about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Well,Im 14 and me and my boyfriend have already spoke about how we feel for eachother and how we want to spend our lives together,i know many say your too young to be thinking about it let alone discussing it,But we really love eachother and he said if we last a few more weeks he will propose to me. Honestly i don't know what to do,i mean i love him alot and weve been together for a while now but im not to sure how to react.i dont know wether to say yes so we have a long time to talk about our future or say no and deal with it when were a btit older.Any ideas?

Legally you can't accept his proposal as in every state of this country you are under the age of consent. In fact if he is under the age of consent he legaly can't propose to you either. Since you did not give us his age and it really does not matter as you both have to be of the age of consent for a proposal to be valid.


That is the first part of the problem. The second part of the problem you two legaly can not marry until you are both 18. Some states will allow marrage under the age of 18 with parental consent.


If you don't want to hurt this boys feeling fall back on the truth. Tell him legally you cannot accept his proposal as you are under the age of consent. That you, and maybe he, are under the legal age to marry as well. If the two of you are still a couple when you are both 18, or older, to ask you again and you will answer him then. For now, for legal reasons you cannot accept his proposal.


Your not saying no to the proposal. You are saying no to the legality of the proposal. There is a big difference and you leave open that in 4 years your answer may be yes if you two are still a couple. His feeling remain intact so this should be a win/win situation.

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I am nineteen and a female. I work at a retail store and have a bit of a crush on a fellow coworker. I don't know him too well, but he's attractive and nice and all that. We sort of banter back and forth a little bit, and I'm interested in spending time with him outside of work, but I don't really know how to get to this next step. I'm a girl who usually lets guys come to me, but, of course, I'm not sure he's going to because it's a work environment. How should I coyly give him my number or ask him to hang out or whatever? It's not like we have every shift together. Should I just wait for him to come to me?

You've been given two answers as to how to do what you asked. Let me give you a reason as to why not to or why he may not be interested in seeing you outside of work.


Work place romances, flirtations or relationships are fraught with problems. Many companies even have rules against this as it can adversely affects productivity.


For the sake of discussion lets just say you two have a good relationship. Then one of you is put in a supervisory position. No matter how hard you try to hide your off work relationship your coworkers will find out. Whoever is promoted will be in the position of showing favoratsim towards the other. Even if there is none shown your coworkers will still believe there is. This is bad for moral.

What happens if you break up for some reason and it is a bad breakup. Are you prepared to find a new job? After all you still will be seeing him at work every day. Would you want to find a new job? Then what if the break up is so bad that the two of you are so hostal to one another the owner/manager sees this and fires both of you.

These are the problems that come along with work place flirtations. Not all flirtations go bad. Most though do not last and then their are some problems that lead to one or the other leaving or being fired.

My advice is not fish at work. Their are plenty of fish to be caught outside the work place.

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Hello, female, seventeen, going to be a freshmen in college. I had originally planned to be a teacher, elementary to be exact, then at orientation they said that special education is a good choice as well because the economy is in dire need of special education teachers. Now, I had my second orientation this past weekend and I had switched to special education. I came home and read about it after I sat through all the classes with all the info thrown at me and the number one thing I read is "if you want to be a special education teacher, your heart HAS to be in it because the pay is terrible". I also have to have 4 clearences before the summer is up, 20 hours of observation over a group of mentally challenged students, keep a 3.0 all 4 years of school (I'm an average student, not a genius but not F worthy, I get c's, so the 3.0 is stressing me out) and I can't get caught at parties or I will have to change my major. That is a lot of qualifications to follow just to be a teacher. I think that since I am second guessing this whole situation, that my heart isn't fully into it. Don't get me wrong, I love kids but I don't think I have to patience to be a special education teacher, I read while I was researching that it is a very rewarding job but I also read a blog of a special education teacher whom just retired, she said there was not a day of work where she was not stressing over something, a lesson, a student, a fight a student might get into and that scares me because I want to have fun at work, not worry about things such as that. The market for a teacher is also very competitive, my spanish teacher in my senior year of high school said one of the spanish teachers is retiring so they had interviews for a new one, 67 teachers were interviewed for one spot. Some school districts also only hire adults who graduated from their school, if that's the case, I can only apply to one school.. that's insane. I was talking to me brother's girlfriend who started off as an education major as well, she said she was so stressed about the major and could not live up to all the expectations that she switched her major to psychology, she wants to be a child psychologist; her father commit suicide when she was very young so she wants to be able to help kids who are going through tragedies in their lives, I think that's a noble job and that she made the right decision. She also told me with a master's in education, you are limited to job opportunities that a massive amount of people are trying to get as well. With psychology, she can get numerous jobs and still work around kids which is what I really want to do. So my questions are, do you think I should stay with my major? If not, what majors can I do that will allow me to work with children? What jobs can I get with psychology? Thank you for your time!

