Member Since: December 4, 2012
Answers: 2
Last Update: December 26, 2012
Visitors: 657
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Hi there
This question is off the back of a bigger dilemma I'm in which I will address at a different time but one thing I need help with right now is the following-(also just for this question I'm going to refer to these two men as guy 1 and guy 2)
Ok guy 1 I love deeply its a love that's got deeper over time he is caring loving fun etc all round great guy, it's had ups and downs like any love does but it is strong, he's never given me any reason to doubt him I trust him and never worry that he would stray. However the one thing that is a concern for me which is sex, I don't mean this to sound shallow in anyway because I do love him dearly but sex is only average, I pleasure him very well he is more than happy as he has communicated this but for me things just don't quite get there and I find it hard to address this due to trying before and he took it really to heart and now I'm scared to hurt his feelings so I just go with it but I worry that this will pose long term troubles for me because I know what I want and crave it and I worry I will need to act up in this urge.
Guy 2 I fell in love with fast and this is a new relationship he is wonderful and romantic and honest (sometimes too honest lol) sometimes I have had small doubts on how truthful some of the things he tells me are but then I think is it because he is wanting to impress me so much, I have questioned his sincerity (in a positive way) and his answers are clear and honest but he doesn't realise he sometimes makes me jealous by telling me about girls that have been hitting on him. I don't know if he's doing this because he's insecure and wants to test how much I care or whether he is a player and I'm been a fool. I wonder though if its due to the strain of a LDR and this would change if we was together but its a big risk to take. however the sex here is mind blowing for him and me, we connect so well and it is so passionate we know what each other wants without even having to ask but then when we do it just gets even better.
Basically what it comes down to is a choice of love, trust and average sex OR love, potential trust issues and incredible sex.
so I'm hoping that by getting neutral advice from others will help me see the clear picture.
All advice and answers are welcome and appreciate
Thanks for reading.
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Thank you so much your advice is great and I really appreciate it! It's like fine art if you stand to close you don't get to see it all but take a step back and you see the whole picture and it starts to make sense, I think hearing someone else say it makes it easier for me to process. So thank you again!
I am now thinking deeply about both situations.
Guy 1 yes it does seems like a minor issue but why is it not changing?! aaaaahhhhhh lol ok I try and it still just seems awkward :/ i guess to explain its like two people dancing to different beats. (With guy 2 its like a perfect choreographed par de deux lol) guy 1 I get bored its not exciting for me, he's having the time of his life but then because I'm not really feeling it I'm worried that he's going to pick up on this. It's not likely to change but we have a tight history together so then I think "well is sex really that important?!" And if I didn't know what I was missing then I wouldn't have a problem but because I have experienced the most mind blowing sex and know how good I can feel its hard to just ignore it but its not like I can't tell him the reason why! I wouldn't want to hear that! So still dilemma but I'm working on it.
Yes your right with guy 2 the lack of trust will eventually kill the passion! And right now thats what I'm feeling, he has killed me he recently led me to believe he was with another woman :( I don't know if I was reading in to it wrong or not! It came about after I suggested that we should maybe break up (due to my feeling he was giving me reasons to be jealous) But now i cant seem get it out of my head, even if he's telling me the truth and its nothing (which he has told me he never would because i am the one for him he's never felt this way about anyone before) the fact that he made me believe it hurts just as bad and i cant get it out of my head! its like there was this huge fire for him inside me that as been put out by making me feel this way and now I'm trying to light it back up but its not happening, I'm hoping that when I next see him it will be clear, I think I'll either see him and talk about it and be able to see and feel his sincerity or I won't feel like I used to and with that I'll know its no good trying.
