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Does he only want sex?
We go to the same university (both sophomores). We've known each other for a while, but I was in a failing relationship at the time that we met, so he didn't "try" anything.
He asked me out after my previous relationship ended. We went out for drinks and then I came over to his place. We ended up making out the entire time. He tried to go further, but I stopped him.
Last week, we went out again. He asked me to come over but I declined.
He wanted to see me again, and we made plans to hang out at his apartment for a few hours this weekend(we have pretty cramped schedules and it was the only time that worked for both of us).
Should I be concerned that he's just asked me to come over? How do I prevent things from escalating too fast when I do come over? Does it sound like he's only interested in sex?
Thanks :)
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Yes. The answer is always yes.
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If your declining but he still wants you to go out with him it sounds like he likes you and respects you.
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Ok well he does want sex, that one is given. As for whether he ONLY is interested in sex, I can only guess. But it does sound like it. Only because every time you guys hang out, he invites you inside.
As for preventing things from escalating too fast, you need to tell him your boundaries. He might think you're ok with going that far because you're agreeing to go to his apartment. So you need to let him know where you stand. If he stops talking to you after that, then you know he was only interested in sex. If he wants to actually date you, then he'll respect your boundaries.
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Okay let’s look at the facts. By the way what I'm about to share with you will get me kicked out of the men's club for sure.
Fact 1: He is a young Guy
Fact 2: Young Guys are always looking for sex.
Fact 3:Most all young guys are looking to get laid. (Sorry for being coarse).
I cannot say with 100% certainty that his only interest in you is for sex though I will say the percentage is probably as high as 90%. While I don't know this young man there are some men out there that pray on young lady's coming from broken relationships. They think they are easy targets for a quick romp in bed as they are looking for the intimacy that sex brings them even if it is not in the relationship.
My answer to your question; “Does he only want sex?" The chances are very high that this is what he is looking for.
How do you prevent things from escalating further than you want them to go. Simple; Tell him up front you have no intentions of having sex with him or being naked with him. If you might be willing to relieve his sexual tension with oral sex or masturbating him, then say so. If your intentions are that your clothing stays on and in place say so.
Explaining your sexual ground rules in the beginning will tell what his interest in you are. Once you have told him what your ground rules for sex with him maybe. Any attempt to push you beyond you limits becomes sexual assault or sexual harassment. Both of which are crimes of a felony nature.
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If you've known about him for a while, how well did you know him while in the other relationship? If you don't know him well enough to feel comfortable alone with him at his place, then dont do it. And tell him so. Tell him you agreed to date to discover if you like anything about him other than (and here you list what you do know about him). If you find him attractive and can feel a spark with him but have not developed deep enough feelings to be ready to have sex, then say so. Until a girls tells him how it is, a guy can only guess and assume.
Are you going out with him only because he asked and you want a boyfriend badly or some social life, or are you genuinely interested in getting to know him better.
What I am asking is, if you find there are enough things about him that you are magically drawn to him, wanting to learn more. I assume you want to marry and have kids some day. Dating is to discover things in men that you like and dont like and as soon as you feel that the person you are with is not a good potential as a marriage partner then stop dating.
All guys are visually stimulated and want sex. A really mature man with experience in life will know better than to just assume its okay to start making out without discussing romance and sex before hand with the girl and leaving it up to her to make the first move sexually when she is ready. Thats how it was for me with my 2nd husband, we were both in our forties. When we met, we talked in detail about our hopes and dreams and what was important to us. To me, finding my sexual equal was important cus my ex and I were mismatched. Different libido's plus we had no sexual chemistry.
The current husband spoke with me in detail regarding anything about sex, experience, likes, dislikes, etc and I did the same for him. I knew how he believes women should be treated, upheld and supported. Spending time with him, he was able to prove himself through action. I knew he was attracted to me, he'd told me so and I could see it in his eyes, but he left it up to me to start the first kiss and the first overtures to making love. If you want that same kind of control, ask for it. If he's a reasonable loving caring man at heart, he will understand. If he is only interested in sex, he may tell you or not. He may simply stop calling or talking to you to show disinterest. So have a good talk on the phone or in public before going anywhere where you'd be alone with him again.
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