I cannot make a choice for you as to what to major in. In fact when I went to school we did not make a serious choice as to our major until our Junior year. The first two years of school we completed the Liberal Arts portions of the major we felt we wanted. Since most of the majors have the same liberal arts requirements we did not loose anything while we matured and zeroed in on just what we wanted to major in.


For those that wanted to go premed or prelaw or into a science or engineering then there were some courses the should have been taken in the second year. Those courses could be made up in summer session or intersession.

You seemed confused as to what you really want. Yes you want a good paying job. Right now the job market is such that people with good degrees are working as managers at fast food places just to have money to pay off their shool loans. Hopefully this will change by the time you finish college.


To earn a living in psychology you really need to have a PHD. In sociology you need a masters degree and some jobs require a PHD as well.


I would suggest since you are this unsure of what you want. That instead of heading off to a 4 year school in the fall; hopefully you have not sent the tuition yet. That you go for and AA degree in Libral Arts at your local Community College. It will be a lot less stressful on you and you can take the time to investigate these other things that interest you. There is the posibility that some practioners will allow you to job shadow to see just what these jobs are all about. This is something a Community College can do for you that a 4 year institution is not designed to do.

It is also far less expensive doing this so you have the money if you decide on a career that requires going to grad school.

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Ok so I just turned 13 and Im a girl... I reccently had my 1st kiss with this guy and I broke up with him because he was a jerk. I have a question...
1.Is materbating like fingering yourself for pleasure?
So, obviously by my question I want to masterbate for my own pleasure. I have almost done it (I think) in the shower because no one was home except me and I slipped and fell and while I was on the floor of the shower I leaned against the wall and I think I found my vagina but I dont know because I felt my butt (dont ask I can be strange) and I felt along my crotch and as I was feeling with my 2 fingers they went in a teeny tiny bit and I think it was my vagina. Is it wrong for me to masterbate at this age? Is it also wrong that I watch porn a bit sometimes because it makes me feel good? Should I actually masterbate? Will it hurt? Give me all info about masterbation and please only answer if you have done it... Thanx

As a parent and grandparent I will tell you there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a safe and healthy way to relieve pent up sexual desire as well as to establish your sexual awarness and sexuality.


Why parents tell thier children it is wrong to masurbate is beyond me. According to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate, this includes parents and children. Part of foreplay includes masterbation. If a man/boy fingers a girl and she gives him a handjob that is mutual masturbation. Oral sex is another form of masturbation.

Parents who are not total prudes include these acts in their sex lives. So why do they tell their children not to. Primarilly they believe masterbation leads to full sexual intercourse. It shouldn't and can be a very good alternative to having sexual intercourse. There is very little difference between masterbation and sexual intercourse. Most of the intamacy is there and the end result can be the same. One thing that cannot or should not happen is the girl cannot get pregnant from masturbation alone. The girl and boy remain virgins.

Sexual intercourse should wait until you are old enough and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of sexual intercourse. Teenagers while capable of sexual intercourse are not mature enough to handle the responsibilities.

Besides as a girl, in high school, you do not need a reputation of being easy. Boys cannot keep a secret when it comes to haing sex. They tell their best friend who tells some one else and the next thing you know your very popular for the wrong reasons.

So masturbation is both healthy and safe as long as it does not become all an encompassing part of your life to the exclusion of everything else.

To answer the last part of your question, no it does not hurt. If you have not taken sex ed yet go on the web an look fo a diagram of a vigina to learn the different parts of the vagina. You can even google how to masturbate.

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Whenever I feel horny or just plain bored, I'll randomly choose someone in my contacts (a guy) and meet up with them, whether its at a party or at their house, and I'll have sex with them. Sometimes, I can't control myself. The worst time was when I had my scholarship test. I was so stressed that sex was my escape. I had three different guys the night before. I'm only 15 and nearly every guy I know at school has slept with me. I'm getting known as the slut, and even the girls know about me. I dont like it. How can I stop?

While I think you may be just a teenager with raging hormones it is also possible you have a sex problem. One not unlike alcoholics have with alcohol.

Like alcoholics there is a program called sexaholics anonymus, sa for short. Below is a link to their websites locator page where you can search for meetings in your area. The home url is http://www.sa.org.

