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I love my boyfriend so much but can't stop thinking about another man.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. We are high school sweethearts as well as each others' first true loves. I cannot explain in this thread how much I love and care for my boyfriend. He is an amazing indiviual and i am convinced i will always love him. We have always made each other happy. Now, I am wondering if it's right to stay with him but to explain why I need to explain A LOT about our past. I sorry for the length but I am really lost and am seeking real guidance.. That being said here we go. After our first two blissful and quite perfect years, he cheated on me. Then two years later he did it again. (we were long distance the second through forth year and both got very very lonely) Once was minor (only a kiss) and the next was more involved (no sex). He claims he honesty has no recollection of either because he was blacked out both times (I know his doesn't make it okay, but I trust him that he had zero feelings for either) This ruined me especially the second time after I had put so much trust back to him that he'd never do it again.I thought I wouldn't be able to trust him again- "once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me." it killed us both but be broke up for a few months and then got back together quickly because we just could take it anymore. Sadly, the second cheat hurt me so much that I felt didn't love him in the same - head over heels way. After a year together, it still wasn't the same on my end but I trusted the disappointment would fade with time. We signed on an apartment for the following year. That summer, he stayed in our college town for his lease and I went home to work and began crushing on a guy that I worked with. Turns out he was crushing on me too- Which I discovered at a work party... Where we all had a bit too much fun and I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with him. I felt AWFUL. I am honestly not the cheating type. It is not in my nature and my guilt was inexplainable. But at the same time... I was ashamed to admit it but I was excited because there was something really special about this other guy. I was lost. I ended up breaking up with boyfriend because I believe there is a problem any time someone cheats and unlike before- I tried to fix it. I was freaked out about being 20 and only having been with one guy seriously... I knew that when we moved in together it was only a matter of time before there would be to rings involved. My family, friends, and even he understood that I needed time to decide what I wanted. Meanwhile, me and this other guy began hanging out constantly. I told him I wanted nothing serious and that I was NOT ready for a relationship. He treated me SO well. (better than my boyfriend ever did), he made me laugh and smile constantly, he was so adventurous, successful, and romantic.. He was kind of my "dream guy." We had serious chemistry and as much as I resisted we ended up developing some strong feelings for each other. It freaked me out and made me feel like I there was something wrong with me... I had just broken up with my bf of SIX years?!
So- then I we said goodbye :( and each went back to school. I lived alone and my ex got off the lease. I thought about he new guy constantly but after a few months, couldn't help but fall back into the arms of the one I truly love. I was hesitant to do this because I knew I had lingering feelings for this other guy (which he knew about) But finally I talked to my "fling" and we decided it just wasn't feasible to be together because of college and our locations. (but we both obviously missed each other) That made the decision to go back to my ex easy because we both are so much happier together. So- promise I'm almost done- Now ive decided to do what I was afraid to do last summer and move back in with my boyfriend and really try to take the next step in our relationship. Things are a bit weird because we both changed so much when we were apart. Again, I trust this will change If we both stay honest and really work on it. We are both excited we are back together, after all. TWIST: I went home to visit friends and unexpectedly saw the other guy out... He obviously still likes me and even though I haven't seen him for 9 months... I really do still like him. When i asked if he had found a gf he smiled and said "No. Im waiting out on someone really special." i just about melted. And that was after i told him i was back with my bf! Now that I'm back in me and my boyfriends apartment I dont know what to do. Do I ignore these feelings? Do I tell him I like this other guy- the same one I cheated on him with? Do I break up with him for good due to other feelings even though me and this other guy will be apart for another year or two until we're done with school? OR do I commit to trying this out for good with the guy I already know and love and whom loves me endlessly back? I am honesty scared with all of the options and don't want to spend my life thinking "what if what if." I am so sorry it's so long... But I am seeking honest advice which I can only really accept having explained my full situation. Thank you for reading. What do you think is best?
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Hi there
I can honestly relate to how you was/are feeling I am in exactly the same situation (few details differ like age amd stuff) and its distroying me inside. I'm just wondering what your situation is now? Did you make a choice? Are you happy with who you are with now? I ask because I am so lost I don't even think I'm thinking straight to trust my own judgement. I hope you will reply because I feel there's more to discuss. I hope everything has worked out for you and you are happy :)
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I think you need to have a serious conversation with yourself on what you want. You can't keep dragging these men along. PICK ONE AND STICK WITH HIM! You can not have it both ways. You got to see what it was like with both men, now you must make a decision and spare all this drama. And just to let you know, EVERYBODY CHEATS. The minute you start thinking about another guy is when you start cheating. Look in your heart for your answer. Why do you love your bf? Why do you love the other guy? Which one can provide for you?Which guy is more devoted to you? Ask yourself alot of questions until you find your answer. But I can not tell who you must pick because it must be your decision with no one else's input because it is your heart, and not anyone else's.
Good Luck!
~Andrew~
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I'm no expert in this area but you say this yourself; you have only known one man. High school sweethearts, first true loves and now you have met someone that has caused your foundation to rattle.
A bad analogy of what you are saying is that for your entire life you have eaten nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and now someone has given you roast beef to try. You like the roast beef and fearful of letting go of the PB&J that has sustained you all these years.
Given what you have written and the history you have written about. I think it would be wrong to move in with your first love and look forward to a proposal from him. I think you will both wonder at somepoint what you may have past up by not exploring other relationships. This is bad for any marriage as it is like a cancer.
You say so yourself this other guy treats you better, serious chemistry between you and you developed feelings for him without a relationship. To me the answer you are looking for is in what you have written.
You need to explore other relationships, your relationship with this other guy. Setteling for your first love is and will be just that, setteling. You will always wonder what could have been. Not a good thing to bring into marriage if that is where you feel your present relationship is headed.
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