the right partner for you for the future. Is casual dating enough for you or are you looking for qualities that are going to matter in the long run, someone who also wants a life long commitment.
Make a list of what's important to you in a guy and look for the ones who have those qualities. If one seems to have it but by the end of the 2nd week or whenever, you see other behavior come out that is negative and contrary to what you want, likely he was pretending just to get you interested. You want a man who can be real/genuine with you.
You already know its over. Don't wait for him to tell you. You talk to him and let him off the hook.
If u want, there are many E-how articles about guys and dating and what is healthy or not or interest or lack of it. Here's one and once there, you'll see links to many more.
http://www.ehow.com/how_8545055_tell-boyfriend-backing-away.html
I'm a guy can I get sick if my girlfriend gave me oral sex while she was sick or if I was sick and she gave me oral sex will she get sick
Depends on what kind of sickness we're talking about. If the common cold and she has a normal sore throat, I've never read anything that says you can catch a cold that way.
However, if she has cold sores around her mouth, thats the oral herpes virus. It can be transfered to the genitals by her mouth coming into contact with you. whether oral sex or kissing your mouth. If she has strep throat, she may know she has it, or she may have no symptoms whatsoever to be able to know and avoid sex. Strep is very contagious and can be transfered to any area of the body, not just the throat. There is STI's too that can be at the back of the throat and passed on to you.
If you have any unusual rash or bumps or anything going on with the penis, have it checked out before allowing someone to give you oral sex. If you have a head cold or your tummy feels rocky or you have some intestinal thing going on, she cant get anything like that from giving you oral.
Lots of those cold and flu germs are airborn viruses and are caught that way, breathing them in so if one of you is near the other and has a cold and is sniffling, coughing or sneezing, its likely you or she would pass it through the air, not through sex of any kind.
Hi!
So anyway, I'm a freshman in high school and I'm jealous of my friend. I really don't know why I'm jealous of him, because there's nothing to be jealous of. He's pretty much a pale twig (it's awful but it's true). Is there any way to get over this jealousy without knowing the root of what I'm jealous of? Is there a way of keeping myself from being jealous? Any answers are appreciated, thank you for reading!
The words jealous and envy are pretty close. Perhaps you meant envy? Envy is a feeling of wanting something another person has. It could be anything, something intangible even. So if not his looks, perhaps he is confident, outgoing, self assured and charming or attracts the girls, no matter how he looks to you. You may be comparing yourself in such ways to him and feel yourself lacking on one point and so you want to be like that. If it was an easy matter to change for you, then you would be focused on becoming more like those things you wished you could be, rather than feelings envious because you believe those things to be unattainable for you.
Jealousy on the other hand boils down to a fear of something, usually a loss. This is seen often in relationships where one partner feels jealous of not their partner but the persons who they perceive may be able to attract ones partner away, thus the fear of loss and feeling jealous because of the one you see as a possible threat.
You need to be honest with yourself, when alone, ask questions out loud to yourself as if speaking to another person. In a way, you kinda are...speaking to your subconscious. You may not get an answer right away and need to keep asking over several days and one day the answer will pop into your mind as to what is making you feeling envious or jealous. And then you will be able to work on overcoming it. Once you know what it is, if you need to, write in again. Until then, good luck!
My “friend" is totally ditching me for some brat, and I can prove it. When I told her how I felt, she said that I can sit next to her at lunch. But the brat who drowned her a couple years ago but is all of a sudden her best friend, was sitting next to her, and refused to move. In fact, the brat started to scream at me, and my “friend" just told me to sit in front of her. I'm not letting her get away with it. I'm gonna tell my other friend why my ex-friend REALLY isn't going to her party. But I wanna do more. Any ideas?
Are you female? Because it sure sounds like it. Boys get their differences out in wrestling and fist fights and then forget about the past and go on as best friends never referring back to the past, not get emotionally upset or irriatated by a person or stewing about it and not able to let a situation just go.
I am definitely not going to give you ideas of things to do that help you continue to dwell on what sounds like out of control hormonal caused feelings. What else could it be? The hormone related problems of puberty don't come around and leave again as soon as you start your period, their emotional effects are with you for quite a few years maybe not leaving until you are 17, 18. It'll cause you to feel either extremely sad and you cry easily for nothing, or you get angry or irritated very easily and usually its an anger directed at another female who most likely has done nothing to earn your anger, like mom, a sister, a friend or female classmate. I had 3 daughters, I should know. They'd scream and yell at each other and wanna pull each others hair out. Once past the emotional hormone stages of life, now in their 20's they are very loving sisters and supportive of each other.
Trust me that you will out grow this. So don't make things worse by trying to use the girl you don't like as the focus of angry deeds. Remember that it isn't just you, but every girl goes through this and at times will not make the best decisions or may hurt peoples feelings. I understand that it hurts if your friend doesnt have enough time for full attention for you but there really isn't anything wrong with having several friends or groups of friends in school.