It is my feeling this is the best place for you to start to seek help for your problem. First it is anonymous, first names only. No one there will look down on you for all in attendance have similar problems. Second they can help you with what to do when you feel horny. Rather than search for a sex partner they will help you find other ways to overcome the horyness. It is similar to how they work with alcoholics when they feel the need for a drink.


No they will not turn you into a lesbian or a nun. SA, AA and NA follow a 12 step program that works extremely well if you follow and work the program. My brother in-law is 25 years sober following aa and through him I have met others who are sober just as long; so I know the program works.

Give SA an honest try. I believe this is best for you and only those you want to know need to know.


http://sa.org/meetings.php

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Hi. I know that I've put a similar question up before, so those of you who have read it, here is a continuation. For those of you who haven't read it, I will give a brief summary. I'm 21/f. Living at home and finishing college in December. My mom is obsessed with hair extensions. She makes me put them on. Whenever I don't want to put them on, she will throw a tantrum, including throwing, crying, throwing herself on the floor, etc. whenever i go to the hair salon, they are all telling her that i have baby fine hair and that i need it and everyone telling me that i'm so lucky to have a mom that buys me hair extensions. OBVIOUSLY... THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL AND MAKE MORE MONEY. My hair will ALWAYS be fine... and I am not ALWAYS going to wear extensions...

Apparently, now she youtubed how to put on extensions. And she wanted to put MORE on me. I finally stood up to her and told her that she wasn't going to put any more. That she already knew I felt about them in the first place and she keeps continuing. She locked herself in her room, crying. I tried to comfort her and told her I would put them on if she stopped crying. She said that she wanted me to leave her alone. This morning, she told me that she's never doing anything for me again. she's never doing my laundry or making me food. fine, i'm a big girl. i can do all that myself. the only reason i don't USUALLY do laundry is because it hasn't been my job. I do other things. I clean the house and I make food and feed the animals and stuff like that. But, it's just the way she said it and the reasons why she's saying it.

Obviously, this is very incorrect. What should I do about her? I don't want her to hate me or to be this mad at me for no reason. This really isn't a reason to be mad... AT ALL! So, please tell me what I should do. I already tried talking to her, and it doesn't work.

I've answered you before on this subject.

You have taken the first step to getting out from under your mothers control. What mom is doing is not hating you but trying to make you feel enough guilt to bring you back under her control. Don't fall for this.


You have stood up for yourself which is what I and others have told you to do. Stand your ground, your 21 a legal adult. Yes you live at home under moms roof and support. That does not obligate you to allow her to run your life.


What living at home obligates you to is helping out with house work and some of the other chores as you did growing up. If you work at a part time job you can if you wish contribute to some of the husehold expenses. If you do then at tax time you not mom gets the dependant deduction on the taxes; which she is entitled to while you are in college. That is the total of your moral obligations at home.


Mom does not hate you. She wants to live her life through you and having an independant daughter she can't control is what is upseting her. When you graduate hopefully you will have a full time job. If so you must move out if you ever want to permanently sever the apron strings from your mother.

Until then stand your ground, this is your life and you are entitled to it.

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Please don't laugh at this,well as my question goes,my bf has a banana-shaped penis,the thing is that not only is it shaped like that,but it's also quite large,even though it gives me the most pleasant sensation during sex,I feel like I might get hurt by it,since sometimes it can be really painful when he sticks it into me.Thanks for taking the time to read this

The following is copied from the Mayo Clinic Web Site:

By Mayo Clinic staff

Peyronie's (pa-ro-NEEZ) disease is the development of fibrous scar tissue inside the penis that causes curved, painful erections.

Men's penises vary in shape and size, and having a curved erection is common and isn't necessarily a cause for concern. However, in some men, Peyronie's disease causes a significant bend or pain. This can prevent a man from having sex or may make it difficult to get or maintain an erection (erectile dysfunction). For many men, Peyronie's disease also causes stress and anxiety.

In some cases, medications may help. Surgery to treat Peyronie's disease is generally only recommended if the curvature and pain are severe enough to prevent sexual intercourse.

To answer your two Questions: This is not a disease but a dysfunction caused by scar tissue; so no you cannot be infected by it.

As for being hurt: As for serious injury to your sex organ, vagina, cervex and such I would say no. You could if you want discuss this with your GYN and get his or her opinion just to put your mind at rest.

You also say that you get a most pleasent sensation though there are times sex is painful. If you have read any of my reply's concerning sex between two people my one common theme is communication. I believe that when sex with your boy friend is pleasent it has a lot to do with the position you are using as well as when it is painful. So when you find sex being painful you need to communicate this to your boyfriend and change to positions to one where you feel pleasure.

