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So... My ex is my best friend... What should I do?
Okay. So I met this guy over Facebook 3 years ago. We started talking and then we met my freshman year of high school. He was a junior so he was at the time very confused on what he wanted. Well, time has passed. We broke up 2 years ago, and now he is a marine and I'm a junior in high school. He is my absolute best friend, even if he does live in a different state. And we talk a lot. We still do love each other, and eventually want to work out MAYBE. He is getting stationed somewhere different in the next 3 weeks. Possibly near me... He said we will decide then what to do. He does have a girl friend, and I'm just seeing people to get rid of the loneliness. What do I do when the time comes that he is close again? He is my absolute best friend. And everyone says you marry your best friend. But should I? I know I'm young. But I'm also looking at my options. And I know how I feel about this man. I love him, more and more every day. And he'll always have my heart. What should I do?
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Yes, it is important for a couple to be best friends but also have that spark and romance.
If you are talking about marriage during the time he is stationed nearby in 3 weeks, you are under age and parents would have to be involved to give their permission if your state even allows marriage at a your age.
It is better that you wait until you are out of high school and have decided what you want to do regarding education, to continue on with going to college or not.
I will say this, my daughter was a bit older, got married at 21 to a guy just entering the Navy. Even though stationed where they lived, she soon learned that it was lonely being apart, there was no continuity to work on their relationship and grow cus as they got going he was called out again. She had to be self sufficient, able to handle anything as if she were a single gal who had her own apt. and was handling all bills and problems that came up cus he wasn't always going to be around to help. In fact, I was her birth partner when he was out on a ship. Many of the young gals she befriended as Navy wives, have split up with their husbands. My daughter thought maybe it was just him that didn't work out for her. Married a 2nd time, another Navy guy, the same loneliness and the inability to connect and grow their marriage with his comings and goings so she divorced a 2nd time. She is now with a man who is not in the military.
If you married at 16, 17, 18, you would not be guaranteed to be living anywhere near your parents within months of getting married...it changes that quickly. So imagine yourself, all alone cus he's gone on deployment, are you going to school or sitting at home playing housewife, with no social contact, maybe can't afford a car yet so unless you're at school you're gonna be socially starved for interaction with other people and have to handle any problems that come up, problems with being over billed and calling a service center that won't listen to you cus you're a female. Believe me, its happened my entire life, I get someone on the line who is an a'hole and talks down to me and won't fix the problem so I put husband on the line and magically they respond to a male voice and problem is fixed. My daughter came up against that in her few short years being a Navy wife and it is very stressful if you don't have a dad who can get on the phone and help fix that cus some agency would rather deal with a male than a female customer. Its not fair but thats how it is and you have to be able to handle it.
You might consider waiting until you are closer to your mid twenties to marry because there is a certain kind of maturing that doesnt become complete until then. Let me explain:
We're talking about the prefrontal cortex section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. So when a crisis comes up, you are more likely at that younger age range to not have a clue how to handle something, or make a bad decision out of panic, you won't have him around to help make decisions...its all yours.
I understand how you feel about him, but if its really love, it will wait until the timing is better. If your parents allow you to marry right now, you still have to finish high school and if his superiors change their mind and cut short his stationing local, you'd have to move with him to continue high school else where...thats tough, being away from school friends and not getting to graduate with those you've gone through many years with to do so elsewhere. You have much to think about. Talk to your parents and tell them what is going on and how you feel. If he loves you, he'll want what is best for you right now, and having to move around with him at such a young age is not going to be the best thing.
I will say this from listening to and read up on what dating coaches say. There will always be more than one guy who is the perfect guy, the world is not so small that it can't happen. Yes, there are other guys whom you have never met who could also be a best friend to you and possibility for marriage someday. It may hurt your heart to be separate from him but you both need to go on with your own lives and if you and he are both still single in lets say 5 yrs with you going to college and getting a degree, then go for it. Sometimes when we meet a person and the timing is off so fate takes us in opposite directions, it is best to let it continue that way.
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