When I was in high school, (I'll make up some names-not their real ones,) sometimes I spent time with Eileen one on one. She didn't know any of my other friends, I knew her from church youth group. Then I had a friend Gina who once we got our licenses, would go driving together just to explore area's near our neighborhoods we'd never seen and she had two friends from middle school who became my friends and for school related time, the four of us spent time together hanging out. Then there was also the friends I had in a before school bible study group created by us kids. Some guys were part of it and the girls were mostly all younger than me but I began good friends with them all at school, and with one...away from school. So for one on one friends, I had basically 3 and none of them knew the other or cared. Find a group to join in school for the purpose of meeting new friends, not to hurt your other friend, but to have others to spend time with. Heck even as adults, we have our friends we like going shopping thrift stores together, the friends to chill with in the backyard or go to the beach with, if we are into cooking or yoga or something, taking evening classes together, etc...But I don't have one friend I do it all with. Some I spend more time with, others less. As you grow older, you'll see more of this, and it is natural, its okay. If you find you can't ignore your feelings, you may want mom to take you for a visit to your family Dr. to check to see if your hormones are greatly out of balance because that will cause you to feel so out of control angry to the point of trying to dream up revenge, instead of just being occasionally irritated and losing your patience sometimes. I'd bet this irritating girl is having the same hormonal issues you are. If thats what you have and the Dr. get s you put on medication for it, you'd only have to take it for a couple of years until you get past the imbalance period and it naturally goes into balance as you grow older. You may be able to tell this other girl about it and suggest her mom take her to see a Dr.
At first I honestly didn't care when I got news that my bowl was lost because it wasn't a big deal. But now my pair of school shoes are lost this morning as well.
I always keep my shoes either in my shoe cupboard or the floor near it, so I doubt it would've gone anywhere else. Even my mom couldn't find it.
Same here for the bowl, although my mom hinted my dad could've accidentally broke it/trashed it etc. Then she quickly said not to assume that. I don't know if I believe her or not, but you can't just accidentally break a wooden bowl.
At most it would be cracked, but not broken if dropped on the floor. I last saw my shoes last Friday, and now it's Monday. I'm usually the last to go to bed, so I don't think whoever did it did it late night. I doubt it was my sister because when she pranks other people it's obvious. And I doubt my parents would hide my school shoes.
Anyone have an idea who did it? (or what)
You didn't mention if you have siblings who might do this to tease or pester you.
Have you had friends over lately to your house. A friend who knows what stuff is yours, could have snatched things when you weren't looking and put them in another place to hide from you, especially school shoes. they'd be the first to see you wearing other shoes or your school shoes again if you found them.
While you may not think a friend capable of doing something so irritating to you if they truly were a friend, young teens aren't always capable of thinking things through to their consequences or making good decisions and its mostly because the part of the brain that effects their ability to act more mature is not fully developed in people until their mid 20's.
My oldest daughter had a top that her best girlfriend really liked when she saw it. My daughter had only recently acquired it. The friend, I'll call Tina, asked if she could borrow it to wear. My daughter said no, not now, maybe later. She couldn't find her top the next day. It was missing. At first she thought she stuck it absentmindedly in a different drawer or in the closet. Her friend had not been back, and she had a locking door knob with key we got for her bedroom so younger siblings couldn't walk in and disturb her privacy. No other friend had been there, she asked Tina if she'd taken it and she swore she had not. Tina couldnt wear it to school or my daughter would know she took it. So Tina held on to it for about a month before she finally snuck it back into one of my daughters drawers after one of her visits with my daughter at our house. She never admitted it but we knew it could be no one else. Perhaps something like this is going on for you?
So I'm 12 year old girl and I hate how I look. I am the ugliest person in the world. I want to look prettier. What can I do with out getting in trouble with my parents?
I like the advice givenabout comparing celebrities to photos of them without makeup on cus I often tell the same thing to young girls. If you can't find a site on your own, ask me and I'll find it for you.
For one thing, you need to realize you are not done growing yet and what you will end up looking like as an adult will be quite different than what you look like right now.
Young girls are very gullible when it comes to their image. They will believe anything that adverstisers tell them. Pre teens used to not be targeted in advertising but as sales of product to adults began to fall, maybe due to the economy, advertising turned to attempting to target college and high school girls. Many teens who work a job or get a good allowance have their own money to spend and when that wasn't enough in sales, they went even younger in what is shown in tv shows, movies, commericials, etc. They worry about how they look compared to girls their age in tv movies or commercials or even to girls they go to school with who have bought into the pressure from media and fuss with hair, makeup nails and the latest name brand fashions.
Its likely they want to look cute for the guys and attract the attention of the boys their age in school. And that's probably what has you concerned.
Truth be told, young boys are not concerned with whether you wear the latest name brand fashions, and its the same for older men. All they want is for the girl to wear something where the style and colors are flattering for her complexion and height and current body type, and it fits well. While young boys are going through puberty, the sexual urges they feel are new and their heads may turn to view the girl showing more flesh, as a rule, they prefer the modest look that still shows off a bit naturally but isn't trying to advertise her body by all her body features spilling out all over. If you don't believe me, you can start viewing some dating and relationship help you tube videos where guys of all ages, even young ones, tell girls what a guy really likes. Not just some, but ALL of them said that was more strongly attractive to them about the females is not how pretty they look but their confidence. Several will say that an average looking woman who wasn't as pretty as others, was for sure guaranteed to get a guys interest over the pretty ones in looks if she had confidence and they didn't. It might help you more to study what it is that young men and teen boys are attracted to in girls.
How are you going to believe? The advertizers who are trying to con you into believing their products will make you attractive to guys, or the guys themselves? A twelve yr old boy may have trouble putting it into words to explain to you, but if a 16 or 20 yr old already has figured out what is a turn on about a girl and what is a turn off, it would be smart to know that. If you want to do the research and want help finding some sites, let me know. The majority of turn offs about a girl are all behavior related btw.