Sex is a wonderful thing to be enjoyed between two consenting people. If something is not to ones likeing then it is not consenting between the two and should not be done. Also non means NO not maybe and stop means STOP NOW.


There a methods to correct the curveture, just don't tell your boyfriend not to let anyone near his penis with a surgical knife. Surgury rarely works and generally will ruin his sex life. There are some external devices that can be used to correct the curvature,

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. We are high school sweethearts as well as each others' first true loves. I cannot explain in this thread how much I love and care for my boyfriend. He is an amazing indiviual and i am convinced i will always love him. We have always made each other happy. Now, I am wondering if it's right to stay with him but to explain why I need to explain A LOT about our past. I sorry for the length but I am really lost and am seeking real guidance.. That being said here we go. After our first two blissful and quite perfect years, he cheated on me. Then two years later he did it again. (we were long distance the second through forth year and both got very very lonely) Once was minor (only a kiss) and the next was more involved (no sex). He claims he honesty has no recollection of either because he was blacked out both times (I know his doesn't make it okay, but I trust him that he had zero feelings for either) This ruined me especially the second time after I had put so much trust back to him that he'd never do it again.I thought I wouldn't be able to trust him again- "once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me." it killed us both but be broke up for a few months and then got back together quickly because we just could take it anymore. Sadly, the second cheat hurt me so much that I felt didn't love him in the same - head over heels way. After a year together, it still wasn't the same on my end but I trusted the disappointment would fade with time. We signed on an apartment for the following year. That summer, he stayed in our college town for his lease and I went home to work and began crushing on a guy that I worked with. Turns out he was crushing on me too- Which I discovered at a work party... Where we all had a bit too much fun and I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with him. I felt AWFUL. I am honestly not the cheating type. It is not in my nature and my guilt was inexplainable. But at the same time... I was ashamed to admit it but I was excited because there was something really special about this other guy. I was lost. I ended up breaking up with boyfriend because I believe there is a problem any time someone cheats and unlike before- I tried to fix it. I was freaked out about being 20 and only having been with one guy seriously... I knew that when we moved in together it was only a matter of time before there would be to rings involved. My family, friends, and even he understood that I needed time to decide what I wanted. Meanwhile, me and this other guy began hanging out constantly. I told him I wanted nothing serious and that I was NOT ready for a relationship. He treated me SO well. (better than my boyfriend ever did), he made me laugh and smile constantly, he was so adventurous, successful, and romantic.. He was kind of my "dream guy." We had serious chemistry and as much as I resisted we ended up developing some strong feelings for each other. It freaked me out and made me feel like I there was something wrong with me... I had just broken up with my bf of SIX years?!
So- then I we said goodbye :( and each went back to school. I lived alone and my ex got off the lease. I thought about he new guy constantly but after a few months, couldn't help but fall back into the arms of the one I truly love. I was hesitant to do this because I knew I had lingering feelings for this other guy (which he knew about) But finally I talked to my "fling" and we decided it just wasn't feasible to be together because of college and our locations. (but we both obviously missed each other) That made the decision to go back to my ex easy because we both are so much happier together. So- promise I'm almost done- Now ive decided to do what I was afraid to do last summer and move back in with my boyfriend and really try to take the next step in our relationship. Things are a bit weird because we both changed so much when we were apart. Again, I trust this will change If we both stay honest and really work on it. We are both excited we are back together, after all. TWIST: I went home to visit friends and unexpectedly saw the other guy out... He obviously still likes me and even though I haven't seen him for 9 months... I really do still like him. When i asked if he had found a gf he smiled and said "No. Im waiting out on someone really special." i just about melted. And that was after i told him i was back with my bf! Now that I'm back in me and my boyfriends apartment I dont know what to do. Do I ignore these feelings? Do I tell him I like this other guy- the same one I cheated on him with? Do I break up with him for good due to other feelings even though me and this other guy will be apart for another year or two until we're done with school? OR do I commit to trying this out for good with the guy I already know and love and whom loves me endlessly back? I am honesty scared with all of the options and don't want to spend my life thinking "what if what if." I am so sorry it's so long... But I am seeking honest advice which I can only really accept having explained my full situation. Thank you for reading. What do you think is best?

I'm no expert in this area but you say this yourself; you have only known one man. High school sweethearts, first true loves and now you have met someone that has caused your foundation to rattle.

A bad analogy of what you are saying is that for your entire life you have eaten nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and now someone has given you roast beef to try. You like the roast beef and fearful of letting go of the PB&J that has sustained you all these years.