Ooooo well I will drop a post when I have more clarity but thank you.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. We are high school sweethearts as well as each others' first true loves. I cannot explain in this thread how much I love and care for my boyfriend. He is an amazing indiviual and i am convinced i will always love him. We have always made each other happy. Now, I am wondering if it's right to stay with him but to explain why I need to explain A LOT about our past. I sorry for the length but I am really lost and am seeking real guidance.. That being said here we go. After our first two blissful and quite perfect years, he cheated on me. Then two years later he did it again. (we were long distance the second through forth year and both got very very lonely) Once was minor (only a kiss) and the next was more involved (no sex). He claims he honesty has no recollection of either because he was blacked out both times (I know his doesn't make it okay, but I trust him that he had zero feelings for either) This ruined me especially the second time after I had put so much trust back to him that he'd never do it again.I thought I wouldn't be able to trust him again- "once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me." it killed us both but be broke up for a few months and then got back together quickly because we just could take it anymore. Sadly, the second cheat hurt me so much that I felt didn't love him in the same - head over heels way. After a year together, it still wasn't the same on my end but I trusted the disappointment would fade with time. We signed on an apartment for the following year. That summer, he stayed in our college town for his lease and I went home to work and began crushing on a guy that I worked with. Turns out he was crushing on me too- Which I discovered at a work party... Where we all had a bit too much fun and I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with him. I felt AWFUL. I am honestly not the cheating type. It is not in my nature and my guilt was inexplainable. But at the same time... I was ashamed to admit it but I was excited because there was something really special about this other guy. I was lost. I ended up breaking up with boyfriend because I believe there is a problem any time someone cheats and unlike before- I tried to fix it. I was freaked out about being 20 and only having been with one guy seriously... I knew that when we moved in together it was only a matter of time before there would be to rings involved. My family, friends, and even he understood that I needed time to decide what I wanted. Meanwhile, me and this other guy began hanging out constantly. I told him I wanted nothing serious and that I was NOT ready for a relationship. He treated me SO well. (better than my boyfriend ever did), he made me laugh and smile constantly, he was so adventurous, successful, and romantic.. He was kind of my "dream guy." We had serious chemistry and as much as I resisted we ended up developing some strong feelings for each other. It freaked me out and made me feel like I there was something wrong with me... I had just broken up with my bf of SIX years?!
So- then I we said goodbye :( and each went back to school. I lived alone and my ex got off the lease. I thought about he new guy constantly but after a few months, couldn't help but fall back into the arms of the one I truly love. I was hesitant to do this because I knew I had lingering feelings for this other guy (which he knew about) But finally I talked to my "fling" and we decided it just wasn't feasible to be together because of college and our locations. (but we both obviously missed each other) That made the decision to go back to my ex easy because we both are so much happier together. So- promise I'm almost done- Now ive decided to do what I was afraid to do last summer and move back in with my boyfriend and really try to take the next step in our relationship. Things are a bit weird because we both changed so much when we were apart. Again, I trust this will change If we both stay honest and really work on it. We are both excited we are back together, after all. TWIST: I went home to visit friends and unexpectedly saw the other guy out... He obviously still likes me and even though I haven't seen him for 9 months... I really do still like him. When i asked if he had found a gf he smiled and said "No. Im waiting out on someone really special." i just about melted. And that was after i told him i was back with my bf! Now that I'm back in me and my boyfriends apartment I dont know what to do. Do I ignore these feelings? Do I tell him I like this other guy- the same one I cheated on him with? Do I break up with him for good due to other feelings even though me and this other guy will be apart for another year or two until we're done with school? OR do I commit to trying this out for good with the guy I already know and love and whom loves me endlessly back? I am honesty scared with all of the options and don't want to spend my life thinking "what if what if." I am so sorry it's so long... But I am seeking honest advice which I can only really accept having explained my full situation. Thank you for reading. What do you think is best? (link)
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Hi there
I can honestly relate to how you was/are feeling I am in exactly the same situation (few details differ like age amd stuff) and its distroying me inside. I'm just wondering what your situation is now? Did you make a choice? Are you happy with who you are with now? I ask because I am so lost I don't even think I'm thinking straight to trust my own judgement. I hope you will reply because I feel there's more to discuss. I hope everything has worked out for you and you are happy :)
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