1. What was the significance of that guy (Bryce?) having sex with that girl (or are they different women each time?) around the beginning of the film? Like one time the girl was taking photographs with a camera, another time she was wearing glasses, and another time she was saying the guy "wasn't like her father at all". Are those all Mary Lou? Cause it seemed like different people, but I'm not sure. And I don't get the significance, in the context of this film. It seemed random.
2. Why did Newton go to that hotel in New Mexico, anyways? Why did he leave the first city (was that New York or Albuquerque, btw)?
3. Why was the government testing Newton, and not respecting his wishes?
4. Who unlocked Newton's apartment near the end of the film, allowing him to escape? Was it that guy in the lobby? the government? Was Newton just lucky, or why was he allowed to leave? I mean, when he left the room there was a lot beeping noises. I thought it was an alarm, but was it just in his mind?
5. If Newton was trying not to be tracked at the end of the film, why did he make "The Visitor" album, anyways? Wouldn't the government have tracked him down?
6. Why did Mary Lou stop loving Newton? Why was she so annoying, anyways? I'm a girl and I feel like if I was a guy she'd be the kind of girl to make me gay. Pissed when he didn't want to talk to her ( about what?) and wanted to instead watch television, pissed when a random ring he found for her didn't fit (and throwing it on the ground like it was nothing), encouraging him to cheat on his wife on his home planet and give up on going back home, etc. I didn't like her at all. She was too pushy and made me feel sort of embarrassed to be a female, and be represented in that whiny, clingy fashion.
7. Why did Newton take off his disguise in the bathroom, anyways? Did he want to see if Mary Lou would like him for being himself, or what?
8. Why didn't Newton take off his contact lenses when he had the chance to? Was he afraid the government would do even more extreme things to test him after seeing his real eyes?
9. What made Mary Lou think Newton was an alien, anyways? A forged passport, forged visa, expired passport, etc. aren't qualifications for being an alien. and Newton reserved but I felt it was a bit silly for her to conclude he was an alien. I mean, that's pretty out there
10. Why were that one guy in the big glasses and the other guy lifting weights killed? And who killed them, the government? Why were those two killers wearing helmets, anyways? On a side note, I wonder if Daft Punk were influenced by those interesting helmets...
11. If Newton traveled through space to earth, how the hell did he have trouble going up and down a simple elevator? wouldn't his body already be more than used to the comparatively little force? Same thing with him not liking the speed of the car. Wouldn't a rocket ship travel much faster?
12. Did Newton literally fall to earth from space or did he have a spaceship? If he had a spaceship, what happened to it? I ask this because I don't understand why the film is called "The Man Who Fell to Earth". I only understand it in the sense that he fell to earthly vices near the end (or did he? i need to read the book to get a better comprehension), but was the wording also literal?
13. In the beginning of the film, where does Newton get wads of $100 bills from? Did he steal them from the woman in the pawn shop? Where did he keep getting those rings from, anyways? And if his wife was so important to him, why didn't he save that one ring if he had so many? Why didn't he even bring his family with him to Earth on priority, if they were so special to him, and the situation on his planet was that dire?
14. Why did that one guy with the bug eyed lenses have bug eyed lenses, anyways? did people really wear things like that back then? would he have been near or farsighted? at the time i saw the film i thought it was a joke... but now i'm wondering if that was a real eye glass design
15. Who ratted Newton to the CIA, and why?
16. Who exactly was that black guy? Was he a CIA head, or something?
So many questions but I'll really appreciate answers. This will benefit many others, not just me, too. The film was beautiful but seemed to be packed with extended meaning.
If you have not read the book yet (sorry, I haven't) perhaps some of your questions may be answered. Movies made from books are notoriously for cutting out so much information and detail to get the movie to fit a 2 hr to 1 1/2 hr size that often whats left doesnt make sense. You might trying checking with Facfic to see if there are any fans who write and are fans of the book and movie. They may be able to help. If someone on here can answer all your questions, then great. If this is the only place you've listed your questions, you may want to seek out a movie fan site, where you greaten the chances of finding someone who can knowledgably answer all your questions. Good luck.
I'm 15, and I'm a sophomore. Okay, this past summer I found out I have anxiety and OCD very badly when I ended up in the ER after a softball game. Ever since, and even some before, I've had problems talking to people. Not only that, I can't stand being put in groups at school. No one is mean to me, in fact if anything, everyone is nice to me! So I'm not getting bullied, I do have lots of friends. At my school, if you play sports, you're pretty much popular. So I kinda am. But, if someone I'm not comfortable with tries to talk to me, I feel like crying. Sometimes. I don't like people knowing I'm there, and I don't ever intend on going to gatherings or party's, unless it's forced upon me. Even then, I feel like crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a good body build, and often get told how beautiful I am. Not bragging, just making it clear that it's not bullying, low self-esteem or anything like that. Quite frankly, I don't know what's wrong with me. Someone please help, before I make stupid choices, like not going to prom my junior and senior year, or rejecting every guy that tries to talk to me. I just need help.
You may want to get a 2nd opinion from another source to see if they agree with the diagnosis. After all, you are a 15 yr old teen girl who likely has the hormonal issues of puberty still bombarding you. Think back, did you have these problems before puberty, when you were younger, before getting your period. I have heard of many girls these days suffering from a larger than normal, over abundance of hormones going through their system. It is common for young females to feel their emotions being out of control and really sad or crying often for no particular reason or being irritated, angry and fly off the handle for no reason. I read about parents who took their teens in the see the doctor who found in testing that their hormones were extremely out of balance and they were put on medication for a couple years until their hormone levels naturally leveled out which they all do for us females usually by 17, 18.