Given what you have written and the history you have written about. I think it would be wrong to move in with your first love and look forward to a proposal from him. I think you will both wonder at somepoint what you may have past up by not exploring other relationships. This is bad for any marriage as it is like a cancer.

You say so yourself this other guy treats you better, serious chemistry between you and you developed feelings for him without a relationship. To me the answer you are looking for is in what you have written.

You need to explore other relationships, your relationship with this other guy. Setteling for your first love is and will be just that, setteling. You will always wonder what could have been. Not a good thing to bring into marriage if that is where you feel your present relationship is headed.

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Whats the most quick and painless way to commit suicide

There is none. You will have to trust me on that. As a first responder with a fire department rescue squad I have responded on more then my share of suicide attemptts. While some are more painful then others they all are painfull enough that at somepoint the victim calls for hellp.

Most of the time we are succesful, sometimes we are not. Life is not like the movies you jusr don't swallow a bunch of pills and fall asleep and die.

There is nothing worth dieing for. What ever has you feeling this way can be made right with the right kind of help. If you are actively suicidal at this time call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. You do not need insurance to be helped with this problem. Just tell the 911 operator or the intake clerk you are feeling suicidal and you will be the next patient or help will be sent to you.

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I have cone-like breast that are no more than a B cup. Every other girl -younger than me even- have a larger bust than me. At first I just told myself that I had less problems than other girls but then this friend of mine called me a washboard.. We always have little, silly fights but that was the one and only time it has ever hurt me. I feel uncomfortable wearing little clothing in fear of being ridiculed. Like my bra falling of or something. -Also I can't swim so I always take that as an excuse for not going to pool parties.

It would have been nice to know your age. I'm going to guess that you are somewhere between 12 and 14 years of age.

The nice thing about the human race is that we are all different. Being different means we grow and mature at different rates. Puberty is what causes the changes in your body to go from child to young women. This processs can last into your early 20's. At your present age your physical shape is not the shape you will have in 2, 4 or 6 years. Your breast will most likely fill out to complete your physical shape.


Now their are some things that will stunt or slow a girls development such as athletics. I can't tell you why but I can give you examples. Girls who are heavily into athletics seem to stunt puberty. Their periods stop or do not materialize and their breast are generaly small until they stop training. This can be seen in females on the Olympic teams.


So if you are in to athletics don't let this stop you from enjoying your sports. You will fill out when you stop training.


Otherwise relax and let your body mature at the rate it is destined too.

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I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 20. He means the absolute world to me. He is, hands down, the sweetest guy I've ever known. However, he's black.

My dad was perfectly fine with that fact that I had a boyfriend, until I told him that he's black. He won't even give him a chance. My dad knows that my boyfriend is important to me, but all he does is complain.

I told him that if he's just going to act this way, then I'm not so sure I want him around. He said that that was his plan and that if we ever get married or have children, he won't be there for us or for his grandchildren.

It's really upsetting me that my dad is doing this. I'm not too sure what to do. Help?

It is unfortunate that in this day and time we have not gotten past racism. At least your fathers rascist ways have not carried over on to you.


The unfortunate part is there is very little you can say to your dad to make him change. Fortunatley children can and have taught their parents many things. Weaing of seatbelts was taught to parents by their children. By doing you may show your father that his racism is wrong. Actions always speak louder than words. That and the fact your his daughter and not his son. To a father a daughter is always his little girl even when she is grown and has a family of her own.
The other thing that causes change in parents is grandchildren. Your father can say what he wants today. Tomorrow when you place your child in his arms everything changes. That little bundel of joy makes a world of difference when dad goes from being dad to granddad.


My advice: You won't be able to change your father with words alone. Continue seeing this boy and let your actions teach dad he is wrong.

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I am scared that I am going to fail my drivers test end of the month

Relax, that is the key to passing your drivers test. Make sure your ready to test. If your not sure, reschedule the test for another date. If you do fail it is no big deal you can always retest.

People who fail the test do so because they fear failing. They get so up tight they totally forget the what and how of what they are doing. so the key is to be comfortable with driving the car. Take the test in the car you have been practicing in. Do not test in an unfamiliar car.

Make sure the car has pasted or will pass your state saftey inspection for you can fail if the car will not pass a saftey inspection. As a driver you are responsible for the safe operation of your vehicle. More people fail for this reason then any other. Check that the tires are properly inflated, have plenty of tread, that the head lights and tail lights are working as well as the signal lights. Know how to check the cars operating fluids, oil, transmission fluid and cooling system. Make sure they are all properly filled. Also make sure you can explain to the inspector how to change a tire and show him/her where the jack and spare tire are. Turn the radio off before you arrive for the test.