I do not know if the previous Dr. thought to run tests on your hormone levels to see if they were in balance or out of balance for what's normal. If it wasn't done, it should be because it may be contributing to your issues.
If you get a 2nd opinion, I would highly suggest a Psychiatrist who looks at all methods that may help a patient, not just medications. Look for one who is licensed in using hypnotherapy along with regular counseling sessions. Hypnotherapy gets to the heart of the matter much faster, accessing your subconscious mind to discover what past experiences may have triggered your anxieties. Keep in mind that some doctors are more interested in the benefits they get from promoting a certain pharmaceutical drug, rather than what is going to benefit their patient first. If you have been put on meds and still don't feel right, tell the parents you are still miserable or feel worse and want a 2nd opinion. Let them read my response.
I know from what you say that your life is going pretty smoothly with nothing terrible that could be the likely cause of the anxieties. However, I've read of patients who had no past events or current ones to cause anxiety, had an idyllic life and all of a sudden, one day they realize how compared to others and all the issues others have to deal with that they've got it all, all the best, and begin to worry about losing it, after all it seems unnatural to coast through life, so trouble free, so the person begins to anticipate and worry about the day that it all changes for them. The problem here would be allowing negative thoughts to run rampant in your mind and actually believe them. The first negative thought that comes to mind, if focused on and entertained in a scenerio in your mind will naturally bring on a 2nd, a 3rd , until it snowballs out of control. In psychology self help books I've read the importance of capturing your first negative thought and replacing it with a positive one. For some, working on this brings some relief and the doctor can help with the rest. But you will need to be actively involved and participating to get to a better place mentally and emotionally.
You want to be able to enjoy the rest of your high school years, so I would be open to checking out anything that effectively will shorten the healing process/getting better process.
You would need to talk to the parents about wanting a 2nd opinion, and finding a doctor you connect with and trust or it wont work. I looked up a few links on line on how hynosis helps anxiety and OCD for you to look at and show the parents. Look for their reference to it treating anxiety, obessive or compulsive disorders.
http://www.causesofanxiety.org/hypnosis-to-treat-anxiety
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-minute-
shrink/201004/hypnosis-underused-technique
http://www.articlesbase.com/mental-health-articles/ocd-help-how-hypnosis-provides-help-for-ocd-576903.html
If your family can't afford Doctors because of lack of insurance, then it will be up to you and with them being supportive, of discovering what things you can do to begin to get some relief yourself. I would still get checked out for puberty related hormonal imbalance. Check with Planned Parenthood if they will run a lab test for that or if they have a low cost referal for you to go see on that.
I also have a list of things a person can do to naturally take themselves out of depression if it is not something wrong in the developement of your body. I will agree some people do need medication. One of my daughters is such a one, but another daughter is not and at times she has been depressed, like months on end over a break up, severely so, lost tons of weight, etc. and yet she recovered totally using self heal techniques I told her about which she had confirmed by her one free visit to a psychiatrist. If you want to work on that, it can't hurt to try. Let me know and I'll provide it. But you have to write to me from my column not in the comment section.
Am new on this trigestrel pills . I have been taking 6or one month am not sure where to start the second pack . I didn't went on my period doses that mean am pregnant now ?
Any questions regarding the pills and whats happening with your body are best asked to the office that gave you the prescription for it.
When new to the pill, it may take some time for your body to get used to it. So if you don't have a period, its likely because of the hormones in the pill. If the kind you are on has the one week of inactive pills and during that time you don't get a period, it's nothing to get anxious over, cus there are other birth control pills where the girl only gets 4 days rest or no period.ges
When you are on the pill, taking it daily at the same time each day, you are protected against becoming pregnant if you have sex. To help remember to take it the same time every day, set an alarm on your cell phone that will go off every day at the same time so you can remember to take the pill.
I would say if you don't want to call the doctor just yet, wait another month and see if there are any other symptoms that come up besides not having a period. If you don't get one the next month again, then perhaps the dosage is too high for you and you will need to see the doctor.
If the dosage is too high, you will need an entirely new prescription with the lower daily dose.
If you're even thinking of experimenting with dosage yourself by taking your old pills every other day to get a lower dose, don't do it. Any missed days, when it is not taken daily can increase risk of getting pregnant.
If you still lack a peace of mind and think you may be pregnant, a pregnancy test bought at the pharmacy can give you an answer or seeing your doctor. If you are pregnant, you will need to see your doctor anyway and stop taking the pills.
Let me start by saying that I have never liked any part of my name. My first name sounds strange/foreign to me and I have never truly identified with it. None of its nicknames are appealing to me either (many are much worse). A lot of people in this situation turn to their middle name as an option. I have two middle names, neither were possibilities for a new moniker. The first middle name is more of a sound and not a real name, and the second poses an annoying issue because it is my first cousin's (who is 2 months older than me and I grew up closely with) first name. My surname fairs no better. I actually pronounce it incorrectly on purpose when introducing myself to people, because the pronunciation my family uses sounds awful with any first name (and, ironically, is ALSO incorrect if you consider the proper Croatian spelling). Even still, I have never identified with this name. I have felt this way since as long as I can remember (even in early elementary when practicing penmanship I remember always grimacing at the letterforms of my full name--I felt (and sometimes still feel) it looked "gross").
Over the years (I am 23) I have sort of become numb to this annoyance with a first name that I feel doesn't suit me. It doesn't really bother me anymore that people call me by it, and anyway I would never change my first name at this point since I feel like it would give a rebirth hippie vibe to say I chose my own name.
However, I have been considering the thought of changing my surname for professional (and potentially personal) use. Instead of outright choosing a name at random, I thought it would be nice to honor my great-grandmother and use her maiden name. This is my father's father's mother, so she married into my current surname, and still uses it (my great-grandfather passed in 1994). Her maiden name (Nara) sounds much nicer and more professional (I think) with my first name, and it feels more writerly to me which matters on some insignificant level.
I am about to graduate from my four year university in May, and will be pursuing my master's degree in the fall, followed directly by my post-professional and (a bit later) my Ph.D. I plan in this time to hopefully discover research worth publishing, pursue a university teaching career, and get my professional license (in architecture, if it matters). I also am an avid fiction writer and fine-artist, and I hope at some point to publish some of that work as well. I guess my point is--I have my entire career ahead of me, and I feel like it will be just starting out when I go off to graduate school for the first time this fall.
If I'm going to do this, to me it makes the most sense to do so before I get the ball rolling on my career. Am I correct here or does that feel rushed? Is it too strange a notion to change my surname at all? I mean--people do it all the time when they marry/re-marry, but is this an acceptable reason to pursue it? (As a side note, I would keep the professional name if I ever did marry, so no worries of changing it only to have it change again.)
How do I go about this change? Should I change it legally, or just socially? I feel like if it were just a social change that would be very confusing, but I won't have the money to change it legally before grad school starts in the fall. Also, I am likely attending school in CA, so wouldn't that cause issues trying to change a name right after an interstate move?
Also, not that I care much what people think of the name itself because of the personal meaning, but out of curiosity--how do you feel about Nara as a surname? Does anyone know where it originates from? My great-grandmother isn't sure either, but her family was from Finland. The only information I found related to Indian and Japanese origins but neither of those apply to our heritage.
Yes! Do it! Now is the time to change. It is not a rushing thing. You need to get people used to knowing you as the new name so that when in professional circles you are being interviewed, hired, the name has already been legal for a while, your bank accounts and drivers license have it.
My husbands daughter from previous marriage decided when she was halfway through college that she wanted to change her name. She likes her first name which is very unique, the middle name is what she wanted to have for her last name because it not only sounded more professional but artsy too and since her degree was in art CG, and she was catching peoples attention and getting side jobs already while in school she wanted to be able to put the name she wanted on her artwork. She has recently graduated and moved to the other side of the continent for a job. It was no problem for us that she wanted to change. We fully supported her idea, which she wouldve gone through with whether we liked it or not.
Think of some actors and actresses, some will change their names to be easier for people to speak, to sound catchier and be more easy to remember, etc. Theres nothing wrong with it. What matters is that you like it.
Okay. So I met this guy over Facebook 3 years ago. We started talking and then we met my freshman year of high school. He was a junior so he was at the time very confused on what he wanted. Well, time has passed. We broke up 2 years ago, and now he is a marine and I'm a junior in high school. He is my absolute best friend, even if he does live in a different state. And we talk a lot. We still do love each other, and eventually want to work out MAYBE. He is getting stationed somewhere different in the next 3 weeks. Possibly near me... He said we will decide then what to do. He does have a girl friend, and I'm just seeing people to get rid of the loneliness. What do I do when the time comes that he is close again? He is my absolute best friend. And everyone says you marry your best friend. But should I? I know I'm young. But I'm also looking at my options. And I know how I feel about this man. I love him, more and more every day. And he'll always have my heart. What should I do?
Yes, it is important for a couple to be best friends but also have that spark and romance.
If you are talking about marriage during the time he is stationed nearby in 3 weeks, you are under age and parents would have to be involved to give their permission if your state even allows marriage at a your age.
It is better that you wait until you are out of high school and have decided what you want to do regarding education, to continue on with going to college or not.
I will say this, my daughter was a bit older, got married at 21 to a guy just entering the Navy. Even though stationed where they lived, she soon learned that it was lonely being apart, there was no continuity to work on their relationship and grow cus as they got going he was called out again. She had to be self sufficient, able to handle anything as if she were a single gal who had her own apt. and was handling all bills and problems that came up cus he wasn't always going to be around to help. In fact, I was her birth partner when he was out on a ship. Many of the young gals she befriended as Navy wives, have split up with their husbands. My daughter thought maybe it was just him that didn't work out for her. Married a 2nd time, another Navy guy, the same loneliness and the inability to connect and grow their marriage with his comings and goings so she divorced a 2nd time. She is now with a man who is not in the military.
If you married at 16, 17, 18, you would not be guaranteed to be living anywhere near your parents within months of getting married...it changes that quickly. So imagine yourself, all alone cus he's gone on deployment, are you going to school or sitting at home playing housewife, with no social contact, maybe can't afford a car yet so unless you're at school you're gonna be socially starved for interaction with other people and have to handle any problems that come up, problems with being over billed and calling a service center that won't listen to you cus you're a female. Believe me, its happened my entire life, I get someone on the line who is an a'hole and talks down to me and won't fix the problem so I put husband on the line and magically they respond to a male voice and problem is fixed. My daughter came up against that in her few short years being a Navy wife and it is very stressful if you don't have a dad who can get on the phone and help fix that cus some agency would rather deal with a male than a female customer. Its not fair but thats how it is and you have to be able to handle it.