You will probably not be asked any of this but it is best that you know this if you are going to drive. The better prepared you are for anything that can be asked of you the easier it will be to relax.

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Ok so 14/f and Im dissapointed in myself and my body. Im 110 lbs and I want to loose weight and my stomach isnt the sexiest :/ I want to have a flat looking stomach and I want to loose 10 lbs. How can I do this, I want that to be my accomplishment over the summer, advice?

Being 14 and 110 lbs I would say, not knowing your height, that you are either at you best weight or possible a little under weight. I see no reason for you to lose weight. Flatening of your stomach requires exercise of those muscles. Sit ups and stomach crunches are the best way to tone those muscles.

Your age also has a lot to do with your body shape. At 14 you could be just starting into puberty, which can go on into your 20's. Your body would still be defining itself and lossing what we call your baby fat. Doing sit ups and stomach crunches will assist your hormones in defining your lower body as you are toning and tightening those muscles.

I do not recommend losing weight as being under weight is more dangerous than being slightly over weight. Your body is in reality an electro-mechanical machine. To function properly it needs fuel. Fuel is a proper diet to maintain a proper weight for your height and body structure. If the body does not get what it needs it will look for it whereever it can find it. The first place it looks is stored fat, some of which is stored in muscle tissue.

If you are under weight and the body is looking for more fuel all the exercise in the world will not properly tone those muscles for they will be missing what they need to tone up.

So before you diet find out if you need to. Find out what your ideal weight should be. Ask you doctor if need be. A few pounds over is fine as muscle ways more than fat. Cut out the junk food and eat a proper diet. Exercise properly and get plenty of rest. Following this plan will give you the flat stomach you want. Your plan could make you sick.

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I do photography as a hobby. I started my own website and started to build my portfolio. My friend is a hairstylist and I asked her if she wanted she could do the hair, and that way she could have photos for her hair portfolio. She said fine. Then I asked if she could got to people's houses with me, kinda like an impromptu mobile photo op thing. She said fine. Next thing I know she bought a camera and wants to start taking the pictures. I said I wouldn't feel comfortable with that because I only needed assistance with the hair. I take the photos and I consider it to be an artistic exercise for me and having her jump around, rapidly snapping shots would be distracting and I would never get the shots I need. I much rather we keep our work separate if she wanted to be a photographer. I also don't want her taking credit for my creative concepts. For some reason she had it in her head we were partners. Why, I don't know. Anyway, she broke down crying saying she only wanted to help and she wasn't trying to take over. I said it would help me more her doing what I needed help with the hair. I said if she really wanted to be a photographer I can teach her a few things but I wanted creative control over my shoots because I do things a certain way. Anyway, she was surprised to find out, my pictures in my portfolio were edited. So she was upset at the fact she didn't know how and asked if I could edit her photos. I said I would do a few but if she was serious about photography she would have to teach herself and do the research. Take a class etc. (could possible be she thought she was just gonna mooch my business and be an instant photographer, come to find out there's more to it then just taking the pictures)

Anyway, now we are doing out first shoot together with a friend who is also bringing her friend. So she asked me if she could take pics of the other girl, not the model, while I am doing my shoot. I said fine, whatever, even though I told her before about me being the only photographer when I do shoots and then if she wanted help I would teach her a few basics at another time. Then I booked another shoot, which I don't need hair assistance on but she insisted being there and asked if she could practice. I said yes, fine after I get the shots I need. Then she says and then afterwards you gonna teach me how to edit, right?!? I didn't even know what to say at that point....So she continues...... I just want to help you so you don't have to edit all my photos!?! She seems sincere but I can't help but feel she is trying to learn all she can from me so she can mooch business or something....or is she really sincere and just doesn't know about boundaries. I don't know what to do anymore I am at a loss for words. I took classes, did 1000s of hours of work to get to where I am today and she wants me to just teach her all my tricks, without even doing what I asked her to do initially?!? She says she just wants to prove to me she can do more then just hair....but doesn't she see how crazy it is just to ask me to let her use my studio and learn everything she can from me....its like I can't book a shoot anymore without including her? What just happened?!? Now I have a partner I never asked for? I don't know what to do? Because what I say doesn't seem to get through to her?! Help Please!



I'm trying not to be selfish, hence I offered to help her a little....but I've had previous do stuff where they steal poems or songs of mine and pass them off as their own. It's seems like every creative thing I've done has been copied or stolen....so apart of me feels like shes just manipulating me to get what she wants....I feel like I had to put my foot down and tell her what i'm uncomfortable with....but apparently its not working...or she just has her mind set on the final goal which is manipulating me into teaching her everything so she can cut ties...is she impatient or excited....I don't know....