You might consider waiting until you are closer to your mid twenties to marry because there is a certain kind of maturing that doesnt become complete until then. Let me explain:
We're talking about the prefrontal cortex section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. So when a crisis comes up, you are more likely at that younger age range to not have a clue how to handle something, or make a bad decision out of panic, you won't have him around to help make decisions...its all yours.
I understand how you feel about him, but if its really love, it will wait until the timing is better. If your parents allow you to marry right now, you still have to finish high school and if his superiors change their mind and cut short his stationing local, you'd have to move with him to continue high school else where...thats tough, being away from school friends and not getting to graduate with those you've gone through many years with to do so elsewhere. You have much to think about. Talk to your parents and tell them what is going on and how you feel. If he loves you, he'll want what is best for you right now, and having to move around with him at such a young age is not going to be the best thing.
I will say this from listening to and read up on what dating coaches say. There will always be more than one guy who is the perfect guy, the world is not so small that it can't happen. Yes, there are other guys whom you have never met who could also be a best friend to you and possibility for marriage someday. It may hurt your heart to be separate from him but you both need to go on with your own lives and if you and he are both still single in lets say 5 yrs with you going to college and getting a degree, then go for it. Sometimes when we meet a person and the timing is off so fate takes us in opposite directions, it is best to let it continue that way.
okay so me and my bf plan on haveing sex for the fist time... and were both virgins... hes had a blow job and hand job before but he wants me to give him a blowjob and i dont know what to do.... and i have no clue how to give a blow job... will someone please help me with this im scared!!!
Depending on the reason you are scared, you may or may not be ready to have sex for the first time, so if you just feel nervous cus you have not done it before, everyone does it for a couple months of really not knowing what they are doing. He won't know how to pleasure you either. A blow job is oral sex. Basic description is that you work his penis with your mouth or combination of your hand and mouth until he comes to a climax, which means he ejaculates into your mouth. Then you either swallow it or spit it out. It isn't harmful to swallow. I will say that if the two of you have never had clothes off before and you are not familiar with his normal male musky scent, you may or may not be able to handle it. I remember one guy whose pheremones must have been way different than mine cus I aborted the blow job and couldnt go through with it.
If your pheremones are a close match, he will smell interesting and different but pleasant, if not, the scent of the guy as your face gets near his crotch, can be enough to make you gag even if he's recently showered. So you need to be able to have an out if you find you can't handle it. Then there's the issue of if you have a sensitive gag reflex or not, and the size of his penis, and whether he gets carried away and trys to ram himself in deeper than you can handle and your stomach has taken a lurch or two as you gag. You may want to have some control where he can't do that as easy such as him laying on his back and you kneel and work on him, with your hand around the base to push against any thrusts if he still moves too much. A guy may not intend to do that but the nicest guys have gotten carried away with me before so you need to have a way to signal him to stop, a tap or slap on the thigh might work or whatever. So you see, there's much that needs to be discussed, and this is just the guy, we haven't even begun to consider what goes into him giving oral sex. It can be very pleasurable.And you can be brought to orgasm also if the pressure of the tongue and strokes are just right. I have days where one action works perfect and the next time, hubby says its not working on me. So you have to tap him on the shoulder and tell him when its not working or doing a thing for you. I have also found that different guys tongues have had different responses from me. Something about the texture of it, or how strong the tongue muscle is, but guys can all be doing the exact same thing and it only works better with one particular guy. If you want any links on the physiology of male and female orgasms as taught to college students, in a short informative video, let me know...you will need to self educate at some point not only on what you are capable of doing sexually but understanding how the males body works too. For example, did u know guys have a g-spot too?
him away
, then you need to ask your bf how he would like you to do it. Every guys is a little different in what works for him or feels good or is too much stimulation. You have to learn over again with each new partner. So communicating back and forth is important. Just say, show me or tell me what you'd like me to do for you. And as you are working on him, stop and ask if he would like you to change pace, faster-slower, softer-harder.
Is this a plan to just have him be pleasured or do you come into the picture? If he is going to reciprocate, with oral sex or fingering you, I hope you have worked with your clit and g-spot so you can tell him what to do. If neither you nor he know anything about how a guy can give a female orgasms without penis in the vagina sex, then you both may want to do some studying first. Remember, either way, who ever is doing the work on the other, communication is needed. And it needs to be encouraging, not discouraging. An example, "Stop that, what you're doing is too rough!" or I'd enjoy that more if you try that more gently. Yes, like that, only even a bit more gently. Thanks..thats perfect." Its all about two partners wanting to please each other and each of us are unique.
Be sure you can have some agreed upon word ahead of time if you need to stop immediately cus you can't go through with it any further.
13/m
So i am taller than most people in my grade but my best freind is taller than me. He always says im short for my age and my moms boyfreinds son says the same thing. So i want your opinion. Im roughly 5'8 and like i said 13. Thanks for you response
It really doesnt matter what others consider your height to be, whether short, average or tall. What matters is that you are comfortable and at peace with your height. One of the most attractive thing to a girl about a guy is one who is comfortable in his own skin. He is okay with his looks, height, sexual orientation and "the size of his package". He is confident, approachable and friendly to all. The girls who really matter are not going to find it matters what height you are right now. You still have lots of growing time left. Some guys get a late growth spurt like adviceman did. My husband had a pretty much hairless body into his 30's. Then all of a sudden he began to grow more and more body hair until he became as hairy as a sasquatch. So there are some guys who have some body growth and maturing changes that can still come on real late.