Sounds like your a nice guy and as the saying goes; "nice guys finish last."

If you wish to safe guard your artistic value and work I suggest you stop working with this friend. If you need a hair stylist either hire one or have the model bring her own.


I can't tell you what your friends thoughts are towards your creative abilities or what her intentions are. I can only tell you the best way to safeguard your work and abilities are to keep them to yourself.

The other day in the Dagwood comic strip two ladies wanted Blondie to cater parties for them. They would be the caters and hire Blondie to cater the parties they were hired to cater. They said only they would charge more. Blondie said no. This is what you need to say to your friend..

There are no short cuts in life. If she wants to learn photography and do what you are capable of doing then she must learn to do it as you did. Not to poach your experience and pass it off as her own. To do so is morally and ethically wrong, something that will eventually catch up with her. Though probably not before ruining what you are trying to accomplish.

So my advise is to stop using her hair styling abilities and stop helping her with photography.

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F. In order to practice safe sex (avoiding it for as long as I can) I have decided to try to masterbate. People say that everyone has done it before but I'm almost 19 and I haven't ever tried it yet. Sure I'll feel really horny but I wouldn't actually try it. Until today. I was wet...but I felt nothing. Maybe it's because I have nails that I was scared of scratching something inside of me but either way I felt nothing when I stuck my pointing finger inside me, Inside it curled around something. I don't know if I'm just out of touch with my body or what.

Like everything else sex is a learned experience. While it is suppose to come naturally it gets better the more we do it and become familiar with our bodies and our sex partners when you move on. The same is true with masturbation.

Masturbation is normal and a great way to relieve sexual tension. For boys and men it is pretty much a given what they have to do to get relief. For women it is a little more complicated. Some women are more vaginal in their pleasure and some are more clitoral. Then there are some who enjoy both.

From what you wrote you were way to tense to enjoy yourself. I suggest the following. Find a quiet time you can take a nice long warm bath, maybe a bubble bath. When you can sit or lay back in the tub and let the warm water relax you Maybe light some sented candles to set the mood, you can even bring a CD or MP3 player in with you.

Sit relax and let your hands just glide over your body from your neck to your thighs gently. relax and let yourself fell good and see what makes you feel good. Don't forget to explore your breasts and nipples as this is part of your sensory sexual experience. As you find yourself relaxing move on to your vagina. Find your clitoris and gently rub it. this should provide some feelings you may never felt before and they will feel both good and a little tense,its okay. Continue this for a bit then move down to the entrance to your vagina and slowly push your finger in. You may feel something you didn't feel before if so good if not go back to your clitoris and gently run yourself to climax.

I can't be certain what you wrapped your finger around. If it was hard it may have been you pelvic bone. If it was soft and rbbery it could have been your Hymen, they do have holes in them hat a finger or tampon can go through.

If you do as I am suggesting certain you will have an earth shatering outcome

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Does accutane have bad effects on you if you have hydrocephalus and a shunt in your head?

I have a shunt in the back of my head. It hasn't been checked for like 12 years, I had surgery when I was in the first grade. The doctors said I'm a normal person and I don't have any problems even though I still have a shunt in my head they said they weren't going to check on it unless I became sick. I went to the dermatologist today and my dermatologist said that he was going to give me accutane, but I read that it has a lot of side effects, similar to hydrocephalus and swelling of the brain, etc. I have to wait a month to get the accutane. Could that happen to me if I get accutane?

Flare is correct. Make sure your doctor is aware of your shunt and why it was placed in you. As long as your doctor is aware of the shunt and the why it was placed then I would say you can trust your doctors judgement. Though you have every right to question and ask if their is another medication with less side effects that you can try first.

Remember when it comes to anything you are your best advocate. When it comes to your health you must advocate for yourself. If you are unsure of a diagnoses or treatment get a second opinion. Here in the U. S. most insurance companies will never deny a second opinion request.

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What are your thoughts and opinions when you see someone "sagging" their pants or jeans?

I myself think its a nasty disgusting way to attract attention. I've seen guys walk around holding their pants with their pants hanging down to their knees, I'm not lying. I don't understand why they just don't wear a belt instead of having their pants to their knees and struggling to walk. How does it make you react? What should be the fines and punishment for sagging? Should all states have laws against sagging? Why do you think they do this?

How true this is I'm not sure. I was told once that shagging of the pants was a jail inmates way of signaling that he was available for sex. If true how this made its way out of the prison system on to the streets of our cities as a style trend I don't know.

Frankly I don't want to see some boys underware or their ass crack for that matter. Most people, adults, cops and the like see some boy walking around like that and he is immediately suspect a hood, gang banger or worse.

I don't know why anyone would want to draw attention to theselves that way. If something goes wrong in a neighborhood they are the firstones the cops are putting up against the wall.

As for making it illegal? Sorry it is a protected right; Fredom of expression.

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I am still in love with my wife but she is with another man while we are still married what should I do I dont want to divorce her but I dont know what to do

I really can't answer that question for you though I believe you already know the answer but want validation. Your already seperated and she went off for the weekend with him. I would say that pretty much sums up her feelings. You have to come to terms with yours and move on frome there.

Good luck and I'm sorry things haven't worked out. get some counseling for yourself to help you throught this.


I would say what you do has a lot to do with what your wife says and does.

First and foremost though you need to be teested for HIV and STD's. You may or may not know who the guy is she is having an affair with is and if they are truly practicing safe sex. Even if they are condoms do not protect against all STDs. So get tested so you can protect yourself first.

Next if you have not already done so you need to confront your wife with the fact that you are aware she is having an affair. Based on how she reacts is how you decide to move foreward.

If she wants to try to save your marriage then ending the affair comes first followed by marriage counseling. After that it is pretty much play by ear. Can you feel that you will ever trust her again? That is the biggest question to answer. Without trust a marriage will fail. While to a degree it matters what she is willing to do to earn your trust and respect again the hinge point is are you capable of forgiving her and trusting her again. Those questions are what you need to work on in marriage counseling along with what caused her to seek intamacy outside your marriage.

If the two of you can honestly work at and answer these questions then you may be able to save your marriage. If the answer to any question is no. Then avoid the pain and suffering of falsely trying and end the marriage now.

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Hey there, 18/f
Okay so I had sex back in march around the 16th 17th. I had just finished my period. It's now June and I haven't got a period since.
Bearing in mind I am usually extremely irregular and sometimes skip a month completely. So initially I wasn't worried. However I have never gone this long.
I have taken two clear blue pregnancy tests and both times showed I wasn't pregnant.
So basically I'm just wondering how reliable these results are to go on? I plan to see my doctor within the next week if it still hasn't arrived.
I was on medication for seven months and actually only came off in march. Could that also be a reason?
I know stressing about it can delay it further but I'm actually not stressed at all I just came back from two weeks of travelling so my mind was completely else where until now.
I just don't want to be one of those girls who didn't know she was pregnant lol
Any advice appreciated :)
Oh and I'm currently not on the pill.

Two home tests with the same results says you can trust the tests. Most likely comming of the medication you were on for so long has upset your body chemistry. Medication will do that.

You need to check in with your GYN just so the doctor can be sure nothing else is going on. I suspect your body will readjust on its own. It is better to be safe than sorry so seeing your doctor is the right thing to do.

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there is literally about 4 very large trees, & 3 smaller trees in my yard, that the gas company insists they must cut down. my family has lived on this property (well we owned like 4 large lots..then sold a couple) for close to a 100 years. They say they got an..easement (not sure how to spell it) but didn't show any paper work, & no idea how they got this, since nobody in my family agreed to this, unless it was by my grandmother 50 years ago...

anyway, i'm extremely angry about this. these trees are beautiful (some are walnut trees) & they also provide a lot of shade to our house, which allows us to not have to use air conditioning.

i'm all about saving the planet, etc. but i really don't know how to stop them, or at least not allow all my trees to be cut down. if i have to go chain myself to a tree. damnit i will.

haha, but really.. what can i do?! :(
i'd really like to be compensated for new trees, is that possible?

also, these were a bunch of trashy men, who were looking into all of my windows.. not sure what that was about. since that has nothing to do with my trees.

The Power Company probably got the "Right of Way" for their power lines when they purchased the property or purchased the "Right of Way" for the power lines back when they were first installed. I cannot undestand the need to cut the trees down though. Were I live the power company generally does a deep prunning to keep the tree and tree limbs off their power lines duing severe storms. Ice storms are the worst and a main reason for the cut back of trees.

You can force them to stop work and produce the documents giving them the right of way. while it is a stretch it is possible the trees were not there when the powerlines went through and the "Right of Way" or easement doesn not give them the right to enter your property and cut back or cut dowm your trees.

There is an old saying that says; it is easier to ask for foregiveness than permission. If the power company is assuming they have the right of way they may be willing to inject that saying if needed.

If they will not produce the document on request but continue to send crews to your home a court ordered stop work order may be needed.

As for the workers looking in the windows. I can only assume you are a very pretty women and they are dirty old men. Pull your curtains.

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