Ignore what the guys say. Instead, be confident and wear a smile and see who attracts the girls.
Ok, so I am in my early 20's and plan to start looking for a place of my own soon (3-6 months). My mom is looking for a 1 bedroom apartment because our current place (2 bedroom house) is literally falling apart. Anyways her boyfriend found a place that is in her area of preference and within her budget so she plans on applying to the unit. I support her decision to move into a 1 bedroom because realistically that's all she needs and I'm only home maybe 3 days a week. My dilemma is that I don't have anywhere to move my stuff into. My boyfriends house is super small, and my sister just had a baby so really I have no where to go. The easy thing to do would be pay rent but I am saving for a home which is why I still need a bit more time. I am trying to rent a storage unit at my friends apartment for my furniture, desk etc but where do I go with my stuff? (Clothes, computer, etc?) my other option is to crash on my moms couch when/if she moves but I still don't have space anywhere for my stuff. Basically, I feel like I will be homeless, living out of bags. Even if I moved I to my boyfriends house ( which I do not want to do) there is no space for anything! Not even a couple pairs of jeans! So I really don't know what to do, and I want to come up with a plan before it's too late! Thanks for your help..
A person in your position needs to lighten their load so I like what pinkpolkadots said about selling some things. I have late in life has a series of circumstances where I have had to move after 6 months one place, 2 at another, 3 1/2 mo, etc...and each time I moved I lightened my load. Every time I had a chance to be in one place 2 yrs or so, it was amazing how quickly I collected 'stuff'...maybe needful but stuff all the same. I also once put all my belonging in a rental unit and twice, I've been in a position of having no where permanent to live and living out of a large lawn size trash bag for my clothing in a corner of someones home. After paying almost $100. per month on storage for 7 months to a year, each time I found that when I decided to close the storage unit, I gave away, sold or got rid of most of what I had. I have learned to not be as sentimental about tons of things, only a handful, discover duplicate uses for many things such as kitchen items rather than having a separate piece of each job so I can look like I have a chefs kitchen when I don't have a kitchen of my own let alone a place of my own. It is easier to re fit a place with furnishings than drag it along. Another place you can find great stuff besides Craigslist, is on line recyclling of items places so the things are free. I know of one called Freecycle and they may be across the U.S. but not sure. You'd have to do an online search for your area when ready. My daughter when first getting her own place got almost brand new looking living rm sectiionals cus the owners wants to redecorate, and baby items like crib, playpen after being bought and used on one baby only before being given away free. I can't say where to look but maybe some girlfriends can take you in until you've saved enough to move into your own place.
In my class there is a boy I really love but I didn't have the guts to ask him to be my boyfriend at first but I finally did ! I asked him if he liked me and he said yes :) but then he said but I wanna know a bit more about you so I told him a bit about my life but then he said no I'm not ready for a girlfriend yet and then the next day this girl who is so anoying to me asked him out and he said YES !!!!! I felt so sad :( and every time I walk up to him by the football pitch I always get hit on the head with a stupid footy ball which really embarrasses me! And now I've spent two years not even being in his class and that girl who is dating him keeps on trying to make me feel jealous!!!
When you asked if he 'liked' you he said yes which was true because he translates the word 'Like' into the words 'attracted to". A person can be attracted to someone and the next stage is talking. During conversation, if the two like how each others minds work and find what the other says to be fascinating, then they ask each other out to spend time hanging out together to know each other even better. Anywhere along the point from going beyond just visual attraction to the marriage alter, one or both may decide this is not the right person for them.
At his age, I highly doubt he has figured out yet what he is looking for in a girl beyond what he is sexually wanting to experience.
From what you said, the 2nd girl who got him, has an immature attitude by trying to rub it in your face that she got him and you didn't. A guy attracted to a girl that immature is not looking for someone he can become close to, best friends and really care deeply about and treat well. So you lucked out when he rejected you. Stop feeling jealous and feel sorry for the poor gal because she may get lots of dates but if she doesn't learn at some point in life how to become the woman a guy wants to stay with forever, totally dedicated to loving and supporting her and wanting to be the guy to take loving care of you the rest of his life. Obviously teens are kinda young to be looking for a marriage partner right now, but it doesnt hurt to practice.
Young boys haven't made enough mistakes yet to learn what is worth going after so in your age range, there isn't much I can tell you to do except to be yourself, be confident and perhaps study some you tube videos on how to act, what a guy is attracted to in a woman, how to get the guy which translates to what catches a guys interest and it has less to do with your looks and more to do with your attitude and how you carry yourself. You may have to wait for the males your age to grow up to realize this. But it wouldn't hurt to start studying now. Then by time you are an adult, you will have guys falling alll over themselves to find a way to get you to notice and want him, you will have your choice of picking the one who most fits you perfectly as a best friend and lover. This other girl will have her time to be jealous and be wondering why she can't find a guy to marry her. And she will have to in later years learn the same things you did now while still in school.
http://www.wikihow.com/Attract-Boys
http://www.ehow.com/how_8208616_attract-teenage-boy-high-school.html
or you can put in searches for youtube videos on how to attract men. Whether young teen boys or older adult men, they are pretty simple and basic and the same instructions apply but watching the ones for adult men, you may get more detail than the articles I gave you.
so theres this guy that i like and it turns out he likes me back and he is supposed to ask me out in person tomorrow morning at church. Hes kind of shy and i want him to feel as comfortable as possible, so i was wondering is there anything i can do to make him feel less nervous and what should i do or say when he asks me out? please help! thanks :)
Since you like him, if he askes, you say Yes, I'd love to spend some time with you. Then try to set a date right then, otherwise he may be too shy to make the next step. So make suggestions, "Would you like to meet me at my house to go for a walk, bike riding(depending on where you live since its winter) come over for a movie and some popcorn, this afternoon is open. If hes not available, then ask him what day he'd like to get together and ask him to call to plan where you'll go.
If he is so nervous and shy, its possible he may chicken out and it never happens. Do you suppose he feels adamant that a guy has to ask the girl or do you think he'd be okay with you asking him? Just a thought in case it gets to the last point possible for him to ask before you both are headed home and he's said nothing yet.
If this happens, just say, "Hey, this is kinda off the cuff
(like the thought just occurred to you and this is not something you planned)
but I enjoy your friendship at church, and I wondered if you like to hang out with me, go somewhere or do something, like a date. He may be relieved he didnt have to say something first and accept.
Good luck dear
I am 24 years old and a couple of months ago I was dating this guy and we had sex but shortly after we had sex he broke up with me even though he promised that he would never leave me no matter what happened or what I did and I have no idea why he broke up with me . also before he broke up with me he didn't talk to me for about 3 weeks and when he did answer my phone calls and texts he made them very short and this all started after we had sex . I thought he was a good guy because he was very involved in church but I guess that doesn't always mean anything like I thought . The other day my mom and I went to burger king to get eat and when we sat down we saw him come in he looked at me and then left with out getting any food mom asked me what his problem was and I said honestly I don't know . why won't he talk to me anymore ? we use to be best friend's in High School . what happened ?
I don't know how long you were dating before the breakup but it could be a matter of there not having been enough time to get to really know him. Many people put on an act, and pretend to be something or someone they are not to impress a person. The energy needed to keep up a false persona eventually peters out and you get to see the real character of the person. Words are cheap, so no matter what he said, there should have been some type of action behind them, proving his character. I'm not talking about giving you flowers or taking you out to dinner, but how a spouse would treat their partner 24/7 in the nitty gritty situations of life. (ie: whats he like when he's sad, what's he like when stressed, does he react in anger towards you at all, does he encourage you in pursuing your goals, does he compliment you and your skills, does he give his undivided attention when you are talking, does he enjoy doing special things for you (like volunteering on getting a refill on your tea when you are perfectly capable of doing so) does he accept you as you are or ask you to make changes, is he comparing you to others, is he into fulfillling your desires before seeking to have his own met, etc....
I don't know if you attempted to get him to explain himself. But if he will not talk or cooperate, all I can say, is he is no big loss, he'd make a terrible boyfriend let alone husband.
As to the comment about church, that was my mistake too when 20. Assuming that since he attended and was active at church that he was a man of good solid character. He was not. He put on an act for church but I was verbally abused 30 yrs til I left. There's a saying, "Just because you find a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie." Same for people you find in church, just because they attend does not mean they believe in the teachings and uphold Christian lifestyle.
You said he broke up shortly after having sex for the first time. That sounds suspicious to me. This may not be true but it sure gets me wondering if he was a non believer hanging out in churches because he thought it might be easier to play the nice trust worthy guy, say the right things and get a girl to have sex with him. When I attended church at your age, I knew a few girls who had guys put on acts so the pastor thought they were trust worthy men who believed what was taught, to wait until marriage, then the guys take some of my girlfriends on dates and they report that he tried to cajole them into having sex by saying and promising things, and almost forcing her beyond a period of time dating. It is possible. But I don't know him or what all the circumstances were in your situation.
Communication is an important factor in a healthy relationship, and so is truth and being trust worthy. He is not willing to do either. There can be subtle hints or cues after a while that a guy lets off if he is anything like the one who walked away from you. think hard on what he was acting like, what he did or did not do, looking back do you see any warning signs that this was coming. You can use that in future meetings of guys. The moment you see something that reminds you of this guy, watch the person closely to see if they do this again and again. If so, you've just spotted the problem before getting too involved with them.
My example: In dating after the divorce, (mind you I am in my 40s and more experienced) I met a guy on line who expressed himself well, and we met for coffee and hit it off. Went on another date after that, and all still was great. 3rd meeting was an invite to dinner at his house. When I got there, he said to please excuse the mess(there was no mess) and the next thing out of his mouth was blaming his housekeeper for doing poor work and he called her all sorts of racial names, (aha, this guy has a verbal abuse streak in him too like my ex) I left and never dated him again. When he called, I told him I had found someone else that I had really fallen for...I lied cus I could not tell him why I really wasn't available to see him...didn't want a man with the anger problem he had to get mad at me and come after me. Sometimes in life we run into duds. The fact that he was one way in high school doesnt matter. Don't define a person by their past, whether they were bad or good. Its what he is like now that counts. Eventually after meeting enough duds, you will come across a really nice guy. I dated dozens before I found the man I am married to now. He is a wonderful man and husband.
Good luck to you in the future